Posts

Shianne Doucette Spiritual Dope Podcast

Big thanks to Shianne for joining us in this shorter than average episode, there is a lot packed into this one and I know that you will enjoy it!

Please connect with Shianne over at https://www.shiannedoucette.com/

Brandon Handley 0:40
4321 Hey there podcasters How’s everybody doing? Today, we’ve got cyan to set on with us today. she communicates with light energy by allowing source energy to flow through her surpassing energy. surpassing society’s definition of a psychic medium, her approach is to show others that they too can access their own souls connection to source energy for healing of self and humanity. Her work is ongoing in the field of soul energy awareness and human of Oh, Lucian Sam, what’s going on? Thanks for joining us say hi. Thanks, Randy. So, um, you know, I usually like to start us off with the whole idea that we are right, we’re connected with Source Energy all the time, and that, you know, the divine speaks through us. And the idea that there’s going to be somebody who’s listening in today, that is only going to get like this message for them through you. What is that message today? So, I

Shianne Doucette 1:48
it’s funny, I had something planned to say that in when you’re asking this question, but source has a funny sense of humor, I actually have a message for someone very specific. And you’ll know who you are. I have a gentleman coming through who would have been in the 70s work with either Time Magazine, or Life magazine, really amazing photographer using old school, school photography. She was well traveled kind of looked like a Robert Redford back in the day, you’ll use very specific, he was given a lot of awards for his photography, specifically one watch. That is like, you see those big faith watches that everybody kind of wants to have now, he had one of those before they were popular. And it was I feel like it was an award. There’s also a map in the home where he would have raised his family that had like pin marks on the map of all the places that he travel. There’s also a connection to the next generation, somebody does something with satellite. So I am going through this really fast because it’s just kind of like coming in really quick. There’s something about code named snowflake, I don’t know what that means. It’ll mean something to somebody. It’s, I don’t feel like it’s a spy COVID snowflake, I think it’s like a family member member that it was a joke that it was like a snowflake would be the nickname for somebody. But there is a connection to someone in this generation that works with the satellites. So I flew through that really quick. What I was going to say is that my my message that I would give to someone out there and I think that this might actually be connected to that person. I feel like this could be this person’s grandson. It may not be the person listening the grandson, but it might be someone in the family who would know who the grandson was. No one ever loses their divinity no matter what they’ve gone through. So even if you hit rock bottom bottom, done some terrible things, or have had terrible things happen to you. You never lose your divinity, your connection to your soul. And also that connection to the higher, higher higher source of all, it’s always there for us. Just waiting. So

Brandon Handley 4:34
I hope I didn’t rattle this cool, right? Like semi it’s interesting, right? So you’ve got this idea of this person that you’re talking to specifically, whether it’s that person from the 70s with the watch or not, or that person is grandson or grandchild.

Unknown Speaker 4:52
Yeah. That person from the 70s would definitely be on the other side. I can feel him very strongly with me so

Brandon Handley 4:59
that that meant is coming through you from him to like the grandchild, right? Yeah. So and what I like, what you’re saying here too is even though maybe you’ve done terrible things, or terrible things have happened to you. One of the things that I’ve done in the past, you know, this year was to like, an email journey, right? spiritual journey of just kind of like, we’ll just call it spiritual potpourri. Right? And one of the things that I landed on was the idea of these saints, you know, that were sinners before they turn into saints, right? So I mean, to what you’re saying to even if they’ve even if you’ve done some things that you would you that that person, you were isn’t the person that you are. And that’s what I think a lot of people let that let that shame hold them down or keep them away from, like, you’re saying that divinity that’s always available to you and always within you is that, you know, kind of what you’re saying there though, right? Yes. So that’s sweet. I love that. Yeah. So give us give us a little background, like, where are you? Where are you working? What are you doing? You know, what do you what do you want to hit on today?

Unknown Speaker 6:10
Well, I’ve been been got it too, to do some videos on just sharing the some of the guided meditations I do with, with some one on one clients. And then also some of the ones I do in group reading that public events. Just really strong push to share that because it’s there for everybody. I find when I am doing a reading, there’s just a strong message that everybody has access to this, this wonderful connection that is that is I see it as the soul. And that when we, you know, be here on Earth, there’s so much going on, especially right now, there is a lot of healing going on. But there’s a lot of gunk kind of coming up to be released. And then we’re all in the middle of it. So yeah, those videos I hope to have out in the next six months, and they’re going to be available for everybody. I’ve also written a book, I’m Fingers crossed, getting that out there soon. And yeah, I kind of pull back a little bit on the one on one readings, just because I need a little break right now. We’ve got some family stuff going on with a member of our family not doing too well. So just kind of balancing the self care in there, too.

Brandon Handley 7:40
That’s important, that’s really important that you everybody always refers to the airplane, you know, mask, right? The mask falls down. First things first do is take a little bit for yourself, and you make sure that you stay alive so that you can help somebody else survive. So how, you know, what’s, what’s the title of the book? And what’s that going to be about?

Unknown Speaker 8:04
The book title is a small glimpse of everything. And it was kind of came to me because that’s what I see why I didn’t always clearly see a soul and I did a reading. I felt it kind of had an awareness of it. The more I tested my energy, the more I opened up to the connection that I had, personally, I was able to see it in others and just have this awareness of this all of this connection that we have. And actually Well, the way it works for me is it’s almost like a video or an audio projector overtop of someone like if I was reading you right now. And I think we talked about that, when it’s just this beautiful light ribbon of life that comes down through and it’s safer for everyone and different. Just like almost like a rainbow or have a fingerprint combined. And two, I call it a small glimpse of everything’s, it’s kind of like a small glimpse of the universe. So that’s, that’s, and it starts with my story of how I started working with energy. Some of the weird things that happened to me growing up and how I pushed it aside, and then leading up to some of the stories that I have permission to share from some really incredible people who’ve had some life changing moments in readings. So that’s that’s what the books about.

Brandon Handley 9:35
That’s great. So what what what got you into it right, what got you into this energy work? And how did you find yourself in this space? And you know, how have you been able to move it forward for the benefit of yourself and others?

Unknown Speaker 9:50
Well, it started out quite randomly with a theme. I think the universe was pushing me I mean, I think that there’s some things that you just kind of can’t turn or turn away from, and then you, you get the choice of whether you want to go all the way. I just, you know, like first was a yoga class where the teacher I thought I was going to like go to like an aerobics class where, you know, less less work and more results. She started talking about fan scripts and, and connections to this whole other ideas that I never experienced, because this would have been back in the early 2000s. And you know, I’m in a little small city we really hadn’t, it wasn’t really something I was exposed to very much.

Unknown Speaker 10:42
And then

Unknown Speaker 10:44
after that, it was just the learn, more and more things are opening up. And then I was getting massage treatment from someone. And she had a brochure on in our work area, talking about this thing called oneness, which was out of India and I went, and it was crazy. The force of energy that I felt, and I think that was kind of like the door opening was like, wow, we are so much more than I thought we were there’s much more than trying to you know, climb the corporate ladder, there’s much more than getting the great car and having the nice house and it it kind of like poke the hole in the whole idea that I was searching for something always outside of me. And here it was inside. And that’s that’s what it started with. And just learning to work with energy starting off there and being drawn to different modalities and just got like a real hunger to learn everything there was about energy

Brandon Handley 11:52
work. Yeah, that’s I mean, that seems to be the my wife, my wife hates the line, like the process, right. But that seems to be kind of the process, the process seems to be kind of the idea of finding this more than your sense of self. And I think that in, when you thought about for the podcasts, you’d put in there, the idea that everyone has the soul, and it’s their choice to use it. Which I wish I can agree with. But I think the challenge is to identify that that situation, right? And then, and then accepting that that’s true, right? And then it’s when you get to that point, that you realize that everyone has a soul and it’s your choice to use it. That’s when that’s when you make that choice. Right? is out. And so it sounds to me like that. So that happened to you, when you were in India, you is that you went out?

Unknown Speaker 12:48
No, it was a woman who brought the teachings event from India back during that, like that was my first real experience with energy work. And then she taught a workshop on how to how to do that. And it took off and then there was Reiki and so

Brandon Handley 13:05
that’s the other piece though not to talk over you but like the other pieces, right? So now they want you to decide to use the soul. She views like that is just like this. There’s like this black pit of knowledge desire, like to learn more about it and you know, get closer to it and be a part of it, and then share it out with everybody is that kind of been what your journey has been like?

Unknown Speaker 13:29
Yeah, and honestly, I mean, I get it so asked backwards, and I fell down on her so many times, because when I saw this, like, you know, experiences working with energy, and then it was like, wow, I want to learn how to do this, I want to learn how to also share it with someone else. So that energy is going through me. And at the same time was was not connecting to my own self and using that and harnessing that. And it was a journey to learn that part of it and to trust that part of it. And the funny thing is, is that when you start going along and you’re you’ve got these ups and downs and you’re, you’re learning how to work with your own energy and you’re seeing the miracle of it working on someone else. There’s almost like the swelling, you know, they talk about the present moment. There’s this calmness that comes in. It’s almost like this. The Iraqi answers this calm feeling that comes in it’s like, man, I don’t get in this lifetime. So what are the nice final one after that? So it’s it’s kind of hilarious being a human being down here when you really think about it. So

Brandon Handley 14:41
yeah, our time is, is is so seemingly finite. But uh, you know, the idea is really that we are eternal, right? And here we are. We’re like grasping, kicking and clawing to do everything that we can with this seemingly limited amount of time and it’s really just I don’t know if you’re watching Old 80s movie, the gods must be crazy, right? Is just just just, that’s what it really kind of boils down to the gods must be crazy because here we are running around like crazy. And for what? To what? And so Cheyenne, I know usually there’s a little bit more time for us but like so I’ve got a couple questions I’d like to ask on towards the back end here. And almost like a spiritual speed dating thing that you and I talked about. And just so everybody knows real quick here, like Cheyenne did an awesome reading on me, had a great time. And really, you know, you do the medium work in general, you’re not doing the one on one so much right now because of family stuff. But like, it was great like, and it’s it was an It was a great experience. And I don’t think that this is my second medium reading from a different person. But it was a little bit different. And it helps you in different ways. And so I appreciate what you did for me, and I thought I thought it was really excellent. So as as I’m getting on to this next question for you, though, I just I just thought it would tell people to reach out to you because it’s a it’s a great experience. So either the coursework, or just trying to get a hold of Cheyenne to see what’s up. I highly recommend it. So I’m only gonna have time for one quick question is a spiritual speed dating. When is war justifiable? It’s an easy one, right?

Unknown Speaker 16:25
So from a higher perspective, I’ve asked this question myself, so I’m going to give you the higher perspective that they gave me because to me, it’s never, it never made any sense. But then at the other side of it, it’s like, but what if they have this and they’re taking the rights away from these people, and then we go with. So I was explained it this way that there is nothing here to find a boat, but we’ll always find something to fight about, until we connect to that, which we are until we start remembering what we really are. So we’re always going to find a justification for war until we all evolve. I hope that makes sense. Do you want more clarification on that?

Brandon Handley 17:13
Also, so in the idea of evolution, I think that that’s the challenge, right? We’re, we are constantly seeking to be more, because I’d like so we’re looking to evolve. But what is there to evolve? What really needs to evolve is the understanding of who we already are. Right?

Unknown Speaker 17:33
Yeah. And I think you’re, we’re, if you look at it, again, I mean, I always ask to see the higher perspective, even though my human brain can always make total sense of it. When I say evolve, I mean, involving the human experience, because again, there’s a piece of each you like, what I do, when I ask to see the higher perspective, it’s almost like that little cores in every living thing, and also connected to that, but like, like, almost like meridian lines, that that anything here alive or even beyond that. wouldn’t be here, if it wasn’t connected to that source energy. And it’s almost like we’ve been coming. There’s like a separation from source energy. And as it’s coming back with that source energy remembers, and the experiences that we have here, coming in with that memory of what we are. So we’ve always been evolving as humans and from what my understanding is, this is not the first time it’s been done in so many different ways. When you get into like the quantum of it, like it’s mind blowing. So really, it’s again, it’s that stepping back and realizing Well, for this year, having a human experience is nothing here is real, what are we so worried about? But at the same time, when you bring in that soul connection, there is that piece in that memory and when you you know when you’re connected, because and if it’s only for a few seconds, I mean, you take this takes, there are people out there who get this and they’ve got it 24 hours and I mean, I might have it for during a reading because I’ve meditated for like a good half an hour an hour beforehand. And I’ve put the ego aside the inner child aside, but still, I mean, if I go out in the traffic and somebody you know, cuts me off, there I go again, I’m human, and I’m kind of pulled away from the soul self. So yeah, so as a as a as having a human experience. Without the soul connection. You’re always going to find a justification for fighting for arguing because you’re constantly suffering.

Brandon Handley 19:46
Now you’re right, that that means that makes 100% sense. So unfortunately, yeah, we don’t have a whole lot of time today and I do have to move on to the next piece. But so what you know, where’s your We send people to connect with you shine.

Unknown Speaker 20:04
You can follow me on Instagram. Cheyenne Doucet, you can follow me on Twitter. Again Cheyenne, Doucet Facebook page Cheyenne to set I think that’s the shine does that psychic medium. Also have a webpage try and do stuff. And again, watch the videos. I hope to be getting those out there soon for everything. Awesome.

Brandon Handley 20:23
Thank you so much for joining today. Thank you. It’s a pleasure, Brandon. Thanks a lot guys

Unknown Speaker 20:28
enjoyed this episode of the spiritual dove podcast. stay connected with us directly through spiritual dove co You can also join the discussion on Facebook, spiritual and Instagram and spiritual on discord go. If you would like to speak with us, send us an email to Brandon at spiritual dove Co. And as always, thank you for cultivating your mindset and creating a better reality. This includes the most thought provoking part of your day. Don’t forget to like and subscribe to stay fully up to date. Until next time week on your zone and trust your intuition

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Brandon Handley 0:00
4321 Hey, there’s spiritual dope. Brandon Handley here. I don’t know why I always introduce myself. The host is never gonna change. I’m spiritual dope podcast and I’m on with Kiko. Ellsworth Kiko,

Unknown Speaker 0:15
you know,

Brandon Handley 0:15
has a has a great story, spent some time in Hollywood, then, you know, transitioning, we were just talking about, like, you know, metamorphosizing into this kind of goop into butterfly mode. But you know, Kiko for the people that aren’t familiar with you like, what do you like to tell them? Right? Where are you from? What do you about and you know, what’s happening with you?

Kiko Ellsworth 0:39
Well, thank you for having me. And I want to say, blessings and love and peace, to all of my brothers and sisters, I love you. And I think that’s the most important thing that I want to communicate, probably throughout this entire podcast, write that in there. And I truly do mean that. So, you know, I think, you know, kind of like, just really starting off, we, you know, I think we’re all just born with a purpose, and we forget what it is, I think that’s a part of the game. And a part of the game is to remember, and just a part of my, my story was to had to do with Hollywood and forgetting and kind of getting caught up in that and learning the tools and the power of that sort of medium. And how it can be used for anything, whether it be good or negativity, or it can be used for anything. And so I’ve just basically found my way to using it for good. Which brings me here to you, brother.

Brandon Handley 1:38
There you go. There you go. I love I love the idea that we can, you know, it’s just a couple people connecting, right. And, you know, that’s, that’s all we’re really doing. And we just share kind of a, you know, shared spiritual sense of being right, whatever that means. But so, the, I like to open these up with the whole idea that whoever’s listening to this podcast today, whoever we’re contacting today, they’re gonna hear some that can only come from spear from, you know, the universe, through you to them today, like what is that message, you know, what’s coming through you to that person today.

Kiko Ellsworth 2:22
That’s beautiful, as beautiful. You know, what’s coming through is for us to, you know, as you’re listening to this,

I think we forget how beautifully made that we are. And we kind of think that we’re these humans, and that we’re these bodies, and that we’re these titles and jobs, and, you know, and we get all uptight and shit and we perform for people, and we put on these masks and say these things and, you know, but at the end of the day, I think it’s, it’s really about, I don’t want to say the the superficial way. So I’m gonna go underneath it is really about really, you, you knew your soul, your swagger, your mojo, your style, how you your opinion, your voice, your spin on things, you know, because nothing’s new under the sun, and they’re there. No, one’s really different, really, in the sense really, except in how you do what you do. And that’s just your, that’s yours, your soul, your swagger your, how you go about life, and that sort of spirit that wants to express itself through you. And so, you know, we become very unique if we, if you do you if I do mean if you know, Brandon, you do you and but if we got to get caught up in the, you know, the mainstream of life and pleasing or playing the larger game instead of going within, then we kind of missed the mark. We kind of what I like to say we sell our soul, you know, and I don’t think selling our souls necessarily like signing this contract with a devil and nothing like that. I think selling our soul happens in these little tiny micro ways every single day. These little ways that you’re not freaking true to yourself, these little ways where you just not speaking your truth, these little ways where you just don’t take the time to see what’s really there for you. You ignore your intuition. You’re ignoring what you know you’re supposed to be doing. You’re paying attention Are you giving too much attention and credence to the fears that are stopping you from doing what the EFF you are supposed to be doing in your life? You know,

Unknown Speaker 5:10
I love it.

Brandon Handley 5:11
Right? the you know, the the vision I’ve got when you’re kind of talking like that it’s, you know, you’re already a star like, you know, blazing star out there. And like, you know, each time you’re not being your story self, you’re just kind of losing Stardust, right? You’re diminishing yourself and you just kind of become a decrepit, right. You’re not you’re not being true to who you are. And, man, it’s the worst, right? I can still remember, I still remember way back in the day, some some warehouse parties. And I still remember these two girls dancing, right? And I could show you my dance, I was doing like little, little white guy up on the corner, just kind of like dancing like hiding in the shadows. Right. And I but like, I was really just kind of pulled into myself and I wasn’t, you know, just pulled into myself. And I was tight. And I was I wanted to dance. But you know, I wasn’t sure that I was doing it. Right. Maybe people would see me and then I saw these, like two girls out there. Right. And, and, you know, they’re, you know, back in the day, like those big baggy, like party people clothes, right, like his big old clothes, and just like whatever. And, you know, they’re just just playing in their arms out just like taking all this space. I was like, that’s so like, it’s a straight up, just letting the energy flow through them. And being all of who they were, they did not give a fuck, right? They didn’t care. And, you know, I was so inspired like, by by those two girls, it’s like, just letting it all just energy out. And I was like, from there on out. Right, like so, you know, like, you’re saying like little pieces that you’re not giving into right, that you’re that you’re ignoring are literally diminishing, you and who you are.

