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Join me as I catch up with my coaching friend Steven Mills.

Steven & I spent quite a bit of time together a couple of years back as I was beginning to coach and he was a coaches coach…

After catching up with him, I felt I could detect a bit of a Heroes Journey… a spiritual tale as it were within him and invited him to share on this podcast.

I am a loving father to my daughter Evanna; I was born in
Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland and live in Glasgow, Scotland today.Ok a
little bit about me then, at the young age of 16 I joined the British
Army in 1998 and served for six years with two operational tours of
Iraq and Kosovo. I left in 2004 to begin my transition back into civilian
life.
This transition was challenging for me, and in the years that followed, I
resorted to alcoholism and anti-depressants, Living from a place of stress and Anxiety, Failed relationships, jumping from job to job, never really settling down or finding peace. I suppressed a lot of childhood trauma that would bite me in the bum later in life that stemmed from emotional neglect, physical and verbal abuse.
This was one of the main reasons I joined the forces to run away from this,
this wasn’t the answer as I found out the hard way later in life. The transition was a real rollercoaster ride for me, without the support I was used to in the army, life had its challenges, with uncertainty and no purpose to where my life was heading.
I got lost in a trail of destruction which impacted my health, finances,
relationships with friends and family and I had no hope and a feeling of
emptiness and hurt. Eight years of going round in circles, frustration, feeling useless, no peace and continuously busy, destroying a lot of relationships, emotional and spiritual health issues, and much more I decided to enough was enough, it was time for a change.
Through this process, I have gained so many transformational insights into
destructive patterns of not only my behaviors, habits, attitudes, and beliefs
but of others around me too. This has been an ongoing journey.
Moving beyond this season of life influenced me to evaluate my future, and take this vision for my life today, to facilitate and coach as many people who
were in my position as I am physically possible to overcome the common fears, blockages, limitations in order to heal and have a transformation in your life as I have, if I can do it, so can you.

Brandon Handley 0:02
4321 Hey there. This is Brandon Handley. I am on with Steven Mills, who’s a coach and mentor, men’s life coach, trauma recovery coach, online trainer, who’s currently just recently founded. Core coaching business Academy is also the founder of social enterprise core connections, coaching and training. He’s a experienced men’s coach. And he’s got over seven years experience in the coaching a personal development industry. He’s a loving father. He’s from Scotland, I don’t even know how to pronounce where you’re from. So I didn’t even try except for Glasgow, which, you know, that’s where you are right now. joined the military at the young age of 16. And you serve for six years there, two operational tours of Iraq and Kosovo. And this is when you left in 2004 To begin a transaction, transit efficient back into civilian life, and you were kind of that was kind of a challenge, from what I understand he resorted to alcoholism and depressants, living in a place of stress and anxiety. Not really being able to settle down and kind of seems like that stemmed from emotional, black, physical and verbal abuse. And and, you know, throughout all this, you know, you started to find your own path, right, you start to find your own path and you hooked on to coaching and others you’ve over the years, you know, I know you’re passionate about coaching, that’s how you and I met you, you helped build the coaching community, you’ve been a mentor and a trainer to that and more recently, as you and I reconnected, you told me that you know, you’ve gone through and I hope this is okay to share, because I know I didn’t ask, but you know, you’ve had some more therapy over the past year. Seems like you may have had some kind of struggles in, in getting past this kind of like invisible barrier threshold, right that you felt like something was holding you back. And you spent some time work more time work on yourself. And a Pac Man, it seems with a fierceness as it were, as I like to say, right. So, you know, welcome. Thanks, Steven, for coming on today. And thanks for reaching out to me just to say, Hey, I’m sure you probably didn’t have a podcast in mind when you said hey, Brandon, what’s going on? But after hearing your story, I felt like it was something that fit with what we’re doing here. Well, what I love to do is I love to start these off with like, you know, one or two things right? What is something that I can help you celebrate today? Or you know, what is is like spiritual dope, right? Like is the name of the podcast so what’s like, your most recent spiritual high if you could qualify?

Steven Mills 3:00
And then probably place off NRP. So what’s took about our journey, it took a lot of years to find that went around in circles and, you know, kept living and old patterns and dealing with childhood trauma, which was overpowered, and on me it’s like a dark cloud over my head. And there was a lot of toxic shame in there that I used to live by. And I call them sub hub and a lot of self pity parties. So from going through that journey of healing from trauma, over a 12 month period, and really get into the trenches and do and be able to look the past and a deeper level than I have ever done before. And I was able to find that place off and a piece. So I guess that in our piece, you know, call it spirituality, call it whatever faith in that place at peace. I think we all want to find that in life. We all want to find that inner peace Inner Peace Center brings so much Joy brings so much, you know, you feel that sense of you’re okay, you’re settled yet there’s no you don’t have to worry about the future. You don’t have to think about the back of the past too much, but actually just loving more and know if you like and I know that’s probably a cliche to say loving on the note but actually, it’s achievable. And it takes a lot of work by took me a lot of work to get there. But knowing the work of dead you know, I would always encourage anyone out there that’s maybe going through things from the past as to really engage with that and be able to look at because you have a choice right or look at or we look away, we can look away and I for years, I looked away I denied I suppressed I didn’t really address it properly. And then it came out like a volcano feel like it was like a volcano effect that just blew up. And just like fireworks go all over the place with Emma was my favorite Whole body. So finding that inner peace has been a big revelation for me. And it’s allowed me to slow down. And everything I do know, because I believe slowing down as the best slowing down solves most problems. If we’re able to find a place and a peace and slow down in life, we’re able to see things from a different perspective. And we become more patient and much more welcomed set of choices. And that’s been a big revelation for me a big breakthrough moment. I feel like a big aha moment. It’s really changed my my life and many ways. And this allowed me just to follow my intuition, follow my gut and follow what’s what I’m truly passionate about and, and find my purpose if that’s what you want to call it. Your mission in life, your vision, all these things. So yeah.

Brandon Handley 5:53
man you got you got a lot in there, right. One of the things a few of the things that that you’ve gotten, there is The acceptance of you know what I think a lot of people call the shadow self, right? Or the darkness in themselves, or whatever you want to call it. But you know, by facing that pain instead of and welcoming it and seeing what it had to teach you, in your life sounds like one of the things that you’ve done there. And it also sounds like you know, the whole being the now thing. While it may sound cliche, it’s very much so when the student is ready, the master will appear right? And that’s when all of a sudden, it sounds like you’re finding all these cliches have some place in reality, and you’re like, man, I really did I just did I just say being the now did I just say find inner peace and everything will be okay. Yeah, I did. And the other part in there too is when you find here, those you Hear that chirping in the background? I’ve got chickens in my bathroom. Who knew that?

Unknown Speaker 7:09
little chicks in there? Yeah.

Brandon Handley 7:11
I always make fun of myself to those five chicks in my bathroom, but not what you’re thinking. Um, and then, and then when, you know, you find that inner peace and this is a line that I heard from Bob Proctor finally, finally made some sense. It was like, I don’t need to slow down.

Unknown Speaker 7:30
I need to calm down.

Brandon Handley 7:32
Right? I don’t need to be excited because when something’s excited that that’s an indicator of your molech Moloch. You know, molecular level, bouncing around too fast. This excited. There’s lots of energy there, but it’s not focused energy. Right. And it’s not calm and to your point, thoughtful energy, you know when you can pause in that intercom if you’re not worried or thinking about yesterday and if you’re not concerned, worried about tomorrow, you can focus on today and what’s right

Unknown Speaker 8:04
in front of you.

Brandon Handley 8:08
In a sense of calm, right, like you said, Take a breath, think about what’s right in this situation, think about what you should do right here and now versus this kind of react. And like I said, this excited motion, this excited motion says what? Oh, that’s there. We got to go do this. This is what I know to do. We’re gonna hop right to it.

Unknown Speaker 8:29
Right, that’s not it.

Brandon Handley 8:31
And that’s what you found. So I love it, man. That’s, that’s something to celebrate, for sure. And I think that that’s also where we’ve, I’m sure heard it all throughout time while you’re growing up, you know, you’re the sum of all the choices that you make. Right? And, and you see now the power of choice. The power of choice is in that call moment that you’re talking about. Got that all kind of sum it up all right for you my caption.

Steven Mills 9:04
Choice is quite a big thing. I mean, we all have, we all have choice choices every day. And certainly we make and how we live our lives and what we do as a career, what we do in relationships, we all have a choice to respond in a way that’s, you know, whatever way you want to respond and respond from a place of fear or we can respond from a place of love. We can respond from a place of, you know, calmness, whereas more well considered, or we can respond emotionally and a reaction. And it’s just, you know, having that knowing that we’ve got that free will to choose how we live is very important. And it’s only through my experience of healing, that I found a place to choose more effectively. The biggest thing I learned through healing from trauma was you to feel as real before you suppress all the feelings of denial, but if you can set with these feelings as hard as they may be It’s, it’s the best way to heal as I lower it just to be and to release because emotions, emotions need to move. They’re not they’re not they’re just temporary they have to move. You know, if you think of emotions come from a Latin word emotive, you know, as moving as a movement, emotions need to move. And a lot of us struggle with dealing with the hard emotions, the the tension, the shoulders, the butterflies, the stomach, the anxiety that may come through pain. And there’s one of the biggest things I had to learn it was just stuff set, still allow it to come and go, allow it just to be and release it through different ways like breathing. I used to write about a lot. So I journal I write a lot about my domain recovery. I would write a lot of it and release it through writing, how I was feeling because a lot of us don’t really engage with our definite emotions, a lot of us tend to only know a few, a handful of emotions, but actually, if you look at not the definitely, I have all the different emotions, that is, it’s probably 50 4050 emotions, that we can all go through another and it’s been aware of all them. And it’s allowing them to come into your life and leave your life and we’re, you know, we can react emotionally or we could just set with them. And his biggest thing out loud was just, I like the phrase to feel as real, to feel as real and life to just set with the feelings, no matter how hard to make beat do that. And that took a lot of practice for me. It took a lot of practice. And as I was going through my healing journey, because when you start delving into this, the dark shadow as you may call it, Brandon and we start looking into, you know, what’s really going on deep down and and maybe some past, you know, trauma that really has hard it can be definitely To face up to them and that’s where trauma can drive that addictions it can drive you know, relationship behaviors, it can, you know, just behaviors that maybe not, you know, healthy in a relationship it can drive all sorts of different behavior or patterns. And and unless we’re in a weird on, we’re never able to address them fully and actually be mindful of how we have been for our last domain for some of their patterns or habits and we have come from because these patterns and habits and sometimes creep up on us and be unhealthy but it could come from past traumas and and this is why I’m really passionate about trauma awareness and helping people with trauma and relationships because, you know, economically be that partner that’s where someone with trauma doesn’t see what the you know, the where these behaviors are coming from. They just actually react to the behavior and start Should I that’s not good. I’m you. You’ve just been angry to me for Reason, but the anger could be coming from past arch. You know, the anger comes from past hearts really, I mean, behind anger, there’s always pain.

