Posts

Brandon Handley 0:01
What is going on? What is going on BJJ report, start a Captain’s log, all those things,

Unknown Speaker 0:10
all those things.

Unknown Speaker 0:13
We are,

Brandon Handley 0:16
in turn a fan down here, I don’t want the fan all the way up, I want the Phantom swamp like, I really want that on. We are, we always have the opportunity to create or consume, create or consume. And that’s usually honestly, when I decide to want to make the decision to press the record button. I asked myself, do I do I? Do I feel like consuming or do I feel like creating? And do I feel that what

Unknown Speaker 0:55
I’m feeling?

Brandon Handley 0:56
It’s up to us a nice golden retriever. Do I feel like creating are consuming and no matter what really, you’re always creating, if you’re consuming something, you’re creating some thoughts about whatever it is that you’re consuming. My idea this morning was though, let’s wanna share some things. What are those things that I felt like sharing this morning? It was, it was on the tip of my tongue when I when I first started and strung the mic up. And I was listening to before I even got going here I was listening to start a song from so long ago, music goes better with you. And

Unknown Speaker 1:40
I just just

Unknown Speaker 1:41
love the song.

Brandon Handley 1:45
So let’s see, I don’t know that I’ve actually got something to share or create coming out of. That’s that’s kind of that’s what it was on to my time you see a switch? Do you let it go? And it comes right back to you. So it was this idea that I know that I’ve shared before I’ll share it again that BJJ going to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a part in part of my spiritual practice. It’s this is that is one aspect of when I do it, that’s spiritual dope for me. And I bring that up because of two things. One, I’ve got a friend that What’s up, who has just started doing some BJJ and she’s asked me herself, she goes, you know, she’s only gone to a couple lessons so far. And she said, she’d said, What was it? About BJJ for you, Brandon, that that really made it something that really brought it home? What was it for you that really brought it home? And I told her I said you know big a big part of it is that when you’re when you’re learning it when you’re beginning it. And at all times when you’re when you’re in it, that’s one of the few times that I’ve been able to find myself to be 100% present and engaged. First of all, because you’re trying not to die. Season theory, right? So your brain, your brain, your mind is all in the ego is at at play. And you so it’s like Oh, you got my attention here he goes like all right. You got my attention. And that’s especially especially in the very beginning. You’re You’re 100% engaged and you are in survival mode. And one of the reasons that you can only be in survival mode is because you don’t know shit yet. When you’re in BJJ and you’re just getting started and the beauty of this is the 490 percent plus of the people that get started in BJJ they don’t know shit, everybody starts from the same place. Even if you’ve watched it and read it, it’s not the same as the actual experience. You cannot 100% intellectualized Brazilian jujitsu is not the same as having the experience. Hey, right. So you’re in there and you’re learning it. Everybody starts from the same place and as you’re learning it You begin to put into practice the things that you’re learning. So now, not only are you 100% engaged, and you’re in survival mode now, because you have an idea of what is happening to you, because you have an idea of some of the expectations because you have an idea

of some of the possibilities.

Unknown Speaker 5:36
Thanks.