Kiko Ellsworth 6:56
Yeah, and that’s like, you know, it doesn’t just, you know, I’m glad you brought that example, because I have some of those images. Like my very first girlfriend, I remember going to the club with her back in the day when I was like 15. And I remember getting on the dance floor, and I was that guy that you were taught that you were as well. And she was that that girl that you talked about that you saw. And she was out there. And she I just remember her hair going all over the place. And she was just doing she was taking up all the space. And I was like, whoa. And you know, I was inspired and also intimidated at the same time. And, but I never forgot that, you know, and, you know, it’s it’s a, it takes, it takes practice. It’s interesting, because it’s like, you don’t need to do anything to be you because you’re already you. And at the same time, it takes practice, in a sense, shaking off and creating the space that you need in this world. So you can actually be free to be you, we have to create the space, we have to exercise our muscles, we have to exercise our expression, our voice. And if we don’t give it the attention and exercise and practice that it needs, when we call upon it, we’re gonna get out there on the dance floor and be like, I want to dance and I know I can but like, I’m kind of like, you know, kind of like, I don’t know, I haven’t been practicing and will be just out of shape. That’s right. Every every, I’ll just say like, every, every every like, you know, as we talk, like, every moment is a moment to practice being you don’t have a word. Of course, I can just talk to you like this. And I can just shoot words out of my mouth. And I can just talk and talk and talk and that’s fine. Or we can talk and we can feel the word and be present with who we’re being what we’re saying, present to the vibration of the words coming out. You know, and this just like, practicing taking up that space in our communication, and there’s so many ways to just play being you. Well, I

Brandon Handley 9:06
mean, look, I mean, I would relate it back to dance. So it’s just another dance, right? Just another. I like it, I liken it to double dutch too, right? Like always, because you know, you got the two ropes going, right? You got the two ropes going,

Unknown Speaker 9:21
Yeah, and you’ve got to get in that

Brandon Handley 9:22
rhythm. And you’ve got to do you’ve got to jump in the middle there, right. And if you mess that up, you’re getting hit by one of those rows. But when you do it and you hit it, you know, you’re just having fun, you’re just dancing in the middle there. And you’re going all around but the same thing with you and I had a conversation and a conversation that you’re present for, right? There’s a there’s, you can feel it. Right. And and that’s that’s a lot of how I liken it but I also understand too that you know, you’re into martial arts or you know, you’re a yoga teacher Kundalini, and all of these things, you know, they kind of all do this same thing. I mean, it correct me if I’m wrong, like Talk to me about how you see maybe martial arts playing a similar role as dancer or being present in that space. I’d love to hear that.

Kiko Ellsworth 10:09
Yes, yes, it’s interesting, you bring that up, because I think that you’re totally on point with that. And that’s, that’s exactly what my philosophy is. Because I don’t, I don’t see myself as an actor, or even a martial artist, or this or that, you know, at the end of the day, you know, I see myself as a creator, and I express myself in these different ways. And I allow myself to express myself through the art of acting, or through the art of martial arts, or through the art of dance, or through the art. And, you know, for me, my, you know, my job, my responsibility is to try to find as many ways as I can to authentically express my smile my soul in a way that it wants to express itself, it might not want to express itself, and I don’t want to paint right now, I’m not looking for that. Or this, you know, my head right now. It’s like, it’s the drum, it’s my, maybe it’s not the guitar just yet. I’m not ready for that, or whatever the case may be. But for right now is, you know, for me to look in the way that’s most true for me, you know, how, how, what feels right for me to express myself right now? And am I allowing that to flow? Or am I like, getting caught in Am I am I blocking that energy from, you know, letting it express itself, because as far as I’m concerned, man, it’s like spirit just wants to express itself as much as it can through you. As much as it can through me in through all of our brothers and sisters. And if you just do your thing, Brandon, if I just do my thing if I just because it’s there’s so much work to do over here. For me, I can’t I can’t worry about your work, because I got so much work over here to do you know, and if it’s like, if we’re both doing our work, then it’s something beautiful can happen in between the interaction between, you know, souls like you and me, man. So I appreciate it.

Brandon Handley 12:10
And I love it. As to Pete waitley, definitely one piece in here, right? How did you come to find yourself as a creator? Right? How did you when, when do you feel like you accepted that moniker for yourself? And then what, uh, you know, how would you state yourself as a creator, like, as a spirit flowing through you? You know, I’d love to hear kind of what your take is on that.

Kiko Ellsworth 12:35
I think that over the years, I’ve been calling myself so many things, and they’ve all been inaccurate.

Brandon Handley 12:43
Okay, so I bring that up, though, because I mean, we’re creators of our own lives, right? And, and the sooner that we accept that, the sooner we can get to creating our own lives, right. And like, you were saying, you know, letting I love to like you, when you were talking about blocking spirit or not letting spirit kind of flow directly through you, you put your hand to your head, right? And that’s, that’s what happens, right? When, when we’re, when we’re kind of and have this conversation last night with a coach. When we’re paying attention to ego, we’re using our head, right, and there’s, there’s kind of like, this is blockage, right? But then like when we’re just fully accept, and you brought your hand down a little bit, like, you know, kind of, we’re full of expressing spirit, like, it’s kind of flowing down through you out through your heart, and like, you know, you open up your arms a little bit too much. It’s like, it’s just coming through, like, a tsunami.

Kiko Ellsworth 13:36
Yeah, I think that’s interesting. You picked up on that? Yeah. Because it’s, it was totally unconscious. But I think that that’s exactly accurate. When you if you were to, like, unpack what’s going on that when we when we stopped flowing, it’s, it’s, it’s this, that stopping the flow is our head. And it’s also we’re stopping the flow of this energy of seeing of the being, and we’re this totally stopping and then but when we allow it, to have its way with us, man, man, just just that, that fun happens, you know, and so I think with with regards to like, accepting myself as a creator, you know, um, you know, I think the the frustration of like, what do I call myself? What do I call myself? am, I’m an actor, I’m a, I’m a director, I’m a teacher, I’m this, I’m this, I’m this and I’m like, I’m like, Damn, I was like, What? I don’t know. And just changed like, hundreds of times. And, you know, I think just to keep it simple and truthful is like, at the end of the day, like, you know what, I’m a creator. Like, let me just get back, boom, I’m a creator. And so, at the end of the day, that’s what I resonate. That’s the truth. We’re all creators. We all create our lives. We’re all creating every single moment I’m creating right now. I’m creating something into the universe right now. with with with how Everything I’m doing thinking, speaking, vibrating, moving, creating something with you, my brother, listeners, my brothers and sisters with myself, you know, so, and then, you know, at certain points in my life, I’ve just learned that okay, and this era of my life, like right now in this era of Kiko sallallaahu Ellsworth slife right now, you know, because sometimes we need a little more definition than just creator because that’s so broad. It’s like, okay, but yeah, what do you do is like, okay, yeah, let me just kind of do this human thing now, you know, but at this point in my life right now, I’m identifying as, you know, an actor on camera artists, you know, that sort of identity, inspirational speaker, and high performance love and lifestyle coach. So those are my Those are my, my things that are most prevalent in my life is being able to express myself on camera, inspiring, and people, you know, speaking people speaking, on the stage with people, whether it be virtually like this on stage in front of 10,000 people, it doesn’t matter. And then also actually doing the work like helping people to do the day to day work, whether I’m teaching a Kundalini yoga class, or breath work, or teaching a man how he can activate all of his cylinders as a man. So that’s, that’s where I’m rolling that right now, man. Yeah. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 16:29
That’s great. I want to I want to get back to that. So what I want to do is kind of break into the one piece, right, you know, for a while there, there you are, your your, your Hollywood, your Mr. Hollywood Kiko? Right and you kind of like the Playboy, your party, and you’ve got the ladies, you’ve got the, you know, the vehicles and you’re having a good time, right? Where is where is kind of the, the reckoning moment, right? where like, this is gonna, this this, this isn’t working, right, this, uh, this isn’t satisfying, this isn’t fulfilling. I mean, I’d be curious to kind of what did you even recognize it as a Was it a slow burn out? Or what?

Kiko Ellsworth 17:09
Yeah, there was a few of those moments, actually, you know, 211 was, you know, and living the fast life with a woman and then you know, doing that, and I’m in the moment, and then like, this, this is, I’m in the moment, but this is not it. This is not the moment I’m not feeling it. I’m not even connecting to this, to this, this moment. This is supposed to be this is supposed to be it. This is supposed to be the fun of, of, you know, you know, being with women and, you know, running this and you know, and it just, I just remember, like, kind of like being pulled outside of my body outside of this experience that’s supposed to be, you know, it, you know, the intimacy of being with a woman or women and all that stuff. And I’m like this, I’m like, I’m doing this act. And I’m like, just saying it, man. And it was like, my spear is like, yeah, you keep doing that. But like, I’m gonna be over here. And you do finish that or whatever. But I’m gonna be over here. And it’s just like, Whoa, I was like, Okay, this doesn’t mean much.

Brandon Handley 18:18
Yeah. So kind of like a hollow hollow moments. Right. And so hollow man, recognizing that, you know, recognizing them was it’s your product of I want to say the simulation right, you know, a product of the of the simulation right, the product of I hate to say commercialism, because I’m not going to try and like hate on commercialism. Right? Because even as even as you did acting and entertainment, and that might not have been like the most fulfilling, you know, if you if you were to take that kind of role right now, you you might you might turn it down. But at the same time, there’s value in entertainment, right? Everybody needs everybody needs that piece, right? everybody’s like, the world’s like, you know, you can get yourself down every once a while you just need something to distract. You need something to be entertained, right. So what you were finding hollow moments, right? So when, you know, when do you feel like was the Kundalini rising moment, right?

Kiko Ellsworth 19:15
Well, I was a slow rise for many, many years. And I had to add a big break down moment. But I remember another big choice of mine was when I was I remember that show heroes years ago. I don’t know if you remember that. So I had a role on there. And I remember, they want me to continue to be on the show. But it overlapped with my spiritual development in a way that, you know, I was trying to learn how to be in a relationship with this woman that was helping me to advance spiritually, right. And I ended up marrying her and we ended up having a completion ceremony as well. And it was like Okay, you got to choose us. Shoes, the money in the show, and some this or you choose this over here, but you can’t have both because they’re both at the same time, it’s like, you’re gonna choose this, you know, going on a trip with her and, and, and developing and investing in your relationship or you’re going to cancel the trip, postpone it, put that off, and then actually do this. And for me, you know, I just felt like I needed to choose me in that moment, and, and be willing to sacrifice the money, the fame being on a on a hit show. And that those sorts of things. And you know, and I did, and I ended up losing, you know, that role, they ended up like killing me off and stuff like that, you know, because there’s someone else that’s willing to take it and do those things. And

Brandon Handley 20:47
that was another moment. That’s super powerful. Right? That’s, uh, you know, God, I don’t know that Jesus lies in the Bible lines, but I know that, you know, a big part of it is like, you know, get rid of everything else and follow me, right. And by saying that he’s you know, basically you saying, doing what Jesus did, you know, get rid of everything else. That’s kind of distracting and follow yourself, right? Follow follow the truth of who you are. Or at least pay attention to that intuitive moment, like you did. And choosing yourself over anything else. That’s huge, man.

Kiko Ellsworth 21:24
I’m, like, enlightened, like, I mean, you tap in on it right there, like? And it goes back to the very first question that you asked me when we first started all this, right, choosing yourself, but most of us I know that I have very low self esteem, and I was very insecure, very low self esteem. When I now that Looking back, I realized that I didn’t think much of myself. I and I looked at myself, and I just saw this sort of, you know, a human, you know, I didn’t really see a divine being It was beautiful, and powerful and influential. And that that has all these magic, like literal magic. You know, I didn’t see that. And so I think if we don’t see that, we’re like, Well, why would I choose me? Like, I’m just, I’m just a little old me, you know, I’m saying, Yeah, yeah. Because that’s glitz and glamour. You know, I’m

Brandon Handley 22:22
saying that is? I mean, that’s a great word for it, though. Right. That’s the glamour. Right. That’s that, you know, you’re talking magical sense. Right. That’s, that’s the glamorization of this thing as its disillusionment. And I think that, you know, I don’t know if it’s purposeful. I’m not again, I’m not, I’m not a big conspiracy guy, either. I don’t have that kind of time. But like, when exactly we weren’t taught, we’re taught to play small, right? We’re taught to play small, we’re taught to be humbled to, you know, be grateful for what you get, you know, don’t ask for more than you need type of thing. So you are taught to be big. You weren’t taught to, like, find that expression you weren’t taught to? Even if you went to church, like you, and as a child, you wouldn’t have understood to look for your divinity. Yeah. Right. Um, you know, at least again, not and mostly in like, the western civilization. And this is just another parallel before we started the show, you know, you know, I came upon the same thing myself, like, probably this started spiritual dope, right? Because at the start of spiritual dope, was the recognition of myself as a divine being. Right? 100% right. I do. So I’ve got a mini course called, like, the divine framework, right? Like it’s recognized making that choice to recognize yourself as divinity is connected to the divine.

Kiko Ellsworth 23:46
What can be better than that? Yep. Because look, look, I mean, you you hit it, we were taught to be small, right? But, like, for those of you that are listening to this, you know, you are big like this is your world. Literally, like Neo in the matrix are the one that says

Brandon Handley 24:15
100% So uh, yeah, all good stuff man. And and I literally had during my awakening period, just because you’re bringing up Neo references remember that part where he goes in there and he starts replicating, right? Dude? sober like for like months right? Like I didn’t stop drinking right but if similar to your story, right, like we can get more into that and but replication moment, like we’re like that same noise like in my body, like I was like, This is some fucking shit. Right? Like and again. So was the day is long and that was happening. I still remember calling my wife and let her know that like all this shit was going on. She’s like, are you okay? Are you sober? I was like, Yeah, and that’s the problem. Right like going through. I was like, that’s because because you know if it was drugs or something else, I could I could I could put point to it. So, you know, you’re, you’re doing this right and you choose you, what are your friends saying? What are the people around you saying,

Kiko Ellsworth 25:08
I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t really know, I don’t care. And at the same time, the ones that are showing up and saying things are, are are inspired, they’re on board, you know, my main focus is me. And being true to me, like I said, I got enough work to do, to stay aligned with me, and to keep diving deep within me. And, you know, sometimes I come out and people have a response. And that’s, and that’s cool. And at the same time, you know, I’m okay with people not agreeing or saying certain things. Because at the same time, you know, it’s got nothing to do with me. And I realized that as well, like, they’re having their own experience, you know, whether they want to, you know, be responsible for that they’re the creators of their own life and not in project what they want to project. Like, that’s, that’s on that’s totally on them. And, you know, at the same time, there is a certain amount of reflection that I can get back from people, that also may just kind of give me a read on how I’m coming off or how, because I know, like, say, for example, if I say something that’s a deep truth to me, and then I can calibrate that on a response that I get if someone responds negatively, I’m like, Okay, great. I understand that. But I’m also, you know, I’m also calibrating that this was a deep truth of mine, and I can bring up things for other people. So being able to discern the difference between, you know, if I, if I, if I’m standing in my truth, and it’s bringing up negativity or something from someone else, I have to be able to discern, okay, this is something that’s bringing up for them. And that has nothing to do with me. And at the same time, if it brings up something positive, and if it inspires somebody else, I have to realize that that that communication got through to somebody, right, and it inspired somebody. So I have to discern the difference between one action that can inspire some biomek. Okay, great, I see how it’s resonating. And at the same time, if it brings up something negative, and someone else, being able to discern that same energy is bringing up something that has nothing to do with me, but has something to do with what someone else needs to work through in their own life, right. But I got to keep doing the same thing. I got to keep doing my thing. And my job is still the same. It’s just like, Am I am I doing? Am I am I aligned here? Am I doing my Am I expressing myself better? Is it better? Am I speaking my truth? I got a lot of work to do, man. Look, I got a lot of work to do, bro.

Brandon Handley 27:42
100%. Right, right. And it doesn’t stop. Let’s talk. I mean, what what are some practical applications? Right? So you have the work, right? have, you know some of some of what you’re doing? I know that you’re you’re you’re helping men and women to find themselves to activate themselves to to be true to themselves? What are some? What are some practical teachings that you’re sharing out there that some like, I don’t know, man? What’s something, you know, give me an example of something that you’re working on today. And let’s just walk it out. Right?

Kiko Ellsworth 28:14
Yeah, yeah. Well, let me just preempt it with this. My, my work that I do for myself, at times looks different than than the work that I do at times with people, you know, and it’s, it’s all it’s all but it’s all the one in the same as well, right? So say, for example, I’m creating this one course that I’m doing, and it’s a, it’s called, everyday divine love. It’s just like, how you can express every day, divine, dope, powerful love, being able to say your brand, and I love you, brother. I love you. Every day, divine love being able to see the Divinity in you and me, and not feel like this is taking me away and making me less than a man like nah, every single day, I can say I love you to my brother, and not feel weak. Every single day I can say I love you to my sister, and not mean nothing sexual. I just love you, my sister. I love you. I want you to fulfill your divine mission because you came in for mission. And I want you to fulfill that. So, you know, that court and that particular course, it’s really about like two things. It’s about anchoring in and giving them the framework to be able to authentically start to anchor themselves for that clarity to being able to see everyone with that divine love Now that doesn’t mean that we’re all like a just vulnerable to everybody in the way we would get ourselves hurt. Because it’s all about healthy boundaries as well too. And just because I love I love somebody that’s evil, but you need to stay over there. I love you because everything’s spirit right but You’re at a vibration that I will not allow to come into my space at the same time, you see what I’m saying. So anchoring in that sort of insight filter to be able to see the divinity and everything. And then also the basics of breathwork, that the basics of being able to breathe properly diaphragmatic breathing, having a complete breath, most of us originated, our breath originates in our upper chest, or our clavicles, as completely unproductive. And that’s going to take you completely off your path, it’s going to be counterproductive to being who you need to be, and fulfill your mission. So with that, it’s like, anchoring in that divine love and anchoring in just breathing properly, nothing, nothing special, just anchoring that breath down there into that diaphragm into that lower, you know, and then that chest, and then up here, and then learning how to breathe completely, right. And in that way, we can actually have, you know, sort of be the creators of our life in a very responsible and controlled, free flowing way. So that’s something that I’m creating right now. But that’s something that I repeatedly do, because a lot of people are so stressed, and they just don’t we just, we’re just in here, we’re just not taught how to breathe

Brandon Handley 31:15
in and,

Unknown Speaker 31:18
you know,

Brandon Handley 31:20
if we don’t know how to breathe, then you know, what else don’t we know? Right? And I think that that’s the crazy part. Because, you know, there you are, you’re breathing, and you’ve been breathing your entire life. And now somebody is going to count and be like, you’re doing it wrong. Like, what? What do you mean, I’m breathing wrong, I’m here, I’m alive. I’m doing well, aren’t I? Like, you know, that’s, are you? Right? I mean, that’s a great question. Right? Like, are you? What is your What is your breathing style?

Kiko Ellsworth 31:52
You know, and it changes, obviously, for me, you know, I just make sure that like, say, say for example, my default breathing, that it always starts down here, it always starts down here. And it’s something that I are constantly being conscious of a practice of just being aware of where my breathing is at. And never make myself wrong, just because like so you know, maybe in the day, I might start my breath here. I’m just conscious of it. So it’s my practice to constantly be aware of how I’m breathing, where I’m reading the rate of how I’m breathing, the pattern, how I’m breathing, I don’t ever feel bad. If I’m even breathing like up here. I’m not perfect with it. I’m always aware of my breathing. And then if it is somewhere else that is not necessarily optimal. I bring it back down to my belly, my navel point, my diaphragm. And what I like to say is I breathe low slow and it creates that glow. Number Baby,

Brandon Handley 32:55
I love it. The the you’re talking about though, twos taken away judgment, right, just because you’re not doing it and what you feel might be the best way for yourself. You’re not beating yourself up over it.

