Machine generated transcript below:

Brandon Handley 0:00
Good morning. How do you do you know what we’re doing? No, we

Unknown Speaker 0:06
are,

Unknown Speaker 0:07
you know what’s up,

Brandon Handley 0:08
we are leaving

Unknown Speaker 0:10
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu this

Unknown Speaker 0:10
morning.

Brandon Handley 0:12
And this is the BJJ report, of sorts. It’s more of a report from cheese from work the other day where I had left to did a big goal posts on Facebook about this. But I figured I’d share it here as well. It really is the idea of how I had been feeling shame and fear on a walk outside of work in a small town that I do most of my work in.

Unknown Speaker 0:56
And it was

Brandon Handley 0:59
this desire I had I was sitting in work and do my work, they look at the lunch clock and being like, you know, hey, I could go grab some food that the local restaurants sit around and listen to everybody do the same things you’ve seen in your entire life, snack and Gavin and doing that thing where I could go find a place by the creek that runs by the small town that I’m in. And maybe I could find a real nice place to kind of just chill out and meditate and relax. And so that’s what I did. And it was hot. It was hot as far as who’s like 95 87% humidity. The good news was it was a real nice light breeze. And I think it was it’s hot as it was it was it was also that kind of heat where you take your nose gets burnt right your nostrils get burnt from the inhalation, that’s how hot is the fun thing is, is that you also get the really cool smells of summer in your nose. The heat had been so bad the grass had been burning so there’s like hot grass on the air hot dry grass in the air. The clovers are kind of burning up too. And there’s still a few few clover flowers in the air, you can smell that you smell that on the on the heat in your nose, because it kind of burns your nostrils. And the same thing is said to his as a route. This coupled with that you’ve got the smell of of the small town, making the burgers smell that smoke in the air. And then it’s got the whole woodfired pizza ovens going. So you know seeing the uppity small town with with really good food and whatnot. And it’s surrounded by this, this walkway that goes down to the creek. And the walkway to the creek is it’s got all your regular people out there all your suburban Americans that are just doing the lunchtime walk the lunch exercise walk. And just kind of like almost by script like this is the time everybody puts their shit down and goes for the walk. Because you got to be healthy and do all the things. And then as I was walking, been looking to the side of the look into the side of the brush and the shrubbery, I noticed that I noticed that the wine berries are starting to become available. They don’t typically you don’t typically see him in the stores. And if you’ve seen him on the side of the road, I’m sure you’ve seen these things. They are like these fuzzy cocoon looking things for longest time. And then at a certain point, these super vibrant, bright red raspberry looking things begin to appear and we snack on them. We pick them up first of all the outsides of them are sticky. Almost, if you’ve ever peeled a tomatillo there’s kind of a sticky residue on the outside of it. And when you pop them take a bite of them. They have just tart, tangy tastes real similar to real similar to raspberry, but just a little bit brighter, just like the color just a little bit brighter. And I was also just kind of amazed. I’m like, wow, nobody else see these things. You know, I guess I’m more concerned about taking their dogs for a walk and picking up shit and just not and Hello. And sometimes I feel like they just want to be seen doing the thing that they’re supposed to be doing. And that’s okay. Right, they should be encouraged for, everybody should be encouraged for getting now being healthy and doing the things that they could be, instead of doing that walk, they could be inside shoving their face with cookies, or drinking or something so. So I’ll try not to be such a judgmental dick, because this is spiritual dope. Right guys.

Unknown Speaker 5:34
And then,

Brandon Handley 5:37
you know, as I’m kind of walking, I’m looking for this place that I could easily access and hop down, sit next to the creek, do 10 to 20 minutes worth of breath, work, slash meditation, pretty much the same thing for me, I enjoy the breathwork aspect of it, that is focus breathing, as that will tend to allow me to just stop

Unknown Speaker 6:08
thinking.

Brandon Handley 6:11
Like, seriously, stop fucking thinking. And it’s so that’s why I love it, because you get the opportunity to simply focus on the breath in a pattern, and takes your thoughts away from anything else that you have been thinking. And so that’s wonderful, right. And it could be good or bad thoughts. It’s just straight up not thinking, though, for a short period of time. So I’m looking to do that next to a stream. Just simply because that’s what I want for the day. And I couldn’t find I couldn’t find a spot easily and I’m walking and I see more people doing their thing and discovered that the luxury apartment complex that I was walking by was also just much larger than I imagined. I didn’t look and I was like, that’s got to be 1000s 1000s of people living like right on top of each other. Day after day, luxury, or not just just 1000s of people crammed into the scene. And in my mind, like I’m thinking of, kind of remember in the matrix like where it says literally person on top persons backed into like this energy scene, and all they’re doing is feeding into the system. Right? This is the energy battery source for the system. That’s of course what goes through my mind. I’m not sure what goes through your so I continue, continue to walk and continue to look for like this de stream. And up ahead around the corner of the band. I can see there’s a tunnel. I know and it looks like it’s leaning in or towards the creek. And as I walk up, this beautifully paved beautifully manicured apartment complex. That all ends at this, this train Overpass. The past stops in terms of being paved and maintained. And it’s overgrown right here. And I chuckled to myself as I looked at this, this underpass into the overgrown territory. And I know that if I had been with with Meg, that she would have been like yeah, now we’re turning around here. But since I wasn’t with magazines by myself and just simply being curious and still wanting to get this get this meditation, I walked through the underpass and you look around as you go through there and you

Unknown Speaker 8:53
see the

Brandon Handley 8:55
the kind of the K over the the years of this meal once brand new bridge this once this one time under overpass for train had been brand new had been something that was considered vital necessity to the continuation of of transportation and at the same time was an architecture that went into it engineering went into it and here was this kind of left behind the the lab dilapidated unmaintained even though graffiti knows that making fun and just call it like shitting your feet even though even the graffiti was subpar. And as you walk through, there’s no pavement, it’s just a compact them. They’re littered with broken glass and drug bags and whatnot. And you know, you just kind of Wondering what stories would be told GOOD BAD otherwise, as you pass through that tunnel. And on the other side of that tunnel was an embankment. And I knew that right over the other side of that embankment that had to be the creek. So I climb up the creek a little bit.