Brandon Handley 13:10
So I believe 100% 100%. So again, you know, a lot a lot in there. Right. And I think that to hit it off with what you’ve discovered is something that I would assert is that Western civilization, you know, European civilization has been taught very poorly about their emotions, which is something that sounds like you found, right? You said you knew of like, maybe four or five, and it’s like, all right, well, you’ve come across another 30 or 50. Right, and you’re journaling and you’re dealing with them and you’re sitting with them and you’re learning about your emotions. What are something you know, what are some other tools that you know, how did you how did you learn? You know, what would you tell me if I wanted to learn What these other 25 to 45 emotions are that I may not be aware about right. And then what are some other tools? You talked about journaling, right? As one of your big ones, what are some other tools that I can use to identify and deal with my emotions? And again, learn what some of these other ones are? Because I know anger. I mean, right? Like, How old’s your daughter? Six, six. So you’ve probably watched it the Disney one right? Inside Out, have you watched it? All right. So I mean, those are like those, like the five emotions we know. We know like, anger, joy, happy, you know, sadness. And then like, you know, the the the other guy, right? So yeah, walk us through a little bit of that, right? We’re learning

Steven Mills 14:46
about having the art of, I call it the art of curiosity. So it’s been it’s always it’s always been curious of what’s going on. Not you know, not just mentally but physically. How is the emotions of affect us physically as well as mentally? Because a lot of us focus on that just a reaction more than I’m gonna interrupt just one sec.

Brandon Handley 15:08
I’m going to as what would you because I see I see a pathway going down right now how about what if I asked you this question What about how are you teaching your daughter to identify emotions and deal with them when she said she went, which when she grows up she’s able to to do what your it took you 30 some odd years to do. Right? How would you teach her to

Steven Mills 15:31
teach her the moment as I am? Get off to draw how she’s feeling? I get to draw and expressions of how do you feel a foreigner? How do you feel right now? Can you draw me an emoji? Or can you draw me a sample emojis and can be okay, can you also draw me a picture of how you’re feeling right now? And also teacher to it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let your emotions out and the best wishes Sometimes it’s okay to cry. Daddy sometimes cries. And it’s okay. I mean, a lot of us don’t like to admit, we cry, especially men, we don’t like to admit that we have, we would like to see it be seen that we’ve got all together. But actually, if we allow it just the floor, sometimes the best release of emotions is through trial through 11. The tears to flow aluminum f meet hard not to change suppress them, but just allow them to flow. It’s like a rubber bashes canal here, right? I fit in a river, the lava flows, right. Yeah. So So

Brandon Handley 16:32
yeah, a big part of it, though, is again going back to kind of like that Western civilization part is that, you know, we’ve been taught to control our emotions. Right. And as especially as men control your emotions, you know, don’t let your emotions run you. Yeah, which is true, right, which is where we get to this point in kind of your stories set with your emotions, understand your emotions. make a conscious choice off of your emotions, don’t react. Tear emotions, which is very hard to deliver to a young child because again we hear Don’t let your emotions control you which translates to a child is an adult so your emotion so it sounds to me like you’re you’re you’re you’re helping her to identify them. You’re helping her to allow her to express them. You know, tears is one way art is another right How can you translate, translate those emotions, identify them and share them. Awesome. I love that. Yeah, a little bit more. Go ahead. Sorry.

Unknown Speaker 17:35
Yeah, interrupt.

Steven Mills 17:36
No, no, it’s cool as cool as you know, emotions are right and society we’re not taught how to express them. We you know, and a lot of time has grown men don’t try comes to me and I you know, man up and get yourself together. We you know, all these phases talk to young men and you know, don’t you can’t we you know, you can’t be seen to cry because that’s, you’d actually be shown a weakness but See it. The opposite is that’s the strength as a strength to show your weaknesses. It’s a strength to show your vulnerability at times. And it’s a sense of speech was meant to be a vulnerable, and sometimes to show that we have pain and allow the tears to flow, because it’s much more powerful and showing the vulnerabilities. Now, teaching children that as I feel is really important for white parents. I’ll say stop crying, don’t cry, just get on with it. Come on, yeah, you’ll be fine. You, but sometimes it’s about being patient. And, you know, 11 the children just to, to kick off and allow them to be angry. Because if you try and stop lying God, you’re gonna, you’re gonna just flare even more. Whereas if you just allow it to, I, you know, and it’s about, I see that you’re angry. I see that you’re frustrated, and that’s okay. Because in life, sometimes we get frustrated and we get angry and I’m not going to hold against you. Allow it to just release it, allow it to come out. Because of you, there’s another statement I grew up with, and that was, children should, you know, shouldn’t be heard, should be seen but not heard. And something’s allowing children to be held by allowing them to release that anger, or at least start excitement, release of tears. And it’s about just helping them become aware of that. as we as we go. because more people, more children become aware of their emotions, the better they’re going to be equipped going in the adulthood. When disappointments come when things come that show up in life that causes on pain. After then aware of what’s called going on, then there’s no better place to respond, and then to deal with it. And this helps with self care. And it helps with managing expectations as the drawn toddlerhood so for me, not at score, export and just explore your emotions be widdle Take a look at you know, the stuff that works as I’ve said, there’s frustration, there’s anger, I’m happy and fulfilled. I, you know, I’m agitated. I, there’s definitely words and there’s different ways we can describe how our emotions put the quotes gone and our physical body what’s going on with their emotions mentally, what’s going on, Anders, the more we can slow. This is our lambda the last 18 months and it’s the more we can just be patient and show yourself that bat grace and self compassion, compassion as an important ingredients when it comes to and keeping up you know, being being okay with ourselves and being okay with our own skin. And part of my healing journey was shown that compassion because as I see a lot of machine, and when shames around us like a dark cloud over here, but if you start being compassionate to the max, and that’s the antidote for shame and compassion, as something again, we’re not really shown too much when we’re growing up. We’re not sure how to be that sure sure that self compassion, you know, love yourself became to yourself that self kindness because a lot of think all of us Eagle, no it’s not about Eagle it’s about more about forget about the eagle. It’s about fetal kidney on skin being your ability to love yourself and show yourself that kindness and forgiveness even when you make a mistake. But some kids grew up trying to be perfect because their kids the parents have these expectations on them. That’s just jackal with expectations check with the mom to be perfect it’s about allowing them to show that it’s okay to make mistakes. So kill them and show that self coke self compassion is something that I know I love to help out with when I’m coaching and when I’m helping them find that place to show themselves that back crease and just come on. Tricia flat little bit several passionate because the more we can learn that Assaf compassion, because as an art, and it’s something we need to practice, because we’re a lot of people are showing this growing up to short self compassion. So it’s almost like unlearning what was learned as grown up?

Brandon Handley 22:14
And you know, that’s 100% 100%

Steven Mills 22:17
the

Unknown Speaker 22:19
year it looked

Brandon Handley 22:19
at the idea of that self compassion. The idea of learning that again for yourself, like you just said there at the end to having to unlearn everything that you you learned while you’re growing up is something that you know, Alan Watts talks to quite a bit not sure if you ever listen to him, just kind of a beatnik type, you know, back in the day talking about different comparative religions, right. But he talks about it in the sense of like salted meat, right, you know, you salt it to cure it, but like before you can eat it, you have to put it in the water and desalinate it, right. You have to, you have to, you have to make it so that it can be Music but uh, you know, that’s what I think of, you know, when you say that line, right? Just because that was kind of the first time I’d ever really understood or heard it. You also talk about, like, you know, look, the grace, right? To me, that’s a super powerful word. Because again, we talked before we got started here, the kind of the gist of this is, you know, kind of the, you know, the spirituality, inner sense of self right. And when you look up the word grace, that’s the, I think called, like, divine power. Right? And, and really, divinity is again, talks about the inside of you what’s inside of you, right? That’s divine, who you are, is divine. And when you accept like divine, when you accept grace, who you’re accepting of power that, you know, it’s just like, allows you to be in that place that you’ve been talking about that, that gets part of what gives you that

Steven Mills 23:59
sense of calm.

Brandon Handley 24:00
The sense of inner peace that’s grace when you when you discover that for yourself that’s man you can you can’t I mean, I haven’t tried but you could walk on water, that kind of thing, right i mean that’s the kind of thing we’re talking about. And and it really seems to me like you found it right seems to me like you found this space and you’re really leaning into it.

Unknown Speaker 24:22
And, and you’re using it

Brandon Handley 24:25
to fuel your life and your success and your career right now with your next coaching place, right and I’ve got it right here in front of me too, is like, you aim to help people discover their peace, so they can find their passion and purpose so they can fulfill their life goals and dreams. Right now, I would go so far as to say what you’re trying to do. You know, this is and this is again, my perspective kind of coming from the coaching space as well is you’re trying to Find people how to become aware of their own emotions, how they can find that grace within themselves. So they can, you know, accept themselves as who they are. And you talk about, you know, teaching kids how to accept themselves at an early age, as you and I are doing as fathers. I know that my son, and I think that, you know, they look at numbers like he’ll come home and he’ll say, I only got five wrong. I’m like, Well, how many did you get? Right? Tell me how many you got? Right, right. Let’s celebrate your wins, man. It’s okay to celebrate. You know, you got 15 right? That’s awesome, dude. It’s awesome. I always break down like, I’ll break down a baseball batting average form, right? I’m not sure how big you are and American baseball over there. But if you if your batting average is 25%

Unknown Speaker 25:46
you’re actually not bad.

Brandon Handley 25:48
That’s pretty good. You get to 35% journalist, a hero, okay. And so it’s really it’s not about those numbers. It’s about how you feel about what you’ve done. Did you bring it? Did you bring your best game? Did you did you prepare yourself for for this particular situation? And I’ll even loop in jujitsu with him too because he’s in Jiu Jitsu and I’ll say, all right, well, you know, you learn more from your losses than you do from your wins because you know, your wins this mean that like you, you may train a little bit more than the other guy. But if you lose, you can see where your deficiencies are, you can see what you need to work on. Right But, but come out of there being strong, like you’re saying, show yourself compassion, and learn, learn about all of that, that you can. And I think that sounds to me, too, like you’re teaching your daughter to these things, right? You’re teaching them as you’re learning them to do Am I getting? Am I getting this all right for you? Or am I missing anything?

Steven Mills 26:51
Yeah, yeah, that’s it. I mean, Greece as powerful graces really, you know, when you’ve got grace that takes away any guilt Grace is the antidote to guilt here. If you say

Brandon Handley 27:03
that’s right, you said the antidote, the antidote, the antidote, hey, I will not interrupt the antidote to shame, right was compassion, right? I love that line man, the antidote. I love that line. So I mean, that’s gonna be, that’s gonna be a tweet, you just wait for that one.