Unknown Speaker 33:06
He know. Right?

Brandon Handley 33:09
So I asked that question, just out of curiosity, because there was are you familiar with I’m sure you probably are Hara style breathing, the Japanese and style of breathing? No, I

Kiko Ellsworth 33:19
never heard of that. Actually.

Brandon Handley 33:20
That’s pretty cool. It’s a little bit different than just I guess the in the book anyways, it says is a little bit different than Indian style of breathing, just because it stops it stops the diaphragm or the belly from dropping a little bit lower that I don’t I mean, so. But it stops it from dropping just as low. But the thought that I had when I when I learned how to do a little bit of what you’re talking about, right and and implementing this Hara breathing is the idea of

Unknown Speaker 33:51
Holy Grail.

Brandon Handley 33:52
Right? If you look at it, right, and I almost ended up like this. So the base down here would be the bottom of the chalice, right? And if you’re squeezing here and you’re breathing your, you know, your belly here, right? And then you’ve got up here on the top of the chest. This is the holy grail is breathing properly.

Kiko Ellsworth 34:08
Yeah, I’m gonna run with it. Yeah, you know, you’re right. Because just briefly, the breath, your your quality of breath, directly influences your quality of thought. The quality of thought directly influences your quality of emotions and feelings, right? How you feel out throughout your entire body. And then our feelings and emotions directly influence our words and our actions. So our breath literally influences our ability to create the quality of life through our words. Someone that’s breathing and I love the saying is like if you picture like a I think it was like a it’s an old saying, but it goes. Deep breath, long life. Shallow breath close to death.

Brandon Handley 35:00
Oh, no. That’s funny sounds like it’s from like five fingers of venom or something like that.

Kiko Ellsworth 35:05
Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

Brandon Handley 35:07
You picked up on that. Um, and so, so um, and another thing you mentioned in one of the other podcasts, I thought was pretty interesting. And they brought this, they brought this up in this book is called hair, how to find it, or how to share your link when I unpack. Because it’s actually really interesting. It comes from, from a German psychologist who’s been about 10 years with Zen Buddhists in the 40s and 50s. Right? So he was kind of a foreigner in this space. And one of the things they talk about, and there was something that you you brought up is like you by changing the way you breed, you change where your voice is coming from, talk a little bit about that, and how that comes about,

Kiko Ellsworth 35:51
oh, man, I I remember when I when I started doing Kundalini Yoga. And I’m doing class like 4am, early in the am 4am 4:35am. And I remember at that time, I was, I was so uptight. And I’m doing these mantras, there’s a lot of mantras and stuff like that. And I remember that time, my voice was caught in my throat. And it was like, it was like, up here. And it was like, tight. And it was it was higher. And it wasn’t coming from my diaphragm. And it was really heavy. And I remember in that class, I was like, why am I so stressed, I’m like, there’s nothing happened. It’s 430 in the AM. And I felt how I was holding everything up here, and my throat, and my shoulders. And when I learned how to breathe, my voice, my breath and everything just dropped down to my diaphragm, where it’s supposed to be, you know, where, where you can blow where you can, you know, where you have your power. And that’s, that’s where my got my voice back. The creativity just started flowing through my pacing on how I talk, you know, slow down, you know, you just you just start to get yourself back. You know, this is beautiful, man.

Brandon Handley 37:19
100% 100%. And so this is something that you’re you’re another another piece I enjoyed hearing you talk about was how acting helped you to connect to your emotions, right? And to actually feels I love that. It’s funny. About two weeks ago, I interviewed Anthony Mondale,

Unknown Speaker 37:40
are you familiar with him? Mondale?

Brandon Handley 37:42
Yeah, he’s an acting coach out there in LA. Just wasn’t sure if you guys ever cross paths?

Kiko Ellsworth 37:47
No, not my dad. One of my great friends is Anthony Montgomery. Not No, no.

Brandon Handley 37:53
Yeah. So when I was interviewing him, it was talking a little bit about this, right. Like, you know, he was saying, like, everybody needed, maybe I think classes. Absolutely. And, and, and I connected the two today when I was listening your podcast earlier. So talk a little bit about how that works. And you know, what, what, you know, how can somebody apply acting to, you know, figuring out their own emotions and their shit?

Kiko Ellsworth 38:17
Yeah, I think especially for, especially for men for both sexes, obviously. But especially for a man like fought for man, like, what we’re coming from is like, Man, you better not cry, you better suck it up. You know, you being a little worse, you being that, you know, you better man up you better, you better you better man up, you know what I’m saying? We’re coming from that sort of up tight, macho, you know, illusion type of crap. So, you know, a lot of men, you know, it’s good for men, because it’s almost like an excuse to cry. It’s like, we have an excuse. It’s like, Oh, no, I wasn’t really going to cry. It’s like, I’m an actor. So I get to cry. It’s kind of like a bridge. And you’re just

Brandon Handley 39:00
practicing for a role, right?

Unknown Speaker 39:02
Oh, man.

Kiko Ellsworth 39:04
You know, I was a real, you know, but but it gives us an excuse to get in touch with ourselves. Because once we make contact with ourselves, we go beyond that, that sort of fear. And we realize that, that it’s actually okay. And that is actually a natural part of us. It’s actually those if you imagine that we’re a 12 cylinder, high performance vehicle, and that we’re only using our masculine side, right that that strong, aggressive sun energy, we’re only using six of our cylinders. But when we start to tap into that, that Yin, that recessive side, that feminine side of who we actually are that part that can slow us down and be more sensitive and creative, right? Then we actually get in touch with those other cylinders. Because, you know, being in touch with our emotions allows us to navigate life. I can’t always just be aggressive with you or A child or a woman, I can’t always be completely masculine. I have to know when to receive, when to stop, when to listen. And then when to apply myself to penetrate. It’s a dance just like martial arts, I can’t always strike I got to know when to block. You know, the best martial artists are boxers, the ones that know how to like, you know, like, Oh my God, look how he’s like slipping that punch. Look how he’s blocked and look at how he’s moving. That’s a feminine move right there. That’s, that’s it, that’s an emotional move. That’s being sensitive, that’s being aware. And being aware and sensitive of what’s going on with you from an emotional state is, is essential. If a person but particularly a man because we struggle with it the most. If a man wants to evolve, particularly he has to be aware, really aware of his emotions, if he wants to evolve as a man, if not, he’s gonna he’s gonna be like a dinosaur. And he’s gonna, you’re gonna die, he’s gonna, he’s not gonna be able to keep up with evolution does so so I mean, look, I

Brandon Handley 41:05
mean, there’s, what you’re saying is there’s there’s a lot of power in feeling that emotion and recognizing it, what’s what’s, uh, what’s like the first tool that you give to a man who’s just trying to figure out his emotions.

Kiko Ellsworth 41:18
Uh, it all It all depends where he’s at, you know, for me, it’s,

Brandon Handley 41:23
I’m in off the streets, and I, I’m tough as hell, and I don’t have any emotions. So what’s, uh,

Kiko Ellsworth 41:30
yeah, yeah. Well, I think the first thing is having a real conversation to acknowledge that everybody has emotions. And that, if you really are man, let’s say for example, I might be dealing with this stuff, too, right? It’s like, okay, so you’re man, you’re tougher. Right? So So when did you get hurt? So I know that cuz everybody gets hurt. You weren’t born? It’s where were you born this way. So where were you like before? You think that you didn’t have motions? When did you stop having emotions? Look, your heart. Let’s be real. Let’s be tough about this. Who broke your heart, man, I don’t remember who broke my heart. And I’ll share, I’ll share myself and I might even tear up I because I need to create a space right for him. So he feels safe, I need to lead by example. Right? So I’ll create a space where he can start to see maybe himself in me. And then he can start to share himself. So he needs to learn how to explore the inner workings of his if several, he never felt safe to explore the inner workings of himself to reveal himself to himself, literally. That’s how he’s going to find him his strength. So, you know, some it’s, it’s, it’s, uh, you know, I don’t ever come out at the same way. And at the end of the day, I don’t go out just looking for men. They gotta want it themselves.

Brandon Handley 42:40
We look. Yeah, that’s I mean, that’s huge. Right. Gotta want it.

Kiko Ellsworth 42:48
Yeah, right.

Brandon Handley 42:48
I still, you know, I think that I’m not sure if you were like me. And, you know, when you first kind of had your moments of awakening moments, or you’re, you’re like, Hey, y’all are spiritual now. Right? Yeah. Like, like a, you know, it’s like I was. No, I’m

Kiko Ellsworth 43:05
not I’m not doing the drinkin and stuff.

Unknown Speaker 43:08
Already. Yeah, I’m

Brandon Handley 43:10
like, it’s old school, right? Like, quite literally, like, I’m like, Hey, y’all, let’s go streak in, right. And everybody’s like, nobody’s coming with me. But that’s okay. But you know, there’s also that point where you realize, like, you were talking earlier, it’s, it’s your own experience, and everybody else is having their own experience. And you got to want it, right, you got to be looking for it in order to, to immediately if you’re not looking for it, you won’t find it right.

Kiko Ellsworth 43:35
At some point, you’re being selfish in that sense. You know, I’m gonna say it like that. You got to just start thinking about you. Because here’s the thing. Like, I might say this to a guy too. I might say this, like, Look, you’re gonna die, dude, you’re gonna die. One day, you’re gonna die. And you can either look back on your life because I believe we’re gonna be able to look back on our life. And no, we’re just gonna, you’re gonna know. And so like, you can live a life that you’re proud of. Right? And you can really have shown up in the best way that you can, or you can continue to, like, do what you’ve been doing. Right? Like we want to, we want to die proud. We want to challenge ourselves. We want to evolve ourselves as men, and be that and do the things that we need to say confront the fears, we need to say heal the relationships that we need to heal. You know, one of the most proud things I’m most proud of, is I you know, me and my dad I really was like over 30 years I healed my relationship with my dad. I created 100% peace with my dad. That was the relationship I did other ones too. You know, I’m saying but that was the one that was the one that was the monster that was the one I was most afraid of. That was the one that was the breakthrough. Right? What

Brandon Handley 44:39
was what was what made it the monster like I mean, what was what was it that you know, what was the wall like?

Kiko Ellsworth 44:46
Because I was afraid of my dad. I was afraid of my dad. You know, growing up. That was where a lot of the abuse happened to alcohol the the manipulation the that sort of thing you don’t I’m saying I was afraid of my dad. He was the big bad monster. You know what I’m saying? I’m walking on eggshells being afraid It all started with, like, you know, my dad, you know, and now you know, but my dad, at the time when he had me when he was so young, right, I don’t blame my dad, you know, like, but for me for being a young boy and and then having your dad, your hero, that figure and then being afraid of that, and then you have and then having to overcome that your entire life. You know, I’m saying that’s that’s like the big bad monster. So for me to, you know, when I was engaging in the world The reason why I didn’t have my voice and the reason why I was afraid is because I was initially afraid of my dad.

Unknown Speaker 45:32
Yeah, well, I

Kiko Ellsworth 45:32
mean, that’s why I was afraid to the entire world. Yeah, cuz.

Brandon Handley 45:36
Yeah. So I mean, I didn’t mention it. But my first my first foray into doing the podcast was fatherhood stuff, right? covering the fatherhood space, right? Just understanding how important that is to have somebody that does the first stop. Right, your first office at home? Yep. Right. And so having to deal with a father like that, that tells you a lot, right, and what you had to overcome. So I mean, that’s powerful that you did it, like, what do you do? You know, what do you attribute the largest of it, you know, kind of overcoming it just all the work that you did on yourself and fully accepting him for who he was? And, you know, what, what was the final breakthrough for you?

Kiko Ellsworth 46:13
I think, you know, it’s interesting. My own dedication to myself, being selfish, wanting to be just the best version of myself, helped me to be the person I need to be to really make that job happen. That’s one thing, right. And then along the path, I realized that I was in a Iosco ceremony, you know, one of these Iosco ceremonies, I’ve done like a lot of those, right. And in one of these ceremonies, I wrote down two words, I wrote down, Hey, Dad, that’s all I wrote down. Because at that point, when I was in that, in the middle of that, I realized that if I could just say to my dad, Hey, Dad, with an open heart, peaceful, love, I realized that’s what I wanted. And I didn’t realize it. And many of us men don’t realize we like oh, or woman or whatever, like, I’m cool. I’m cool. Just being over here. At the end of the day, I just like I challenge you, that we all really do want it, we might not think that it’s possible, there might be a lot of pain, there might be we might have given up hope, we might not have the tools, we might not have developed ourselves enough. That might be looking like a big 30 foot 100 foot wall 20 feet thick, it might look impossible. That said, the child inside of us still wants that peace, wants that relationship still wants something healthy. And I think that we have an opportunity, we might not have been able to do it as a child. But we have an opportunity if we actually get the tools and the resources to be able to actually create that some of us got a really it took me 30 years, you got to fight for that. And then gonna be easy, right? You might not, you might never get the response that you need. But it’s not about that always, it’s really about like healing this up in here. And let me tell you, when I finally broke through to my dad, Yo, I found it I put it like this. I had there was like three, not physical fights. But there was three fights with my dad like emotional fights. The first one was like an explosion of volcanoes all over the place. crying tears, I remember was like, in the beginning, it was like in the middle of an alley dives, I got out the middle of his truck. And I was yelling at him. And it was just, it was all over the place. A second one. Same thing, but not as intense, right. Third time was same thing. definitely like it was like about 25% and intense. But I was much more in control with my tools and how to show up. And it was like, it was like I had to manage my ego and my spirit manages, right, keep him so he wasn’t able to like run away and get out of the situation. And you know, hit it over here with my ego, maybe confront him with something and then speak my heart and then do this but and then also not be emotionally attached to what was going on with him. But be my own. It was there, then and then it was like and then it was like I remember the moment then he sat down. I’m not gonna tell you some Look, look. It’s like Scarface waving a little white flag. never see that happen ever. So you’re going to shoot me like I’m going out with it’s like right? See, my dad at that time. Put it to sit down was like seeing having Scarface surrender. And I remember in that moment, everything changed. because something happened that I didn’t even know that I was looking for and my dad Man, he spoke to me in a tone that that I hadn’t heard like, in 40 years. Since I was a boy since I was like five. And a part that that little boy inside of me was like, I remember him. Yeah. I remember that voice. Yeah, I didn’t, I didn’t. I wasn’t available for it in all the stuff that had happened throughout life, and all this stuff. But that didn’t change the fact that when I heard that voice, that’s what I wanted to hear.

Brandon Handley 50:35
Yeah. Yeah. I love that man. Yeah, you were able to just kind of get back to to the space, right? Where is just the two of you. You know, there’s that Father, Son and father child bond. I mean, look, you’ve got your daughter, right. I don’t know if you’ve got any other children. But there’s that bond and do when when you’re given all of your heart guests. And that’s kind of a tone that you heard from your father, right? Like, get the unconditional love of a father and a child. And that’s what had been missing for you for so long.

Kiko Ellsworth 51:05
Yeah, yeah. And as soon as I broke through with my dad, I was able to connect with my daughter at a deeper level, because I had a block with my daughter.

Unknown Speaker 51:14
Yeah,

Kiko Ellsworth 51:15
up until that point, when I broke through with my dad, I broke through with my daughter. And she also established a connection with him because she was like, disconnected from him, too. And I was wondering what was happening. And I was like, I want to be more connected. But it’s not. That happened. It just started flowing.

Brandon Handley 51:32
There it is. There it is, man, I love it. So you know, you’ve got this, you’ve got training, you’ve got courses, where, you know, you’re working with other people, I believe, you know, that you’re also getting back into some acting right? You’re getting back to work?

Unknown Speaker 51:48
Well, in front of the camera, we’ll get in front of the camera. Okay. All right. All right.

Kiko Ellsworth 51:54
Yes. Is back for sure. Most definitely, absolutely.

Brandon Handley 51:58
so forth, we expect to see you this year.

Kiko Ellsworth 52:03
You know, this is what matters most right here having these conversations. And, you know, this, it starts with, like, it has been starting with, like these sorts of podcasts and these sorts of interviews. You know, I walked away from entertainment, because I didn’t, I didn’t have anything of value, in my opinion, to talk about, that truly matter, anything that I felt where I had a real foundation to stand upon. But being able to talk about things like my relationship with my father, now I got something to talk about. For me. That’s the stuff that matters in life. That’s the stuff that matters when we are on our deathbed when we’re transitioning and going back to our home, right? That’s the type of stuff that we can be proud of, you know, so, you know, starts with like this, I’m doing some a lot of public speaking. This this year as well, too. It might not be this particular year, like in TV or film. But that that will likely happen in the next like two years or so. What I’m what I’m doing is I’m getting back in front of the camera in ways that are most meaningful. And my job is just to listen to spirit, and to do and to go where spirit guides me. And like right now it has me speaking with you. And I’m so blessed to be here with you, brother. I’m so appreciative of you and holding the space spiritual dope podcast. Thank you to you and your listeners, man. And I’m just you know, I’m just grateful man. Yeah, thank you.

Brandon Handley 53:30
I’m so appreciative to have this opportunity to speak with you right to get to connect. And to be able to use a platform like this to do that. Right. So where can I send people then to connect with you? Where should we Where should we go? Get us some more Kiko?

Kiko Ellsworth 53:43
Your Yeah, um, you can find me on Instagram. It’s just Kiko Ellsworth KKOELL sw rth. On Instagram and everything is like you can find everything that I do. They’re awesome.

Brandon Handley 53:56
Well Kiko thank you so much again, man. You know, I’m sure most of people know you know, novice days is is is what it means to say, you know, I salute the Divinity within you. So I salute the Divinity with

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


I had the opportunity to speak with Kat Kim recently… we had a blast! Be sure to listen in to hear all about her spiritual journey!

From her about page:

I serve the Spiritual Nonconformist, the misfit, the misunderstood.  

In other words, the changemaker.

For over ten years I’ve applied what I know about behavioral change and spiritual transformation to help my clients create radical, nonconformist change in their lives.

My approach is based on Hermetic Philosophy, New Thought teachings, and the wisdom passed down through the ages by Buddha, Jesus Christ, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

(And Chomsky. Can’t forget Chomsky.)

connect with Kat over at https://www.katkim.com/

Insta: @katkimofficial

FB: @MissKatKim

Brandon Handley 0:00
54321 Hey there spiritual dope. Brandon Handley, your hosts here with cat cam and I’m gonna flip it for the new year. Normally I introduced but, you know, cat cam once you go ahead and give the audience a little feel for what you’re all about.

Kat Kim 0:18
Okay? Hello, everyone. I am a former crack addict and drug dealer facing three years in state prison turned a spiritual teacher leadership coach, I founded a school called the School of divine confidence. I am the person that will help you overcome your fears, blocks and shame. So you can step into that best version of yourself where you can truly make a difference.