Brandon Handley 5:38
And a lot of times too, you’ve also engaged with the same partner over and over and over again, because you’re practicing with people in your class. So, now you you begin to have an idea of how it’s all working out. And you begin to be able to disengage the straight up survival mind the one that’s freaking the fuck out being like, Oh my god, you’re gonna choke? I don’t know how to stop it. Oh, my God, I’m getting choked. I’m getting hurt as taptap armbar, tap, tap she, how did that happen? triangle. Come on, man, they got me in this one last time. So you began to realize, you know what’s coming up, you begin to realize a either more offensive advantages that you have. And you can find and you begin to see those openings, your your awareness of the potential begins to expand. And as you see, the potential of things, like I said, start to slow down, who begins to breathe a little bit easier. And you begin to do things on purpose, with intent. And if you’re hearing some of the language being used here, that you find is spirituality, you can begin to see that. That’s the spiritual practice, the spiritual practices. Honestly, we all start from the same place. We all learn have different potentials from different angles from different teachers in different ways. And different schools of thought. I’m on my third school, third BJJ school. And each one has a different approach. I would not say that any one is better than the other. They all each have their own unique way of doing things, or they’re different from each other. And I believe, at least as far as I can tell, each school has a different intent. And what are they? How are they training? How they want to train? How do they want to come across? What is their intent for that class? And so how else does that come across in spirituality, like the different religions, which are inspired by different teachers that have a different intent, a different intentional practice a different wave of achieving the same outcome. And I bring that up, because, you know, one of the other guys in there were joking around today. And he’s bigger, stronger, faster, all the things and was the last last roll of the day. And I was looking for one more and I was like, God, anybody with you? And he’s like, I was like, I was like, I’m just kidding, man. Like, I just know that, you know, whatever. You know, I was looking for some fun. He’s like, We’re not here for fun. Like we you know, we have we have different desired outcomes. I enjoy the physical activity I enjoy the spiritual practice is more technical, right? He’s working on something different. And I get it. He’s got a different desired outcome for today’s practice. We have a different approach to what is happening here. But the the overarching question that Deb asked was, what is it that that really sparked in me and for me to think, think I was just, yeah, I was just rounding the corner out of my my awakening, you know, midlife crisis, awakening existential crisis, whatever you want to call it, right? I love the Self Realization foundation. It’s a really great talk. And I don’t know the guy’s name. He’s an old Swiss guy. I think he’s passed away. Now he was giving a talk in the White House. I think in the 2000s, early 2000s. And what he says is, that’s the reminder from God, you know that that’s what you’re seeking. That’s that’s

when when you realize that that’s really what it is that you’re seeking in life is that connection to God’s universe, create creative source, all that the source is the source that creates worlds. That’s what taps in. That’s what taps in during that time.

Unknown Speaker 10:51
And

Brandon Handley 10:55
there are so many, again, different outcomes bidding was around the corner out of that, when I found Jiu Jitsu. And it wasn’t until more artillery artillery thought about it as my spiritual practice. But it wasn’t until that I’d heard a vedantic talk by Swami Safari, or your prayer Nanda. And he had just mentioned how, when it’s a jujitsu, it’s a fighting art. And when it becomes Judo, it becomes more of a spiritual practice. And I think that it was the same with like, you know, I’m making things up now, but definitely, definitely was like, you know, talking about the sword arts with qinzhou or kenjutsu, or, you know, the sword, sword arts, into kanjo becomes becomes a spiritual practice. And, for me, that that’s what jujitsu is, it’s a spiritual practice, it’s an opportunity to also recognize and honor everybody, regardless of what belt they are, where they are along in the practice that comes in there to honor them and the effort that they put in. There is the ego. After a certain point, kind of checks out and jujitsu, checks back and everyone’s won, don’t get me wrong, I can’t say that it’s 100% checked out. But it checks out. Because you realize that you’re all there for each other, you’re all there to benefit one another. And you’re there. As a school, and not so much as a singular unit. Yes, of course, you’re there for your own good, Jessica, Portia there for your own practice. But there’s a certain point where you’re there. And it’s because it’s a school. And you’re there for all the other people just like they’re there for you. And I remember, I remember leaving the one day making the joke. Instead of saying, hey, thanks to everybody else. And, again, you gotta understand that I’m very tongue in cheek and just trying to have some fun. Like, you’re all better today because of me. And again, tongue in cheek, but at the same time, we’re all there for each other, we’re all there to make each other better whether or not somebody totally dominated me. Or I got them in something, right? Because even this is this is another part of jujitsu, that even even the days that you seem to fail a lot. I just use that word, you fail, you get submitted. Those are the days that you can really learn a lot. Those are the days that you really had the opportunity understand what was your position? What was your approach? What is a way to not even necessarily avoid that? What is you know, avoided? Sure. So how can you How can you defend against it? How can you make sure that you don’t get caught in that position? Again, what what are the countermeasures? So there’s so much that whenever I think I still think to this day, it’s one of the best things that startup in my life. I’d encourage anyone to pick it or some type of martial art. It’s one of the only ones that I can think of that you know, is fully contact fully immersive and can offer this experience And the way that it does, you know, in such a way that when you leave and you’re done, you’re like this, you’re inspired, you’ve got life coursing through your veins, you’ve accomplished, something you’re working towards. Really not working towards anything except for continuous improvement. And there’s still so much more that I keep going on. But so those those are some reasons that pop to mind. And they will they were inspired by questions that I was asked. Last night. I’m super excited again, for my friend Deb, who’s getting started. She’s feeling the love Jones and that one.