Steven Mills 27:18
Cool, that’s fine. You’re getting a ticket ticket that said this was before. And, and grace is added to it to go. Because when you’ve got grace, there’s no room for guilt, when you’re able to just show yourself that that forgiveness for grace. Grace for me means that you’re forgiven towards yourself, and Jana placed off, not being hard on yourself. You have been better on your shelf and grace just once famously, is a great ingredients that works well with compassion. And then if you’ve got grace and compassion, then it’s only going to bring patience. You’re able to show much more patience with others, you’re able to show much, much more grace with a lot of because you’ve given it to yourself. And when you’re in that place of patience, and you’ve noticed fixations, then you have not attached to the outcomes, all the results in your life tell you not to their results, and when you’re not attached to the outcomes and results, and not bring space. Again, spiritual. No,

Brandon Handley 28:14
absolutely. I mean, I mean, that’s, that’s the whole gist of it, right? Like, it’s and you know, that talks to Buddhism, right? To me it talks to Buddhism. See, it’s the, the attachment to the desired outcomes. Right? That’s right, that brings suffering, right, because you get to the point of, well, it’s got to turn out this way. And if it doesn’t turn out this way, I’m gonna be pissed and what was me life’s Right. Yeah. What you’re saying though, is let go of those outcomes. Have some faith in it? Yeah, absolutely. 100%. Man, there’s a little bit of there’s a little bit of there’s a little bit of spirituality in that. Let’s talk about, let’s talk about, you know, this past. It says you said about 18 months about therapy. I want to talk a little bit a bit about The difference between especially you being a coach a little bit of difference between what therapy is and and what coaching is right and and and, you know, kind of when to use both.

Steven Mills 29:16
So therapy for me, I was definitely journey altogether and I learned a lot along the process and for me, it was a longer process than I would normally find coaching. So for me therapy as delving a lot into, you know, a lot of that deeper work. So, you know, not seeing the course and capable deep part but for therapy depends on what kind of therapy you go down. There’s different tapes and different modalities, but for me therapy is about really jumping into the trench and delving into some of the past traumas that maybe affect who we are today. And and if you’re not aware of this, it could really check out Cochin another hand a lot of it as progress. It’s about setting goals and moving forward in your life coaching, you may not even get past this much. But if you can find a hybrid of coaching and therapy together, then you’re finding the sweet spot. So a lot of the work I’m doing with trauma recovery coaching, as a hybrid between coaching and therapy. So as as given, it’s been therapeutic, and it’s so low in space and given silence and less than, but at the same time asking the right questions that allows the individual to explore. So for me therapy was, it was an eye opener I learned so much about myself, I said, I learned so much about my behaviors, about habits and patterns turned up in my life today. And I learned more about toxic shame hoshin was overshadowing everything I’ve done in my life and allow around our wars for others. And how are we keep everyone that that’s obviously good at keeping people at arm’s length And not allowing them and to affect my emotions are not alone. They’re meant to. So I was very, I struggled to show up and vulnerable at times. And it was me learning how to be vulnerable and actually be completely honest, on a heart level, rather than my head level, just trying to tell people where they want to hear or so I showed up more vulnerable than I’ve ever done in my life. No therapy. At that age, the route I went was CRM, which is like compare comprehensive resource model. And it’s about it’s almost like there’s about Shimano humanism and now, and it’s about it’s about shamanism and not therapy. It’s very much similar. And there’s also a hypnosis so it’s about a hybrid between CRM a new model, now not like people will know about it was developed by an American woman, and Lisa Swann. And she, she developed this model, comprehensive resource model, and it’s very especially specialist especially in trauma. It’s a very very effective and modality for clearing trauma and it is quite safe it’s a safe way of doing it and it’s it’s more prolonged it’s more of a preparation and get into that place where you’re mindful and you know allowing yourself to go back into some of the memories not really experienced none but remembering them. So you’re unable to distill at least them so you know, living these memories to come off maybe abuse or these memories of you know, past things that happened and what that were that stuff actually to deal is just given that space, silly some and I’ve done a lot of work in that. It was fair therapy every week for 14 months and tall and saw caution. If you look at coaching, how is that different? coaching you might not be sometimes not, not not you may not go quality coaching for that length of time. You may only be coaching for some time. Six weeks or 12 weeks or three months or six months, but euro, and there’s nothing to have, like a hybrid between coaching and therapy, and actually bring both together. So what I’ve done know, is what I’m doing from an acoustic portion as well as my men’s coaching. I bring a therapeutic approach and based on where my journey, I’ve learned from the caution aspect of also having the counseling and the therapeutic. So when I put it all together a pitchman good stead to help us deal with some of the past hearts that may be affecting them. And it’s so this is where I look to help people find peace because, you know, we can help people find a set of goals for their dreams going forward. But sometimes you need to have that that deeper and to really deal with the deep rooted stuff. So you’re talking about limiting beliefs, but you’re also talking about the trauma.

Unknown Speaker 33:53
Well, yeah, like, you know,

Brandon Handley 33:55
I think for you, right, you found In therapy, you went deeper. You found some things that were holding you back and I say I’d like to think of it as a plane right? Like, you don’t think I’m thinking of like you know the actually thinking of like, God what is it just to say where those movies where they got too much like I’m thinking of like the cocaine transporters right like that they’re always trying to smuggle but you know that it got to drop you got they got to drop off that stuff so they can make it over certain ridges right like and it sounds to me like you had some pain that was dragging you down. You had to address it. You had to identify you said is this still serving me? Does this serve me? Should they stay on the plane? Or should this be jettisoned?

Steven Mills 34:43
Yeah, and this is what I would use the three years and this is where we need to, first of all, acknowledge that we’ve got that pain there. Acknowledge. Then we look at accepted and coming fame Going to a place of acceptance that is going on. And then we address so acknowledge, accept and address, as we are looking at when it comes to trauma when it comes to any pain from your past, as we need to be look really explored on the seas and it’s also about awareness, there’s a 44th in the awareness and for not acknowledged and unaware of that, how it’s playing out in our lives, that we’re not going to be willing to accept an address. And that’s what therapy did for me, it helped me do all these 40 years. And it also gave me a bit of give me more tools to, to throw in when it came to court, Jen, and it helps me my job when I’m coaching is to help people slow down and find a place of peace spot, because that’s the don’t do that fast, then they’re going to struggle to follow that intuition. When it comes to the passion and purpose. They’re going to struggle to tell themselves to listen to what’s going on and say rather than and so my job As to get them from the head to their heart as soon as we can. Because when we get them to the heart is more authentic, the be the shop, maybe more more fundable. And it’s true that that’s when the magic happens is when when, when we get when we get more honest and authentic from a place of that heart and allows more flow. So this is my, my role when I’m coaching and also brings like, like, I see a hybrid with with therapy at the same time.

Brandon Handley 36:30
I love it. I love I love the four A’s to write, acknowledge, accept, address and bring that awareness without being able to acknowledge except or and or dress and identify, right, give these things kind of a label. You can’t be aware of them. You can’t. You can’t make a choice on something that you’re unaware of. Mm hmm. So I love that. I love that I love I love the head to heart right now. Bringing them from The head to the heart. And, you know, to me, there’s definitely a huge connection there. And, and I chased that one down to a few years ago, myself. And there’s a booze lie. It’s just, it’s called the heart, the heart mind, right, connecting the two. And once you meet, once you make that connection to the two of them, and maybe you’re feeling from your heart, and then your mind is able to as you kind of go back to right, what am I feeling in my heart right now? That’s the acknowledgement, right? And then you have the opportunity to accept it, of whether or not that’s true for you, in your mind, right after you’ve acknowledged it, and then you can address whether or not that’s true for you. Right, is that my follow on kind of like, how I how I would use this?

Steven Mills 37:53
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much you getting down at your heart levels and as For me key and this is where you find your true answers in your life not in your mind, not what you you know you think people should be and the best way to get from head to heart is asking really powerful questions and allowing them giving them that space

Brandon Handley 38:17
have an example of a powerful question Stephen most

Steven Mills 38:21
powerful question would be

what’s what’s your biggest blockage? what’s what’s holding you back right now? Honestly, forget about external refer no forget about what’s going on around you forget what’s new mate. What’s really holding you back?

Unknown Speaker 38:39
Well, what’s, what’s the blockers? Damn, like, I would answer that too. I’d be like I was like, Yeah, man that you know, for me.

Brandon Handley 38:49
It’s it’s what I’m doing right now. Right and it’s fear. There’s like tremendous fear and going ahead and and continuing to step into what I’m doing right now. Spiritual dope, right leading with spirituality. I mean, who does that? Right? Plenty of people do but it’s the first time I’ve ever done it. So I’m terrified because I’ve never done this before. Is this the right thing for me to do? I don’t know. So I’m blocking myself with a number of things invisible blockages, because I’ve looked all around and I see that society says, Well, you don’t talk about religion and you shouldn’t do this. And most people don’t do it like that. And that’s not the way it’s been done in the past. And so man, for me, some of my biggest blockages are what we talked about earlier. These are all the things that I’ve learned. And I need to unlearn them, right. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 39:41
Now I need to face them and walk into

Steven Mills 39:44
a set and another good question is what you seek what you seek in within. What are you seeking right now? The what’s missing as something that you’re seeking on a heart level.

Brandon Handley 39:56
Great one brother. That is a that’s a great one. I’m not gonna lie, because so what I’ll do in the mornings, is, I have a, you know, mini practice as it were, right, a reflection period. And I go and I write these questions, I search out questions just like you’re saying, What’s missing? What am I seeking? And I don’t you know, I would use the word God the universe, right, that connection to it. Right? And, and that’s exactly what it is. I’m doing right now, with this conversation you and I are having I’m, I’m looking to kind of validate what I already know to be true. Mm hmm. Right. And and where can i Where else can I find this in life?

And that’s exactly you know, so I believe. I’ve already established a connection with God divine divinity within right. I’ve kind of harnessed with it, come together with it, but every day. I feel like I’m still questioning that right. I’m still looking. looking looking for that. I’m still looking and that’s the spirit dope right there, brother.

Steven Mills 41:02
Yeah, that’s uh that’s that’s certain. It’s a nice powerful questions. That’s the more the more quality of questions, the better the more quality answers we’ll get. And the more the more willing we are to search and like, go back to our on our curiosity and feel just curious in life. And when it comes to others, just asking questions, the best coaches, the best therapists are the ones that asked good questions and sharp after they ask the question, and just alone space lesson. Yeah. And then you pick it up on what’s really going on. And you’ve given the most powerful thing here as allowing someone space to get everything out to release everything. It’s maybe in the main so we can get down to that space. Most nuggets and coaching are found when once they’ve replied, You don’t answer straight away. You give me back so silence is actually silence is golden, right? And silence in space that helps people explore much more when it comes to emotions explore much more what’s on the heart, and it’s about our curiosity. Another question I love to ask is, what do you need to do that you don’t want to do?

Brandon Handley 42:15
Now you asked me that one a couple of years back, man, that sucked.

Unknown Speaker 42:19
I was like, Man,

Brandon Handley 42:20
you always know what you need to do. And it’s just like you just do it, you know? Because that’s um that shows your level of commitment to what it is you say you want to do to me, right? What you know, so if you know what it is that you need to do, because inherently you do right and you’re not doing it, are you indeed committed to what it is that you say you want to do?

Steven Mills 42:51
So, again, it comes back to the choice love versus fear. are you choosing love in your life or are you choosing fear yellow in the future? To overcome you already moving beyond and choosing love, because when you’re choosing love, you’re much more you’re following your true heart. You’re trying to find your passion, you’ve got a love for others around you, your family and people. And love versus fear comes in every choice we make, I believe in when it comes to career when it comes to, you know, responsibilities in life, not just a family but our friendships. Love versus fear as the choice that we all have to make. Love comes from our heart fear comes from what’s going on our mains, or what’s what we are going to block our shelves.