Brandon Handley 0:43
I mean, you opened right up with it. I love that. So we’ll definitely get into it. So the way I like to start this off with to say like, you know, universe power, creative source, all that stuff speaks through us right and and our message is received to somebody out there in the audience today, it can only come through this medium. What is your message today?

Kat Kim 1:03
My message today is that each and every one of us has this indescribable, of limitless power that we have access to. And most of us give up, give that power away. Most of us give that power away to the outside world of circumstances and physical things and elections and all the madness. You know, pandemics out there. But I have defined divine confidence to be an having an unshakable faith and knowing who you are, and what you’re here to do, regardless of what’s going on in the world outside of you. And I really, truly believe that we all have access to that divine confidence.

Brandon Handley 1:48
100% Amen. Amen. I love I love to like the clear delineation of you have access to it. Right? Everybody’s got access to it. It is fairly innate. Right? But it’s like, you still it’s you just don’t know it until you access it. Right? Like, holy shit. This has been here the whole time. Yeah. And I love that you’ve got this Divinity School. Like I said, we have a lot in common. I too have a course on divinity. Right? Like, it’s just it’s straight up just called the divine framework. But why don’t you give me a little bit of what your divinity school teaches? You know, kind of how you landed on it, that kind of thing. Yeah,

Kat Kim 2:29
I Well, can I start with where I began?

Unknown Speaker 2:33
This would you man.

Kat Kim 2:36
Thank you. There’s a backstory to this. When I was six years old, my mother began feeding me diet pills. And this was kind of like the lifelong like the beginning of a lifelong struggle of low self confidence, horrible body image, no self worth, I was barely tall enough one day to, you know, put my hands on the kitchen counter. And I remember one day looking up at her. And she was cutting something at the kitchen, on the board on the cutting board. And I asked her, What are you doing? And she said, Well, these are diet pills. And these are for adults. And since you’re only a child, you only need to eat half of them. So she she continued to cut them. And I did not question her. I did not think there was something wrong with it. I just fully accepted in that moment that there was something wrong with me and my body and that I needed something outside of me in order to be okay. So I began to feel absolutely ugly, fat, unwanted and unworthy. All by the time I was in second grade, really. And my also grew up in a very emotionally and physically abusive environment. And I started rebelling at a really young age, I started doing started drinking and smoking at 13 doing hardcore drugs at 16. And by the time I was 18, I was dealing cocaine. And I was transporting it from Washington State to California. on the plane, this is pre 911 it was really easy to do this and not that I’m giving you guys ways to do it. But the way I did it was I just snuck the drugs inside of maxi pads. So it’ll be weird if

Brandon Handley 4:18
you did that. I pulled it off. But I mean, listen with these days and ages. I’d be like I identify as and and you know who’s gonna try and you know, you can’t you can’t fight that. Yeah, yeah.

Kat Kim 4:30
So, one day I got caught. I was arrested. I was handcuffed in Oakland, California, of all places. Oakland at that time was notorious for its high rates of homicides and violent crimes. Now, I was right there in the middle of that. And I was absolutely fearless. But it wasn’t the type of fearlessness that comes from courage. The root word of courage is courage, which is the heart. It didn’t come from there. It came from a place of having absolutely no reason. Guard from my life, my future my health, my body, I didn’t care. I didn’t give a damn what happened to me I was on the fast track of self destruction, I had no confidence, no self worth. And so while I was in jail, I was like, I want to network while I’m here, I’m in Oakland, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, you know, make some deals while I can. So

Brandon Handley 5:19
that’s like the central hub, right? All the people, you finally made it when you get to Oakland, right? You’re like, Hey, you know, I’m here, I made it. Home spa.

Kat Kim 5:32
Never thought of it that way. When it’s so true. I was like, I’m here in Oakland, I’m gonna make I’m gonna make the most of it as I can. So even while I was there, facing three years in state prison, I was like, I’m just going to try to make some drug deals while I’m here while I was here. While I was there. I pled guilty. During that time, I went to the part of my whole thing they give you know, they made me go to rehab for two years. Long story short, I cleaned up the drugs. But this feeling of not being good enough, having no self worth, no self value, stayed with me. It didn’t go anywhere. It was part of who I was. And so I started getting involved in really toxic relationships with men that were emotionally abusive. This entire time. Brandon, I hated the way I looked, I walked around like I was the meanest, nastiest bitch alive. And of course, because I believe that to be true about myself, I attracted everything into my life that validated those beliefs. And it really wasn’t until many years after getting out of jail cleaning up that I was walking down my apartment hallway one day, at that time, I was very, very depressed could barely even move. I remember one day I was trying to like lift my body off of the couch. And I couldn’t because it was like this dark energy pushing me down. Somehow, that particular day, I managed to get up, I was going somewhere I don’t even know where. And I was walking down my apartment hallway to my elevator. And there’s this mirror that hangs on the wall, top to like ceiling to floor, huge mirror. And walking down, I look up and I caught a glimpse of somebody standing in the hallway. And I see her in the mirror. And she’s just kind of really uncapped, and she’s wearing big baggy clothes, Her face is really swollen and puffy. And even while I was wallowing in my own toxicity at that time, I was depressed and, you know, essentially just hating life. I remember just looking at her and thinking, Oh, my God, at least I’m not that bad. And there was something about her, it wasn’t even just how she looked, it was this deep, dark energy that was coming from her that made me feel like my goodness, at least I haven’t gotten that far. And it hit me like a ton of bricks, there was nobody else in that hallway. There was nobody there. It was me, I had become so disconnected with who I wanted to be as a woman who I was being called to be and who I was being that I didn’t even recognize myself when I saw myself in the mirror. And finally, that was my wake up call. And this is you know, sounds overly dramatic. But this is literally how it happened. I walked into the elevator. And now you know, I’m facing that wall with the mirror so I can see myself in the mirror. And the elevator doors are closing in on me like this. And I said, This is the moment that I’m going to do whatever it takes to become the person that I want it to be.

Brandon Handley 8:25
No, I love that. Right? Like, even even if, even if, like you know, it sounds dramatic. That’s your moment that you chose. Right? That was your, your Pinnacle point, right? I think that. I think that when you recognize that too, as you as you’re going through it, you’re like, no, this is my shit. And this is what I’m gonna do. And here’s how I’m gonna do it. I don’t know how it’s gonna work out. I just know that I’m stepping into it, and I don’t fuck it. That’s it. Right. I’m done. I’m a high school dropout left that part out. And then the other part was, was when you went in. It’s not San Quentin, but I just wanna say San Quentin. Brooklyn, what do you want to Oakland? Was that from the bus ride after after? When you turn yourself in? Or was that something else? Did you know about that story? Oh, man. I poked around. I did.

Kat Kim 9:24
Yeah, that was that. Was that that? Was that? That one moment? Yeah.

Brandon Handley 9:29
Okay, so so i think i think that’s really key here. Because you are at like, this kind of desperate moment. But you’re also still very humane. Right? Like, so. For those of you that don’t know, you know, she got a bus driver and shovel for sniffing some coke on the side of the side of the road. Cops knock on their they bust the cop who’s a black guy. She’s Asian. And like, even in that time, you’re like, you’re like, Hey, I’m Asian. These biases should still look a mess out there. And you go in and you’re like, hey, by the way, this is my drugs. He had nothing to do with it. So you you kept him from getting into jail and you put yourself in a position and my guess is like, again, you’re kind of like, you’re juxtapose them between being this badass and being like, Well, I’m not gonna let that guy go and for me,

Kat Kim 10:14
yeah, it was it was a trip. So this was Yep. I got off the plane when one day. I had my drugs in tow. Pete feathers?

Brandon Handley 10:26
How much were you? How much were you? carting around? Just out of curiosity?

Kat Kim 10:29
Oh, um, I don’t even remember. But I remember at one point, I had a kilo, which is

Brandon Handley 10:35
a lot more than a little bit. Yeah,

Kat Kim 10:36
yeah. Oh, yeah. For sure. I didn’t get caught with that kilos, though. That was,

Brandon Handley 10:42
that would have been longer than three. Yeah.

Kat Kim 10:44
It was longer. But that one day, I got off the airplane. got onto the shuttle bus. And you know, what, uh, what’s the I always fuck these words up? Like, these American idioms for birds of a feather flock together? Right? That’s, that’s it? Okay. Sure. Somehow, I ended up being the last person being dropped off. I’m sitting in the front with the driver. We somehow started. I mean, who starts talking about drugs? Well to druggies. They get together

Brandon Handley 11:14
in conversation.

Kat Kim 11:14
Yeah, somehow it just came up and and I was like, Oh, yeah, I have some cocaine. He was like, Oh, really. So he pulls over the the shuttle bus into the Oakland Hills. And I proceed to pull some cocaine out. He puts it into a piece of paper. He doesn’t really weird. I’ve never seen anyone smoke. Or, you know, sniff cocaine this way. It was just bizarre. Anyway, whatever, you know, you do you. So he, he pulls it out, he does it. And then right at that moment, there’s a flashlight that’s beaming in in the window. And it was two cops. Because very strange. There’s a random bus in the Hollywood Hills just parked there. And he, he literally got red caught red handed, it was in his hands, and he threw it on the floor. The cops pulled him out. And they arrested him. They told me to sit on, you know, outside on this rock. And I’m sitting there and I’m watching this whole thing unfold. And I’m like, Oh, my God, like, I’m gonna get away with this. And then what I did was I I’m gonna I better, I better walk, you know, so I pulled the rest of the cocaine that I had in my purse. And I saw it behind me in a rock behind the rock. I was like, I’m not gonna get caught with this. And as I’m watching this whole thing, unfold, all of a sudden, I get this, this voice in my head, and then it tells me the truth will set you free. And I’m like, the fuck are you? Seriously? You’re gonna you whoever you are. You’re gonna cut off all the time.

Unknown Speaker 12:46
Right? Yes, exactly. Now’s not the time.

Kat Kim 12:50
And I didn’t believe in God or spirit. I wasn’t even nothing. I wasn’t spiritual. At that time. I haven’t gone I

Brandon Handley 12:57
we I

Kat Kim 12:59
wasn’t high. Okay. Yeah, I was just a girl sitting there getting free, because all of a sudden, it came. And I just knew in that moment, it was God. But I would never admit that and not even tell the story for years and years and years and years. Because I didn’t believe in God, it would be weird for me to say God came and told me this. But at that time, I was just I just knew that God said, The truth will set you free. And I was like, fuck. So I called the two cops over and I told them, Hey, you got to let this guy go. Those drugs are mine. They were flabbergasted. They were like, What are you talking about? And I was like, no, they’re really mine. And, and I mean, the guy was already handcuffed and booked and put in the car. And they didn’t believe me. And so I went back into the behind the rock. I was like, Look, this stuff is mine. And then I was like, and there’s more in my luggage beside the car. And so there were they just were like, we you know, because there was one of the cops was like, You know what, I would let you go. But now there’s another cop with me. I can’t even we have to take you in. And that’s when I had all these like, I realized that kind of the inequity of the whole situation here I was Asian girl and there was, you know, a brown man, I’m like, he would have been fucked up and screwed. And I wasn’t being a martyr or anything like that. But I just knew that this was my journey. It was for me, all of that came to me in that moment that this is my journey. This was for me. It was not for him. And then I had to take ownership of this. So they arrested me and then they read me my Miranda rights, which is a whole nother thing. You you hear people you hear like the cool cop catching the bad guy on TV and movies and you hear the Miranda you know, the rights being read all the time. You know, you have the right to remain silent and whatever. But to hear it being read to us just bizarre. That was the most bizarre part.

Brandon Handley 15:00
I don’t want to say that I’ve heard it before, but I’ve heard it before. It’s very surreal. Right? It’s very

Unknown Speaker 15:05
surreal

Unknown Speaker 15:07
for me, thank you. So

Kat Kim 15:09
it was so weird. And they proceeded to book me and take me into, into sanguine. Yeah, yeah, yes. Yeah. So that’s my, that’s my story there. And the funny thing of all that Brendon is like, I just, I wasn’t scared. In the cop car. I just knew that this was a journey made for me. And I wasn’t afraid of what was what was yet to come.

Brandon Handley 15:37
I mean, that’s cool, right? It’s, it’s cool in the sense that, you know, you just you put yourself out there, right? You were probably already still feeling this kind of Fuck it. I’m hard as hell does, you know, I’m Cat Cat Cat can pitch. Right? Right. And you’re like, you’re like, you know, you’re on in and you’re still like, you know, drug dealers, drug dealers, and you’re, you’re having your conversations, you’re still trying to network while you’re in there. Just because I mean, that’s just that’s just the nature of that space, right, the space that you were in. So what I’m curious about those I said, you go on for two years of rehab. That’s a long time for rehab. But what’s interesting is, to me is how you came out of it with a poor self image. Because in my mind, you know, if you if you go through two years of kind of like a rehab program, they should have this kind of building you back up as part of the program. And it doesn’t sound like that was there sounded like the only thing that they were there to do is to make sure that you don’t do drugs again.

Kat Kim 16:43
Yeah, yeah. Well, oh, there’s so many ways I could talk about this thing that you’re bringing up right now. Firstly, do I want to share this part of the story, okay. So I will might as well, as part of the program, you’re supposed to go to Narcotics Anonymous, and you know, you’re supposed to get signed off and all that. And I went to my first meeting, I went to two of them. And, again, I just had this sense of knowing like, this is not for me. And I do not advise anyone to do this. I’m not sharing this so that people will follow this. But I just, I just knew it wasn’t for me. So I didn’t go and I ended up forging the signatures. So I didn’t do that portion of it. And rehab was good for me because I had to not do drugs because I didn’t do pee tests every week. So I I cleaned up the drugs. But that feeling of not being good enough unworthy, unwanted, ugly, that that doesn’t go away, just because you go to rehab, as we all know, I mean, if that if it were that easy, then we wouldn’t have these issues with people in their in their addictions to whether it’s drugs or alcohol or shopping, whatever that is, the sense of not being good enough and unworthy. I took that on at a really young age. That was handed down to me from my parents, generational trauma, that type of thing. And that that is what stuck with me all through these years and into my adult life.

Brandon Handley 18:17
Yeah, you mentioned that as part of your culture too. Right. Like just kind of the same in your own culture. Right. Crane? Is that right?

Kat Kim 18:25
Yeah, yeah. So

Brandon Handley 18:26
just being you know, from generation to generation, there’s a you know, just a different sense of being and kind of what you have to live up to, in your heritage versus American slacker ism.

Unknown Speaker 18:36
Right?

Brandon Handley 18:38
Call it what it is, you know, y’all know about slacker ism. But um, so you’re still fighting like that kind of image. And then, you know, we’re working our way up to the Divinity School. But I know that there’s a couple other pieces in between this wants to go ahead and share kind of what happens after rehab, and you’re still fighting with your image.

Kat Kim 18:57
Yeah, so it’s that, you know, I’m getting involved in really toxic relationships with people. There’s just it was so so unhealthy. And it was that moment. Again, it was it wasn’t until that moment, I was walking down my apartment hallway, I saw that version of myself, that was not really me, but that had been living my entire life. And that was that moment where I decided I would do whatever it takes to become the woman that I wanted to be to be. I wanted to be beautiful. I want to be powerful. I wanted to make an impact and transform lives. And I wanted to walk into a room and have people notice me not forget that I ever existed, because that’s who that’s usually what would have happened at that time. And so, I began studying everything under the sun around transformation. I was so upset I became obsessed about transformation. So I became a professional certified image consultant, I began to study like colors and style. Like how do you accentuate the most beautiful part A person’s face and body instead of hiding yourself all the time. And then I became a nationally certified personal trainer to understand what the body goes through to undergo to undergo transformation. And this kept on taking me deeper and deeper. And then I became a transformative life coach, I studied three years about the mindset and you know how our thoughts and our feelings impact our, our behavior and our results. And interestingly, this quest for transformation on the outside kept taking me deeper and deeper inside into the world of spirituality, metaphysics and quantum physics, where I discovered that everything that we are seeking on the outside everything, whether it’s more money, better relationships, better health, all of that, all of that does not exist unless it exists on the inside, in the metaphysical world, beyond the physical within our minds and our hearts. And this is where I discovered that if we want something in the outside world, that thing is not going to happen unless we it’s within us unless we’re embodying that thing. That’s where I discovered where transformation happens the quickest and the easiest, and and then on another level, Brandon, it’s like this. I just because I was so obsessed about like finding the source of all things I discovered. Without knowing it. And without wanting this, I discovered that the source of all things is his spirit, or God, I

Brandon Handley 21:35
was gonna I was gonna try. I was gonna try and garble it out there. And you know, maybe I’ll have to, like beep it out or something. She gave us the answer, but nobody knows.

Unknown Speaker 21:45
Yeah,

Brandon Handley 21:46
yes. Yes. Um, so, yes, yes. And yes. I love it. Right, like so. I’ll let you continue, then I’ll then I’ll then I’ll throw some more stuff at you.

Kat Kim 21:57
Yeah, yeah. Well, and this is what I discovered where divine confidence comes from. It’s an unshakable faith in knowing who you are and what you’re here to do, regardless of what’s going on in the world outside of you. That means regardless of how much money you have, regardless who the President is, regardless of a global pandemic, regardless of your past and your history, and all the mistakes and you know, things that you’ve done, divine confidence is is is this unshakable faith and knowing who you are and what you’re here to do. And this is why this is where I’ve committed myself to helping other women, other people like me go through that same transformation, and that’s where I founded the School of divine confidence. But I primarily work with people kind of like myself, non conformists, misfits, people who’ve always felt like they’ve had one side, one side.

Brandon Handley 22:48
So you, nonconformists, misfits, I was listening to you earlier today. And I thought at first I thought you said nonconformist mystics. I was like, well, that’s cool, too. Like, it could be nonconformist mistakes. I mean, yeah, I would have to say a mystic is a non conformance by like, you know, default, but like, why not like non conformance mistakes as well. So continue?

Kat Kim 23:08
spot on, spot on? Absolutely. Yeah. All of the above? Um, yeah, you know, I work I work with people who’ve always felt like they’ve had to fit in, but they don’t, and they’re always trying to conform, but they can’t. Those are the people that I love. And I actually call my people, misfits and mutants. Because when, when one time one of my clients called me Professor X, and he said, You are like Professor X, you you see what, you know, the the gift in people, but you only work with mutants, like that. So spot on.

