Unknown Speaker 0:01
Unknown Speaker 0:02
Brandon Handley 0:02
what is happening? What is happening? Thinking about a couple of different things leaving Brazilian Jiu Jitsu away home, prepare for the day. Have a great day. The just thinking about this yesterday a little bit, the whole this idea that Meg and I, and my wife and I,
Unknown Speaker 0:31
Brandon Handley 0:34
on the outcome of everything. Now just about like 90%, which is, which is a lot. So we agree on the end result, much in the same way that in jujitsu, we agree on the end result being a submission, right, or, you know, not being submitted some protection. So, we agree on these outcomes. And the thing is, is that we have different ways of getting there. We have different ways of how we believe we should get there. And that’s where the messes think we’re just about anything, same thing. And the same thing is in religion as well, or spirituality, even everybody can agree. There’s something larger, there’s something greater. And we can all agree that, to some degree, there’s this blissful state. And we can maybe agree that we believe that that’s what heaven must be like. The great beyond eternal bliss, all new happiness all the time everywhere. But what we don’t agree on is how to achieve that. What must be done to achieve that? Even in watching the Suicide Squad this week, this past week, there was the guy’s name, Peacemaker, john Siena’s character was called Peacemaker, and he was willing to fight to create peace. He was willing to kill slaughter, and do battle in order to create peace, which is, I think we can agree. And oxymoron. So another reason I kind of bring this up, because we don’t agree on a lot of the middle ground mengenai we don’t we disagree on a lot of the middle ground. And a lot of that comes from simply being I’m obstinate, or I am not approaching it correctly. Not taking my time to have the conversation all the time. Sometimes I’m just like, no, this is it, right? I’m not I’m not new in jujitsu, we look for an opportunity. Or we create the essentially we’re trying to create the opportunity. And that sense of sense a sense of the word, we’re oftentimes baiting somebody into a certain area and jujitsu baiting or trying, again, trying to create the space so that we can maneuver. And the reason I don’t like the word bait in this context is because I’m not really trying to I’m not trying to beat somebody into a conversation so that they can see my way so that they can see that I am right. This is my way. The point is to be able to see the other person’s point of view. Yes, I see your point of view. And yes, you could do it that way. Here’s a way that I would do it. Are you able to see that there is a Are you able to see that it is possible in this way. And oftentimes, we end up in a place
Unknown Speaker 5:09
Brandon Handley 5:13
general frustration. Because we’re not able to communicate our ideas clearly enough for somebody to accept them. We’re not, we’re not able to displace somebody’s beliefs, so that they’re willing to actually hear or see, for a moment, how it could be different.
Unknown Speaker 5:42
Brandon Handley 5:44
the outcome, the outcome, we all want the same outcome. We all want to submit somebody, we all want to have world peace, we all want to defend from you know, mixing a lot of stuff up here, religions, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and just general relationships. We all want to, we all want to find ourselves in this in this space in place where we have in some way guided or controlled the outcome. The outcome we feel was within our control. Right, and that feels great. When that happens. However, again, we’re all going to have a different approach to that outcome, regardless of how similar they are. And then that’s, again, that’s where the frustration comes in. So how can you? How can you help avoid that? And I know I used the word beat earlier. So how can you help avoid that? By asking questions, instead of telling somebody set the questions up, so that someone can see it for themselves. So how would they get to that outcome? Listen to them understand where they’re coming from their desired way to get to the outcome. And then oftentimes, you ask the questions. You say, Okay, well, absolutely. I agree. I believe that’s a that’s a great approach. And it could be done that can be done that way. And what you presented would work? Would you be willing to accept an alternative method? Would you be open minded to a different approach? That you got to get the buy in? If you don’t get the buy in? Then you know what, maybe today is not today to get your approach across. And that’s okay. I understand. In that moment. There’s way too much resistance, you could pressure it. And you could kind of force it. But once you force it, once you say, once they say no. Once they say no to are you willing to consider an alternative method would you be willing to consider? And don’t say don’t say my, to say a? Right? Because right now, once you say my, there’s like a resistance there, too. I don’t know what that is, right? But if you check out my way, fuck you, me. I just told you. I just told you my way you use a set my way was great. Why the hell would you Why would I want to listen to your specific way? So you say just say a way. Right? There’s there’s some ambiguity in there. There’s no resistance. And then you present. You ask a couple more questions. You say, Well, what about? Could it be done? What if the approach was this way? And you already know what theirs is. And you can use a lot of their same starting points and the thing to do is to introduce some different information. Maybe there’s something they’re not aware of. Are you familiar with the work of Dr. Such and such, you know, according to Harvard Business Review, fight, you know, if I haven’t heard that in a million meetings, and I don’t know what’s going on, according to Forbes, pull in an authority figure. That’s not an entire crackpot.
Reference their material, reference their story, reference, how they did it. And then As you’re as you’re coming along,
Unknown Speaker 10:03
make sure they’re tracking.