Brandon Handley 43:36
So for me, the question ends up being you know, is that part of kind of what drove you? I use the word drive you into therapy? Is that part of what made you seek out therapy was it you didn’t find yourself choosing love enough? And you were choosing fear more often?

Steven Mills 43:55
I choose fear much more often. Yeah, I load shame to crap on me. I upload shame to really orange Company allowed not to hold me back. So I was choosing fear for years, not through potential any fault at all. But it was my own fault was not actually addressing the traumas and not addressing the past that maybe has shown up in my life. So you talking about trauma reenactment here, I would gravitate to certain relationships in my life, because of my childhood. And they weren’t serving me. And I didn’t, I was vulnerable. So I know boundaries. And fear really troubled me for years. And it was only when I went to that journey healing, that I was able to then start fame than, you know, love and self. Also more love for people around me. And another only due to any trauma or addiction as healthy relationship. A healthy relationship, a loving relationship, someone that’s there for you, unconditionally, on giving you that acceptance, as even when you’re angry. Even When you’re throwing a lot out there, and that’s one thing that gave me hope and help me through much omnious as through the, my partner who was was just solid rock, and she, she was there constant. So relationships and love as another 92 you know, addictions, trauma?

Brandon Handley 45:21
Well, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, you know, it’s so funny, like just kind of how similar, you know, parts of our journey are right? I can tell you that when I was vulnerable to my wife, Meg, years ago, when I was going through, you know, kind of my space, my journey, actually what even maybe even years before that, the whole the whole gist of of me packing everything up and driving 3000 miles across country in a vehicle that might not have made it was due to her ability to love me as I was on conditionally and then years later, when I was able to be vulnerable and she said, She says, I don’t understand, you know, kind of what’s going through what it is that you’re doing, but I’m here for you. Right. And even even more recently, I think, you know, I just had a, you know, a minor just like blow up, but you know, you talk about that volcano and the eruptions just like, everything had gotten to me at a certain point. I was like, Listen, yeah, I’ve rarely Yeah, really express my anger, right. Which is probably not healthy. But, you know, I had expressed it and not in a violent way. I just like erupted. You know, I apologized, and I just said Listen, I you know, I really sorry, and just, nobody deserves to have to hear my shit just because I’m feeling this way. And she goes, listen, I get it. You know, everybody, just kind of everybody. We’re all gone through some things. And you know, when you have somebody like that in your life, right when you have somebody that’s accepting you as you are. That’s powerful. And I think that that’s also where do the things at home first, right The having a solid This is the importance of a good home life a strong relationship at home a strong relationship with your family because you can be who you need to be and be loved unconditionally for who you are every day at home. It makes it much easier to pass the threshold of your own doorway and into the world and accept that maybe somebody else is going to accept you as you are as you’re being accepted at home.

Steven Mills 47:30
Yeah. Because no matter what we look at, we all look for validation, right? Everyone in life looks for validation. You know, Michelle or Oprah Winfrey used to talk about this everybody acumen I’m sure. You know, we’d see him sad cuz they’re not for you. Even like Obama and all these different people would say at the end, was that good enough for you because we’re looking for validation. So what we all want validation from others and our ways and that police acceptance is powerful, and it’s powerful and it allows us It gives us more Peace knowing that we can be who we are with people around us and and that helps bring peace and come back to grace, about self compassion, if we’re showing compassion does help us on our journey to find more self compassion. And no, it’s not an easy journey finding peace. It’s not an easy journey, finding a healing through recovery from trauma from from from past hearts, but as a oneness, what’s going on. So then, you know, you can then enable yourself to love them, and a better place going forward, and you then allow joy in your life yellow, loving relationships, you allowed yourself to find your passion and your purpose. And one of the things no, as, you know, one of the biggest things I’ve learned is not to care what people think. And if you can come to a place where you don’t care what people think it’s quite, it’s quite cool, because you can just do your thing, be yourself. And, you know, for me, I’ll just keep somebody Thing simplistic, you know, coaching, there’s so many different modalities. There’s so many different things about coaching. But coaching for me is just simply allowing people that space to explore with that. And a good coach is someone that lessons effectively. And that’s good questions. I said, and I, you know, I saw as a coach, all I can the best gift I can give someone is my time and space to explore where they are and really get down to delve into the heart and go that little bit deeper to then help them find the the AHA most breakthroughs I get some that sense of peace. So bear with

Brandon Handley 49:40
it. I think I think once you get to do right is you get to give people permission to find themselves to be themselves right and beyond hindered, and to allow them to share their dreams with you while you support them and helping them facilitate Let’s state that right by giving them permission to be in that space with themselves as they are. And then I think the other part that I would throw in here for you is that you know, your whole journey as and where you are right now, I just want to highlight this is that you change the world outside of you by working on what’s inside of you. Is that fair?

Steven Mills 50:26
Yes, definitely. Because the more you you more you work on yourself, the more you get a crack to help others and a much more effective way, and you can make an impact make a big difference. And, you know, for me, it’s just one passionate team. I don’t need to have a big audience. I don’t need to have you know, thousands of people follow me as one passion. I tell you, if you can change the world to one passion, then I’m happy. I’m a happy man. I’m fulfilled on my journey. If I can change the life of one person per day, I’m living a life of purpose. Making a difference and the lives of others. One passion to another, just like,

Brandon Handley 51:07
just like Jim Rohn said, focus on the few. Yes, it’s on the few brother. You know so Look, man, you’re using the game that just to this whole thing, right is people who are kind of following their intuition, their inner selves and living a life that’s true to who they are. And I can’t think of anybody else that I know that fits that more than more than you are right now. So I appreciate you, again, reaching out sharing your story. What is what is uh, I always like to try and give some other tidbits to the audience to like, what is a book or some type of resource that has had tremendous impact. It’s like, earth shattering for you. change everything about what it is and how you do it.

Steven Mills 51:54
And one of the books I read was recently in the library last year was the The mindful path to self compassion. And I think it’s Dr. Christopher kalmar. Another book that I liked was the body nose score.

Brandon Handley 52:10
And I’ve actually had that one in my garage right now from a friend of mine. But uh, yeah. So tell me a little bit about that. What What does that What about?

Steven Mills 52:18
It talks a lot about, you know, traumas, it talks about past hearts, it talks about how our physical ailments and physical body can tell us what’s going on in our lives. And it’s been it’s been able to then explore and be aware of what’s going on in our bodies. And because more often than not, it does know the score at times. It shows up in our life when we feel that tension or we can feel something like a sore sore throat or it’s a really good book to explore emotions, and know how to express them and how to be aware of them. And it just delves into a lot of different types of traumas and stuff. It’s a really good book. I can’t remember the same fun. I can’t remember the guys name. It’s a Dutch guy and phone number A couple other books there. And that’s the only good bit and the book I’m reading at the moment is called Layton call and by Dr. Hawkins, and this is a very powerful because well and that’s it’s quite it’s a path to surrender. So it’s really about letting go over fears, letting go of, you know, it’s very thing you know understanding acceptance, grief. So again, it’s a very powerful book and letting go and all the different kinds of fears that we have in our lives and how they’re showing up and it’s about just as I love that word, surrender, and people see so the end of the war, belt, surrender to your shelf, surrender to your fears, surrender to, you know, the attachments you have in life, you know, surrender to, and the outcomes. So end up to say having faith and just, you know, finding that space, to just be and surrender to all our own. Everything is our own. Us, I surrender to expectations. So it’s surrenders and really big what I discovered recently and really tried to understand much more. And so let go is a good book, and many other different books I’ve read so many over the years, I was a personal development junkie. I’ve not read as much I don’t read as much as they used to. But I still doubt you will delve into books though. And again, but certainly These are some I would say recently that I’ve had a big impact. Also, the complex PTSD book by Pete Walker was another one and from thrive and survive from surviving to thriving. That was a really powerful book and understanding my my trauma, and yeah,

okay, so I recommend that

Brandon Handley 54:43
last one there, mostly for somebody who is seeking to understand more about their trauma.

Steven Mills 54:49
Yeah, or the complex PTSD or as well not so that’s striving to survive is by Pete Walker, who writes a really really simple so really good book, I would say it was like the best have complex trauma. And yeah,

Brandon Handley 55:04
I love those. I love that all sounds great. So thank you for sharing those thanks for sharing kind of your story, your thought processes, you know, the dealing with emotions. Here’s a couple of anecdotes, right. And I’ve just really enjoyed our conversation here. And I love seeing that you are out there, you know, still serving these coaching communities still giving all of this wisdom and all of who you are to your clients and helping them to build out their own communities and their own coaching practices. as it were, we didn’t talk too much about exactly what it is that you’re doing. But you know, I want I want people to who, for anybody who’s been piqued and interested by you know what Stephen is talking about today and would like to find more About Steven Mills, where should we go to find out more and connect with you

Steven Mills 56:05
and you could check my coaching page on Facebook, Steven Mills coaching, I’m just revamping the website in the moment. And you would find me in the core coaching business Academy, and but the Facebook community that you’re a part of Brandon. So you do a Facebook Live stuff in there and we give away a lot of resources and offer free, free events weekly. So we help development with we’ve got a pro program launching very soon. And for coaches that want to really make an impact and they’re and they’re, you know, practices and also help them thrive as a coach because 80% of coaches in the world and, and under $20,000 a year and we want to help people actually, you know, move beyond that and help them build a thriving coaching practice and overcome the fears of selling and overcome those fears of maybe associate them with what they’re doing. So I my passion lies with helping coaches and find that passion and really start living by the purpose and start serving and making a bigger difference than they may be already doing. And

Brandon Handley 57:13
you’re trying to teach them how to stop playing small, right? It’s a

Steven Mills 57:15
it’s a program that myself and my business partner Kevin Petri have developed. It’s a 12 week program that will be launched very, very soon in July. So we are working hard on it, you know, we’ve got a curriculum ready and we’re just going to be putting it out there. And that will be a part of my work over the next and years to come, I’m sure. As well as I still have my private practice. So you know, Stephens called Chen. And I’ve also got core connections coaching chain, which is the social enterprise, which we still do a lot about working there as well with some of the teams that have there. So a lot going on, and you’re more than welcome to join me there. My email address you’ve got there and but you probably better Find me on

Brandon Handley 58:01
Facebook and you know Steven was caught Shen are the court coach and Business Academy. Hello, brother. Well, hey, thanks again for hanging out with us today sharing your story, like I said, and you know, just being being out there being honest with us and being sincere. Thank you so much.

Steven Mills 58:18
Thanks for having me, Brandon. It’s been a it’s been a pleasure.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

What does it look like to lose everything in search of your dream?

Many would say that you must let go of your old life in order to gain your new life.

Dave has a story which I have personally been following for 3 years now.

I have interviewed him here so share that you can indeed follow a life of purpose and find massive success… the path may seem darkened from time to time… but don’t give up… you get one shot… make it count!