Unknown Speaker 23:44
Yeah,

Brandon Handley 23:44
I get it. You know, I think that’s got to be the deal is it’s funny, you know, so my kind of my five words or whatever kind of value prop or whatever, you whatever you want to do with it marketing? Or just my words, right? It’s courage like understanding and and really those people that don’t fit in it’s because like, is it their soul contract that like, I mean, sounds to me, like you never really found like your space, right? But that’s because like, the space that’s been set out there is like a space of conformity. And you’re just like, yeah, it doesn’t fit. It sucks to be sitting on the outside, but in the end, I’m super glad I never fucking made it aim. Yeah, right. Like, I mean, I’m a high school dropout as well. That’s something I don’t think that I’ve shared yet. On this audience had my fair share of drugs in hand and sold my fair share, but I mean, look, you know, it’s also like you say, who we were yesterday, and all those years before it says that’s not like my growth trajectory. I’m like, Yeah, that’s it was fun. I you know, I can never tell you that I didn’t have a good I had a great fucking time. I had a blast. Had some moments of tears and shit that sucked. Yeah, but like, I mean, that just comes with any territory that you run up against. But then you talk about mindset coach like becomes like doing this mindset coaching. Can we say that? Going through your debating course even though we haven’t talked about it yet just based off of kind of how I run mine is like, divinity is a mindset. Right? Once you tap into the divine, you’re like, well, like that’s that’s spirit. That’s source. That’s all encompassing. That’s infinite. Yeah. I think I’m gonna be alright. Yeah, right. Like the whole the whole the whole, like, I’m gonna get my worries over to God even though I like I’m not a Christian. I’m like, I buy into that. Like I’m like, Yes. So the subconscious you talk about it covers 95% of like, all of our stuff, right? Not to mention, pumps, our blood grows our hair. Yeah, there’s all this stuff. I don’t know how that works. Yeah, I’m doing it. And if I can do this, yeah, what else am I capable of? Yeah, right. Yeah. I mean, cuz I’m like, whatever. So um, but everybody has that open to them. So I’m curious. You know, I want to hear you talk. And this just could be me like I hear thinking grow rich. I hear Bob Proctor in the background. Huh? Do I Do you? Are you thinking grow rich and Bob Proctor fan at all? Any of those?

Unknown Speaker 26:25
I will.

Brandon Handley 26:27
I hear you say like burning desire and stuff like that, like, you know,

Kat Kim 26:30
oh, you know, that’s I read thinking grow rich. I read that a long time ago. For sure. I know, Bob Proctor? Um,

Brandon Handley 26:40
who are your favorite? Like, who are your big teachers that made you like really? Get it? Like when was like the moment like you? You talked about being like, here’s your my drugs. I’m hiding behind the rock guys. I’m like, Hey, I’m in your head. You’re like, not right now. Not today. But you’re like, I’m not gonna tell anybody that it’s God. When were you able to say you know, comfortably? Hey, I’ve had conversations with God. And that’s all spirit. And what got you there?

Kat Kim 27:04
So that’s good question. Because at that time, I didn’t even believe I didn’t know that.

Brandon Handley 27:09
Yeah. So when when did you When did you say all right? Okay, fine. I’ll let people know. Right? We’re seeing each other. I’m saying, God.

Kat Kim 27:18
When did I come out of that God closet? Right. Yeah. Um, so I began, like really diving into spiritual studies over 10 years ago, you know, yeah, I read, thinking Grow Rich, I read all the books, I read all the books, you know, law of attraction, and Esther Hicks and all that. But I started to really, really dive even deeper about five years ago, there’s been a while maybe we’ll save this for another podcast episode. But there was another thing, a big huge ship that just shit hit the fan in my life on another level, during that time. And I literally was brought to the ground on my knees. at a certain time in my life, when I knew I was absolutely powerless. And I had nothing. There was nothing I can do. And the only thing I could do was finally just like, like you said earlier, actually, you hit the nail on the head, like surrender. I the only thing I can do right now is to surrender to this thing. I don’t know if you’re out there, God, but this is you know, it’s so fucked up right now. It’s almost funny. Here. Just take it it was

Brandon Handley 28:24
this, right? Yeah,

Kat Kim 28:24
it was almost like that it got to that point where it was. There’s almost like a freedom to it. I didn’t know whether it was gonna work or not. But I think that was actually the key. I was like, yeah, it can’t get any worse than this.

Unknown Speaker 28:39
Well,

Brandon Handley 28:41
it didn’t turn out that way. For you. That’s good. Right? You know, the deal is, though, is like you you handed it over without expectations, right? You handed it over, and you’re like, you know what, I absolutely surrender. I’m not doing such a good job with this by myself. Right? And I’d like to say like, you know, I definitely want to talk more about your school divinity. But like, you know, once you kind of, you know, we act as humans before, before we access this source energy in this space, right? We act as human and we deal with all these worldly things, right? And you hear all the time again, not like a super huge Bible guy, but like, you know, you can’t do it through worldly means you like, and then you’re like, but I could do it through spiritual means. Yeah, right. I could do it through like metaphysical means. And then you also talked about like, you know, kind of this level of success, you’ve got to have a level of belief that you can actually achieve that and well, if I look at my history of just Brandon and what have I achieved by myself, right? Maybe not all that I want to achieve I can do by myself. So if I just go ahead and I take in a little bit of God a little bit of divinity and then what am i capable of right like what what can we you know, we can go down like you know, the The Wizard of Oz, right, like arm and arm like skipping down the yellow brick road. Right, like, then we’re done. We’re a trio and then there’s like a time team of us doing something versus Brandon, the human and his worldly ways?

Kat Kim 30:04
Well, yeah, so check this out this Oh, this is I remember now clearly what the turning point for me when I went from spiritual mainstream law of attraction to

Unknown Speaker 30:15
Yes, yeah next level

Kat Kim 30:17
to the next level. One of the things that that one of the handful of things that was happening for me at that time was my niece got arrested for the same crime. on another level like she updated me. I was like, Oh, look at you. Same drugs, more of it more serious. And almost in the same area of Northern California. And her bail was $1 million. And I just became frantic. I was like, Oh, my God, I have to get her out of there. I don’t know what to do. The bill was at $1 million. It was a very, very difficult time for me. Like I said, though, that was just one of the things. There was a couple other things that was happening. I’ll just say it my dad, I discovered my dad had a gambling addiction. And we were $250,000 in debt. So there was like things happening.

Brandon Handley 31:10
So you so you called us just so it sounds like Yeah. And then and then I mean, I don’t mean I don’t mean to like call it out. But again, with with their culture to compounding that.

Kat Kim 31:21
Yeah, exactly. Hush, Hush. Nobody talks about it, don’t anybody. I mean, so much shame wrapped in all of these things. And I got to the point, like I said, where I was like, I don’t, I can’t, there’s nothing I can do. I can’t stop my father from gambling. There’s nothing I can do about my knees. I don’t have a million fucking dollars, by the way. Right? So I went to that part. Yeah, I went to my spiritual center, I started going to a spiritual center at that time, almost as everyday, as much as I could, because I needed some sort of sanctuary. And they had a prayer box. And the spiritual leader at that time said, if you need a prayer, you know, put remote Don’t forget, don’t forget to put a prayer in the prayer box, I thought was bullshit. I walked by it. It wouldn’t hurt. I have nothing else to do except for wallow in my pity and my anger right now. So I wrote on a little tiny piece of paper. I need a million dollars or I wrote something like my nieces. And you know, her bail is $1 million. I need help. Please pray for me. I don’t know what to do. I wrapped it up and put it in the prayer box. Lo and behold, that $1 million bail, it went down to 500,000. And then they wanted me to appear in court. I went to court with my brother, my brother’s daughter. And while we were at court, they brought that $1,500,000 to 020.

Brandon Handley 32:53
That’s awesome, right like me. So that’s it. That’s and and so were you at a level where you could look at it that way yet.

Kat Kim 33:01
I was beginning to see. What was that? If that’s not an answered prayer, I don’t know what what is. And this will happen in a very short amount of time. It wasn’t like I put this prayer and the prayer box. And then a year later, it was like I put the prayer in there. And then six weeks later, boom, that $1 million went to zero. And of course, who knows what I don’t know the legalities of all of whatever. But in my mind, it was that the burden of $1 million that was lifted from my shoulders. And I was like

Brandon Handley 33:38
you said I think that’s the thing too, right? Like, it doesn’t matter what it looks like from the outside. That’s been your experience. And you know what, like, I mean for somebody to be like, well, that’s coincidence. Oh, that’s just the way the law works. You’d be like, Yeah, but I put a prayer and a prayer box. Maybe you didn’t catch that. Right. And so I think I think that’s the other thing that I want to chat with you a little bit about too, right? Because again, so let’s see high school dropout drugs, bad choices, bad choices.

Unknown Speaker 34:08
And then

Brandon Handley 34:11
you know, I ended up having my family and had a little epiphany in the middle there as us come along but before I came into this podcast and this base literally just in this past year I was doing something called the prosperity practice right like based off it based off the Esther Hicks game right have $100 in your pocket and yada yada and it was I was very very seldom what they want give them what they need, right like because everybody everybody you talk about this I want to talk about to the the spiritual consumerism right but like everybody just wants like, you know, everybody wants all the stuff but like they don’t want the rest of the shit that goes with it. I don’t I still I’d love to hear more on that but I was like, you know what I was like I’m hiding behind the saying and it’s much more than just like this law of attraction and even when I was doing it, mine was more along the lines of Like neville goddard and like some of these other people, right, like, yeah. And then I just fucking, I just, I just let it go. I was like, you know what I was like, I was like this, it’s all spiritual. To me. It’s all like, that’s what it is. And I’m gonna lead with spirituality, and see where it goes. And ever since I did it, like it’s just blown up. I mean, nobody reached out to me when I was in prosperity practice, you’ve reached out to me, people reach out to me, like left and right to be on spiritual dope. And it’s just like, so it’s just like, it’s like, it’s fucking crazy, right? Because now, like, when you’re like, in alignment with spirit and your purpose, and yourself then just starts to happen. And you’re like, Well,

Kat Kim 35:38
yeah,

Brandon Handley 35:39
where’s this coming from? Right? That was the other piece I want to ask you to was like, um, you know, when you talk about your, your divinity school, right and and getting into is there is there a piece in there where it’s, you’ve got the self confidence, and all that is there a piece in there where you delve into purpose as well?

Kat Kim 35:59
Oh, 100%, it’s all it’s all purpose. It’s all purpose. And that’s part of the framework where I help people, I just want to teach give my students the skills to know how to reach their own divine confidence at any given moment at any given time. And I think that’s the, you know, the false belief that our purpose is something is a one time thing. And that it’s something that we, you know, our purpose is going to be this thing that we do for the rest of our life. And, and that’s actually not the case. That’s, that’s the opposite of spirituality. Spirituality is being in the moment and the here and the now and being present to the gifts and what’s whatever is wrong with you. In this moment, as we know, there’s no, there’s no, if you’re regretting the past and your future tripping, then you’ve, you’ve missed the point of this present moment. So, you know, part of one of the things that I teach is that your purpose is not in the future. It’s right here, it’s right now. And if you can, if you can, if you know how to ground into that and become present to that, what else do you need, and just like you shared, like, once you, you know, align with that, then everything unfolds naturally and easily. And that’s what I think a lot of people, most people have a hard time grasping. It’s that surrendering and letting go of having your their hands in all the details and having to know how everything is going to happen with us, because how it looks on the outside. Right, exactly.

Brandon Handley 37:26
So so what you see on the outside, you see other people doing on the outside? That’s, you know, I can use some examples, like when you know, what, are still working sales. When I see historically, like people like acting frantically, it’s always going to be frantic for that person, right? Like, yeah, that person is always on fire, this person is always this way, this is always going to happen for that person. Because we talked you talked about earlier, like, you know, your level of belief is, oh, I have to do it this way. This is the way I’ve had success before. If I don’t metal the whole time, then it’s just not gonna happen for me. Right. But like, it doesn’t have to be you. Yeah, as a matter of fact, it’s not you. It’s maybe maybe it’s initiated through you, but like, you work with a team, most likely of other people. Yeah, you don’t have to, you know, be on them. But again, you’re, if you’re tapped into your purpose, and you’re live with that, and you’re, you’re, you’re you’re rolling with Jesus, or whatever, you know, whatever you’re doing, right, and you’re tapped in the source, and you can kind of step back for a second and let it like, gently unfold and it will. Yeah, but try telling somebody that. Yeah,

Kat Kim 38:36
well, that’s part of, you know, that’s part of kind of this toxic masculinity energy that we’ve all been kind of fed into what I mean by that there’s the masculine, and there’s the feminine, and they’re both equally beautiful and powerful, right? But when the masculine energy is about, like, you know, is very linear. It’s taking action, it’s finding something and moving towards it. Regardless, the feminine energy is about allowing, it’s about letting it’s about being right. The masculine energy is about volition. So you see something, you go for it. So in this world right now, we that’s it’s become toxic, where we’re meaning we’ve taken everything, and we’ve turned it into something that we have to set a goal and we have to make it happen, regardless of who gets harmed in the way

Brandon Handley 39:26
out of success. You’re not a success if you set a goal and achieve it. Right.

Kat Kim 39:32
Exactly, exactly. So now we’ve we’ve all been conditioned to believe that that’s the only way and the one way that we achieve success that we have to set that goal, we have to go for it. We have to power through it, just do it. I mean, we see it all over in marketing, but we see this now in our government, we see this in extractive capitalism, we see this, you know, and what I mean by extractive capitalism going for, like reaching, you know, revenue goals, regardless of who gets harmed in the way we go. So the natural resources that we demolish along the way, so it’s this, it’s not a person, it’s not a it’s not a political party. It’s just the collective energy that we’ve all kind of we’ve all been part of, and we’ve all molded into. And spirituality has also been kind of swept into that as well. And that’s where I came to see that. Even spirituality can be toxic when it’s just about what do I want to manifest? How much money in the big house and all of that? And what what, how am I going to think positive, and bypass all the issues that come along with this type of lifestyle, not going to talk about that, but I just want to create the life that I want. And I’m going to use spirituality to do it. And now I’m spiritual.

Brandon Handley 40:49
And that’s true, right. But I mean, again, like there’s, it’s funny, my wife and I were talking earlier, like there’s a different level two, where it sounds like you’ve achieved right, like you’ve gone through, you know, you’ve gone through that phase, right? Like, it sounds like you went through that phase with like, you know, Esther Hicks and law of attraction, right? And But you came out on like, the other end of it, right? Where we’re sure it’s okay to want. But the idea to, you know, want a want without attachment to the outcome, right? Like, yeah, I’d love this to happen, right? This would be great. I’m gonna go work towards it. But I’m totally cool. If it doesn’t turn out the way I envisioned it. Right, it could and then maybe accepting that outcome, right, like the outcome they come in, came out pretty cool. Right? Or just being like, Alright, we’re gonna try a different way. Right. But not getting caught up in that?

Kat Kim 41:43
Yeah. Well, that’s what I was gonna say. But the problem is, is most people are attached, doesn’t

Brandon Handley 41:47
it? Yeah. 100% Yeah, yeah. But you know, that’s, that’s the same thing as even even creating a goal, the challenge because people are like, they’re afraid to share what they even want, even writing it on paper to themselves, because they’ve always been taught, Hey, you got enough, you should be happy. You’re, you know, even some of your words, right? You should be lucky, you got what you got. Right? Like, and, and, and that kind of thing. So. So now it’s like, but I want a little bit more, but everybody says I can’t?

Kat Kim 42:16
Yeah, well, it’s totally mixed messages. There’s that part where you should be happy with what you have. And then there’s the the overarching message that we receive from all the marketing out there and the consumer culture that actually, you need to do more and more and more and more and more and more, so that we get mixed messages. And I think the key here, Brandon, is that, again, design confidence means taking your focus away from that outside world, this is the practice of spirituality, taking your focus away from the outside world going inwards, and really digging in very deep into and finding out what actually do you want in your heart of heart? What is your heart’s desire. And that’s where the connection to your real source and to your true calling actually is right there. And that’s the thing that’s hard for people to do is to disconnect from social media, seeing all these Instagram posts of people who have all the money and all the cool pictures, and really going into to find out what actually Are you being called into? What is your true true, true good in this moment?

Brandon Handley 43:22
So how do you find yours? By

Kat Kim 43:24
that process?

It’s it’s a constant process. It’s like,

Brandon Handley 43:29
were you listening, Brandon?

Unknown Speaker 43:30
Yeah, hello. Oops.

Kat Kim 43:35
Um, but something important about that, let me answer this is like, I have to find it again. And again, and again. Because I’m, I am, I am part of that culture as well. I have, you know, I’m on social media, I see all the things I’m not free from that. I want all the money’s, okay, I want all the things,

Brandon Handley 43:53
all the things, right,

Kat Kim 43:54
I want all of it. I want all of it. And I see people who have more than me, and I’m like, fucking a, why don’t I have that? And then it’s that reminder. Well, let’s, let’s go back in, you know, and that’s that process of reclaiming my personal power, and my divinity. And that process is about letting go of that attach to the

Unknown Speaker 44:13
outside world.

Brandon Handley 44:14
So what is your What is your process and you know, to attach to divinity, right, like, how do you help somebody uncover that for themselves?

Kat Kim 44:21
Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s like, um, you know, the questions that I asked, well, there’s, there’s first I asked you, you know, like, first you have to get really clear on what what’s not working in your life? You know, what are your biggest challenges? What are you Where do you suffer the most? What’s the thing that you keep coming up against? Most people are trying to run away from that, but I want to say no, that’s actually here to show you. If this is not the thing you want, what is the thing you want? What? So that’s how I guide people if this is what you don’t want. Let’s use that to point us in The direction of what you actually want. But once you figure out what you want, it’s not the tangible thing of it. It’s the essence of it. So for example, if you want a big home, and you want to be able to come home and take care of your family, and you want your own space, okay, that’s great. That’s the physical representation of it. But what is the essence of that thing?

Unknown Speaker 45:23
For you, like,

Brandon Handley 45:24
why is that? What what what what does that represent to that person? Is that what you’re saying?

Kat Kim 45:29
Yeah, what is the essence of the physical, tangible thing that we want, when we can get to the essence of it? So for example, if we’re getting to the essence of that big house, maybe it’s connection with your family, maybe it’s family, that is the thing that you’re actually craving. That’s that inward journey, we’re so focused on the thing and not the essence of it. Looking at it, the essence of it, that’s the calling that’s God, that’s the way God is showing up for you in the the essence of it, know how to process it. Outside of the tangible.

Brandon Handley 45:58
Yeah, even even on the outside, even, even during Look, I’m not that deep into my journey, right? Like, I think I’m like, three years in, but I took the accelerated course. The meditation, you know, has been something big for me. And usually when I do like, meditation, I’m big fan, I love headspace. And he’s always like, you know, go to like, the, you know, make that light edges of, you know, how far can you expand it? I’m like, as the universe bro, let’s go, right, like, you know, right outside and riding that edge, right? Because that’s where the creation is, right? Like this, in my mind anyways, but then even just today are inside is just as infinite as the outside, right? Like, you know, random epiphanies are inside. But that’s what it was, like, you know, I spent a little bit of time digging around inside and meditating and reflecting on the inside. But if you think about it, it’s just as infinite as all the rest of the universe. And so I spent some time there.

Kat Kim 47:01
Yeah. And if you think about it, it’s like, all of all of God or spirit, whatever name you have for it. All of God is in you just as much as it is in the universe. All of God is in the tip of this pen that I’m showing you right now, as it is, is a new God doesn’t get split around. And in, you know, allocate 10% here

Brandon Handley 47:26
20% here, right? It’s like the sunshine, right? Like, they’re the sun’s out there. He’s not like, everybody can go step out and get as much sun as you can today. Right? Like, I mean, it’s, it’s, there’s no allocation to it outside, like no shade, whatever. But I mean, essentially, like, everybody gets the same amount of sun. It’s like infinite, there’s more than we can use and that kind of thing. Just the same as like you’re saying, hey, gods, like, there’s there’s more than you can use feel?