You know, she’s thinking about having her son do it. Like that was another part of it, getting to do it with my children. And then today, you know, Anthony, you know, good dude, solid guy talking about you know, we don’t do this for fun than I do. Right. And that’s the other thing too. All of those approaches are open to you. You can go in and you can do it for any reason. Right, you can do it for fun, you can do it for competition, you can do it simply for physical therapy, you can do it for just learning yet another art anywho all those things, all those reasons are the reasons that I would recommend grabbing some BJJ for yourself. Alright, check you later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Brandon Handley 0:02
party people, party people used to get you going, right? You’d be, you’d be out there.

Unknown Speaker 0:09
You’d be dancing all night

Brandon Handley 0:11
long. And it’s a party for party people. I knew they were talking to you. He knew they were talking to you. And you were like, I am a party people,

Unknown Speaker 0:22
people, Hey,

Brandon Handley 0:24
what’s going on? I live in jujitsu, right now in Brazilian jujitsu. And I just want to see if I can convey a little bit about something that I learned recently, don’t do a whole lot of research into the deep, deep origins of Jiu Jitsu, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, to be specific, other than the fact that I know that there’s a Japanese version, and there’s a Brazilian one. Suffice to say, I’ve been doing it for the past couple, four years. Mine is a COVID year. And it is something that is right in line with this whole spiritual journey that I’ve been on soul journey, period, physical, emotional, number of whatever, whatever you want to call it, the whole the whole thing, the whole kitten caboodle. And the idea is,

Unknown Speaker 1:30
What’s the idea?

Brandon Handley 1:31
The idea is that it has been something that while taking jujitsu and going to Jiu Jitsu, there’s certainly more confidence in being able to defend myself or, or my family if I had to, and, and in certain situations, it has given me the opportunity to be part of a community to Jiu Jitsu community, to me is simply all about you working to get better. And then you working to help someone else get better. This morning, as I was leaving jujitsu, you know, everybody over there’s pretty good, right? Everybody there’s think, on the same skill level, or above or slightly below. And, and so we all, we all have some pretty good, pretty good roles. And if there’s anything that you’ve ever heard about Jiu Jitsu is like doesn’t even matter, you know, I’m going up against the black belt, who can certainly demolish me, but even even even he is able to learn something from me, either, maybe he refined something that he already knows, on me, because I’ve given an opening that maybe nobody else has ever given him before he’s able to apply it in a scenario, or is just able to practice his craft on a live body. And that in of itself is to me invaluable. The same way that talking with somebody in person is so much better than anything you could possibly do through zoom through digital. So there’s nothing nothing replaces doing something live and with a person. In real, in real There we are. Right? I don’t care how augmented reality gets, I don’t care how virtual it gets. And I don’t care if we are living in the matrix. This is just

Unknown Speaker 3:41
what I’m saying

Brandon Handley 3:42
right now. So nothing, nothing beats that. And so we all we all learn from each other and we’re all there also to jitsu as a community to help each other improve. And as I was leaving this morning, I’ll just say okay, that’s okay. So thanks, everybody, for being how’s it. Thanks, everybody for being here. You’re all you’re all better because of me today.

Unknown Speaker 4:05
And half

Brandon Handley 4:06
joke half not and we all move out. We all got a chuckle right. Simply because it’s true. I’m improving because of them. I guarantee it. And that that’s that’s part of the community of Brazilian jujitsu. The idea though, is that jujitsu apparently and I couldn’t be wrong, but I was listening to Swami Safari or Peri and Nanda Swami Ji. And he was bringing up the idea that anytime you put like the jitsu part of it, it means fighting. However, when you when you turn it into, though, like Judo, jujitsu becomes Judo, it becomes the A way which becomes a spiritual path. And I was not aware of that. However, I can guarantee that this has been, for me my way, and he was talking about that with, with swordfighting. Right. kenjutsu becomes kanjo. And something about, I don’t know, become a keto, the deal is, is that these martial arts that while they are certainly amazing for physical activity, they have this the spiritual capacity as well, where, for me, it puts it puts me into just all kinds of different scenarios and breaks down the ego. So, so well, especially, I can recall, when I first started kind of competition, I think I had like, maybe my third or fourth stripe, I don’t know, maybe even just my second stripe, I forget on my white belt, and I thought it was some hot shit, right. And, and I had to go up against this other guy who had no stripes on his belt. However, he, like, he was a super strong, I think he’s about 10 years younger than me. And he just choke the shit out of me. And I just, you know, I wasn’t prepared, I let my guard down. And at the same time I was I just I was humbled. And so it’s a sport and practice that is the super humbling, suffice to say just so everybody knows, that guy went on to win the competition and white belt, inclusive of inclusive of what they call open. Absolute, that’s what it is absolute. And so he was pretty good. I’m still I’m still humbled. And it’s just eradicates this ego, of, I’m better than you and you’re better than me versus this thing where we’re all in this together.