Connect with Dave here:

www.become-limitless.com

https://www.facebook.com/Dave.BecomeLimitless/

Brandon Handley 0:03
Do you like that? Ah, yeah. Did you know about that? Hey guys, this is Brandon Handley I am on today with Dave. Gisela Dave is gonna be my very, very first guest and a podcast that hasn’t even been introduced or released anywhere yet. We’re calling it spiritual dope. I’ve kind of subtext lines. Let me know how that gets your hit, right get your hit, get your dose or get your hit. I’m still kind of up in the air with

Dave Gieselman 0:28
a hit. I like

calling it dope and you get treated. If we’re calling a medicine, you might want to bolus or a dose

Brandon Handley 0:38
not an analysis because like I’ve already I’ve got I’ve got artwork being done. I’m just all about this, this thing. So

Dave Gieselman 0:46
as a doe as an ex dope head, if it’s dope, I’m gonna get my head right so I’m gonna get my fix. Well,

Brandon Handley 0:54
yeah, now fixes a little too bright past the border. I’m gonna stick with get your hit right like I think that That’s my demographic. Those are my people. That’s who I’m talking to. I don’t think I can talk to the people that get their fix. Those are beyond my health, right? I mean, honestly, right? Like, I mean, I’m just gonna call it the way I see it. So yeah man and and the premise is like, you know, people you know, there’s going to be like the spiritual hit conversations like the, you know, my one on ones or my, my one offs were like, I’m just speaking from the dome sharing my you know, I won’t call it wisdom, but I’ll say, Share, share, whatever it is, is coming through me to you. Right. And then, and then have some conversations with some with some really awesome entrepreneurs. Or even like, you know, professionals who have, you know, figured out how to live spiritually in alignment with themselves and be successful in the world. And I think that Dave, you know, you you you fit that mold, right and you also fit you fit the eye, you know, this this kind of ideal piece where I don’t know, you know, what would you call it when you were? Let’s just tell us what you’re about where you’re from what you’re doing.

Dave Gieselman 2:09
Let’s see, let’s let’s start it. Let’s start easy. You know, my name is Dave giesemann. I am from, from Los Angeles, California still live here I am, I’m a unicorn, I’m actually from LA. And I am the coach and the founder of become limitless. It is it is my coaching organization. And I work with I work with mostly women, but I work with with men and women who who are looking to uplevel. Right, who, who want who want more and for the most part I work with I work with leaders, I work with professionals and work with CEOs who people who are have achieved achieved level of success and are ready to go to the next one and they’re running In the upper limit problems, they’re running into, I, I, I don’t know how to take the next step for myself, I don’t know what it looks like, and, and I don’t know, if I have the capacity for it, I know I’m being pulled in that direction. But I got some stuff that I need to get sorted out in order to get there. And, and so this is where because our in our businesses light, right, our shit always shows up in our business, you know, your, your business is a is a is a very, very clear indicator of your life. The problems in your business are a very clear indicator of the problems that are probably in your personal life. Because it’s all it’s all it all shows up in the same way.

Brandon Handley 3:49
Look, I mean, there’s there’s no separation between business and your life, right? I mean, they’re both your life. I mean, right? You can’t I mean, you really can’t separate it and, you know, as we’re, you know today Today, we’re going to be talking about Spiritual stuff or as I like, you know, that’s what you call life. I mean, if you took away the life that’s within within you, you you drop to the ground right like I mean, I got no other name yet so whatever you know you could call it Jimmy right whatever whatever’s whatever’s got your whatever’s got your boat humming but whatever is inside of you it’s gonna show up outside of you one way or another right? So if you don’t have your shit together, if you’re a hot mess at home, you’re a hot mess at work, right? You’re a hot mess and even if you don’t look like it, you are

Dave Gieselman 4:35
right. If If, if you lack communication skills in your home, if you lack the ability to empathize if you lack the ability to connect with with your family, with your with the people around you, that is going to seep into your business and you will lack the ability to to connect with clients, colleagues, employees You’re potentially your employer. And yeah, whatever is on the inside is, is inevitably going to show up on the outside. Yeah,

Brandon Handley 5:09
yeah. So your story, I think is one that, you know, I can’t share enough of right because I just love the journey. I love kind of where you’ve come from where you and I were talking a little bit about this before we’ve known each other for about three years now, three years ago, right? I still remember catching God driving down the highway, you’re given a motivation talk. And just, you know, it was talking to me like almost directly, right. And then a little bit later you you you gave a talk just talking about like the the dog whistle, right? Like there’s certain people they’re going to hear your message because they’re at that point, right. And then, you know, you also talk quite a bit about like, you know, the universe unfolding just kind of like the next step that you’re asking for, like whatever it is that you’re asking for. Yes, right. Universe is gonna stamp approved, right? If, and and it’s true if that’s how you decide to live, right? And I think that that’s, you know, when people talk about the power of choice, that’s where it gets to. Right. It’s a choice. It’s a life choice to live that way. Right. So, let’s talk. I mean, I don’t know the pre Dave’s story so well, so what? What led you to start believing in that? Right? What led you into that?

Dave Gieselman 6:31
You know, the just because I want to talk about what what’s current and relevant but just to give you guys the Cliff’s notes on it. Yeah, like I said, I grew up here in Los Angeles. And while all the other little boys and girls on the playground, were developing healthy, healthy coping mechanisms, I was developing numbing mechanisms. And it went from it went from food, to caffeine to cigarettes to masturbation to sex to, to, to, to alcohol to drugs. By by 22 years old, I was completely homeless drug addict and alcoholic on the streets of of, of LA I was in Pasadena and and at 24 I got sober 24 years old I got I got sober and and my journey kind of began there I was, I was I was homeless, I was a mess, I was completely feral. And, and kind of had this starting from scratch place where, you know, like, I had no clue who I was. And, you know, I had no clue about anything. And what I basically had was the opportunity if I could build it anyway, I wanted to build it. How did I want to build it? How did I want to build this man? How did I want to build who I was how did I want to build a life And so I just I began making conscious very conscious decisions about how I wanted to treat myself how I wanted to treat others, how I wanted to engage with with the world around me and, and I made some, in those first few years I made some very, very strong decisions, I made some decisions about, you know, the way that I would I would interact with with my fellow men like never again, would I engage in that sort of bullshit like chop fight or or you know, you know, you know, they call you know, cutting, you know, in in in some areas, you know that that running verbal battle between men where we sit there and tear each other down, for fun and for sport. And I decided that I was never I was never going to participate in that again, like, like my brothers have a have enough. We have enough coming at us. Just just in this room like I don’t need to tear my brothers down. I will build my brother every single time. Guaranteed, I don’t care what the world thinks to me, I’m the very first person that I’m gonna I’m gonna tell one of my brothers that he’s, he’s handsome, He’s good looking. He’s, you know, he’s, he’s smart, he’s articulate and has something to offer the world. I’m going to be the first person to tell one of my brothers that, that, that he has absolutely everything he needs inside of him to be an amazing husband and amazing father, an amazing employer, a good moneymaker. If If those are the things that he decides to incorporate in his day to day behaviors, rather than the fearful, selfish, self centered son of a bitch, then we all kind of are on the inside. You know?

Brandon Handley 9:50
Yeah, look, man, I think we all had the propensity for that. And I think that that’s really I think that’s the environment that most Most of us end up growing up and right, like we’ve got to get what’s ours, we’ve got to make sure that if somebody’s better than us, we need to make or you know, if somebody is showing talent or skill or in some way, superior to you got to cut them down, bring them down to size, you’re not being humble. Where’s your pride? You know, you’re way too prideful. Right, and that and that type of thing. So, you know, was it right after, you know, you kind of you sober up that that’s when you make that decision that you decided that that was where you’re going to be or, you know, did you kind of, was it it? Was it a pass into that

Dave Gieselman 10:40
the path into that was, you know, first off I you know, like, like I said, I was I was homeless when I when I first started, and about a year and some change into my, you know, into sobriety, you know, I met I met a girl, and you know, she thought I was cute and I was not in a position to argue with her. And, and so, my, my first experience there was, you know, this this person really liked me and, and, and I wouldn’t what I what what I, I wanted was I didn’t want her to find out that I was just feral as I was, but, you know, and, and so I began making decisions lately What? What is the guy that she deserves act like? What is the guy that she deserves? What does that guy behave like how does he show up in the world? How does he know how does he act? What does he do? How does he act around the house? And, and you know, and she bought it you know and and and I did, I did the actual I behaved right in a way that that I wanted to be like I and like I like I coach now, you know, if you want to be something else, you got to behave in a different way. And you know, it’s just like making your bed in the morning, right? Somebody told me You know, early on, make your bed every day and I’m gonna go we’re gonna have to do a sobriety because nothing, just do what I told you to do. And so I consciously made my bed every day. And at some points, I stopped consciously making my bed every day and I shifted, I transformed into a guy who just made his bed every day without without thinking about and I would no more, you know, leave the house, I’m making my bed and I’d leave the house, brushing my teeth, or anything else for sure. Right. Right. And, and so I began behaving in the way and the way we the way we behave in the way we speak, will alter our brains, right? And so I began thinking like the guy, like a guy who acted the way I was acting. And I began using language in the manner of the guy that I wanted to be. And so I literally started acting like the man I wanted to become, and I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I transformed into the man that I wanted to be Rather than acting like the man I wanted to be.

Brandon Handley 13:03
Now I love the 100% because your audio is got a match the video, right? And it doesn’t even happen on purpose. It doesn’t happen on purpose because you’re acting in such a manner for so long. Right? That it just that’s who you become. Right you right? You, you, you spoke it into existence, as they say,

Dave Gieselman 13:26
right, right. Right. You, you you act it into existence, you speak it into existence, you know, like, Look, whether you are whether you’re doing it consciously, but if you are, if you are acting, if you are in all of the behaviors of a guy who takes care of his body, who goes to work every day, who shows up on time, who pays his bills, if you are in all of those behaviors are you not are you not that person, right? And whether you whether you need to remind yourself to be in those behaviors or not. You know, at some point, it just becomes, it becomes your habit, your routine, your subconscious, that that’s running that program. But regardless of whether, you know, you’re, you know, deep down, you’re, you’re this just just frightened, selfish, self centered, you know, piece of work. But what I want to do is is, is I want to be something greater than that, right, your, your behaviors will always dictate, you know who you are. And so, when you become this thing when you begin acting this way, it’s, you know, it becomes a yard and so and so we can, you can literally act your way into into a better life a better, a better, you know, a better life better health better, whatever, like, because, because you’re actually taking the actions of the person who does those things.

Brandon Handley 14:59
No I totally agree, man. And And the funny thing is, is I think that a lot of us we’ve been told that before, right, that’s not new, you’ve gotta you’ve got to be before you can do before you know you can have or something like that, right? I forget that I forget the line hundred percent. Okay, so, you know you’re going through that journey, you get married, you’re a chef,

Dave Gieselman 15:20
get married, had a kid, right? I got married, had a kid and it was the same way. Right? Like, what is the best father that I can be? What does that guy behave like? What is what are the actions of that man? Right? And I’m just gonna be in those actions. Yeah, yeah, at the time. I’m a chef. I’m working in an eye on hotels and restaurants in Los Angeles. And, you know, and I’m working with a lot of drug addicts and alcoholics because, you know, of I was just I was giving back what was so freely given to me. It was things I was sponsoring, I was in 12 step 12 step recovery and, and that’s kind of the deal with 12 step. Recovery is like the minute you get back on your feet, your feet back underneath you, not when you get your shit back in your life back, you start making money again, and you’re kind of established and have some free time. Now, the second you have your feet back under you, you turn around and you reach back into the hole and you start pulling other people out like that. That is the deal. And that was that is what was impressed upon me is that the only way that I’m ever going to get better is to help other people get better. And, and that was a such a fundamental piece and continues to be such a fundamental piece of who I am now and working as a working as a chef. Like I always wanted the people around me to get better. I always wanted to them and so I got into mentor I got into a lot of personal development. I got into a lot of mentoring. I got into a lot of stuff. And what I found was that I actually enjoyed helping people develop into better versions of themselves. I actually enjoyed that more than I enjoyed, you know the kitchen life. For sure, and in. And so I’ve been and so I’ve been coaching now for coaching for about 17 years in one capacity or another. And in 2017, I retired from professional kitchens. I opened my I opened my coaching business as a business about a year before. And in 2017. I retired from professional kitchens to coach speaking right full time.