Kat Kim 47:49
More than more than enough, more than enough. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 47:54
So that’s fun, right? What do you want to go What’s next?

Kat Kim 48:01
Oh, well, hmm. You know, I think the interesting part of all this is yet like, you know, I was on this spiritual journey, manifesting things teaching people how to manifest and then and then it was like, I went to this kind of dark night of the soul again on I do that a lot. Dammit.

I need to cut those down.

Brandon Handley 48:24
Here’s the thing. I don’t know that I’ve had any, you know, so like, I’m almost jealous, but I’m not. Like I was like, dark night of the soul. But I’m like, I’m not gonna pass. I’m cool.

Kat Kim 48:36
No, they suck. But yeah, you should just pass but I um, you know, this is now I started going to my spiritual center, I did the prayer and the prayer box got obsessed with this thing called God and prayer.

Brandon Handley 48:52
What kind of spiritual center was it by the way,

Kat Kim 48:54
it’s called science of mind the centers for spiritual living. It’s a philosophy of thought that really combines it goes into the golden thread of all spiritual traditions and essentially boils it down to that we are all one and we all come from one source. And it’s it wasn’t recognized it didn’t it wasn’t trying to be a religion, but it became a religion is now officially recognized as a religion as of maybe five years ago or so. And I started just really going deeply its study of mysticism, essentially. And I became licensed as a spiritual practitioner took me three, three years to do that. And I learned about our connection to source and you know, the power of prayer and I read all these cool books. It was just like, it was like, law of attraction on crack.

Brandon Handley 49:48
Yes. It’s like it’s a it’s a you know, it’s more than a force multiplier, right. Like it’s and and I love you know, I love that you bring up drugs right? Because Here’s the deal to like, how would you define the difference between you know, being cracked out or high versus having a spiritual high?

Kat Kim 50:15
Well,

Unknown Speaker 50:18
I don’t know. I mean, one of

Unknown Speaker 50:19
I mean,

Kat Kim 50:20
one’s gonna fuck you up physically. I mean, as your I mean, the reason I’m, I’m trying to go back to my days of smoking crack and all that I’m like, the only thing that I can you’re kind of giving me like, what do you call it when you have like a craving? I’m having a moment where I’m like, oh, that would be really nice if I could smoke.

Brandon Handley 50:44
Right there. I mean, crack wasn’t my thing. But like, yeah, definitely, like, I’m always like, you know, I did, did the party scene right back in the day, like the rays and dance and all that stuff. And I’m always like, Man, you know, I wouldn’t mind a couple pills and some acid. It’s just gonna dance,

Kat Kim 51:00
acid, ecstasy, cocaine, all of this. Yeah, you’re making me feel like oh, that would be

Brandon Handley 51:13
the question was question was is, you know, when when you think about it, right? And your connection to spirituality versus that same ethereal high that you get when on drugs, right. So you get that you get that kind of high when you’re on drugs. But then there’s the kind of high when you get when you’re in spirit to aka spiritual dope, right? Like right now. That’s where spiritual doubt comes from, like, get your head in spiritual dope, because like, you can have this. So how would you define the difference between the two?

Kat Kim 51:39
Really good question. Um, so here are the here the similarities that I am that I’m putting together that I have never really thought of it because no one’s asked me that question. And this is really important for people to know who are on a spiritual journey. So when you do drugs, as you know, you get high, and then you you have that crash, you crash afterwards. And it really, really sucks depending on the drug that you do and how much it’s I mean, you’re out for days. The same thing is with spiritual highs as well. And I think that’s the thing, a lot of people who are on a spiritual journey, they’re seeking this, the eternal high. Like, once they get there to some sort of Nirvana that they’re gonna stay there. And then when they dip, you know, when they crash, that they’re doing spirituality wrong. And I want to tell you, actually, it’s, it’s still it’s all part of that journey. And that’s the part the dip, you know, the crashing the part where you don’t feel good about yourself, the where the part where you are confused, and there’s darkness. I, I would want people to know, and this is what I teach in the school, divine confidence, too, is that there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with being there. It’s all part of the journey. And trying to go for that peak and that high. And dismissing everything else as not being spiritual and doing it wrong. That’s where that’s where you get fucked up. Because now now you’re trying to constantly seek for that hot, you’re a fucking drug addict. Damn it.

Brandon Handley 53:10
is. And then and then the deal is, though, is this like? Yeah. But I could think of worse habits.

Unknown Speaker 53:19
I know.

Brandon Handley 53:22
That so so. But that’s a great call out right. I mean, I probably hadn’t thought about it. And that that in that fashion before the coming down from spirituality, and then feeling like I’m doing it wrong, right, or getting caught up in it. I’d have to think about it right. But I mean, so so you would liken it to at least kind of coming down parts of it right? Where you where you have your highs, and then would you liken it to also like if you have a large spiritual high or an ongoing spiritual high, then there’s going to be a substantial recovery period.

Kat Kim 54:01
I think there’s always going to be highs and lows to everything that that’s the eternal spiritual truth. And in my Buddhism practice, I practice, the passion of meditation, and all of that the personal meditation is centered around this one law, which is the law of impermanence. Meaning that all things arise and all things fall. And if you look out in nature, in the nature, you know, the seasons arise and fall, plants and trees arise and fall. Humans are life. We live we grow, we grow strong, and then we decline and then we die. Everything our emotions arise and fall, our cravings arise and they fall. Where suffering happens is when we get attached to one thing arising and staying there. Or one thing going away falling and staying there. That’s where suffering happens is that we want something to stay the same or change but The truth of all things in all of life and all of nature is that they, they arise and then they fall. So when we can accept that, then we can accept even, okay, let’s, let’s continue to use the analogy of drugs, for example, that craving. That, that, that that sense of like that craving for a drug, you know, or any food, or having sex or anything that drives pleasure. You know, the truth is, that sensation is going to arise and if we allow it, it will fall, it will go away. And if, you know, if we’re really practicing spirituality, if we become aware, then we can just simply observe that craving come up, and we can watch it go away. But, you know, we most people can’t, right, they want to react, they’re reacting to that craving. Well, I

Unknown Speaker 55:51
think I think that to

Brandon Handley 55:54
that, that that takes practice, right, catching yourself, right where you know, you know, making the conscious choice right you know, awareness of all things not just like your spirituality awareness of Oh, that’s a craving Oh, that’s a you know, whatever. I think that’s huge. I like it. what’s what’s hot in your world right now? Like what what are you working on that? You think people should come check out your school? Is there anything else going on? Yeah,

Kat Kim 56:19
I got this school going on right now. It’s called the school divine confidence. But what I’ve just recently launched it’s as this is what be my second episode is uncertain.

Brandon Handley 56:30
sermon. Yeah. I’m

Unknown Speaker 56:31
serving.

Unknown Speaker 56:33
La.

Kat Kim 56:34
Yeah, it’s a it’s a weekly uncertain where I share a life story, a spiritual lesson, a rant, a sermon on whatever topic to keep us affirmed and galvanized on our spiritual journey, but it’s really about deconditioning decolonizing undoing, right? And conditioning uncertain. And

Brandon Handley 56:58
I love it. I love it. What what brought that about for you?

Kat Kim 57:03
Going back to what you and I started off with his I just found this passion for talking about spirit and God, but I’m not religious, I’m not religious. So

Brandon Handley 57:13
is your is your God, like, tell us about your God? I’m curious,

Kat Kim 57:16
oh, my God, my God is my god swears all the time. My God is like, very passionate by God is a thing. It’s an experience. And it’s something that I can call upon at any time. It’s not this thing that I have to pray for, or pray to is just this, this, this, it’s an energy, it’s a vibration, I call it God vibration. And, and the more that I access that, that just the easier that all things become. And the more I study it, the mysticism, metaphysics, when I, the more I study, the source of all things, is just mind blowing, to know and to really understand that oh, my God, I am that source of all things. So that’s, that’s what this exploration of uncertain is, is, is a different idea and relationship of God and what we can and what’s possible with that?

Brandon Handley 58:17
That’s great. It’s great. I love that you’re, you know, you’re taking it out, right, you’re bringing it to the people. And and you’re doing it in your own way based off your experiences. So that’s great. Thank you so much. So where am I gonna send people to go kind of hang out with you?

Kat Kim 58:31
Yeah, so I do these. Yeah, I do the weekly uncertain. I do them live every week in my facebook group. It’s called The Confident leadership community. So come on, join me in there. I’ve got free training going on. I’ve got things to offer you. Come say hi, I’d love to see you.

Unknown Speaker 58:47
Sweet. Who’s your ideal client?

Kat Kim 58:50
My ideal client is the person who just knows in their bones that they are being called to do something important, but they feel stuck. They’re uncertain. They feel that the thing that they want to do is impossible. It’s the non conformists, the misfit. It’s the mutant out there.

Brandon Handley 59:07
Somebody who knows they’ve got power but hasn’t figured out how to control it and is afraid to share

Kat Kim 59:12
Yep, yeah, to come out and be who they really are someone who’s always been trying to fit in and they realize oh my god, this isn’t working for me.

Brandon Handley 59:19
Sweet Why, thank you so much for coming on today. Kat can really appreciate

Unknown Speaker 59:24
ya. Thanks for having me, Brandon.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Krista Xiomara is a writer, blogger, podcast host, poet, and author. Krista lives and thrives in Austin, Texas with her dog Penny Moon and maintains her spiritual practices through the lens of Buddhism. She is committed to raising the greater collective consciousness of the world through her podcast, writings, and speaking engagements. Her first non-fiction book, “The Alchemy of Kindness” focuses on helping individuals move from self-rejection to self-love through transforming their internal dialogue with radical kindness and self-compassion to create and sustain long-term unconditional positive regard for oneself.

Podcast: http://imawakenowwhatpodcast.libsyn.com/

Website: www.iamkristaxiomara.com

Instagram: @iamkristaxiomara @ianwpodcast

Brandon Handley 0:00
321 Hey, there’s spiritual dope. Today I am on with my guest, Krista zetta mata on Ted’s butchered it, but I did my best. She is a writer, a blogger, a podcast host poet and author, Krystal lives and thrives in Austin, Texas with her dog, Penny moon, and maintains her spiritual practices through the lens of Buddhism. She is committed to raising the greater collective consciousness of the world through her podcast, writings and speaking engagements. Her first nonfiction book, the alchemy of kindness focuses on helping individuals move from self rejection, to self love through transforming their internal dialogue with radical kindness and self compassion to create and sustain long term unconditional, positive regard of oneself. Woof, we got through it. So welcome to the podcast. And thanks for being here today.

Krista Xiomara 0:56
Thank you for having me, Brandon.

Brandon Handley 0:59
Absolutely, absolutely. So I always start us off with the idea that spirit the universe speaks through us, right? There’s this inherent message that’s coming through us today, specifically through you, that is for somebody who’s listening. What is that message?

Krista Xiomara 1:23
I think for me, the message is always about homecoming to ourselves. Because we are living in a world that is constantly taking us away from ourselves and asking us to be something other than ourselves. And so I think in the vein of my book, my podcast, my own journey, it all comes back to I really, truly believe that the path to enlightenment is the path of self love and self return to oneself. I think there’s no higher purpose we all have in this life, except for returning to ourselves so that we might love and greet the world from a very different place than it usually asks us to.

Brandon Handley 2:16
That’s a fantastic message. It really is what it is. And you know, of course, the first thing that jumps out to someone that’s not in this is I mean, look, even for myself, I’d run around and and she told me years ago, that you had to go on a journey to find yourself and be like, Well, you’re right there. Where do you need to go? Right. So what do you mean by you know, there’s that I love it. What says but what is what do you mean by this journey to ourselves, return to oneself within that?

Krista Xiomara 2:45
Yeah, so I, I referenced in my book, and in the podcast, oftentimes this extended metaphor that I like to call the puzzle. And it’s this idea that we come into this world as a fully formed puzzle. And we get thrown into our families and society and to relationship with other people. And immediately when we land in our family, our family starts to take some of the puzzle pieces out to match with their puzzle pieces. Sometimes they don’t like the way your puzzle pieces look. So they they chuck them. And when you grow into adulthood, you will look into the mirror. And you will see that not only are you missing puzzle pieces, but your own pieces are disorganized and out of place. And my podcasts that centers around the idea of personal development and spirituality, which inevitably, continually cross over one another. If you go on either of those paths, they both cross each other over and in our human experience in coming home to ourselves. Part of that homecoming is about going and finding our puzzle pieces that were chucked out the window, finding puzzle pieces that that actually make a better mosaic of what we actually landed in in this life, and then putting ourselves back together as our authentic, beautiful whole selves. Because we arrived here hole, and the world tells us we’re not that tells us we’re broken. It tells us we’re damaged. It tells us we’re not good enough. It tells us we’re not thin enough. But we land literally in this human form as these beautiful whole human creatures. And to me, enlightenment in this age is about ascending beyond our current culture, and living so at peace with ourselves that we create piece around us.

Brandon Handley 4:54
That’s great. So when you talk about these puzzle pieces, and you’re telling the story, I always think about Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the King’s Men, right? And so it’s kind of similar, right? Like you’re the only one that can put all your pieces back together. Right? You’re the only one that recognizes even your own pieces. Right? And you also are the only one that has capability to recognize that this this, this picture is complete.

Krista Xiomara 5:19
Exactly. Right. Right.

Brandon Handley 5:22
Yeah. So. So let’s talk for a second on on your podcast. I’m so jealous of the name of the podcast. I really am. It’s so simple. But it’s an it’s so but it’s so perfect. What’s the name of your podcast?

Krista Xiomara 5:36
The podcast is called I’m awake. Now what?

Brandon Handley 5:39
Man is genius, right? So how did you know first of all, how did you discover that you were a personally awake? How do you define awake? And then what made you decide to be a voice for that?

Krista Xiomara 5:52
Yeah. So as many people who’ve listened to the podcast know that my journey started out, in a very weird offshoot of Catholicism growing up that was based a lot in conformity, fear and submission and denial of my own humanity and my gender, essentially. And towards the end of my 20s, I started to question start questioning a lot of things. And I started to look at the way the church taught, and the way I grew up, and the people that taught me my Christian values, and they weren’t in alignment with each other. There was a lot of contradictions, there was like a lot of loopholes, and I’m very much a type a person, and I very much love rules. And so I one day just realized there are all these rules in the Catholic Church that people are supposed to follow. And maybe people are following them to like 45 to 50%. Like maybe that’s, that’s really giving a lot of credit to a lot of people. And like, what is the point of all of this then? And that was like the first breaking I was like the first cracking open of my conditioning, my cultural and religious conditioning, where I started to question like, Well, what does this all mean? What What do I believe, and I basically pulled myself out of my religious experience, and found myself in a yoga Ashram. And that’s when I realized that in my conditioning, I was asleep. And I would refer to myself as a sleep walker or a sheeple. And then when I came onto the yogic path, I realized that there was this other more inviting, more self led way to be in relationship with yourself, the world and God. And I realized that was an awakened state and awakened a way of being with yourself. In addition to that those people that I met in that yoga ashram, were so at peace, and within so much harmony with themselves, that I knew that’s what I wanted, I could point to it, I could see, that’s exactly how I want to live in myself and live in the world. How do I get that? And so this awakening started to happen. And it was like a decade’s long journey from like about 28. to, to 37 was a huge opening and cracking open of everything. And I, like you immersed myself in a great deal of texts and experiences and ideas and curiosities and curiosity. I think, if anything I’ve learned is a spiritual practice, the practice of curiosity is a spiritual practice, they’re one in the same and you cannot go on this journey, and not be a curious person, because you’ll, you’ll bump you’ll get stuck. So if you don’t have curiosity as your lens for a lot of this, you’ll get stuck. And so I knew that when I got to the other end, I love podcasts, I love radio, I love all of that. I knew when I got to the opposite end of it, and I had matured into a place of my own homecoming spiritually, that I wanted to create a system and a community where people could go and listen to like your story and other people’s story of like, how are they navigating this awakening, which is very disorienting, very cumbersome, very scary, because you’ve got a dress like the light and the dark parts. And so my podcast was birthed in this idea of like, you wake up, and now what do you do?

Brandon Handley 9:42
And it’s so so true. It’s so disorienting, even even right from the onset. I think what you said there was, we do recognize that in you know, your your, your place of faith and religion, that just about 40% of the people They’re not following the rules. So why am I trying so hard at it right is my guess because you said your type a right? You’re like, why am I trying so hard? Why am I putting all my effort into this? And these guys are getting away with 40% something’s something’s not lining up. So and then and then, you know, that begins to kind of crack the veil, right? That begins to up against to say, Well, if that wasn’t right, man, because you probably based sounds like you base quite a bit off of that, right? Or at least from that space. And now there’s now everything’s just kind of flying off. Right? That’s the whole the whole, you know, well, Jesus, the Wizard of Oz, right, the man behind the man behind the curtain curtain. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, what you’re saying to me, too, is really, really reminds me of the Alan Watts. Knew, and I know, fans of Alan Watts, right? So it reminds me of like, when he’s talking about the monks in Zen Buddhism, when they would go up to the samurai eyes, right? And the samurai is bialik I don’t know what Samurai is do but they, you know, they do their Samurai thing. And then the monk shows like no fear because he’s a total peace with himself. Right? He’s like, go ahead, I’m good. Do what you got to do. But and, and and then the samurai sees, you know, kind of what you saw these people are so at peace. So it like they have something and it’s, it’s nearly palatable, right? You can almost touch it.

Krista Xiomara 11:25
Yes.

Brandon Handley 11:25
And you’re like, you’re like, I want some of that.

Unknown Speaker 11:29
Mm hmm.

Brandon Handley 11:29
Right. And so that’s that’s kind of what I’m hearing you say right. But uh, if you know, so how did you decide to head in you What made you go to like yoga and an ashram? Right, because that’s a, that’s a pretty big leap from from from Catholicism.

Krista Xiomara 11:47
It’s a huge, it’s a huge leap. I read and this is going to be this is the cheesiest part of my whole story, but it’s so it I can’t deny it. It’s everywhere. I’ve said it multiple times. But I had read Liz Gilbert’s Eat, Pray Love. I know. You just posted an Elizabeth Gilbert quote today. I love her. She’s everything to me. To me. She’s like my, my female Jesus on this earth. She’s so honest and transparent. And after I read her book, I was like, if she can figure out her life, and then yogic ashram, I think I can too. And she was right, because it’s the source. It’s so old. It’s so ancient. It’s so tied to the truth of what we are, beyond our current civilization. They have all of the wisdom there and their texts. So I landed in that I luckily had that yogic ashram in this tiny town of Spokane, of all places, Spokane, Washington.

Brandon Handley 12:49
Yeah, that’s, you know, it’s funny, because that’s my, my, I spent a summer up there. Growing up, it is it is tiny. Like you said,

Krista Xiomara 12:59
there’s like 200,000 people there something at the time, but yeah, and so then that led me again, like, curiosity became my guiding light. So the SWAMI who created that ashram there, Swami shivananda, Radha, this beautiful German Swami who is now passed on, but she had a prolific writing career. So I read all her books. And then I’m very much a root cause kind of person. I work in quality management systems in my regular life. And so when I want to understand something, I have to get to the base of it. And so once I dipped into the yogic ashram, which was based in Hinduism, that kind of led me down the path of Buddhism and Zen and Sufi ism, and Islam and Judaism. And then I realized I need to really understand these other religions and philosophies. And I really got into stoicism with Marcus Aurelius. And of course, then you go into the spiritual side, which is like all of the beautiful teachers we’ve had, like Alan Watts, and Wayne Dyer, and Michael Dooley, all these people have done such massive work and you just realize they’re all saying the same thing, which is, you are God God is you live a life that is honest and pure and of service of others. And that’s all you have to do and show up in this world as

Brandon Handley 14:32
so how are you accepting yourself as you know, God, right, I think that that’s definitely been one of the bigger stumbling blocks, right? Because we also, we, you know, Westerners, we’ve got like this, you know, one concept of God, right? And then Hinduism and Eastern and other spiritualities have this other concept of Gods so when you say that, we’re all God, what is your concept of that and how do you sleep at night with that? Right, like, I mean, cuz that’s, that’s definitely a challenge because, um, you know, I can tell you just from my own practice I can I can do like great meditations and I’ll be like, I can get myself to like love. But I can’t, you know, sometimes I had that struggle with, you know, seeing myself as God, right? Like I can be I am love. Right? But then I’m like I am God. I’m like, Hey, wait a second, buddy, what do you think in there? Right? So just walk me through that? Because I’d be curious to hear what that sounds like it looks like for you?

Krista Xiomara 15:29
Well, yeah, it’s interesting that you bring that up, I would say the thing, where I’ve shaken out in my relationship with God, which is too small of a word for what created us, I think. And I don’t think it’s one person. But one of the things that I, I came to terms with on my journey to is like, in Catholicism, and a lot of the Abrahamic religions, and even some of the Eastern ones, there’s this idea that God exists wholly in perfection, and that divinity equates perfection. But if you look around the world, if if a god or gods created us, there are so many imperfections in this world that make it absolutely beautiful. You can walk into a forest, like right now I can see outside of my house is the greenbelt here in Austin, which is like our, our forest, and it’s untamed, and it’s wild. And it’s, you know, it’s not perfect, and we’re not perfect. And that means that the thing that created me is also imperfect, and I’m comfortable knowing that it’s probably still evolving to, and we’re evolving together. And that wisdom that exists in me to understand that helps me connect to my own divinity and remove that disconnection that I grew up with that said, like, God is in this place, and God can only be accessed through these people. And God is only available to X, Y, and Z. But I think we are born with a god shaped portion of our of God in our body and in our soul, and in our energy that circulates us as human beings. And it’s a matter of recognizing that in ourselves. It’s, it’s not that you’re better than anyone if you know that you have God within you or that God is something you know, unattainable. We all have it. And I think the manifestation of understanding that God is within you, is when you act in kindness and compassion and humility to other people. Because that’s, that’s literally God working through you, that’s your own divinity, that the part of you that is God is coming forward. And it’s manifesting as those actions as this podcast. As of the way you help people as a coach Brandon, like, that’s, that’s you and God, that’s like you guys co creating, it’s this beautiful co creation that we all get to be a part of that has been denied, especially in the Western world, because it’s built on these Abrahamic religions and say, no Gods this other thing, but it’s not.

Brandon Handley 18:15
Fair enough. Fair enough. You know, I 100% agree with all all what you’re saying. And the one thing I would say, though, is I was recently introduced to a new definition of the word perfect. Meaning that you don’t need anything else. That’s all it means. Right? So actually, if you go to sleep tonight, Crystal, Do you need anything else? done today? You’re perfect. Today, the world you live in is perfect. Mm hmm. Right. I mean, that forest over there, it doesn’t need anything else today to be that forest, does it? Now it’s a perfect forest. Right, you know, so somebody had introduced it and just said that that was like the old, you know, way back when that’s what that word meant, like, you don’t need anything else. And if that’s if that’s the definition of perfect, then there’s a lot of us that are perfect, that don’t think that we are right, therefore we keep ourselves from saying, Man, I can’t access God, because last time, you should see me last week, that wasn’t cool. Right? Or like, you know, they’ve got all these things that that make them think that they’re being kept away from God. Right? The only thing that’s keeping them away from that is themselves, right?

Krista Xiomara 19:26
That’s exactly right. Right.

Brandon Handley 19:28
Yeah. And to your point today, it doesn’t make somebody better or worse to say, I’m connected to God. Right. I’m divine. You know, that’s, that’s basically it boils down to a choice. Is that fair to say?

Krista Xiomara 19:43
Well, yeah, and I would say the when if if somebody is saying that, that should raise a lot of alarm bells in your mind, if they’re creating that disconnection to you from them because they have a closer connection to God than you should run for the hills.

Brandon Handley 20:02
No good can come to that. That’s what that’s like the Crusades. Right. So, you know, so what made you decide to be the voice though, you know by by taking it and you know, by literally opening up you know their voice and bringing this to bringing us to the greater masses a and then be like, talk about stuffing into that like What gave you the confidence to be that person.

Krista Xiomara 20:24
Um, I mean, I’m not know if it was a matter of like confidence more than the desire to help. So like a lot of my motivations as an individual comes from the desire to alleviate other people’s suffering, whether that’s through community through the podcast through holding space for them to process things, whether it’s just been friendship with somebody, so they don’t feel alone. The my motivation was that I know there’s people that need to hear these things. And I would say the best example of that was the summer when I finally put into one conglomerated space, the journey of me leaving my religion of origin, making sense of all of that trauma, releasing it and coming home to myself. And I can’t tell you how much I’ve heard from people all over the world about how liberating it was to have somebody regurgitate that life experience that they had gone through, and that they were either at the beginning, the two middle parts or the end, and feeling like me, too. And I think when we do this work, like and you do your spiritual dope, podcast on your coaching and stuff, I don’t think there’s any deeper modality of love that we can do for each other than to see and hear each other. And I think what’s funny about the world we live in now is social media is exactly that. It’s this deep seated desire to be seen and to be heard, and to feel like you matter in this world. And I think us on the spiritual path. Our goal and creating this content is to also be a mirror to the people who are in the process of it all. Because we need each other and we need each other’s experiences and wisdom and honesty and integrity. To help us through this this journey. We can’t do it alone.

Brandon Handley 22:40
Yes, so how many? You know, when you open it up? Was there any fear? Was there any family or friends? were surprised or shocked by about kind of what you were doing in that space? How about your co workers, right? Like, I mean, is this something that your your, you know, your day job, right, you’ve got the day jobs, that’s something that you know, you share with openly there? Or is this kind of like, you go to work today is Christa. You know, I’m here working today, and then you come come home at night, and you’re like, let’s finish delivery at some people. Right?

Krista Xiomara 23:18
Yeah. Well, it’s funny, just to that point, and then I’ll answer your question is one of the things that was, was very much a bone of contention in my own life when I was in my religious upbringing and still in the church of origin was, I did feel like they’re like I had a dichotomy. There was like work Krista and then there was like, religious Krista and sometimes religious Krista could come out and sometimes only work Krista could come out or Krista in her marriage or Krista with her friends, or what not. And the thing that has been the most liberating on this path is that I the just the the ability to show up as yourself everywhere all the time is more peace than I could have ever asked for in my life. And so if people ask me about my podcast, or I’ll tell people about it and my work life, but more than anything, what has changed about diet, you know, the duality of Christa, old Krista and new Krista is that my spiritual practices come into my work life and so I’m just as compassionate and kind and, you know, harmonious with my co workers who don’t know anything about me. There’s a lot of them who don’t have never met me. I work remotely no matter what, because of COVID but, but I show up like that to them the way I show up to my podcast guests, the way I show up to my family, that I’m in relationship with my friends, and that’s the thing that has changed more than anything. So I do tell people about it. Mostly my family doesn’t really care, they don’t really even understand what it is like they’re so in their own world and in their own religious experience, still that they don’t really get it, they don’t understand that it’s a thing that it’s grown, that it has a lot of reach that people are super interested in it. So like, there’s a small subset of people I get to really celebrate my podcast with like, you are one of them. And you know, the other people in my life, like, everyone else could care less and

Brandon Handley 25:34
less interesting, though, you know, it’s all it’s always interesting to hear, you know, how you kind of charge for arthritis. What I’m hearing, you say, though, too, is, at some point, there was a merger of the two of us, or maybe there was a, or maybe the you left behind all of all of this, and you’re like, this is all I’m going to be, you know, this is who I am. Now, this, this is what this looks like, to me about like that decision? Because I think that’s pretty interesting.

Krista Xiomara 26:01
Yeah, I mean, I think that our society asks that of us, our society asks us, all of us, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, to show up in these really specific ways. And even the people that we have relationships with, sometimes don’t even want to see all of us. And so in my book of the book, that I’m writing, the alchemy of kindness, I say in there multiple times that it’s like an it’s like an act of bravery, to never turn against yourself to love yourself, no matter what you do, because we all make mistakes where, you know, I don’t always show up compassionately. Although like, I wish I could I wish I that would be like every day of my existence. But I still fail in that in interactions and certain things like that. So for me, thinking about that, that whole idea of coming home to yourself and having that, that, basically, it’s like if you think about it visually, like maybe you’re projecting out these different kind of what are they called, like emojis or I’m not, I can’t think of the word right now. But you’ve got these projections of yourself in the world. And in this journey, what we do is we like suck it all in and we become one, in and of ourselves. Because when I was living in that other place, I was very much at war with myself, I was at war with my ideals. I was at war with my words and my mind and everything. And being able to bring in all those parts of ourselves those avatars, that’s what I was trying to say, you know, we have these avatars of like, podcast, Brandon, and podcasts, or Brandon father, and all these things, these avatars, but we’re really the central core, we’re the bean and bringing it like bringing those avatars in as part of the work on this path. Because to live authentically and truly, in yourself is, is I think, again, the work that we have to do here because our society has become something very wild and different. And authenticity, authenticity and wholeness is not always wanted.

Brandon Handley 28:23
So, the one thing that I see out there a lot, and you know, again, I agree, I agree with everything you’re saying. The one thing I see out there a lot is is this idea of being the be your authentic self.

Krista Xiomara 28:36
Yeah. The bumper sticker.

Brandon Handley 28:38
Yeah, I haven’t seen it. But I haven’t seen a bumper sticker since March. Um, the the idea is, though, whoo, and what is your authentic self, and what you’re describing is like, stop, stop, stop, like projecting all of what you think everybody, you think what everybody wants to see. And pull that all back in. And really sit with yourself. Right. And, and, and, and that’s it. That’s just the one, the one self that that needs to happen. And that is your authentic self. And you’ll be able to know and feel your authentic self when every day doesn’t suck anymore.

Krista Xiomara 29:18
And when you’re not questioning everything, right, you know, you’re not in alignment with yourself. If you don’t know what you want, if you let people make decisions for you, if you feel uncomfortable, even facing yourself. Those are like the big red flags, that you’re not living in authenticity with yourself and that you are not in alignment with your core being. And I think a lot of people go on this spiritual journey. And that’s the outcome. The outcome is them coming home to themselves. A lot of the spiritual other work is healing and releasing stuff that no longer serves you and, and and finding your true self. Honestly, I’m sorry, I’m beating this To a dead horse, but it’s how I feel this journey is is. That is the purpose that, like all of us doing this work is like if we love ourselves, and this is a universal truth that I hated hearing, and I didn’t know it was true, I had to hear like 5000 times. But if we love ourselves, and we’re at harmony with ourselves, and we’re at peace with ourselves, and we are authentically in alignment with ourselves, the world aligns itself as well, because when we show up authentically, then we allow other people to show up authentically, when we are compassionate with ourselves and other people can give some self compassion to themselves and give themselves a break. Like that’s what it’s all about.

Brandon Handley 30:45
Where do you think you first saw that evidence, right evidence of that concept. And when did it finally click?

Krista Xiomara 30:53
I did say 10 years. At the yogic ashram, honestly, that was the first time where, like, the thing that with the authenticity, to just go back to the story about like, living in these dual places in my religion of origin, there was in the religion of origin, there was very much this idea of Do as I say, not as I do. And then going into the yogic ashram and watching people match up their actions with their words. And I was like, Oh, these people are living it. They’re living their true, honest, transparent, authentic selves. And I knew that that’s what I wanted, I didn’t know that the outcome would be this huge homecoming at all, I had no idea that that would happen. I just knew I didn’t want to be in conflict with myself anymore. And I felt very conflicted in my religious experience. Not because necessarily, even I wasn’t living up to the rules. But the goalposts was always moving. If we want to talk back again about the God thing. It was like, you know, I, I,

Unknown Speaker 32:05
I,

Krista Xiomara 32:06
you know, I was abstinent I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t, you know, drink, I didn’t curse, and I still wasn’t good enough for God, I still wasn’t good enough for my church, not you know, the goalpost just kept moving. And then you I went to the yoga ashram, and I’m like, No, these people, they know what they’re doing.

Brandon Handley 32:27
That’s hilarious. You know, I was never none of those things. I probably would have been incinerated going in. And that’s always what I kind of thought. Like, they’re not they don’t want any of this. Um, you know, I love what you’re saying there, you see that these people are actually living their truth. And you know, you’re living your truth now. And then, you know, I like to hear how we’ll just call it like the universe has opened up for you, because your podcast looks like you’ve had, you know, just a great run, right? You’ve had a great run, you’re having great conversations. You’re putting out a book. My guess is you’ve got more behind that. But also sounds to me, like you’ve found a way to and I’m just guessing here, you found a way to like, kind of surrender to it and let it like, be organic.

Unknown Speaker 33:19
Mm hmm.

Unknown Speaker 33:21
That’s about that.

Krista Xiomara 33:22
Yeah. I mean, if we want to talk technically about the podcast, like, like anybody else, I started, I don’t know what the hell I was doing. And I had to learn how to edit. And all of that stuff. I just had an idea that I wanted to put this information out, and I just needed to find a way to do it. And I had to figure out all of those things. And what I, I recently did an interview with a gal about how to start a podcast and one of my advice for somebody was just go in knowing that it’s gonna evolve. And that’s part of the process instead of being stuck in this like, box. So my first two seasons, I didn’t know what I was doing. I changed the format a couple times, I changed the way it was, you know, presented, I changed my branding, and I did a bunch of things. Like, I didn’t know what I was doing. And that was okay. And finally, after with a lot of trial and error, like I think our life is supposed to be it’s supposed to be this loving, existence of trial and error, and we don’t get punished when we error. It’s just a learning lesson and we pivot, right? So I pivoted, and I found the right sequence. And I found an audience that resonated with what I was saying, which allowed me to bring bigger guests on because like, the bigger your podcast gets, the more people want to come. And I was just telling a Mona, who, you know, it’s funny to think when I started my podcast, like, every week, like seven people would listen to it and now it’s like, Up to 21,000 people a week. That’s a lot of people listening

Brandon Handley 35:03
does a lot of people. Yeah, not congratulations. That’s fantastic.

Krista Xiomara 35:06
But it was yours. You know, it’s not like that happened overnight. This it has been me just diligently sitting down and saying, I don’t care about the numbers. I don’t care about the monetary compensation, what I care about is being of service to people on the path who need help. And I’m going to show up, and this is what I’m going to do, as that’s as simple as I can explain it.

Brandon Handley 35:30
No, I mean, that’s perfect, right. But again, so thank you for that. What I’m looking for is just the path opening up, right? And it sounds to me again, like you’ve like, again, you’ve kind of surrendered, right? You’re not forcing something. You’re not saying hey, you didn’t come up and be like, Alright, well, 1231 2018, I’m looking for, like 75,000 downloads and that should that be a great year, right? Instead, you said, Hey, this neat, I need to do this, this is something I’m doing. This is something that I’m doing as much for me as for anybody else, I’m looking to be of service. I’m not looking for anything other than that, like you’re you’re doing it in an altruistic nature, right?

Krista Xiomara 36:16
Mm hmm.

Brandon Handley 36:17
But the idea is that once you kind of move with your intention with your purpose, and you know, you’re in full alignment, the idea is that the universe opens up for you. Have you found that to be true for yourself?

Krista Xiomara 36:30
Yeah. And that’s one of the universal truths. I know, you and I have talked about this already that it is true. I just think that when you go in, honestly, and you ask to co create with the universe, like, honestly, things just fall into place. And there’s no easier way to say it is that like, when I wanted to do the podcast, I was actually telling my therapist about it. And she told me about this guy who happened to produce his own podcast, and he could help me and he helped me and tell me get it off the ground. And it was like, in the alchemist, where Paulo Coelho quotecolo, says, you know, like, the universe will conspire to bring everything to your plate. And it, it really is true, I think, the thing that I would leave the audience with is that you just have to continue to make actionable steps and show up and sometimes your steps are in the wrong direction. But the universe will course correct for you, it’ll let you know you’re on the wrong path. And you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And this idea of the surrender, is that I have this idea, but I’m not tied to it. And that’s where the surrender comes in. So I had this podcast idea, and I thought I wanted it to be this thing. And I let it evolve and become something that it is today and have had opportunities because of it. In that way, is a large surrender, because I let it do what it needs to do. And I’m just kind of the conduit at the end of the day. Does that answer it?

Brandon Handley 38:11
It does? Yep. I mean, that. Nailed it. So that I mean, that’s the space though. And then I think that how would you tell someone that you recognize that you’re a conduit?

Krista Xiomara 38:25
Hmm. That’s a really hard one. I would say first go read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Lee, and help you, you have to do I think anybody This is just a generalization, I think if you want to become a conduit, and a true co creator with divinity, you have to face the, I guess, the idea that you have an ego. And you have to kind of fight with your ego until your ego takes a step back. Because a lot of work can be done from the ego. And a lot can come from the ego. But where that becomes a problem is I think, if you’re working egoic Lee, it takes you out of that alignment, and that co creation, and then you start to have, you know, obstacles or things don’t kind of flow as easily. I’ve seen that too. And I’ve, I’ve had to fight with my own ego all the time, you know, throughout this whole process and to continue to recognize when it’s trying to push itself forward when really the universe is asking me to show up in a very different way. So I would say start there. And then just know and trust like I do say this in my book, too. It’s the it’s in the introduction and it’s the I say that When I went on the spiritual journey, there were two things that I learned. And the first one is that when you go on a journey, whether it’s like physical or spiritual, there are proverbial, you know, twists and turns and things you cannot anticipate you have to be ready for that. But the second thing that you learn on this journey, if you stay open, is that the universe is literally there to bring you the tools, the people, the experiences, anything, you need to be able to become the conduit to your own life journey, and show up in a way that resonates with people. So that we can all help each other.