Brandon Handley 10:05
Make sure they’re there with you. Okay, juicy. So this person this way, are we cool up to this point? What are your thoughts up to this point? And a little bit of it’s literally I mean, it’s spoon feeding. And you’re not doing it again, you’re not doing it to persuade somebody of anything else, you just want to see if a different approach is more amenable, right? Maybe you something more to your liking. Maybe you didn’t like the other approach. But you could see how it could be done. And you’re trying to meet somewhere in the middle. So pull in third party, third party testimonial, authoritative testimonial story. Always, always works, not something you did. Nobody cares about you. I hate to tell you, right. Unless, like you’re already super successful. And you’re not an anomaly. mega always considers, often considers a number of the things that I do an anomaly. It’s really weird. Just a one year a one off. Okay. So pulling something that’s more in the mainstream pulling something that is you’re aware of, and it can be placed in a context, isn’t it? has an authoritative, authoritative push and pull? And then use that?
And then that’s it. Right? Do they accept? Can somebody else accepts outside information that different to what they’ve posed? That again, you’ve already accepted what they said? And I think that that’s key, hear it, hear them out, repeat to them what they just said, understand just the act of listening. Right? And really hear it it’s a challenge, right? Because we want to so many times, as soon as we hear some of the triggers up Nope, that’s it. I shut down here,
Unknown Speaker 12:13
Brandon Handley 12:14
and here’s why. Everything you said was stupid, man. That’s right. And then we become, we’ve become something else, we just shut down. We’re no longer taking in information. We need to accept that what they’re saying is valid to them. We need to accept that what they’re saying is true to them. And you hear it and you’ve repeated it back to them and you and you confirm. Right that that could be that’s a way that’s a way there’s definitely possibility potential and all that jazz within what they said. Now, putting it into practice, that’s the challenge. That’s the challenge with everything. challenges,
Unknown Speaker 13:09
Brandon Handley 13:12
I know how to in jujitsu, I knew how to put somewhere armbar I know how to put somewhere a triangle, I know how to do a baseball job. I know how to defend against all these things as well. The problem or the challenge becomes doing it or knowledge is fantastic. It’s great to know something. However, it is that what that horn wasn’t for me, by the way, if you heard a word there, there’s knowledge is power 100%.
Unknown Speaker 14:01
Brandon Handley 14:02
application of the knowledge that is quintessential application, application, whatever that looks like to you, that is to pull the team together. That’s to take the action that’s to implement these ideas. It’s to fuck them up is to do these ideas, without fear, with the intent to bring about an improved result. Based off all that, you know, you know what this new knowledge is new information could assist in an improved result and iterations time over time over time over time, the first couple of times you try half the shit. You’re gonna fall on your face. You’re not gonna make the connection you’re gonna miss. Those misses are just as informative as if the shit you were trying to do worked just as informative, because now you’ve got the implementation, you’ve got the general, just you’ve got the framework got the implementation, you got to miss. Now, you know, you know what the gap is? There’s something in the gap. Now, you know, where the course correction is now, you know, where the where your questions are. You’ve got more questions. Here Really? Okay, you know, that was a shooting a mess. Alright, where did I? Where did I, in terms of a conversation, right? With the desired outcome for both of us? Where did I, where did I miss? Because you can see the non connection in the conversation and be okay enough in the relationship. To call it out. It was Meg and I talking yesterday, that’s kind of the genesis of this talk track, we were having a conversation. And we have a different thought process to on it. And while we were talking, she checked out, and that’s nothing on her, it’s on me, I’m like, Where did I miss? And I asked, I said, you know, what looks like checked out what happened? Where did I go wrong?
Unknown Speaker 16:38
Brandon Handley 16:40
take the feedback. And then if you’re kind of an employee, again, that’s a miss. So it’s really, depending on your timeframe and the situation, just table it for now. You okay, with a bit? All right, I see what you’re saying. And just understand that, that that communication, that Miss on you. And that’s, and that’s acceptable, you need to accept that you take 100% responsibility for all the things and then you can work to correct them. And I think that that’s, that’s a, that’s where this this kind of lands, right? we all we all have the similar we have similar desired outcomes, with different approaches and how to get there. And we can learn how to get there. And a big way to learn, is by asking these questions by looking to change, you don’t even look at don’t even look at how can I I need to improve? What’s the best version of me? Blah, blah, blah? How can I be what I want to be? who I want to be? How can this be the life that I desire? How can this How can this be what I would like it to be? Where are the areas that I need to work on? Where are the areas that I can change my approach on so that is what I would like it to be or it is what we would like it to be? how can how can we achieve these results so that we are in agreement to some outcomes? Okay, I think you get where this is going and how this is I think it’s wanted to share a couple of things that and it was tongue in cheek that Meg and I agree on everything. But at the same time, there’s so much that we don’t agree on. And I take full responsibility for that. Right. And I think that when we take responsibility for this Not unless it’s not in the sense of being guilty. If I’m familiar with Buddha’s arrows story, it’s, it’s you The two arrows, the first arrow maybe is shot at you or somebody else shoots you. The second arrow is the one that you put in, you write something in a way that’s guilty, and be like, Oh, man, I fucked that up. Doing away that just be like, I could have done that differently. And here’s how I will do it differently next time or, you know, just pull, pull it out, and just be like, I’m gonna pull that out. That’s okay. We’re cool. Anywho hopefully, this was something that was beneficial for you and your day. I know that, you know, when I had this thought pattern and thought track and put it all together in my mind, I just came to a nice peaceful state of being and just understood, you know, this is, this is all me and I’m okay with that. And these are some ways that we can work through these challenges. All right. I’ll talk to you
Transcribed by https://otter.ai