Brandon Handley 17:29
I love that, you know, wasn’t just sitting there, I was like, you know, we want people to be better versions of themselves not I don’t wonder if, you know, it’s the same thing. It’s the same thing just said differently. It’s like, help them uncover who they truly are right like that. You know, your, your best version of you has been, you know, put in jail. Right. Your best version of you has been locked up, right. Your best version of you has been Um, Miss fucking lead.

Dave Gieselman 18:04
Yeah, and the and the best version of me is informed by all of these things is informed by a violent that is informed by finding yourself on the on the wrong end of a firearm or a, you know cops billy club or you know, like, like any number of things, you know the the best version of me is in the best version of me is also informed by but teaching my son how to ride a bike and and learning what we’re learning what like what true like, like patience and, and persistence like from persistence, consistency and patience looked like and which I didn’t know until you know until my son was sick and and you know we can’t shake a toddler for not feeling well nurtured them you know he and and just the same way You know you, you can’t, you cannot be raped another man into being a better version of himself, you nurture them, you know, and the best version of you is always inside you. And that’s why I say the best version of you because who you are the very best version of you the very very best know that if you want to if you want to get spiritual with it, the The, the, you know, everything that God ever wanted you to be without all the dumb cheap, lame, bullshit aftermarket shit that you stuck on with like duct tape and

bio, you bought right

about the big dumb spoiler on the back of the Corolla?

Brandon Handley 19:43
Right? You got three badass rims?

Dave Gieselman 19:46
Yeah, you know, and, you know, like it was it’s all bunch of cheap, dumb bullshit aftermarket stuff. And the best version of you doesn’t need any of that, you know, like, and so we asked the question, right. If you woke Tomorrow as at 100% of God’s potential for you, what would that guy be like

Brandon Handley 20:07
talking on real, right? It’s unreal. Because I’ll tell you, I’m reading. I’m reading way too much. I’m filling my head way too much stuff. And I love it all though like I am. There’s actually a person called spiritual junkie, I’ll have to talk to her.

But uh,

it’s, it’s unfathomable. Right, your potential, right. It’s on fathomable limitless is indeed it so I want to go to that place where you found that for yourself and talk about that for me

Dave Gieselman 20:43
you know it a lot of it came from you know, it came from my journey with with with my own with my own body right so you know, in in sobriety, I first of all, I got I got sober I got off the streets. I never thought I could Do that, you know, then I found I found love and I never thought I could do that. Right. Then then along comes my son. I never thought I could do that. And, and, you know, I never thought that I could I could like show up and be responsible, you know, a responsible human being for age someone just want to be with me be someone want to make a baby with me, you know and and

Brandon Handley 21:24
the BMA like maybe nobody wanted to, but then they did and then they decided you could stick around and still be the dad.

Dave Gieselman 21:30
Right? You know, like, like, yeah, that was like best case scenario. Right? And, you know, and so and so all of these things, I kind of came to this place where you know, I I began to question every single limitation I believe I had, you know, and and my son was about four and we got it we can I got into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu together. And I you know, and through this process through this art, you know, I’ve been voted for for 12 years I you know, I, I start training I watch my body change, I watch my belief in myself change I watch my son grow up without any fear of other human beings. I watch I watch it transformed him into into the young man that I need them to be today. I started competing and finding out that I had strength and capability beyond whatever I thought, what what else I thought was possible. I got into Spartan races and tough motors and began going okay, so if, if I can do this, what else can I do? Right? And I’m going to start I’m gonna start beating up the body as hard as I can. And just finding finding limits and and I I didn’t find any I and so and so then I start opening up to the is there is there something more for me? Is there something greater for me and that’s where become limitless came from is is I at one point I ceased to believe not only in my limitations, but in the limitations of others. Like I just I simply stopped believing in them. And you know, and I was leading a group of women last night, and I told me the exact same thing I go, I don’t believe in your limitations, I don’t believe in them. And I am going to stretch you beyond everything that you believe you’re capable of. Because if there’s one thing that human beings have shown, is that they are piss poor at understanding their own limitations. Right? Every time we think we understand the limits of human potential, somebody else throws a rocket, you know, into the, into, into outside the solar system. You know, we thought we could never fly until we flew. We thought we could never. We thought we could never, you know, go into space until we went into space without we could never explore other planets until we explored other planets. You No, we thought we could never live underwater until we lived underwater. And every single time. We think we have a limitation. There’s always some dude just like me or just like you send the back one.

You want bet?

Brandon Handley 24:14
For sure. For sure. I mean, I’ll throw this out at you. I mean, do they say that, like, 85% of our DNA is junk DNA? And I got to ask myself the question, you know, to, you know, the god universe, anybody give me something that I can’t use? Right, right. I ain’t got no junk DNA. I just don’t know how to use that other 85%. Right. Yeah, right. Right. Like, I haven’t had that yet. And it’s like, what, what’s it gonna take for me? To figure out how to turn that on. What’s it gonna take for me, you know, to make the decision of Yeah, I can do that. I just got to go try it.

Dave Gieselman 24:49
Right. Right. And so when I decided to do this, I leapt into it. I leaped into a brand new career I’d spent 30 years in professional kitchens, I leaped into a brand new career you know and I made the leap and and you know just like the matrix nobody nobody makes me

Brandon Handley 25:09
well listen I mean here’s the other part right like I’m reading I just finished this book called The path of the initiator initiates path one of the two right? And you know, one of the one of the things in in that and you read it in like almost all the other religions are like all the other like you know coming of age enlightenment things is like

Unknown Speaker 25:30
you have to get rid of everything

Brandon Handley 25:35
that you had in order to become who you are right in order to accept this new path for yourself in order to you know, you you went all the way in for it and you the price that you paid, was was giving up everything to become who you are today, right? The semi fair like I mean look

nearly every you your whole life. Since you and I have met

Dave Gieselman 26:03
radically different, oh,

yeah, no. So when I

Brandon Handley 26:06
said sorry, and that’s just in three years,

Dave Gieselman 26:08
right when I when I leapt into that new career late cost my marriage, you know, it cost me every dime I had it cost my retirement. It literally cost you know everything and I ended up you know, getting divorced liquidating my retirement, you know, you know, doing doing 1000 other things. And you know, they say that, you know, your new life is waiting for you. It is going to cost your old life though. You know, and that is true. And but, you know, for everybody who’s like, you know, right now just kind of sweating bullets, right. Let me save it. There is absolutely nothing. I have had to let go of that I lament losing there is absolutely nothing. That my life right now cost me Do I regret letting go of

Brandon Handley 27:03
it? That was all I mean, look, I mean, I was thinking about it like if you know if you’re kind of run like I think of anime for some reason, I think like, you know, you know somebody is always running there’s like 100 hooks coming at you right those hooks that are hooking on to you, that’s all the shit that you just can’t let go of, right? That’s all the shit that’s keeping you from moving forward. Maybe not, you know, maybe not 100% keeping you from moving forward but each one of those hooks that gets released from you allows you to move that much freer.

Dave Gieselman 27:31
Right, you know, and I’d like to give everybody who’s listening to this permission right now. The your life The your life today does not need to look anything like your life three years from now, or that your life today doesn’t need to look anything like your life a year from now. Look, you are welcome to change anything at any moment. And, and completely reinvent yourself. Yes, right. And so You know, the what happens is a lot of people in it, and here’s the limitation, right? Well, what if I, what if I do this and it’s the wrong decision? What if I do this and it’s the wrong move? And the question I asked every single person is how will you know? I will you know, if it’s the wrong decision, I made the decision. It literally cost my marriage and every Sunday and every cent to my name. And and now less than, less than three years later, right, less than three years later, I’m living in a beautiful house with with an amazing woman who is absolutely the love of my life. Who who had you know, I you know, I got my, my, my, my, my little blue house with a white picket fence, you know, in, in, you know, here in northeast Los Angeles, with a woman who, who, who I love more and more every single day. My life is exciting. Ordinary and I will tell you that it cost every single bit of my old life. The one thing it did not cost me was my relationship with my son right now as the one thing that it did not cost me. And as a matter of fact, my son respects me now more than he did then, because he saw that it was time for that for that situation. And he understood it. And what he saw was his father make a conscious decision to do something he wanted to do. It he saw what it costs. He saw the way I suffered for what I believed, and now he has seen me build a life that is that is incredible.

Brandon Handley 29:48
Yeah, no, it’s it’s super powerful. That’s why I love the story, man. That’s why I super love the story. And, and let’s keep talking about the types of things that like That the universe provides right like, because here’s, here’s one of the things that happened to me recently was, uh, you know, I was always kind of worried about the job that I had, right one of the jobs I have because I got paid really well. And I was spending all my money because that’s what I do as an American, I just spend all my money and then some So, so, you know, got to the point and then and then I was down in Louisiana. And, you know, this, you know, Puerto Rican guy picked me up from an Uber ride and we got to chat and he’s like, yeah, make like $2,000 a week driving Uber. I was like, so my worst case scenario is I drive Uber Okay, I’m good. So whatever happens happens like i think you know, Tim Ferriss calls it fear setting now I’m not gonna sit there and focus on the biggest worst possible thing that could ever happen my life because needs to spend their time thinking about that. But I mean, yeah, you did. You you you ended up you living at home, time to list and I’m sure there are some people that were like what the fuck do you think you’re doing days?

Dave Gieselman 31:06
Oh, I’ll tell you right now, there’s still people. There are still people who’ve known me for years and years and years who believe that I’m experiencing maintenance experiencing a midlife crisis. There are still people, like, members of my own family are still a little bit curious about what I’m going to go back to my job and my wife, like, like they they are still curious. And I’m like, I, I made. I made more in the first quarter of this year than in my best year of any kitchen ever. You know, if I made more in the first quarter of this year than I made in a year, in any kitchen I’ve ever been in. My life is richer and fuller than it has ever been in my life. Ever. My life, my life is better. And you know, there will always be the BBC when we Worry, right? What what we’re doing is we are we are literally putting energy into, we are imagining scenarios that we don’t want. Right? That’s what we do when we worry. And one of the things that I had to do, and I would encourage anybody who’s listening to do this was looking at at taking a lever or making a shift, like I had to, I had to change my relationship with failure. Like, you know, what, what would failure look like for me? You know, and for me, right for me,

you know, failure like

going back to kitchens, literally, you know, you talk about your goes bad. I started driving, I start driving Uber and yeah, and I drove lift for a minute. All right. What what was new kitchens. So true abject catastrophic failure for me looks like a six figure job. Right? Like, for sure going, you know, right, going, going back to hotels and, and high end restaurants. That’s what but

Brandon Handley 33:21
so that’s a scenario though, right? Where you’re working for money versus working for something that you believe in, right? Am I right or wrong in that?