Brandon Handley 40:40
Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. I mean, what I’m what I think I hear you say that, too, is uh, you know, egos, the guy that says, you know, ego egos the voice inside you saying, I’m doing this, this is me, watch what I can do. Right. And whereas the conduit says, I have the resources of the universe, and it’s just flowing through me, I literally wrote down this morning, I wrote down this morning, the idea that I’m, from a humanity standpoint, if I view myself as strictly human, then all I’m left with his, you know, my human capabilities, and the things of this world, right now, if I open myself up to being divine, or of this universe changes, right? I mean, and so there’s nothing you can’t do. Right? And I don’t have to be and I’m not the one doing it. Right. And you know, so I think that’s what I’m hearing you say, right, and kind of break in and having that breakthrough. And then looking for evidence of that, right? I think that that’s really important. Right? So to set your intention to say that I want to become a conduit, here’s, you know, you’re talking about breaking through the egoic structure, and then saying, you know, now, where am I seeing it? Right? How am I seeing it? And I think that that comes from setting an intention and not acting on it right forcefully in such a way that to your point, like you do need to take action, right, there needs to be some type of whatever move to go get it. This is, you know, the call of, Hey, this is the hero’s call type thing, you know, you’re called to go do this thing. I’m not gonna do it. And so nothing’s gonna happen then, right? There is no transformation, there is no transition. If you’re called hero’s calling, like, Alright, I’m gonna go do it. And then you’re met with obstacles, but like, right behind that obstacles, like the thing like shut up? Right? All I had to do was pick up that rock. That’s crazy.

Krista Xiomara 42:34
Yeah. And I would say that a prayer that has become like, a mantra to me is, I will literally say to the universe, like, I want to do this thing. And I don’t know if it’s right. But I’m gonna take these steps. And I’ll just wait for you to answer. And that’s literally what I do when I want to do something new. Or I want to venture out into something else, or write a book. I just say, I don’t know if this is right, this is what’s in my heart. And I need you to tell me if I’m on the wrong track, and I’ve never been misled. It’s never it’s, it’s it’s either shut doors, or open doors. And that’s how I know. And it’s like, you know, we have all of these other senses that we can tap into from our own divinity that allows us the wisdom to know what’s the next right step every time.

Brandon Handley 43:28
That’s awesome. That’s a great one. That’s a great one. So your book is coming out when when can we expect your book,

Krista Xiomara 43:35
ah, this has been like the biggest labor of love that I’ve ever had in my life. It’s taken me two years to finish this book. And I’m still not even done yet. I’m I’m My goal is to get it done by December and have it out. And in mid March is the goal to after it goes to the drafts and the covers and all of that. But my, I think also to let me just back it up for a second what I’ve learned on this, this journey, as well, and having the podcast is that a lot of people have different entry points into spirituality, how we find it some for some people, it’s addiction for some people, it’s trauma for some people, it’s the religious experience for some people, it’s, you know, no religious experience, but we all have these entry points, but we all come together at some point our experiences kind of merge at some point. But the the, the conflict that I was talking about earlier that can that was contained in my mind was also this deep seated self hatred. And that was my entry point. And because I only needed peace, and I didn’t need peace with the world, I needed peace with myself cuz I hated myself. I hated everything about me. I hated myself to the core. And it’s like one of those things that people never want to talk about. But it was a it was a very big struggle of mine. And it was my entry point. into leaving my religion that I had an inclination that it was a contributing factor to my self hatred. But I didn’t quite know if it was. And so the journey of the alchemy of kindness, the book is about, like, traversing my past to understand where did the separation happen, that I started to hate myself, because I certainly wasn’t born hating myself. I be and then I did. And then unraveling the tools that I picked up, that helped me reverse that self hatred, and then the practices and the daily living, that allows me to stay in congruence with myself and in love with myself in an authentic way, not just like, Oh, I love myself. Not like that, like truly like, yeah, like, I don’t say, a harmful word about myself, don’t criticize myself, all those things. And so this book, I knew, like I did with the podcast, I knew that once I got through that whole thing, I really wanted to create a roadmap for people to unravel their self hatred, because it is a true epidemic in our society. And the, you know, the most hardest part of self hatred is is annihilation. And so, you know, I had a couple of times where I had suicidal attempts with my life. And because I was just like, I cannot stand myself, like, I have ruined everything. I’m like, an embarrassment to my family, and all of these things. And my self hatred took me all the way up to annihilation, like it does with a lot of people. But there’s another way, you know, there’s another way and the other way is that you’re fine. And you’re great. Just The Way You Are you just have been told you aren’t.

Brandon Handley 46:56
No, that’s powerful. That’s powerful. Would you look at that, as you know, hatred is a gateway or addressing your pain as a gateway? How would you? How would you kind of determine to find that?

Krista Xiomara 47:08
Well, so for me for my experience, and I think it can be both and I’m guessing, for me, it was that I was in so much pain with my own internal conflict, like not being able to look at myself in the mirror for very long, or not being able to be in relationship with people and feel like they didn’t like me, because I didn’t like me. Like, I just assumed everybody hated me, because I hated myself to know. And the the pain of that was like, okay, there’s something really traumatic living here, that I have to address now. And what is that, and I didn’t do it on my own, which I say in the book, you know, I definitely had to go to therapy, I had to have a lot of spiritual experiences that helped me, come home to myself. And then the, the longevity of my self love really came into focus when I found Buddhism, because Buddhism is truly a homecoming. It’s like, go and be by yourself, and sit with yourself, and be okay with everything that is, but be okay with yourself. That was like the most eye opening teaching I could have received is what the Buddha did in his life. And I was like, Oh, this is how I’m supposed to exist within myself, then I can attain that, and I’m gonna live it and practice it until it’s in, like every molecule of my body. Right? So yeah,

Brandon Handley 48:46
just just be that. I love that. So you said, you mentioned your spiritual experiences a couple of times do you have like one or two that you could, you know, specifically point to as a specific spiritual experience?

Krista Xiomara 49:01
Like, do you mean through the self that allowed me to create some some self healing in this vein of the book or some are just like spiritual experiences

Brandon Handley 49:11
that yeah, I mean, you pointed to, you know, you pointed to like, along the way, having some spiritual experiences and you know, what does that mean? And what is one that might be specific?

Unknown Speaker 49:20
Mmm hmm.

Krista Xiomara 49:26
Let me think, um, I think one of the, one of the most significant spiritual experiences I had was, when I was in this really, I’ve had like, a couple dark nights of the soul. I would say, I think we all do in our life because it’s hard to navigate humanity being human. But in one particular one, it was up towards the beginning of my spiritual journey. And I don’t know why I looked it up. But I looked up like spiritual cleansing or healing or something. And I found out about Reiki for the first time. I’m, it’s an energy healing modality. And I went on and I looked at all of these people online, and I started to look at their faces. And I was like, Hmm, I could send something about each person’s, you know, you look at pictures, and you can really kind of get a sense of the person’s own energy. And I landed on this girl named Chelsea. And she is like this petite, tiny, little white, white light Angel, very creature that I don’t even think she’s human is what I’ve just decided. And she, I went to her. And I just was like, I feel like I have a great deal of dark energy within me. I’ve done therapy, I’ve gone on spiritual retreats, and there’s just this thing that’s stuck. And I don’t know how to get it out. And my curiosity led me here, can we work together, and she gave me my first Reiki healing that I had ever had. And I literally feel like she physically pulled out this darkness from my body, and liberated whatever that part was of me. And I saw her for a handful of more, have more sessions. But I think she truly was the person that I just think she did her work, so I could do my work. And I needed to go see her. And that was, that changed me I was forever changed by this very healing process that I didn’t even understand that at the time, I didn’t know anything about Reiki, I didn’t know how it worked. I didn’t understand it. And it was really bizarre going through it the first time. And but also, just like, this beautiful experience that truly, I think, went beyond the natural world of something I could never understand, I still I still struggle to understand how it all works, and how it’s all connected. But that was a really big experience that helped me, it was a spiritual tool I took on the way to back to myself.

Brandon Handley 52:24
That’s powerful. I mean, if you’ve got all that darkness, you know, caught up in Saudi and somebody quite literally able to rip it out of you without I mean, they don’t, they don’t touch you, right, like, I mean, now. This is a this is a you know, and if you can go through that and have that kind of sensation as you leave that place. And, you know, there’s no drugs involved. There’s no like weird things happening outside of that thing. That’s powerful. And that’s, that’s something that resonates.

Krista Xiomara 52:52
And she was powerful. Like, I clearly didn’t even know what was happening or what was going on. And she was so powerful that she was able to do this thing that was set me back on my course and really liberated me. And it was like all those things. It was like the therapy and it was like my spiritual journey and reading books and letting go of my ego and dispelling all the stories I had told about myself. And then I needed this other thing that could help me literally lighten up so I could enlightened because I was stuck. I was truly, truly stuck.

Brandon Handley 53:36
So the real recommendation here is go read Eat, Pray Love. Yes. And this will get you started. Right? Right. And along the way, pick up Chris’s book, which will be out in March of 2021. Right? I mean, you can just set the date, let’s just do it, right. It’s common, it’ll be there. And then, you know, go over and you wish wish was some people go

Krista Xiomara 54:00
check it out. You can just find me on Instagram at IN w podcast, I’m in the process of redoing my website and stuff. And I do have some other projects that are not ready to be spoken about. But there’ll be very exciting in the near future. But Instagrams the best place to catch me for now while I revamp everything.

Brandon Handley 54:20
Okay, so if you’re listening today, then make sure you head on over to spiritual dope or the podcast outline and the link for Chris’s Instagram to the podcasts will be available for you. So Chris, thank you so much for coming on today. And you know, sharing pieces of your journey and how you got there and just spend some time with us today. I think that I think what you shared it out today was super valuable for anybody who’s tuning in. Yeah,

Krista Xiomara 54:45
thank you for having me, Brandon. I really enjoyed our time together.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

How deep is your well?

Brandon Handley 0:00
What is going on? spiritual dope? How are you? You’re not a spiritual dope, you’re about to get some spiritual dope. Hey so just checking things out seeing how you are today and I figured I’d share a little bit on the initiate it and kind of the initiation process and what that looks like so you know, where I sit, there’s a number of people that I’ve spoken with over over the years. And it seems that for them, life seems to peak out around 30 Hold on, quote unquote, fun is gone for these people, and they are no more parties, no more going out getting wasted and just galavan saying with no worries, and and, you know, they believe they found themselves now in their 30s in a place that they feel like they’re, they’re stuck for life. This is where they kind of land when they’re 30. It’s kind of where they’re routed. Right? This is where they stay for ever. And this reminds me about the baby elephant at a circus. If you’ve ever seen an elephant at a circus, you’ll see that there’s a stake in the ground. And there’s a tiny rope that’s attached to this elephant’s foot. The thing is, is that elephant could very easily just lift his leg breakaway and walk off on his own. But he doesn’t. Do you know why. The reason that the elephant doesn’t just lift up his leg and doesn’t just break away is simply because that’s how he grew up. The elephant grows up when they’re tiny, they stick them to the stake and they stick this string this rope on their leg and they can’t when they’re young age, they cannot, they are not able to move their leg off of that steak no matter how hard they try. The thing is, is that after a certain period of time, they stop trying, they stop trying to move their their leg, they stopped trying to escape because they tried so many times before. They just know it’s not possible for them. And now I know that I recognize this in my own life. I was able, I wasn’t able to identify it right away. Now. I mean, look, it took me a long time to actually identify this, I was about 38. And there was a certain panic. In my life, the panic was this feeling of knowing that there was something more to life, but I was tethered, just like this elephant to a stake. And, and since uh, since I’m human, I realized that I realized that I had been tethered and I was Unlike the panic was I’m stuck, I’m stuck. Oh my gosh, I gotta get out of this right away. All right. And I was looking for a quick way out of this. And meds, right. I was like I was looking for I was looking for a fix to one solution and a feeling maybe. Right. And I thought that that that my problem, my primary problem that if I just fix this one problem, I’d be able to do whatever I want, right, that was the silver bullet. And you know, at that time, I thought my It was my inability to focus. So, you know, the magic bullet. I took it, and it gave me a new issue for right. Instead of instead of correcting the issue that I had, it created a new issue, which was to hyper focus on all the trivial things in my life and complain about them. I was really Weird and it just it and, and going through the site is critical of mag, my wife critical of my children, I was focusing on things that just didn’t matter. And it almost cost me everything almost cost me my marriage time with my children. And even if even if Meg had accepted me because you know, she’s the one who’s really taught me throughout my life, how to accept people as they are and love them unconditionally. You know, I feel like that that may have happened. It would be miserable for everybody. If you misery for everyone involved. This had to stop. I had to change. I had to change my plan. They was how I was going to do this. I’d recognize that I hadn’t ever really participated in my own life.

I’d never gotten clear. I need to look back over my life. And it had been it had been a good life. And by some standards, some people might even say that it It had been a great life. As a matter of fact, I still recall somebody asked me, he says, says, Brandon, you know why? Why are you looking for more? You’ve got, you know, all these things. And I said, I said, I said, Man, look, let’s do this. I’ve gotten this far. And everything that I’ve gotten today, I haven’t even tried, right, I’m sure I’ve put in some effort, but wasn’t being clear. Was I being intentional? Was I driven by a purpose? Or was I just acting from a state of survival? And, you know, that’s, that’s how I’d recognized let’s see what happens if I initiate the change myself. What happens if I’ve looked for find and implement clarity within my own life, what would be possible then, what would be possible then? And listen, initially, once you once you recognize this, once you recognize it That, that these are some of the drivers that you if you put these into your life that there’s so much force behind them, you’ll find yourself going after that non stop. And that’s what I did I initiated absolutely Initially, I initiated I put the time in I began to read ravenously I hadn’t read for years and I picked up these these self development books, personal growth books, parenting books, I mean, look, I was doing a podcast on parenting and I had the feel Oh, so what can I share? What can I learn, implement and share? Alright, so I took classes online I’d taken you know, finance, I’d taken so many coaching classes. I’ve participated in coaching programs the I began to work out eat better change my habits took on one coach opened up which and that opened I opened up to my dreams, right. I took on a second coach that Coach, you know, as you kind of go on, you’re taking this coaching. What was funny, that coach literally, it was kind of an accent but so at the bottom of, of our agreement that I would double my income within a year, just about so every day a little bit of work every day putting pressure on myself, like a, like it was some kind of sprint. And I realized that I need to slow down or burnout right? I had to realize that this was a long game. And I paused for a second. And literally, I did I took some deep breaths. I took some more time for myself. And focus time right meditation and just just reading timeless, universal truths, you know, stoicism eaching, which is really the biggest two but you know, it’s been a lot of time reading those. And and within this space. Within this practice was something that I had not expected to happen. This was the exact process of initiation right at forged a new key as it were, if you’ve ever heard the saying that old keys don’t open new doors, I forged a new key and a new door become exposed at the time and it showed me you know, expose possibilities of who I was. And Unlimited, creative, caring, loving child of the universe, right? And and this was something that I was already aware. It’s once you it’s like you rediscover who you are recognized that I have to go through this process right I recognized that. I was already merged with source I’ve recognized the line now of you’re a spiritual being having a physical experience that opened up to the universe and ever since then, I’ve recognized the source flowing through me right lifeforce, whatever you want to call it God, Jesus Buddha, well, you know, whatever it is divinity, Grace, the strengthening of the Divine strength. And I began to recognize myself as a conduit for the divine for the divine energy that creates worlds that flows through me.

And now, you know, I’m openly sharing some of this stuff, because even now even more is flowing through me. Because, you know, that first flow to recognize when you recognize it, right, it’s a trickle. And it’s almost scary. You’re like, what is this and should I share this as you kind of have no choice but to share it in a way that you’re sharing it all the time anyways, is it’s when you recognize it. And then you’re giving it away even more than them even more is gonna flow through you. If that makes sense. I mean, it’s kind of like the end. It’s, it’s it is love, right? It’s unconditional and you can never Never give too much and you’ll always be filled back up with it. But I’ve been hiding it right I’ve been, you know, I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it because I didn’t understand what it was. I didn’t understand what I was going through. But through all, you know, studies and listening, I mean, I can’t tell you the number of hours of audio listening to the dance of listening to other spiritual leaders, you know, and just some type of Christian charities. I’ve got the Skype bill, bill donohue, you know, hundreds of hours Vedanta Society of New York, hundreds of hours and really exploring, reading hundreds of I mean, just nonstop kind of really seeking and reading so that I could understand what it was that I had within me that I was trying to get at Right. So how do I how do I return this right return, literally return this and turn it out. And, and I did that through fatherhood for the rest of us podcasts. I did that through partially through the prosperity practice, and but it was still veiled. And it wasn’t until recently when I came across a couple of people that were already doing it, who were already leading from a place of spirituality. And I realized there was no sense that I wasn’t able to do this, right. There was no sense that I wasn’t going to be able to come out here and stop kind of shade my own life, right. And I was going to be able to interview these people sign a light on what they’re doing, how they’re how they found their spirituality and how they’re leading with their spiritual self. And it’s also that you so that can teach you and show you to do the same thing for yourself, right? The story is to help you reflect who you really are. Right. And the question that I’ve got for you at the end of this here is, are you ready to initiate life for yourself? Are you ready to cross that threshold of humanity? And are you looking for a sign? Are you looking for a sign? Are you waiting for a signal right to accept your own divinity? Well, I think this is it. If you stayed on to the end here, this is the call. Step into your greatness accepted. You are the Savior. In this instance, you’re your own Savior, no one, no one else can initiate this for you. You’ve got to be the one who initiates it. And then, you know, begin the process if you’re looking for help. If you’re you know, if you’re looking for the next phase in that, reach out to me, Brandon at spiritual dope, CO, or find me over on Facebook or Instagram at spiritual dope, and let’s have the conversation right? I mean, if you just know looking to get your story out there You’re just looking to understand what some of the next steps are for you, or even just for me fuel for the fire out, I texted someone the other day the fuel for the fire for some of this is just being able to share how you feel and be accepted for who you are because you are an amazing person. You’ve got an amazing story, you’ve got something incredibly creative within you that’s quite literally dying to get out. And it’s my hope to help you live to get that out right. Live by getting that out. So that’s it guys. Hope you’ve enjoyed this one. This one is really, really about the you know, initiating, right taking taking the initiation and being initiated. I know it’s a kind of a play on words, but I want I really want you to take that to heart

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

the scene is set

Conflict… so often it is avoided.

So often the greatest conflict is unseen…

That is the conflict within…

In reading the IChing this morning and reviewing the Conflict hexagram… I couldn’t help but notice the green screen, the mic, the lights I have set up for myself…

The line from the IChing that struck me most this morning in this scenario was:

Conflict within weakens the power to conquer danger without.

The words I wrote down for myself both preceding the line above and thoughts after reading…

Your seat is ready…

Your time is now…

When you accept your divinity, your inherent grace, you unseat conflict and allow for your message to be clear, to be resonant…

Imagine a radio signal that has a weak signal… consider connecting that to a signal booster… that signal is only weak as you have an internal conflict… you are challenged to accept the truth of who you are… what you are capable of when you accept all that you are… you blow past your human being and into your divine being.

Eradicate the conflict and allow for the power surge when you surrender to the truth of who you are…

Your seat is ready…

Your time is now.