And it really just kind of makes a creates a different space for for you and your, your, your own practice. And I think that this, this spills over for me into so many other different areas, especially takes it into work, takes it into my job, takes it into my home life, takes it into the community in general, where whereby even if I hadn’t already had this this point of view. And I can’t say that I absolutely did. I was certainly more of me centered and completely all about myself. Only for for quite a number of years. And well, I’m certain that I made it through and did just fine. The way that I feel now is and the way they act now is more from a place of of community. Self Service, self sufficiency as well as service, how can I be of service and jujitsu? I think brought a lot of that out of me. Well, I think that it was always there. It just hadn’t been, hadn’t been. hadn’t been tapped, right that just just a resource that hadn’t been tapped. a resource that maybe I didn’t feel like was worth sharing. As in I think even even just most recently last night I did the Marianne Williamson posts, where it’s the idea that you’re not afraid of, it’s not the darkness in you that you’re afraid of. It’s the light and you that you’re most afraid of and your greatness that’s inside, and how playing small doesn’t serve anyone. And that whole idea the idea of like playing small means that maybe you’ve got some ideas that you think may make a change or may make a situation that you’re in better, something that could improve where you are. And you don’t say anything because you’re afraid that someone may not understand you’re afraid you may not get the idea across. There’s a whole number of reasons why you may not share it. And the other reason may be like you just don’t feel like you’re ranked high Why would they listen to me? They never listened to me or something like that. And you put your you put this in your head. And so you you don’t, you don’t share it out. And, and again, I think going through jujitsu and the past few years of coaching and all this other stuff have brought me to a place where I feel confident and comfortable that even if it’s maybe not the best idea, we can talk through it right? The same thing will happen again. And this becomes just an inner practice, right listening to your intuition or recognizing the spaces internally. That becomes the way for you just the same way that jujitsu doesn’t always have to mean that this is a fighting art it is a fighting art, but it can also be transcended into the spiritual practice and drive you innately

Unknown Speaker 10:58
so

Brandon Handley 11:00
just thought that I would share some of that with you as I’m as I’m leaving jujitsu and very I thought that hearing that was pretty awesome you know, I had no idea myself that these martial arts translated into spiritual practices even though like I always felt like they did anyways there was this kind of here was this definition of when you go from you know, this fighting are into a spiritual space to spiritual practices a certain way. Then you find yourself in a different space and applying applying some of this stuff internally. And it’s, it’s a

Unknown Speaker 11:43
whole

Brandon Handley 11:44
it’s a whole it is a whole nother universe. It is a whole nother space and just implore that you find something for yourself, right? That anything you’re doing on the outside think you can do on the inside, right. And vice versa as the inside is what is reflected on the outside anywho hope y’all are having a fantastic day, morning, evening, wherever you are, whatever you do. I hope that it’s great and this has been your hit the spiritual

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

What are you visualizing

Unknown Speaker 0:02
What’s going on?