Dave Gieselman 33:30
Absolutely. You know, yeah, I was working for money and I was making and I was making decent money, and I hated it. I was hiding behind what at what will I do? Will my family do without the money? Right? And the truth is, is that the money, the money went anyway, it didn’t matter. I made it because I made it work.

Brandon Handley 33:49
Sure. Well, you know, I think that there’s a so I mean, I don’t know you listen, I’m not trying to get too far out there. But like, you know, the same source is taken care of Mi is taking care of everybody else.

Dave Gieselman 34:02
Absolutely.

And when we connect with it and whether you call that God Allah Buddha, Yoda, the the universe spirits source, Mitch like what what, like whatever it is you call that is irrelevant. Right the fact the matter is is that that there is a there is a universal intelligence to to energy. Right, you know, and energy has an intelligence of its own. And it’s an intelligence and energy has an intelligence that can be harnessed it can be, it can be directed. And, you know, and it’s and it’s funny because, you know, people, people struggle with believing it until they have to until they have to. And once they and once they’re there, they’re in a position where they have to use them. They’re like, Oh, that’s how it works.

Brandon Handley 34:54
Well, we were talking a little bit about this in the beginning here, right. It’s the choice to believe in it. Right once you once first of all once once you have that conversation with somebody it rattles around in your brain for a long time. Like he breathed this motherfucker said he said universe Mitch he said Mitch had my back and you know what I encourage people to do is look for evidence of it right don’t you don’t need hey don’t don’t start big you know you don’t have to make that leap you don’t have to make that leap so much that you’re gonna fall and hit your face and you know potentially die take a couple of years was crawl walk around man you know crawl walk run

Dave Gieselman 35:39
right well, the first the first step to achieving an impossible goal is to set one sure right. Yeah. You know, set an impossible goal and and stretch or stretch yourself this much Mike. Like my my introduction to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Was was this look, I took myself Son this little community Jiu Jitsu program because he was foreign it’s time to like get in doing something on on a Saturday morning and and whether it was you know chasing with chasing a soccer ball with a bunch of other four year olds or or throwing you know throwing a baseball or or figuring out how to how to how to catch or whatever run now we checked out this this this Jiu Jitsu program and because a buddy of mine was in it and and he recommended it and and so I’m like watching the kids out on the mat do their thing. And, and one of the parents came up to me and said, so you’re gonna do adult classes right after this. You can do the adult class. And I looked at this one I’m like, like, I’m a 265 pound chain smoking chef. No, no, I’m not. I’m not taking the adult class, right? I’m not I’m not doing that. And she’s like, that’s cool. So when you’re saying Son, you know, is a 15 year old black belt and, and you think he should clean his room and he thinks you should go piss up a rope? Like, what exactly do you intend to do about that? I’m like, Okay, well, maybe one class, you know, for sure, you know, you know, and maybe maybe I’ll just take one, you know, and I and I took this class and i and i and i did this thing, and I got on the mat, and these guys tied me into 100 million knots. Like it was. It was a completely hopeless situation I couldn’t when I had a little hundred 50 pound girl who could throw me off her and choke me unconscious at will, right like and there was nothing I could do to, to like to like stop that from happening. And, you know, at the end of the class, I was I was breathing heavy. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to die. I’d been humiliated about 150 times, you know, in the last 30 minutes. And, and, you know, three or four of the guys in the class came up to me. And like, by the way, that’s what everybody’s first day looks like, right? I’m back. Right I you know did did you enjoy it and I and I did. I like being physical I like, you know that that that thing I enjoy that and they’re like that’s what everybody’s for. It’s what your first aid you do.

Brandon Handley 38:24
Thank you for that. Yeah Dave, you’re the one who got me into that and, man, it’s not happening right now. And, you know, we talked about like, you know, that is part of my spiritual practice, right that that’s like those are like kind of my moments of flow. When I go in. I’m participate in jujitsu, but you’re dead, right, man. I think I broke my rib. On my very first day, couldn’t sleep for a month and my girl is 115 pounds. She’s purple belt and just like, what made it even worse was she was the girlfriend of the badass jujitsu instructor. And she’s like, you know, he’s like, all right. Go Russell, my girlfriend’s like, What the fuck is this? weird girl brother? Yeah, right, right. It was weird. That made it weird, but like, you know, she kicked my ass for like the next six months. And it wasn’t until like, she didn’t put me into you know, she didn’t. She didn’t choke me. Like, in one round that I felt like I’d accomplished something. But, you know, to your point, like I mean, we go in there and we start at the bottom and we stretch ourselves just a little bit more every day right and i think that kind of that’s the takeaway for anybody who who maybe they don’t believe that they can accomplish this big dream you you you as a coach, what do you what do you help them do with these big dreams?

Dave Gieselman 39:42
You know what look I

start saying yes shit. It doesn’t matter what it is start saying yes to shit your you know, your your super and

Brandon Handley 39:54
I don’t even know what to do. I don’t even know how to say no, I’m terrible.

Dave Gieselman 39:58
Right? But just start seeing Is your super athletic homeboy? He goes hey do you want to you know do you want to go you’ll run a thing with me and instead of going like no that sounds horrible just say things sure you know your your you know your girlfriend who wants to to introduce you to some you know type of music like see yet just are saying yes but they say yes to stuff and I understand that there are people who say yes to too much right and and so they get overwhelmed because they’re people pleasers or whatever I’m not talking about people pleasing right i mean stretch beyond your

Brandon Handley 40:38
say say yes to new say yes to new experience, say

Dave Gieselman 40:42
yes to new experiences, and like and say yes to new experiences like the same new experience, like three times before you make a decision on it. Oh, yeah. Like just start saying yes to stuff right you know, and and and, you know, This is gonna bring up a whole conversation about, about boundaries and whatever. And that’s not what I’m talking about. Sure, you know, you know that’s not that’s not

Brandon Handley 41:09
to say say yes to stretching yourself in in a meaningful kind of intentional what else is out there for me in my life kind of way that’s that’s right what you’re saying

Dave Gieselman 41:18
what would happen if you know what’s the worst that could happen if I if I if I said yes to this thing that sounds like inconvenient and I don’t want to and will

Brandon Handley 41:28
take me you said just to get up on stage we’ll call C’s right like I mean, that was a big thing for you. Wasn’t it like being up on stage with him?

Dave Gieselman 41:35
Yeah, I see that. See, that wasn’t the plan. I you know, I you know, he asked for he asked for like input on something. And I didn’t know he was going to put me on stage. But what I but what I did was like not, not go run in front of him like Okay, so, so we’re going to do this and so that’s, that’s kind of the big thing is go like move in the door. directions the energy in your life is moving. Sure. I’m gonna do this. Okay, so here, here we go, you know, he asked, he asked who like, like who, you know, we did an exercise because all right, who just had a profound experience? Like I did he goes, we watch come tell me about it. So I started shouting and he’s like, no, no come up, come up on stage. So now I’m on stage with Kyle sees in front of 1500 people 16 1600 people, and and I get to have, you know, I get to a get introduced to the world as a coach on fallacies of stage and have a profound experience about myself, where I realized that I could literally write my own. write my own story. And it was funny because if you go if we go back to that, to that thing, and it’s, you know, it’s been all over the internet and wherever we go back to that moment, like at literally everything that I was afraid of happening when I made my leap happened. Sure. I literally every thing that I described as, as the thing that I was afraid of like actually happened. And when all those things happened, and I and I actually called Kyle I, I, you know, I had his cell phone number at somebody and I’m and I literally called him and I’m like, I’m like, Okay, so here’s I need to tell you this. So literally everything that I told you I was afraid of actually happened. Right everything I was afraid of happening happened. I did. I did what I said I was gonna do everything I was said I was afraid of happened. And so I am now literally standing at the bottom of the pit of my own worst nightmares having come true, the thing that the things that I was absolutely afraid of most, they are all alive and well in my life in this moment, right. And I have never felt so purposeful, so alive, so energized and so absolutely certain that I was doing the right thing for sure. Right. And so the All of the metrics that I had given myself for what catastrophic fail would look like, like yeah, I mean, I literally ticked every single box, right, of what catastrophic failure would look like. I gathered all of those things into my life at the exact same moment. And when this is the best I’ve ever felt, I’ve never felt more useful, more energized, and are more connected with the why, with with the reason I’ve been placed on this planet than I do right now. Yeah. And, once again, my idea of my own limitations. You know, my, my concept of what, what failure would look like what my own limitations were, once again, just like the rest of humans, like like, complete, like garbage, like complete nonsence my idea of what my limitations were, was absolutely laughable.

Brandon Handley 45:06
We look I mean, that that’s, that’s the very thing, right? We put ourselves in the tiniest box, right we put ourselves into the tie is like we think that we think that like our boundaries are so far out there and when we hit and we’re like, that was exhausting. But that’s like really this tiny little box right? I mean, be gone to explore the entire fucking universe, right? Like, I mean, it’s, it’s, it is limitless, there are no limits. Let’s talk just talk to me a little bit about though. Again, I want to I want to just you’re you’re serving, right, you’re doing this in service of others. And to me, I think that that is kind of the ultimate driver of like, you know, spiritual, you know, you’re driven spiritually so that you serve others like that. That which is inside of you, keeps coming through more and more powerfully, because you were giving it to others, you have to be that that fully charged.

Dave Gieselman 46:11
Absolutely. And, you know, and I am I am what I described as I’m a prime, I am a prime nurturer. Right. And, and I did it with food for a long time. Like I fed people like that’s what it was, what it was what fed me was, was feeding people making food. So, like, at the, at the bottom, like the base level food is is nurture. Right? The first thing your mother does is feed you like that’s like the, you know, the first thing that that that you know, the way that you identify, you know, the people in your families is because they feed you you know, when So, you know and, and, and so, and I am a I am a prime nurturer. My first instinct is to nurture and And is absolutely the reason that I am here is absolutely and, and what I, what I discovered was I found a way that felt more that felt even more authentic and and was actually more efficient than food. And it’s literally by crawling into somebody’s psyche with them. And, and like, and like, you know, so they’re showing me around they go Yeah, this is this is what I built and this is what I believe and and here are my limitations and I’m like, wait, and I tear it down like a backdrop. I’m like, yeah, it’s bullshit, right? Yeah. It’s that bullshit. Story. That’s the story story. That’s the narrative, right? That’s, that’s the thing that you have told yourself so that you can give yourself permission to stay small. Right?

Brandon Handley 47:52
Well, and you know, that’s, that’s the whole point of, you know, getting a coach as a coach. You as a coach. You don’t give a shit about their backstory.

Dave Gieselman 48:00
Okay, not only not only do I not give a shit about your backstory, right Wait,

Brandon Handley 48:05
you’re not gonna get permission like I love the line that too like you’re not there to give somebody you know, you’re like you’re not there to argue for their limitations. No,

Dave Gieselman 48:16
no, no no. Like Not only do I not care about your backstory, I don’t care about your fears like I don’t care about your i don’t i don’t care about the the the the narrative that you’ve told I don’t care about the meaning that you have placed on you know this that the other, I am here. expressively to I’m going to find out what it is that you want. Right You tell me what you want, which by the way is going to come from the deepest place in you what I wanted this right what I what I want is to serve the world at a at a very high level. What I want is to create a company that enables people to teach children everywhere what I you know, what I wanted to, you know, is you know, Whatever it is, whatever it is, your thing is, and by the way i don’t i don’t work with low level people. I don’t you know, I don’t work with people whose whose like, like, like deep and personal dream is to own a Wendy’s. Like, that’s not you know what’s wrong with that? Um, I get what you’re saying is it’s just not what work was it

Brandon Handley 49:18
was it’s not it’s, you know, we’ll talk about it’s not who you are it’s not who you are so that’s not who you attract to you right? Like you can law of attraction you can call whatever you want that’s just how the shit works. Right, right. Like I mean, you have knobs and whatever and, you know, you twist and turn and you tune into like, you know who you are people are attracted to who you are, you know, today, and, you know, most of the times the people that you’re helping is people that have been where you were at one point

Dave Gieselman 49:54
well, there are people who literally have all of my shit and and you know, this you, you know, you spend some time and Personal Development and you know, you, you work with people and the truth is, is that absolutely every single one of my clients, like has a has a deficiency of mine and me working with them is really me healing myself and and and that’s that’s the bottom line I love that too, you know, like I you know I’m not some I’m not a you know some guru I don’t I don’t have any sort of special wisdom what I what I have is the our absolute willingness to be like vulnerable and in breakdown at the public level like I am absolutely willing to to learn with you as as we grow right you know, and and you know, Lisa Sasa has called it lift as you climb, right? So as I’m climbing, on lifting, you know, and and so I am absolutely willing to To learn as I, as I, you know, as I grow and continue to believe that the people are placed in my life to teach me something for sure.

Brandon Handley 51:11
Every man is a lesson, every person’s lesson. I got asked this, this comes kind of from Joseph Campbell, you know, hero’s journey. Right? You know, there there was that point where you made that decision to become a coach like full time, right? That was a call. Right. That was that was a call and there was a little bit of hesitancy, I’m guessing, to heed that call, right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, if you didn’t heed that call, like, if you don’t, I would, I would call that the heroes call. Right and and if you don’t accept that, what happens if you if you disregard that heroes Call

Dave Gieselman 52:02
what happens is if you get it you get called again. And and you get called again and the and here’s the problem as you get called again and again, the universal use more and more persuasive language every single time, which means saying no disregarding it, pushing it aside, will get more painful every time you do it.

Brandon Handley 52:31
Amen. So, and and I liken it to I liken it to, you know, you’re gonna grow whether or not you want to right and i think about it like as a seashell right like I mean you’re you know, you’re you’re the seed inside this shell and like you’re gonna pierce through like you got it that little that little sprout that like I could go by, you know, has enough energy and life force within it to crack a hard shell. I mean, that’s what’s happening. I think humans are you know, you’re There’s a seat right and you’re unfurling and there’s no you can resist as much as you want.

Dave Gieselman 53:08
Right? Well, here’s the here’s the fact of it that absolutely every single organism on earth understands its purpose and and knows that it is supposed to fully grow and fully expressed before and before passing on, you know, and to use your example you know, like, like, all the information for that for the, you know, hundred foot oak tree in that acorn, you know, and the acorn hits the ground and the moment that acorn hits the ground, it knows what it’s supposed to do, okay. It knows the roots go down, trunk goes up, branches go out, leaves are green, it knows this. And it has all the energy all the information all and all the the will it needs to do the tree and it knows that it’s supposed to fully tree right and Everything, everything fully expresses flowers fully, fully open, you know, you know, plants, you know, they fully express, you know, dogs fully that never in the history of dogs has a dog ever half assed being a dog dogs fully dog, right? Like humans are the only organisms on earth that doubt or debate whether they are supposed to fully express what is inside them before they pass on. Right some of them Yeah, but know who you know what why am I that special? Why is the OIC that special that it gets to take up that much space, right why you are take up your take your space, take your space in the universe, take your space, you know, there’s plenty of room

Brandon Handley 55:01
And you got to think about like this too, like there’s never any more or less mass in the universe. So there’s also that I’m just saying I’m putting out there right? Like, what you decide to do. Yes is going to have an impact but it’s not going to have a don’t limit yourself there’s you’re not gonna you’re not gonna you’re not gonna damage I think the world because you decided to believe in yourself.

Dave Gieselman 55:25
Right? Right. And that’s and that’s, that’s the whole thing is is that that thing that’s inside you that thing that won’t shut up the thing that won’t let you sleep? Think like that is your purpose. Like, make no mistake, that thing was put there by something because you are supposed to follow it. So like just again,

Brandon Handley 55:47
right? Like I mean, like all right, so so is like, well, that’s fucking great day. But what’s my purpose? Right? Well, go start to explore it right? What’s your answer? What’s your answer? Like? I mean,

Dave Gieselman 55:59
what are your passion? It’s okay your interests are a breadcrumb trail to your passions. your passions are a breadcrumb trail to your purpose. Right What? What do you fucking love? Like what do you love I’m not telling you right now. I love serving humans. You’ve known me long enough that you know this to be true. The thing that will get me out of bed every single day is Hey, you want to go be a service to somebody you want to you want to you want to go shift somebody’s life. You want to shift somebody’s perspective. You want to you want to go stand next to somebody well, while they watch their you know, while they watch, you know, a parent die, you know, do you want to do you want to go like, be somewhere you want to stand up? Do you want to go show up for another human? Yes, yes, I absolutely do every day, every day, my life in my dream in every way I can. Yes. What I want to do is to show up for other human beings.

Brandon Handley 57:01
That’s your spiritual dope. Right? You know, that’s your that’s like that’s your spiritual life Hi. Like, I know that like, a couple years ago, somebody’s been like, you know, dude, I just get half alive. I feel like you can go fuck yourself. But now like, you know, let’s let’s talk about that spiritual life Hi, right like living a life that is complete and being excited to keep waking up and I hate on asleep because I don’t want my day to end like I love I love you know, learning more about what it is like give right and what else can I you know, you know

Dave Gieselman 57:37
how all the

Brandon Handley 57:40
information I’m taking in I know is going to be in service for others, not just myself, but you know, there’s going to be someone that comes along tomorrow that needs the information that I just put my head yesterday.

Dave Gieselman 57:53
Right. Right. And, and, and showing up showing up powerfully so you know, yeah, I What I don’t know my purposes bullshit you know just like you talked about the DNA percent of his crap DNA and there’s there’s no reason it wouldn’t be there if it didn’t serve you take that thing that you love that thing that you’re obsessed with that thing that you know everything about the thing that you can’t let go by the way that’s your thing that’s like that that thing that you’ve been thinking about since since you were a child Yeah, that is your thing don’t

Brandon Handley 58:25
try mascot like I’ll tell you man that’s what you know i think you know so for those of you that are joining this first interview on spiritual Do you know I got done doing about a year series on you know, prosperity practice where I had this all this same feeling but like I was trying to mask it with something else right? Like I was like, let’s let’s see if we can mask it some way again, like it was like, Hey, you come in enjoy the prosperity practice. I want you to come check out this thing because what actually wants you to see is over here, right? Like, come check out this prosperity thing. But what I really want to do is, you know, connect you with all who you truly are. Right? Right. I think that that’s what you do, right? Like you help someone to see all of who they truly are. Because you been in touch with that for yourself.

Dave Gieselman 59:13
Right? You know and and to, to live at full volume right to not right not like stifle like any piece of me and not, you know to not drown out or mask or or you know or anything of any single piece of me to to live life exuberantly right and and and so you know you know we’ve talked about this we’ve had this conversation like like I’m not putting anything pretty in a box man like when i when i at the end of my row, dude, I want to go skidding in sideways. No rubber left on the tires.

Brandon Handley 59:54
Yeah, look, man, look, I want it all used up. I don’t want nothing left. You

Dave Gieselman 1:00:00
Yeah, I don’t want I don’t want any like, I don’t want I don’t want to leave. Like, I want to leave a thing on the table, right? I don’t want to I don’t want anything left. Like, I don’t want another mile left on that machine. Like, I’m not putting anything. And, and and that’s just that’s just the way it

Brandon Handley 1:00:20
is. But that’s truth. Right like I mean and I think that that’s true and and you know, talks about like the dog whistle thing but like when you hear somebody speaking their truth you know it like it is it is it is it is resonant. I hate resonance, but it is resonant. Right like it there is a true vibration in the room a true sensation that you receive when you are around someone who’s speaking their truth. Right. Right. And, and that to me, you know, that is life coursing through somebody else that is That is allowing that to happen, right like it is. It’s not forced. You can tell when somebody’s trying to force that shit.

Dave Gieselman 1:01:06
Right. Right. But yeah, it sounds funny. It sounds like they don’t believe it. It sounds like they’re saying it. But once again, the audio has to match visual audio

Brandon Handley 1:01:16
video has to listen and it will. That’s the thing. So with that, that’s a, you know, coaching, I think is awesome for that. podcasting, I think is awesome for that anything that you do that you begin to express who you believe you are in any way, shape or form. You don’t have a choice but to become who you keep calling.

Unknown Speaker 1:01:39
Right. Right. It’s great. Yeah, that was good.

Dave Gieselman 1:01:42
Look at that. Look at the people that you continue to attract into your life. Right, right. Yeah. By the way, that’s, that’s how you’re showing up just so you know. People you you call in your life that has a better stop.

Brandon Handley 1:01:55
No, it’s so true. It’s so true. It’s on level every time why Listen man always love you man what you know what is what’s like a parting blow man like you know what’s been your you know? I don’t know I have a segment yet that says like what’s been your like most spiritual hi do you chase a spiritual high do you does it tell them to you like yeah what’s your What is your spiritual Hi Dave

Dave Gieselman 1:02:21
you know what the

the spiritual part of this deal right is like the water part of the ocean right is like it’s the god part of of life is like the god part of it is like the water part of the ocean like it’s all God part it’s all spiritual part of it right like all of that there’s no part that isn’t there all or nothing

Brandon Handley 1:02:47
all or nothing

Dave Gieselman 1:02:48
You know, there’s no part that isn’t spiritual part even the stuff that that you don’t think is is a lesson in everything that you’re pushing with That’s nonsense. It’s full That’s not for me. That’s what that’s that’s lessons. That’s lessons and and it may be a lesson in setting boundaries and maybe a lesson and tolerance and maybe a lesson and empathy and maybe like, I don’t know what the lesson is, but I am absolutely certain that everything in my life is here for me. Okay, if nothing happens to me, everything happens for me for sure my and my job is to is to live is to live this life as as an expression of the universe just just through me.

Brandon Handley 1:03:34
Yes, Can I get an amen? Amen brother Can I get a what what awesome brother. Where should I send everybody to go find Dave easily?

Dave Gieselman 1:03:45
You know you get I am easiest to find Dave use on my personal profile on Facebook or become dash limitless comm www dot become dash limitless calm but I am most easily Found Dave giesemann go to my bush roaming profile you know, shoot me a private message. Dave you summon

you know and and and find me there everything I do. Eventually everything I do.

Facebook is kind of the portal for that so

Brandon Handley 1:04:23
I know awesome

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