Unknown Speaker 10:21
And

Brandon Handley 10:24
finally, there’s the there’s the creek, it’s nice flat space, and I start to start to look around for an area to sit down and meditate and just grab some time, just grab some time to to recoup regather. Like I said, get to that space where I’m not thinking at all. I’m just focused on breathing. focused on that feeling that’s permeating my body as I breathe low filling it repeatedly as I breathe. And as I’m looking for that spot, I catch a catch, catch the movement. And there’s a person I don’t even know if it was man or woman, to be honest with you, there’s a person who is washing their body in the creek.

Unknown Speaker 11:19
And

Unknown Speaker 11:21
at that time,

Brandon Handley 11:22
I decided, you know, either in fear, or in shame that I caught this person. And I was afraid maybe of how this person may react, what type of person this may be. Did I feel comfortable closing my eyes around this person timidity, obviously, I don’t think that I did. And then shame and feeling that way. And as I turned away, and I went to go find a place that I thought might be a little bit more conducive, and to give that person the space and the decency to they could finish what they were doing and privacy because they, too, had sought that space. So that they could have a private moment. And I felt that they deserve that respect to to have that.

Unknown Speaker 12:17
And

Brandon Handley 12:19
as I turned and walked up the creek a little more, we’re kind of running out of time in terms of, can I get the meditation that I want? Again, time to get back for my next call for my next meeting. And so I don’t have to walk very far. And I noticed that in the overgrowth, there’s, there’s what looks like, you know, somebody’s belongings, like maybe a rolled up, bed roll, and a clearing, or somebody obviously been just, that’s where they stay, right. It wasn’t even a tent or anything, but it was a clearing where somebody had a few of their belongings, and whenever they felt like they needed to regroup or end the day, that’s what looked like to me where they ended their day. And I was like, You know what, at this point, I don’t know, I don’t know what’s down here. And I just seen another person passed me on the other side. And I, to be honest, we look it was a it wasn’t a safe place, right did not feel safe, where I could go ahead and close my eyes, rush a little bit, put my phone down that type of thing. And so I took a walk around, checked out the train tracks, and I left, left that space, but I left that space. Again. Just wondering why did I feel this way? What? What was it that was making me feel that shame? What was it that made me feel that fear of someone else and humanity? Why didn’t I instead of instead of running away from him, offer him something? Why didn’t I ask him if there was something I could do him or her again? I don’t know. What? It’s funny because the stories in my mind that played out, were not savory stories. And to me, it was just kind of like, are these just simply old stories from society that have played out over over time? That created this condition, even though I’d never lived that specific condition myself. And so that was me just just simply feeling some shame and then I was also reminded of the idea that the universe is benevolent universe. And that when we take on this kind of mindset when we take on this mental model of the universe being benevolent, and we start to try to extend that, beyond ourselves and apply it to somebody that we see outside of ourselves, in this example, that person that had to be washing in the creek at that time,

I can’t apply that model, I don’t know what model that person has employed for themselves, A and B, I need to recall that that model can only be in place for myself, I can’t apply that model to somebody else for them. And then there’s also the whole idea in this you know, playing out in my head is on walking back looking for a couple more berries, waving the more grinning people that are picking up dog shade. And, and looking for berries and trying not to get stung and being hot and humid, right, as I’m, as I’m walking back to my desk, and it’s the the idea of this mental model, this model is you, I can’t have a mental model for you. And I can’t tell you that in the grand scheme of things that that moment, and that story that I made up, that was actually a bad experience for that person, that that that that overall life experience isn’t what that person needed to, to become, you know, is that is that moment for that person was that their rock bottom as it were, where they stand and reflect. And as they rinse off, they say fuck it, I’m not gonna take it anymore, I’m not gonna give up on myself, I’m gonna clean myself up, I’m gonna get into the next place. And I’m gonna do the thing that I always said I was gonna do and take charge of my life. So I had to kind of reflect on that all mental models as, as, you know, regardless of regardless of how you turn it, there was still that moment where there was shame, whether it was fear. And it’s when we, I think, don’t shy away from those thoughts. And we inspect where those thoughts are coming from, that we can get ourselves into a place of strength, how can we use those thoughts and those feelings and those emotions, to fuel us to the place that we want to be? Maybe the next person that I sees is, instead of running in fear, I do ask, you know, Hey, can I help you? What can I do for you? Instead of running and turning, right, and using, of course, and this is again, the narrative of our best judgment. Does that person feel like they need help? Or are they happy where they are? I have no idea. So anyways, I felt like I would share that with you verbally. As that was a recent experience that I had had. It it it just again made me look at look at what was making me feel change, what was making me feel fear. Why was I feeling that and in looking at that, I was able to gain what I felt like was a lot of strength from that moment. Alright. Until next time, hopefully this has been, you know, powerful piece of spiritual dope for you can always find what we’re looking for inside ourselves, so long as we don’t stop looking

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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