Brandon Handley 0:03
Coming

Unknown Speaker 0:05
from

Brandon Handley 0:06
a little bit of Brazilian jujitsu this morning? Had a Heather Come on, though for a second. As I pull myself together here, as as I walked out the door, and one of my favorite sounds of all time is kind of going on. It’s, uh, I don’t know why. Yeah, we all we all try to have like those memories, those childhood memories working with the inner child. But maybe I do have an answer for you Just give me a second here is one of my favorite sounds is rain falling. And not just rainfall, but rainfall. While driving every morning, nearly every morning, when I wake up, I’ll take a little bit of time to do my morning ritual as it were. And that first piece of that is to put on some type of auditory and then visualize. And one of the noises I’ve put on most often is the sound of rain falling in a car. It’s funny because I went through a number of different rainfalls such as rain while walking, rain, thunderstorms, Irish rain, or the new noise really enjoys the sound kind of a babbling brook. And sometimes I’ll throw in some white noise as it’s kind of brain entrainment thing to just kind of stimulate my mind and make me think that I’m somewhere else. And so like I said, right now it’s raining a little bit not sure if you can hear it’s not raining too hard. It’s raining a little bit. And noises that I get to hear in the visualization is cars going once a while something fishy going on. I imagined that it could be any type of truck. But it sounds to me like it’s a trash truck early in the morning, picking up trash every once in a while. And it’s just it just helps me to set a mood, a space and a place where I’m driving. Right? And I’ll always be where am I driving to? Where Where am I coming from? What is going on? while I’m driving? It’s been shown really, you know, in, in spirituality, and in peak performance in a number of different spaces and places that if you are looking to achieve something, if you’ve got a goal, if you’ve got anything that you’re trying to accomplish is to have a good visual of that and not necessarily. Not necessarily. Even the how you got there. The good visual is how’s it gonna feel when it’s completed? What happens as soon as as soon as you have completed the thing? Or was the reaction? For some reason right now I’m thinking of gymnastics. You know, I’ve never been in generalists. But I’ve got to imagine that if you’re trying to visualize your routine and winning that routine. You don’t necessarily just walk through the motions. You imagine that the best routine comes with you sticking the landing. When they finish up, there’s this big flourish and you can tell that they just hands go up, flare out, and they stuck the landing. That means that the whole routine has gone so well. And they’re done. So imagine you trying to accomplish whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish. What is it going to feel like where are you going to be? What’s it gonna sound like? how’s it gonna feel

when you stick your landing and for me, it’s hopping in the car so I can headed home and I get to tell Somebody’s walking away. And I’m excited because maybe it was a fantastic presentation, maybe it was a great group session, maybe, you know, maybe I just closed a big deal to do whatever, you know. And so I imagine I imagined myself in the car, fresh rain falling and and the windshield wipers going back and forth. And I’ve got this moment where I can kind of rebel and, and how well everything is going. And it doesn’t even have to be a situation where it’s just mentioned, it’s feel like you’ve had a good day of work could be on my way to a good day of work. It’s been a great morning. And it’s just that moment where it’s raining. It’s kind of like, music, Gods keyboard or something. I don’t know what you would call it. But that’s, that’s my noise. So for you. What was it look like for you? When you stick your landing? What’s it sound like for you? stick the landing up just as I just left, the Brazilian jujitsu wondering instructors was asking this question is would you if you’re not familiar with Jiu Jitsu, the general objective, if you’re on the offensive is to submit somebody put up put somebody into submission that meaning that they are no longer struggling to fight against you. And if you’re on the defensive, and a jujitsu match, the objective is to not get submitted. And yes, because which which, which would you prefer? And your jujitsu match what you prefer to do the submission, or not get submitted? And, you know, I didn’t know really what the, for me the right answer is get the submission. Because you’re ideally just trying to end the fight. And, and in jujitsu, it’s also defensive art. So, you know, I thought there was, to me, that would have been the right answer. And I guess it was kind of a trick question. For me, and generally, I, I go for not getting submitted, you know, I go for, I go for protecting myself, I go for, if I see an opening to submit while I’m protecting myself, go for it. However, I tend to work on my defense. And not surprisingly, my defenses, it’s the best part of my game. So if I can make it through jujitsu match. Without getting submitted,

Unknown Speaker 8:07
then I feel pretty good.

Brandon Handley 8:08
I really do. I feel pretty confident. And I feel good about what’s just happened. Because generally, the person that I’m going up against is stronger, faster and younger than me. And so I feel pretty good about it overall. Now, if I get a submission, that’s fantastic. That’s, you know, it’s like the cherry, cherry on top. However, again, what’s so my visualization going into that is stay alive? Don’t get choked out, don’t get tapped out and defend well, and so similar to a person in

Unknown Speaker 8:50
gymnastics

Brandon Handley 8:52
sticking the landing so what is your sticking the landing with? Like, what’s your day going to look like? You can apply this in so many different places was what’s it going to need for you to feel like you’ve accomplished what you set out to accomplish? What’s that going to look like? What’s that going to feel like? And you know how Where else? There’s just so many different places for you to apply this I felt like I would share this though with you in the visualization aspect of it. Like I said, it was raining when I came out What have you got to do to so to displace your default settings to displace your regular way of thinking. And for me, it’s to put on those noises. What is this called? It’s just it’s an app called mind noises that I eventually purchased because it just had so many great noises and you can mix and match them put on single noise and you can put on Like I said, I can put on falling rain with you know, solfeggio tones going back report that are supposed to resonate with certain emotions and other things. And eventually, you know how it is if people tell you that that’s what they do, then yeah, that’s what they do. And you visualize that happening. And that takes you transport you transports me anyways, to a different place. So that I am able to works almost like an anchor, right, I’m able to as soon as I kind of hear those noises as soon as I initiate that practice, I am transported into another space area, place so and visualize sticking the landing. So I hope that’s helpful for you just thought that that was brought on a little bit by this morning is presenting Jiu Jitsu, as well as, you know, the visualization practice and something that you might be able to do. So that and the final piece, sorry, is that look, if you can see yourself doing it, that’s definitely possible. Right? If you can see yourself doing it, chances are it’s possible. And at least at the very least, if you see yourself doing it, you will take the steps to do it. Versus Of course, if you can’t see yourself doing Why would you Why would you even be wouldn’t, wouldn’t bother. So, again, good morning, good day. I hope that this is helpful for you. And that you can apply this somewhere and reach out to me let me know if this has been helpful. Brandon at spiritual dope.co or head on over to iTunes, leave a rating review and say something like man, spiritual doofus shit. It’s when I got my head and today I’m going to visualize

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Sharing a personal story here:

Unknown Speaker 0:01
This one I know.

Unknown Speaker 0:03
can press play.

Unknown Speaker 0:04
Can you hear?

Unknown Speaker 0:06
What is going on?

Unknown Speaker 0:08
It’s not too loud.

Unknown Speaker 0:09
It’s not blowing up. So, can you hear me

Unknown Speaker 0:14
there? I don’t fucking know.

Unknown Speaker 0:16
So we’re gonna go with it. trying out a different microphone. Of course.

Unknown Speaker 0:21
Today we

Brandon Handley 0:22
are, yeah, we’re still driving in the car. Still trying a different headset. And just looking for the right one. So that I again, you know, maybe I just need a Rolls Royce. So that one I’m driving. It’s just no background noise and it’s probably got the best microphone ever. Anyways, I am leaving BJJ you can tell by the sound of the road. The thought that I was having today is we’ve been talking mental health. And I believe that’s super important. Right? That’s something that we always need to be keeping top of mind.

Unknown Speaker 1:04
But we’re also rolling into Pride Month, which, you know, started with I don’t know the history of it, but I know that it’s got a lot of gay pride, LGBT, LGBTQ. And if you haven’t heard this story yet, you know, I like to start my day off going to BJJ and, and getting choked, right? Maybe, maybe not getting choked on purpose. But like, when we’re learning it and then defending against the choke, I mean, the it’s a big part about BJJ is just that, right? And I go when, and it’s something that I’m looking to have happen for me throughout the whole situation, because that is the intent, right? pacify

Unknown Speaker 1:54
your

Unknown Speaker 1:54
opponent, your partner, so that the fight ends is so just right, you don’t really

Unknown Speaker 2:01
not trying to hurt anybody.

Unknown Speaker 2:03
You’re trying to eliminate risk to your own body. And by choking somebody knocking him unconscious, you essentially do that. Now. It’s just because that’s how I like to start my day doesn’t mean that everyone likes to be choked. For

Unknown Speaker 2:23
example,

Unknown Speaker 2:25
I don’t know about you, if you’ve ever been yelling, if you’ve ever been in this situation, then you may already know what it’s like. If you were raised in a family where there may have been domestic abuse you know, so catching your your mother being choked when you’re a youth, right? What do you do? And how can you know, what can you do to prevent that? And, or, you know, what can you do to help him or her out? Right? Like it doesn’t have to be the mother if perhaps you see your father getting choked. And you see somebody in this situation. And for me, I think I was about about 10 years old. I’ve been out side I think was like a spring out in Northern California. up by the Russian River, beautiful vintner company or violence, right? But being up in the Napa Valley, and I had been playing outside and we were living with no, my mom’s boyfriend at the time, and kind of walking inside. And she is there fighting. And immediately your heart starts to raise adrenaline starts pumping you don’t know what the fuck is going on. And she’s, she’s struggling as you know, cowboy cable installer is strangling my mom, this guy’s name is Rex. And I like what’s wrong. And she, she she’s kind of shouts out, you know, go get help. So, like, early in the morning, what’s I don’t know how early I was. But so I run out the door. And I run over to our neighbor’s house. guys name is Brad. This is the 80s and Brad has just frosted, you know, hair and a knock on the door. banging on the door. He jumps out of bed. So I remember him being you know, like naked and having to put clothes on. like Brad said, you know, my mom’s getting strangled.

Unknown Speaker 4:51
And, uh, you know,

Unknown Speaker 4:52
he comes, you know, comes running out, comes running and he gets over to the house and he breaks it up brings up this fight. And the thing is, you know, so if you haven’t already figured it out, you know, we’re in Northern California, straight north of San Francisco by a couple hour, maybe not, maybe not an hour. Not that far, I don’t know. restroom River and the community that we’re living in is predominantly gay. And this is 1986 1987. And you Brad, you put his life out on a limb, so that he could save my my 10 year old. So fairly impressionable, right fairly impressionable to see this person act courageously, regardless of you know, who he slept with, and it always boggled my mind, you know, I think that I had, I call it the luxury of being exposed. I had the luxury of being exposed to that. Growing up, I had the luxury of being exposed to gay people wasn’t, you know, just gays, I still remember. My mom had a friend of hers named Pete PD, and lesbian coming over and staying with us for a while. And other other apartments, same, same area. And, you know, wasn’t even just that I’ll throw in, you know, biracial couples that, you know,

Unknown Speaker 6:41
that

Unknown Speaker 6:42
you saw, and he didn’t think anything of it. So, for me, I had this luxury of seeing this and not thinking any differently about it. Pretty much my entire life. Not to mention again, you know, seeing a store is always going to default back to Hey, I remember, you know, when this gay guy, and again, it doesn’t, it’s kind of annoying to even have to call it out that way. Because, like, aren’t we all just a bunch of people? And if you’re not having sex with me, then I don’t give a shit who you’re having sex with? I mean, it’s that’s kind of how I mean, you know, that’s always kind of been my, my, my thing what, why does it matter? What what happens? Why do people care? Something that again, just always kind of, always boggled my mind. You know, it was always entertaining to go to a gay club, or, you know, a place where it was predominantly gay dudes, and, you know, they, it always made me feel like a woman would feel right. It’s always, always, always kind of interesting, because, guys, when they’re kind of in the heat of the moment, drinking and just not wanting to take no for an answer to just like, kind of, like, don’t stop like that these. We are like these running, you know, deer or, you know, just, it’s like the season. And you’re like, holy shit, I got to get out of here. So I’m always have some sympathy for some women, especially if you put yourself in that situation. And just don’t. It doesn’t matter though. Like, you know, when you do that, it’s like, somebody coming on to you, somebody coming on to you. It’s always it’s never like, Well, you know, sometimes it can be overbearing, it’s rarely not taken as a compliment.

Unknown Speaker 8:47
Right? In my mind, anyways, and again, that could do with how I grew up with what I was exposed to with how I was raised. But as we walk into, you know, Gay Pride Month or Pride Month, I know what it’s called, but I know that I know that it’s coming up. And I know that it’s supposed to, and it does, right, talking to this other gentleman,

Unknown Speaker 9:11
who,

Unknown Speaker 9:12
you know, he came out 30 years ago, which would be

Unknown Speaker 9:17
1980s.

Unknown Speaker 9:19
And to come out then to tell people that you felt the way that you did that you appreciated as a matter of fact, you you prefer the same sex versus the opposite sex made you kind of like an outcast. Right. So for somebody to come out 30 years ago, Ban and even now, I’m sure, I’m sure there’s plenty of pockets, where if you live it’s it’s not going to be socially acceptable. In your immediate circles, and you’re going to be struggling and you’re going to be going through all this shit. Because there are people that just can’t wrap their

Unknown Speaker 10:11
fucking heads

Unknown Speaker 10:14
around the idea that somebody thinks differently than them, that’s really what it boils down to. Right? You say potato, I say potato? Right? Yeah. Somebody else prefers something you don’t. And they, they don’t want to see that. Right? They can’t, they can’t, they can’t, they can’t picture it. And they can’t see that. So because to them.

Unknown Speaker 10:45
It begins this, it begins this kind of chain reaction in their own mind. Right, they can’t unsee it, it’s tough to unsee you know, that happening that scenario, right? Somebody wants to be with the opposite sex you. You kind of played out Arrowhead, you’re like, Well, yeah, maybe

Unknown Speaker 11:06
we’re or

Unknown Speaker 11:09
they’re going to hell,

Unknown Speaker 11:10
whatever, whatever it is, it gets played out, it gets played out. And you, maybe you just can’t, it puts you over an edge that you didn’t even know you had. But you got to stop and think to yourself, you know, for the non, for the for like the non traditionalist for the person who’s, who’s not currently accepting that you got to ask yourself, you know, what is it about that? That is that it triggers you to not be able to accept it. So, you know, again, I gotta add, you know, what if, and I’ll play the scenario out again, what if you walk in on your mother getting choked the brink of of her life. You can’t say you are helpless. And the only thing that you can do is go to get help. And the only person you can find someone who prefers the same sex, someone who thinks completely differently than you, or, you know, somebody who just who thinks in that way doesn’t have to be different. And what are you going to do? Now? You’re not going to accept that help? Is that person any less capable? To save your mother? Right, to save you to play a pivotal role in your life? If you allow it, and if you don’t, don’t give it any thought through what kind of thought goes into that. Like I certainly did not think well, Brad, for us to tip pair, Brad, who’s singing a wake me up before you go go. Is this guy, I don’t think he’s gonna be my mom. I’ve got to go find somebody else. A little less flamboyant, that I thought never crossed. My head never was matter of factly and the first thing it was a matter of who do I know, that’s near that I can trust to come help. That is always shown. kindness. It has never been on untoward. Who can I find? And it was Brad. Obviously, that relationship my mother and Rex ended. And I’ve always got that story for myself. The only sad part about the story is a couple years later, Brad, somebody did think differently. Or a couple of things to think about but quite literally found dead in a ditch a couple of years later, we were no longer near the area. And

Unknown Speaker 14:14
so

Unknown Speaker 14:15
my heart of course, always aches for Who else? Who else’s life plenty of sake, but I was a what was maybe Brad’s purpose was to be there. And that it’s Brad’s purpose was to save lives. Maybe Brad’s purpose was to make such an impact on the people that he was

Unknown Speaker 14:41
around,

Unknown Speaker 14:42
that these stories are could be shared later in life. And right now when you come out, it’s super simple. People do it. In elementary school, and the parents accepted for the people that did it. 30 years ago, it cost them their lives 3040 years ago. So I mean, this is almost 40 years ago, cost him his life. And we get to celebrate, we get to celebrate today. You know, gay pride isn’t? I think, one is, it’s a celebration of who you are. And I think that it’s open to everyone, right where we’re in such as like, inclusive, inclusive era, and that’s beautiful. It should always be that way. Accepting you as you are, who you are, where you are, no matter what you’re doing. As long as like, right, you’re not harming anybody. And celebrating that, that’s love. I love, you know, gay pride month because of that there’s so much kind of energy released. But just like, just like any kind of civil rights movement, there were people that came before us, that helps make it happen. That put their lives on the line, that wrist not being accepted, that risks being ostracized,

Unknown Speaker 16:19
simply

Unknown Speaker 16:21
for who and how they chose to love. So I think that that is the biggest, biggest thing that we can take a look at as we go into Pride Month, we can take a look at those that came before us those who have had an impact on our lives. I mean, if there’s been people, maybe you’ve never looked at it this way, if there’s been people in your life,

Unknown Speaker 16:50
who maybe you shoved away because of their choice of love. I my question would be, how did those people show up in

Unknown Speaker 17:04
your life? Not who did they choose to love? How did those people show up in your life? Did they show up? And a caring, passionate, ready to be there for you moment? And then you learned that they were gay? Well, I guess I can’t. I mean, right does it doesn’t make any sense for that to be the route. And so. Hey,

Unknown Speaker 17:33
thanks, Brad. Thank you for the impact you had on my life.

Unknown Speaker 17:40
And at the same time, I’ll thank my mother for exposing me to that lifestyle. So that there was really never a choice for me. Never had to. I never had to say, Oh, this isn’t right.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai