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In this podcast, we interview Kurtis Lee Thomas, Corporate Mindfulness Trainer, and the book’s internationally bestselling author, The World is Yours, The Awakening – The Secrets Behind the Secret.

Starting, Kurtis gives a message to the listeners of the podcast, “Whatever you want for yourself, you must do for other people first.” He also talks about the universe and the power it holds. 

Next, Kurtis explains breath-work as a healing mode and the process of dealing with emotions, stress, drama, trauma, and the emotional intelligence of dealing with things. He also discusses his experience with breath-work as compared to numerous techniques that he has tried. He explores the spiritual awakening concepts from his 3-D world and how to get a bigger picture of this world. 

He talks about his best-selling book, which he wrote after going through some unhealed trauma. 

He also talks extensively about the art of manifesting and the fact that we need to know what we want to achieve. 

Next up, Brendon and Kurtis talk about the factors holding us back. Self-sabotaging by focusing on what we don’t want and holding on to something from the past that we don’t need. Then they continue to discuss breath-work and letting go of things. Kurtis says, “you need to let go if you want to let in” and explains how stored emotions create stories. 

Kurtis discusses going from having zero spiritual experience to actually experiencing everything in a span of a month which then led him to research for 10-12 hours a day. He talks about his experiences from the spiritual world, the law of attraction, and cosmic consciousness. 

He then explains how the earth is not our home but our mission and continues with the power of breathing and its techniques. He explains how when you breathe full, you are living your life to the fullest and when you breathe shallow you are living a shallow life. 

Moving on, Kurtis talks about the idea of letting go of things and how it all comes down to comfort. He explains his idea of negative energy having consciousness and the greatest fear of its being destroyed. 

He then goes on to talk about how we live in the age of anxiety and the idea of this population being scared of the future. 

Next, they talk about the game of integration. Kurtis talks about the learning from Buddha and Jesus and integrating knowledge into this 3-D form of life. 

Towards the end, they talk about Kurtis’s experience with fatherhood and the blessing he had to raise a daughter. Ending the podcast, they discuss Kurtis’s new book.

Podcast Outline:

[00:00] Introduction 

[01:06] One message to the listeners

[02:53] Talking about the present

[06:06] The technique of breath-work

[07:54] Introducing breath-work into regimes 

[10:28] Self-sabotaging and holding on

[14:30] The power of breath-work

[16:07] The wakening experience 

[18:40] The significant personal experiences

[24:20] The power of breathing

[27:40] Letting go

[31:16] Breath-work and anxiety 

[37:15] The game of integration

[43:05] Fatherhood

[46:00] The new book: Breathwork Detox: How to Thrive in the Age of Anxiety 

Connect with Kurtis on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/manfromthestars/

Transcription below is machine generated:

Kurtis Lee Thomas 1:06
Oh, man, you know, I will say every year, I have like one message, one mantra that I live by. And, you know,

Brandon Handley 0:00
4321 Hey, their spiritual dope I’m on today with Curtis Lee Thomas. He is a corporate mindfulness trainer and a number one best selling author of The World Is Yours. The secret behind the secret. The book has been seen in the hands of mega influencers, like Oprah Winfrey, Tony Robbins, Steve Forbes and Kanye West. Curtis is the founder of breathwork detox and just released his new book titled How to thrive in the age of anxiety and curse before we even get started. Man, I want to what what is your what’s your Instagram?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 0:36
handle? Man from the stars? What’s that all about? Man from the stars?

Brandon Handley 0:41
Yeah, so

Kurtis Lee Thomas 0:42
I am, you know,

Brandon Handley 0:43
I love it. I love it.

Unknown Speaker 0:44
I love it.

Brandon Handley 0:45
So, before we get started, how I like to get these going is Look, man, you and I are creators, right? And the universe creates through us and creates moments delivers messages, yada, yada. There’s only one message that can come through you right now, at this time for one of the listeners, what is that message today?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 1:18
I’d say the first rule of karma states that whatever you want for yourself, you must do for other people first, you know, so that was like a big realization, you know, for me, and like, I was looking for a mentor, like I wanted, like, this billion dollar, you know, big business mentor to help me you know, you know, build my success. And I sat there and looked in the mirror. I’m like, you know what, I’m not even helping anybody. I’m not mentoring anybody? How am I going to expect to attract that if I’m not even willing to do that for somebody else. And then, so I agreed to bring somebody on, as soon as I started mentoring somebody, boom, the mentor popped in my life. So it’s like, you know, we all want we all want why, but like, you know, learn to like, learn to use the natural ebb and flow of the universe and to, you know, give and receive, you know, we got, you know, a left and a right hand, and we get a take as much as we were willing to give, you know,

Brandon Handley 2:09
that’s great. I mean, it sounds like, sounds like you get what you give.

Unknown Speaker 2:13
Yeah, you know,

Brandon Handley 2:15
and, you know, I love the idea of you know, you’re you’re big in law of attraction, if I’m not mistaken. Obviously, you know, we’re talking about the secret a little bit today. If you look at the idea of like, the tourists, right, the tourists in the field, right? And like how starts off kind of small from the inside. But as it goes out, boom, it gets bigger, and it comes back to like, no matter what, so like the universe’s force multiplier, am I right?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 2:40
No, yeah, it is. Yeah, like magnetic beings, man.

Brandon Handley 2:44
Yeah. Well, so let’s, let’s, I mean, let’s start off with me a little bit, a little bit more about, like, where you’re at today, and then we’ll just kind of talk about how you got there. Right. So you just finished up, like, this new book on breathwork. And, and you’re, you know, you’re leading the field by doing like, even corporate training with breathwork. Let’s talk a little bit about not that what’s going on there.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 3:06
Yeah, man, just I just found breathwork to be, you know, literally, like the most powerful healing modality on the planet right now. You know, and through my own journey, you know, I’ve done a lot of stuff, you know, many things that were, you know, invasive, you know, like, combo, you know, putting frog poison inside of us. So you can projectile vomit out toxins, like does pretty invasive, and then go into the jungles and you know, drinking Ayahuasca for, you know, seven days, you know, seven times in a row and within nine days, like some intense stuff, and, and, you know, other modalities, healing modalities, like ozone therapy, and like, you know, pretty still biohacking stuff. And like when I found breathwork, like it was the secret sauce, because I had a five year stomach issue that doctors could not tell me what was wrong with me. I’m talking dozens of doctors, and I went to one breathwork and eradicated my stomach issue. And to the point, I was flabbergasted of like, how that was even possible. And then I hit me, I’m like, wow, the reason why these doctors couldn’t tell me what was wrong with me, is because my issue wasn’t physical. It was energetic. It was emotional. And you know, and this was at the time where, you know, I’m holding on to a certification for life coach, hypnotherapy, NLP, Reiki Master, like I have all these, these tools. And still, I was never taught how to deal with emotions, you know, how to regulate emotions, how to, you know, release the suppressed trauma and all the stuff that we all have from childhood, then, you know, we didn’t have the emotional intelligence back then to learn how to deal with it and started becoming compounded because it kept coming in. But we were figuring out how to deal with the old stuff. And I was one of those people and I got messed up. And you know, it started messing me up physically. So, you know, to me, breathwork was the Trojan horse. Like I actually was taken executives and see To the jungles, the drink I Alaska because I love to give people an experience and I want to give people their results that are immediate and undeniable. You know, and in, you know, I Alaska does that. But it’s you know, you got to take time out, you got to go to the jungle, you got to get a shaman, but breath works like the Trojan horse, you go in there, just say, hey, let’s breathe today, you know? And then these have these profound cathartic releases. And you know, you got dead metal tryptamine Yes, accreting and people are like, you know, dreaming while awake and having these epiphanies and realizations and healing traumas, all from breathing. So I’m like, okay, the world needs to know about this man.

Brandon Handley 5:39
No doubt. You know, I recently, within the past, probably six months, maybe the past year, right? Because I can’t I can’t understand what happened with the timespace contain with 2020. The breathwork, right. You showed up in my life? No, first, you know, I think most people right now. It’s like Wim Hof The Iceman. Right and his story. And then um, you know, another place that it showed up for me was, and I was actually a little disappointed I’m not gonna lie I looked at you know, you listed out these breathworks need to add one is the Japanese breast called like hora h A Ra. And I was reading this book by like, you know, some German dude. And then next thing I know, I got a buddy of mine who’s who’s just started doing some breath work and, and I had my hands out, I was like, just like everything else, right? Just like everything else, right? Like in this self development phase. Now, I’m cool. I’m gonna be good. I’m gonna be over here. I breathe in pretty well, my entire life. I don’t need what you got, right. But what happened was a buddy of mine. You know, he’s like, I’ve been going to the saint is awesome. I was like, Alright, I’ll fucking go. It’ll be fine. And I went, and mind blown dude. I’m like, Mind blown. I don’t have I lost experiences. But I had plenty of other like you call them evasive experiences, or? We’ll call it that and plenty of them and many different varieties. And the beauty of this, this breath work that you’re talking about is just that right? It’s clean. And it’s comes from breathing. Exactly.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 7:16
Everybody’s everybody’s holding pain, how we all

Brandon Handley 7:20
first, sir, for sure. The breath works pretty amazing. And so you were already kind of out on the, in the front end of kind of like this exploratory space, though. With your life coaching with Reiki and the doing the law of attraction, right?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 7:41
Yeah, yeah.

Brandon Handley 7:44
Just so you know, bring that up, because you’re kind of already out there in the forefront and having these conversations so what happens like when you when you when you start bringing breathwork to it?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 7:53
Yeah, well, I realized like, once, you know, my whole first book, The world is yours. The Secrets Behind the secret was all about awakening, spiritual awakening. And, you know, it could help anyone at any level, you know, awaken, awaken from their slumber of what’s really going on in the world, you know, the 3d world, the spiritual world, it kind of just really gave a good breakdown of the overall bigger picture. And I realized once you start waking people up, you know, the next thing, they’re like, Okay, I’m awake. Now I can see all my stuff my lights turned on. Now, what do I do? I mean, like, life isn’t all peaches and cream, after you wake up. And I was like, wow, we can always people up and you know, their lifes are better. You know, they’re there. Because, you know, when you wake up, you start researching crazy, go pretty much insane, you know, for a good phase of your life. So I’m like, I need to come up with a tool. And of course, like, you know, I didn’t, I found it through my own pain and suffering and, and then I found that tool. And that’s why I wrote the second book because I was like, it was meant to be like a gift for all the people that I woke up Okay, now, here’s how you can like work through all the traumas and stuff and you know, in in the crazy information that you have to disseminate now that you’re awake, and but I did realize something like I realized some super important and powerful from teaching breathwork for the last decade, I’m sorry, I’m teaching the law of attraction for the last decade, and I realized that the majority of people self sabotage their manifestations. And what I learned is that you know, I really don’t have to teach anybody how to manifest because they’re already manifesting. Everybody right now listening to this in this very moment you are manifesting the mechanics are

automatic.

I can remind you that you get to have some clarity you have to remember and know what you want because what you want is up to you but how and when you get it is not okay and then you got to be able to you know, be able to feel the will see the visualizations of it. If you can’t see yourself achievement achieving that, then who else can and then if you’re able to see yourself achieving Then you’re able to feel the emotions. And that is what activates it and sends that beacon out into the universe, you know, and then you have to become aligned with that and take some sort of action that’s going to give, you know, be the breadcrumbs to you achieving what you need to achieve. That’s the mechanics of it. We do it every single day, the small things and big things. But the reason why people say I want this, I want this, I want this and they’re not getting that is because they’re self sabotaging. Now, they’re doing that for two reasons. One, they’re focusing, they’re really focusing on the things that they don’t want, instead of the things that they do want. And we just kind of do it naturally, because our brains are hardwired that way. And I read a study that said, you know, 80% of our thoughts, humans are negative in nature. And 98% of our thoughts every day are the same thoughts we had the day before. So we’re on this shitty hamster wheel, recycling these crappy thoughts every single day. And most of it is worry, doubt fear, lack scarcity. And we’re focused on the things we don’t want to happen. We’re not tapping in to the vibration, of visualizing and feeling the feeling of already achieving and having what it is that you want. That’s the secret. It’s easier said than done. I get it. But why is that the wise important? Why do we keep doing that? And it leads me to the second thing, and that was the game changer as far as manifesting. And what I learned is that people are self sabotaging because they’re still holding on to the junk, to the old limiting beliefs to the old trauma to the past breakups to the partner screwed them over all the stuff that they weren’t given the tools of how to emotionally heal and to let go and forgive. Yeah, we know forgiveness is the root of all healing. But How the hell do you forgive? Where’s the booklet on that? You know, it’s like, I didn’t learn that stuff. And it wasn’t until breathwork that I realized, wow, I’m my own healer on my own everything. And that’s what I want to do. I want to empower people to do the same because that breathing technique goes into literally every Nadi in your system 72,000 Noddies in your system, and clears out all those emotional blockages. This is why you got a roomful of 100 people in a breath work, and you got 85 of them breaking down in tears. I don’t care who you are, how bad acid you are. I’ve done this in prisons, I’ve done this for NFL players, I’ve done this for war veterans, you get the baddest people on the planet, you show them this breathing technique, they’re going to break down. And they’re going to do it gladly, because it’s stuff that they’ve been holding on, that’s just so heavy that you just can’t hold on to no more because it’s weighing you down. I mean, it’s it’s literally blocking your manifestations. And once you clear out all that stuff, I know you’re able to land or take off, like think about it, we all want to take off somewhere, but you cannot take off the you know, those people will not let you take off unless you clear the runway, you know, air traffic control would not let you take off unless you clear the runway. And if you try to land somewhere in life, then that runway has to be cleared. You need to let go so you can let in. And what happens is when that junk still sitting there, you know, occupying the space that you’re the good stuff wants to come in. Right? What does that airplane do? It starts circling it circles, it circles until the runway is clear. And that’s why we feel like we’re going in circles and we’re on this hamster wheel. It’s not because the the why the reason why people are self sabotage is because you got to let go of the stuff that’s blocking the way for the good stuff that you want. That’s it, release and let go.

Brandon Handley 13:33
Who cares? I work so hard for all these, you know, emotions and all these things, right? This is my story. You know, this is this is, uh, you know, I am this way because of the breakup, I am this way, because, you know, he kept all my CDs, I am this way, you know what I mean? So,

Kurtis Lee Thomas 13:53
let me say this off of that, that is important, and what you what you’re hitting on, and it’s the cause of it, actually. Because you know, and the reason why people don’t heal isn’t because of their biology. It’s because of their biography, the same bullshit story, they keep telling themselves over and over again, you know, even if it’s true, that’s what’s weighing them down. That’s what’s holding them back. And, you know, stored emotions create stories. And when we learn to get rid of those emotions, the stories go with them, and we learn to get rid of the stories, those stored emotions go with it. But I realized, the key with the breath work is it gets the emotions out. And then the stories come up and you realize that bullshit and you stop saying them and you create a new narrative

Brandon Handley 14:42
in your life. That’s awesome. So you get I mean, you know, through through the power of breath work, you’ve got a kind of a release mechanism, a recharging mechanism. And, you know, if you did it right, then you know, your head was supercharged. Right and And, you know, you kind of you got these visualizations and you haven’t experienced that. Even if you’ve done iosa even if you’ve done copious amounts of shrooms or anything else like that, in your life, this experiences is wholly different than that, right? And it’s, um, not a big one to say, elevated, it’s an elevated experience, though, right? And, and all senses of the word because again, it’s something that you just did just by breathing, you elevated your whole sense of being just in that moment, right? And, and you super, super, really got past your stories and your bullshit, right? And again, um, so you know, what I’m really curious about, though, too, is you talked about your awakening experience, right? I think that what’s what’s kind of interesting about these awakening experiences is that they can happen at any time in your life. And it sounds new, you’re younger than me. But that doesn’t mean like, you can’t, you can’t have that experience, right? It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can it can come at any time. So I’m curious to hear kind of about what your awakening experience was. because like you said, when you have that you’re like, I gotta go figure out what just happened to me. What just happened to me, and they like, you got to go learn so much stuff, right? Like, alright, well, this, you know, it’s totally real, because it just happened. right to you. Right? And so, tell us a little bit about that. And then like, you know, kind of what you did to get your, your sea legs back, right.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 16:33
Man, I’ll say that I had the most because I’m a very stubborn minded, Capricorn logical, analytical, so the universe had a knock me upside the head in every direction. And I went from having zero, you know, spiritual experiences, nothing like that would ever stand out. And within a matter of three months, I had every single spiritual experience you can imagine. And because I believe that they happened all at the same time, it caused me this, like, shattered my world, my reality, my life went upside down. But really, I later found out it was turned right side up. And I started researching and, you know, luckily, I had a little money saved where, you know, it shook me so much. I didn’t work, I think, for that for the rest of that year. And I was researching literally, probably 10 to 12 hours per day, every day, while I was getting headaches and migraines, it was pretty bad. And, and yeah, I became obsessed, because I have that obsessive, you know, personality. And when I need to learn something, it’s like, I got to go all in. And at the time when I was when I was awakening, which is probably 1010 years ago. I remember searching stuff on YouTube. And I searched at all like all the spiritual alien, weird stuff that was there. I got I consumed all the content, literally, all of it, where I was waiting for people to post I had notification I’m like, like, when’s people going to post like, I’m searching for that I couldn’t find the information. Now, today. I mean, I’d have to live, you know, 1000 lifetimes to be able to watch all the videos that are out there.

Brandon Handley 18:11
Yeah, no, amen. Man. I mean, I saw I saw on your pictures too, like you’re hanging out with Bruce Lipton. He was definitely part of my, you know, experience of like, hey, I’ve got to go out there and learn everything, all the all those all of his videos, and all that kind of content. So what would you say? Like, what were some of those specific experiences that if you could share any of that?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 18:35
Sure. I’ll give me like the top the top one. So, you know, one was, I had no idea about the spirit world. And my brother had passed away, and it was sudden, nobody knew who did it. It was a homicide. And I ran into a psychic. And she, you know, I didn’t believe in psychics at that time. And long story short, she connected to him, I had a conversation. I didn’t, I was very skeptical, then all of a sudden, I’m like, Whoa, this is him. Like his personality was coming through. He was telling me things that only only me and him knew. And I was like, wow, like, how does this How is this all possible? And then he told me like the like, What happened to him? You know, and who did it? And it was pretty wild. And you know, Nobody. Nobody knew. And I was the only person that then you know, had this conversation. And then two weeks later, they ended up catching the people that kill them. And it was the same names he told me in the session. And I was like, What in the world? Like, how is this possible? So now, I’m like, want to learn about like the spirit world. So that was like one part. And then you know, I I started learning about the law of attraction, I read the secret. So now I started becoming more empowered. like wow, like my thoughts can really turn to things like oh yeah, this happened. And then the universe shows you more synchronicities and some weird stuff started happening and then The railway stuff started happening where I started astral projecting. So at nighttime was like, I didn’t know your soul can leave your body without dying. Like, nobody taught me that I didn’t read that in the manual. And I started having those lucid dreams. And then I actually seen a UFO, several UFOs. And then I learned about something called sci fi, which is Close Encounters of the of the fifth kind where these people from around the world, they’ll go to undisclosed locations, and they’ll call in extraterrestrial ships. And I’m like, this is a thing, like, like, Where’s the How much is it? 300 bucks take my money, like, I just, I’m going like, even if it’s like, just to prove myself. And sure enough, Bro, I went to this training in Joshua Tree. And there was a three day training and every single day the ship showed up. And I was like, wow, is this not in the news? How I was not people talking about this, I got a cool little certification, C five, certified basler that I you know, I don’t think I can show that to too many people. But like, This all happened in like, three months, you know, it’s like, and so now my life is like, completely. And you know, what, and I’ve mentioned the ET thing, because what really happened is when I when I saw the UFO, you know, it was like, from one moment to the next I was changed person. Because what happened in my brain, if I can articulate it is I was like, wow, you know what? Anything is possible. Anything is possible. And like I realized at that moment, oh, this is why this is the most top secret thing in the government that they don’t want you to know is because if people knew the truth about ETS, it literally expands your consciousness faster, and more efficiently than any other truth that I ever had. It’s like you just shattered this glass ceilings. And next thing you know, you got cosmic consciousness. So I started to stop thinking in 3d. And earlier you asked me, Why do I call myself man from the stars, is once once I started researching and understanding the totality of who I am, why we’re here, what’s really going on the you know, the greater narrative of galactic history because, you know, people whose there’s people out there still believe Christopher Columbus discovered America. I mean, the guy was given a map that was already drawn out. And when he got there, people were already there. So How the hell did we buy this when we were kids, you know? So it’s like, they don’t we don’t even know. And if you look at the history here in the United States, and you go to China and Russia, you’re looking at completely different histories. You know, it’s written by the victors. So forget about we don’t even know world, US history, nevermind world history, forget about galactic history. And what I learned about it is that, you know, Earth is, is not our home. It’s our mission. There’s a lot of light warriors, you know, in lightworkers, who came here with a very specific mission. And right now people are stepping into their power. This is why you’re here, this is why you have this podcast, this is why you created the space. This is why you have these listeners, this is why we do what we do. And it’s been culminating and building up to something bigger,

Brandon Handley 23:04
which is right around the horizon. And, you know, this is this is why we do what we do. Now, that’s powerful, right? It’s great that you say that right? When you when something is shattered, right? And the illusion of something shattered like that, then that opens up a whole bunch of other possibilities. It just says, Well, if that’s not real, if everything that I’ve been told up to this point, you know, in this one moment, this is a pretty big moment for you. And if that’s not real, then your mind blown, right? But the the other part of it, too, is what you do right now with the breath work. You don’t even know how to breathe, what else have you been doing wrong? And that’s the thing that you do every single day of your life. Right? I mean, that’s, I mean, that’s Sorry, I got to it that it sort of was like I was like, we’re not even breathing, right? I mean, when we’re not.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 24:00
When you say that, it’s literally like, like, we actually do something called paradoxical breathing. So like, if I have a room and I’m teaching like 200 people in a room and I say, Hey, everybody on the count of three, you know, put your hand on your belly, put your hand in the chest and the count of three, everybody take the deepest breath, and they everybody goes through that. And you see all that chest fills up and not one belly moves. But guess what, if you ever watch a fish or dog or a baby, if you watch them breathe, when they take a breath in, the only thing that moves is their belly. Hmm. And that’s how we’re supposed to breathe, posted, breathe through the diaphragms and, and hit that power center because the belly is where 80% of our serotonin is produced, is where 80% of our immune system, you know, is so it’s like the two things we crave the most is what held that happiness, right? And it’s located in the guy without even breathing in there. And we actually do it on purpose. Subconsciously on purpose, if that makes sense, is because the stomach is where we house our emotions. And so what happens is we store a lot of trauma there. So people subconsciously don’t want to breathe into that area because they don’t want to feel the pain of life. But what happens is, when you do that, you also stop the pleasures and the joy of life. And that serotonin production in your immune system, and you know, we got to breathe full, because when you breathe full you out, you live a full life. And when you breathe shallow, you’re living a shallow life. Like, it’s all everything is connected to everything else, that how you do anything, is how you do everything. So it’s like, you know, when people come to my breathwork sessions, that we talked about this earlier, I said, you know, life life and breath work is like an ATM. You know, you’re going to get out of it, what you put in, you know, so we got, we got to do deep breathing, we got to do conscious breathing, and I know it sounds so like, like flimsy. wimzie. Like, oh, yeah, come and breathe with me. It’s gonna change your life. Or, hey, come take this walk with me, brother. You know, Brandon, come take this walk, I’m gonna change your life. It’s like, Come on now. But when you go to this breathing venue, like we have just socks get knocked off. You don’t know what the heck hit Yeah. And your life changed? And, you know, 30 minutes?

Brandon Handley 26:07
Yeah, no. 100 100%, right. You know, just like kind of like all these other things like where you set an intention for the those breathwork sessions and you come out of it. And some of that stuff’s already been done. you couple that with the power of, you know, kind of law of attraction and thoughts create things. And when you couple that with know, the emotional outlet and the visualization of a breathwork session, you’re like, not hyperdrive, right, like, I mean, it’s Yeah, it’s gonna happen one way or another. And that’s, um, you know, I just think another, another tool that I, you know, I, you know, I’m curious. Now. Now, of course, I’m like, none of us good enough. Now. I’m like, now I’m like, Alright, well, what’s next? Right?

Unknown Speaker 26:53
Because Yeah, the law

Brandon Handley 26:54
of attraction, things is pretty well figured out. Right? Like, you’ve got that pretty much nailed down. I think one of the things that’s important too, is like, you talked about it kind of in the earlier right, let go stuff so so you can let other stuff in. Right. And that’s kind of like another piece of the law of attraction, like people are holding on to what they’ve got what already is, right? versus like, you know, the possibility of what could be and they’re so afraid to let go of all the things they don’t even want. Exactly, right. There’ll be like telling you like, oh, that thing, I hate that this thing, I hate this, I hate this, that the other thing, but I’m, I’m afraid to let go of it to get what I actually want. I mean, talk to me a little bit about through that, and like kind of how you get people past that.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 27:41
I mean, that is like the ultimate paradox of life, right? It’s like, you know, we want all these things, but we’re afraid to let go of the things. And it really comes down to the emotion, if you’d call it that of comfort. We become comfortable with the pain in the brain, the brain is not designed to make you smart, and make you all this money. The brain is designed to keep you safe. And it keeps you safe by keeping you comfortable, it keeps you in a comfort comfort zone. That’s why whenever you venture outside your comfort zone, the brains like Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? It’s like, you know, fear, doubt, failure, all these like little missiles coming at you trying to prevent you. And you got to overcome that, you know, and even with breathwork, you know, the hardest part of breathwork is the first, you know, eight to 10 minutes, and all the things that’s going on behind the screen of your awareness comes to the forefront, and the brain literally tries to prevent you from continuing the breath work, being to have a breakthrough, because it’s afraid, you know, that it’s going to be eliminated, you know, you can kind of connect this to ego, we can get a little bit deeper, because I had this philosophy that negative, heavy and negative energy has consciousness, you know, it’s a dense consciousness, and its greatest fear that it holds is the fear of destruction, fear of elimination, and I learned this taking people to the jungles of Peru. And when I noticed, you know, to 23 people, you know, you’d have almost every single person would have these stories of how it was almost impossible for them to get there. And it was because, you know, all these things came up that tried to prevent them from getting to the jungle to have this experience. Because that energy inside of them, which is a part of them was had consciousness in it knew it was going to the jungles to be eliminated. And it did everything to prevent that person from having that breakthrough because it feared death. Right. So I think that the two reasons is is one that energy that that’s in us, it we’re comfortable with it and went to the point where well we’re willing to hold on to it because we’re afraid of the unknown. We’re afraid what’s next, even if it could be good you You know what whatnot. And then the other thing is, you know, the consciousness of these energies that are inside of us that are living that we’re looking to get out. You know, these traumas have have stone stories in personality. And you know, they don’t want to leave. So you got us the comfort, the comfort, and you got the the energy of that that does not want to leave. And when you take those two together, a watch is why it’s so hard for people to let go. And the reason why the breath works so powerful because all you got to do is sit down, lay down and breathe. And you push that stuff out of you. It’s like, Oh, you Listen, don’t worry about just breathe, and it’s gonna come up. It’s gonna release. You might cry. You might laugh, but it’s coming out.

Brandon Handley 30:43
Yeah, man. It’s like a second neuro blast. Right. I love that. That idea, though, of kind of negative energy having its own kind of lifeforce, right? It’s kind of like, Hey, I’m going to show up no matter what you do. And you have to try like hell to get rid of me, like a grease stain stuff worse. But um, yeah, I think that one of the stories that, you know, you talked about, yeah, I think that’s really interesting. But one of the things that you talked about, too, was, you know, how does breathwork help out with anxiety? I think you’ve got a little bit of a story about that as well.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 31:17
Yeah, you know, they say that we right now we live in the world of anxiety. You know, this is the age of anxiety. And I remember five years ago, I read an article that said, By the year 2020, anxiety, depression will be the number one disabilities worldwide, not even United States. And right now we’re in 2020, what are we in 2021. And that has fully manifested that prophecy. And, you know, anxiety is the number one, this was pre COVID these when they these statistics came out. So imagine like, now we got suicide at all time rape, and how I feel why breathwork So, so powerful. Well, let’s look at anxiety because I had anxiety and I had panic attacks. And I feel like they’re connected. Because, you know, I tell people that make sure you kill the monsters while they’re small. Because what happens is stress is what you really need to look out for, because stress, when it goes unchecked, turns into anxiety. And when anxiety goes unchecked, it turns into panic attacks. And, you know, all, you know, kind of stress and anxiety in particular, what is anxiety? Why do we have it? It’s fear of the future. You know, so the body, the body tends to live in the past. Right? The minds tend to live lives in the future, you know, the soul wants to be present. So when we have anxiety, it’s because our brain is going somewhere in the future. We keep going in the future. We go, here we go. We’re overthinking. We’re overthinking. And, you know, those thoughts kind of just circulate us. They’re, they’re around us. 24 seven, and with the breath work, you know, when you go in and start like meditation. Meditation is to me, is an advanced practice. And why do I say that? I say that, because if you try to, in the age of anxiety, if you try to get somebody, which is almost everybody who’s stressed out, you know, to sit down, sit still, and don’t think about for the next 20 minutes, you’re going to be more stressed out the fact that you can’t do it. So and what are you trying to do in meditation, you’re trying to take all these 55,000 thoughts that you had during the day, and you’re trying to calm them into the from the frantic ocean into a calm you know, peaceful Lake without a ripple in it. Cool. If you can do that by praise you great job. Now breath work, you take in this crazy, you know, thoughts, and every going through your head, and you stop breathing and you’re pushing them out of your energy field, instead of waiting for them to settle. You’re literally taking an action which is great for OCD people, you know, all these like overachievers, and people who can’t focus and your ATD ADHD like those people breathwork is great. Because you give you some self something to do. And you just pre Breathe, breathe, and you push those thoughts out. And that clears away a lot of the the anxiousness that people have. And then a lot of the things that have been trapped in the body because the issues are in the tissues that does traumas we store them in the body. And when you start to clear that stuff out, which is causing a lot of the anxiety, it’s all it’s all connected. And you know, I see people, you know, completely eradicate, you know, their their anxiety or panic attacks, you know, from breathwork. And I was, you know, I was one of them. This is why this is why I’m here. Yes.

Brandon Handley 34:37
I mean, it’s all part of what you do. I know you shared on another show the straw method. What’s another one that you like, for somebody that’s anxious or maybe just trying to get a little bit of focus on the day?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 34:50
You know what the one that I like, is that sounds stupid to everyone but it’s actually my favorite is the sigh it’s the most over Like underrated, you know, a tool is because if you’re just in the insane your car, you just take a deep breath, right? And just let out this loud obnoxious sigh. And you do that, like, let’s say three times in a row, your energy state is going to change. Because you have to look at the body like, why does the because we side naturally, you know, why does the body sign naturally, when we sign naturally, it’s to relieve pain. And stress from the body it releases is the pressure valve to release pain and stress, have you experienced something really stressful the body. When it’s all done, it’s like the pressure valve. So release. Now, if you can consciously do the psi, and utilize that pressure valve release, it’s like you’re gonna change your state throughout the entire day, just by doing that one breathing exercise every single day through three sides at a time, three times throughout the day, nine sides a day, and you will notice a difference.

Brandon Handley 36:04
That’s perfect. Because it doesn’t take a long time. No, it’s not hard to remember. And and, you know, you can do it just about anywhere, right in between. I know, for myself on my day job, right? I mean, I’ve got today for mattify as on calls from 10am to 6pm. Right, back to back. All right, but there was enough time in there for me to make a bagel sandwich. And I could have also, you know, side three times if I needed to, right. So I could have, you know, just kind of brought myself back to just like, just a couple of times, I’m sure that like I might have done it on calls. And that might not that yeah, that’s not cool. So make sure you get an in between calls. So I think that that’s, you know, that’s really practical, something you can apply, like, anywhere, anytime. So thanks for sharing that. You know, again, a big part of this, too, is like, you know, we talked about, you know, pulling all the spiritual stuff and and integrating it right, I talked me a little bit about your practice on how you, you’ve been able to do that for yourself.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 37:07
I truly feel that integration is the name of the game. And being able to integrate is the game. Like ultimately, if you look at like, let’s say the most spiritual people to ever walk the earth, you know, you call them avatar masters, you know, enlightened avatar masters, you know? And what are these people do? Right? Oh, let’s start with an ego Why didn’t they ever have Native Americans love the eagle as a powerful Totem because it can fly superduper high. And what that represents is the ability to go up in the higher esoteric metaphysical realms and, and see life from a higher vantage point, higher consciousness, and then also that animal that can fly higher than most birds, it can land the ground, and walk the ground with the creepy crawlers. You know, and that is the integration that is, you know, the avatar, what do they do, you know, they, they get enlightened, you know, they ascend, you know, and they can, you know, they can ascend to heaven, they get all this information of you know, who they are, they don’t have to come back. And when they choose to come back and embody in physical form, you know, that’s truly where they’re, where their power is to take that higher knowledge and integrate it into, you know, physical form and deliver it in a way where the people can understand, because you don’t have to talk circles around people, you don’t have to act super smart, like look at all the parables and, you know, the metaphors, the simple ones, you know, that Jesus and Buddha used, and as they’re around now, because they’re so simple, you know, it’s because people can understand them, people can relate to them, but they went all the way to those, those higher planes, but they were able to integrate, integrate that knowledge back into, you know, this 3d 3d form. And that’s the value that I see around integration. So like, you know, how do I personally, you know, integrate a lot of things I think I do, kind of like, naturally that I don’t even, you know, realize, you know, my daily practices, you know, are the breath works, you know, that that’s the, you know, that’s what kind of brings me up, but it also grounds you, when you start breathing into the belly as well, it does be grounded to the earth. There’s things I do outside, I go outside and barefoot on the grass, and I put my feet in there, you know, and I just ground myself I connect to the, to the light in the in earth, a lot of people, you know, they know we have the sun, but they don’t know that there’s a light in the center of the earth. And I connect to that light and that helps ground me, you know, to Earth consciousness because I used to just focus on like, Oh, you know, I can open my crown chakra I could open my third eye chakra I need these spiritual gifts, you know, and you just focus on all the Shockers and like, I realized that’s not what the power is. It’s like when you want to manifest, you can’t manifest unless your root chakra is grounded. And this is why you see these all these spiritual people they say, you know, they’re all in the heart and they like lie in love and you know, the third eyes open but You’re broke. And the reason why they’re broke is because their root chakra, they can’t manifest they’re not connected to the earth. Well,

Brandon Handley 40:09
I mean, I think I think it’s a number of things, right? Like, it’s not being grounded, right, just like you’re saying, right now. It’s not being grounded and just just not not integrating, right? Yeah, they’ve gone up. But then you come back now,

Kurtis Lee Thomas 40:25
yeah, you gotta come back down and get back down to everyday life. And you know, what part of that is being human. And, you know, I know you meet some people, and they get a spiritual stick shoved up their ass. You know, and I never wanted to be the that person and even like, the work that I do, and I’m teaching, I’m on stage, and you know, I never want to be put on a pedestal. You know, and the reason why I do is because, well, first of all, there’s only one way to go from there. That’s down. And, you know, I feel like I make a practice of myself of I won’t say humiliation, because I don’t I don’t like that. humility, humility, humble, I’ll say I’ll say, transparent, you know, I just try to keep it real. I try to show people, my, my humanity, you know, at all times, and you know, I take this facade of like, Oh, you think I’m this, you know, I’m human. I’m just as messed up as you are, right now. And when I do that, it makes me human. But yet, I’m still I still have all the gifts and all the research and all the things that I’m doing to get me up there and let the shoppers but i don’t i never think I’m better than anybody. And I don’t think anyone’s better than me. You know, I just kind of stay in this place of neutrality. And I think that is that is the Yin Yang. That’s the place that you want to be, you know, between, you know, the five, you know, the five D and the 3d, you just stay stay neutral, stay grounded, stay present, and stay real.

Brandon Handley 41:53
Right? Yeah, no, I mean, look, have you seen the website yet? Right. But I mean, it really, it says that, right? It’s like, you know, don’t come at me with your patchouli, your sandals and your wooden beads were cool. You know, because there’s, there’s other things going on. And that’s that, that crowd, you know, I say that crowd, you know, I’m not trying to say that, that we don’t need them or that or this. But it can also happen in another way. Right? Like you and I are talking about right now just kind of like there’s a grittiness to spirituality and life, there’s a reality to it. And, you know, kind of not forgetting where you came from, right? And everybody, you know, the person behind you could be, you know, more advanced and a different state that you don’t recognize, and since you can’t recognize that you don’t think they’re advanced, but they’re like, way beyond you, right? And you like, you know, they like No, man, you gotta eat kale or whatever type of thing. So, so, you know, I get it. So one other question too, as we kind of wind this down, I know that, you know, you were showing me your, your drink that your daughter brought him? How is a? How are you sharing this? As a father, you know, as a parent, your children?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 43:05
Yeah, you know, um, so, you know, I’m a single father and my daughter’s 14 now, and I will say, because, I think because the chunk of my greatest awakening when I was kind of like obsessed was when she was really young. So she actually grew up around crystals and sage smoke interface, you know, and, believe it or not, she, you know, she has her own connection to angels. And, you know, I used to ask her for like, advice, like, kind of just, like, kind of desperate. And she would give me the best advice that I’ve ever got. And then she’s like, literally, when I started asking her, then she’d be like, okay, I can ask her something, and she closed her eyes. She’d look up, and she’d get the information and she’d come back. And she would say some things that was way beyond her years. And I was like, Whoa, this girl’s like channeling some some good stuff. So I kind of had my secret weapon here, you know, the entire time. And to shoot, you know, it’s been a blessing to be be able to raise her that

Brandon Handley 44:08
frickin mute button. So, the, what’s cool about that is, you know, like, You’re, you’re not, you’re not helping, you’re not diminishing her gifts. Right? I you know, I think, I think you probably agree that what you and I have gone through an awakening process is more or less coming back to ourselves, right? Whereas, you know, we weren’t shown who you were or allowed to be ourselves growing up, right? Like, Hey, shut up, be quiet. You know, don’t do this. Don’t do that. And oh my god, you stop dancing like that, or whatever, right? You know, or you can’t think this and you can’t say those types of things. So what you’re doing though, is you’re saying Alright, look, come out with your angel stuff. I mean, we’ve all got something right. What’s yours and we Got a connection? How’s it going to express itself? And that’s how she’s expressing her connection to the divine. Right. And, and your instead of you saying, You better not tell anybody about that. You maybe do, right. But like, at least you’ve got an open dialogue between the two of you with that, right. And I think that that’s really important. That’s awesome that you’re doing that.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 45:19
Yeah, man, it’s great. You know, and a lot of the things like, should give me advice on business. And, you know, she told my one of my buddies, would I do book signings, she would come in, she’d set up a little table, and she’d say, $5 for reading, she’s got a good making, making money and like, eggs is totally cool. But you told one of my buddies, he need more confidence, you have lack of confidence. And the girl you’re with, she’s no good. And he’s looking at me like, dude, I wasn’t ready for that. I talked to him the other day. And he was like, dude, man, your daughter blew me away that day. She was so right. And you know, he, he never forgot that he used that to, to help him. You know,

Brandon Handley 45:56
nice, man. That’s cool. Very cool. So man. So the latest book is called,

Kurtis Lee Thomas 46:01
The latest book is called breathwork. detox, how to thrive in the age of anxiety.

Brandon Handley 46:07
And your book prior to that?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 46:10
The world is yours. The Secrets Behind the secret?

Brandon Handley 46:13
Yeah, and where can I get those?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 46:14
Those are both on Amazon. So you can go on Amazon, you can. The first one has an audible, they both have Kindles, and they both have paperbacks. Who is your ideal client? My ideal client? Great question. my avatar, let’s say I, you know, I, I love people who are skeptical at first. And then they come in and their world gets rocked, you know, they heal. And, you know, then they they’re fully committed there they awaken, you know, and then they start to step into their power. And, you know, then they start to, you know, do what I do, whether it’s you know, you know, teacher trainings, or, you know, writing their own book and telling their own story and all the things that they always wanted to do, but never thought that knew anyone would listen or everyone anyone cared. I just like empowering people.

Brandon Handley 47:14
Perfect, man and then the website and where can they reach you?

Kurtis Lee Thomas 47:17
So they go my website man from the stars.com or they can go to my Instagram, which is man from the stars, and I’m pretty active on it. So you can send me a DM and, you know, hopefully, I can get to it.

Brandon Handley 47:34
Awesome. Paris. Thanks for stopping on spiritual dope today.

Kurtis Lee Thomas 47:37
Thank you so much great for having me. And yeah, that website is awesome that you have and I was

Unknown Speaker 47:41
looking forward to this

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Brandon Handley 0:00
4321 Hey, there’s spiritual dope. Brandon Handley here. I don’t know why I always introduce myself. The host is never gonna change. I’m spiritual dope podcast and I’m on with Kiko. Ellsworth Kiko,

Unknown Speaker 0:15
you know,

Brandon Handley 0:15
has a has a great story, spent some time in Hollywood, then, you know, transitioning, we were just talking about, like, you know, metamorphosizing into this kind of goop into butterfly mode. But you know, Kiko for the people that aren’t familiar with you like, what do you like to tell them? Right? Where are you from? What do you about and you know, what’s happening with you?

Kiko Ellsworth 0:39
Well, thank you for having me. And I want to say, blessings and love and peace, to all of my brothers and sisters, I love you. And I think that’s the most important thing that I want to communicate, probably throughout this entire podcast, write that in there. And I truly do mean that. So, you know, I think, you know, kind of like, just really starting off, we, you know, I think we’re all just born with a purpose, and we forget what it is, I think that’s a part of the game. And a part of the game is to remember, and just a part of my, my story was to had to do with Hollywood and forgetting and kind of getting caught up in that and learning the tools and the power of that sort of medium. And how it can be used for anything, whether it be good or negativity, or it can be used for anything. And so I’ve just basically found my way to using it for good. Which brings me here to you, brother.

Brandon Handley 1:38
There you go. There you go. I love I love the idea that we can, you know, it’s just a couple people connecting, right. And, you know, that’s, that’s all we’re really doing. And we just share kind of a, you know, shared spiritual sense of being right, whatever that means. But so, the, I like to open these up with the whole idea that whoever’s listening to this podcast today, whoever we’re contacting today, they’re gonna hear some that can only come from spear from, you know, the universe, through you to them today, like what is that message, you know, what’s coming through you to that person today.

Kiko Ellsworth 2:22
That’s beautiful, as beautiful. You know, what’s coming through is for us to, you know, as you’re listening to this,

I think we forget how beautifully made that we are. And we kind of think that we’re these humans, and that we’re these bodies, and that we’re these titles and jobs, and, you know, and we get all uptight and shit and we perform for people, and we put on these masks and say these things and, you know, but at the end of the day, I think it’s, it’s really about, I don’t want to say the the superficial way. So I’m gonna go underneath it is really about really, you, you knew your soul, your swagger, your mojo, your style, how you your opinion, your voice, your spin on things, you know, because nothing’s new under the sun, and they’re there. No, one’s really different, really, in the sense really, except in how you do what you do. And that’s just your, that’s yours, your soul, your swagger your, how you go about life, and that sort of spirit that wants to express itself through you. And so, you know, we become very unique if we, if you do you if I do mean if you know, Brandon, you do you and but if we got to get caught up in the, you know, the mainstream of life and pleasing or playing the larger game instead of going within, then we kind of missed the mark. We kind of what I like to say we sell our soul, you know, and I don’t think selling our souls necessarily like signing this contract with a devil and nothing like that. I think selling our soul happens in these little tiny micro ways every single day. These little ways that you’re not freaking true to yourself, these little ways where you just not speaking your truth, these little ways where you just don’t take the time to see what’s really there for you. You ignore your intuition. You’re ignoring what you know you’re supposed to be doing. You’re paying attention Are you giving too much attention and credence to the fears that are stopping you from doing what the EFF you are supposed to be doing in your life? You know,

Unknown Speaker 5:10
I love it.

Brandon Handley 5:11
Right? the you know, the the vision I’ve got when you’re kind of talking like that it’s, you know, you’re already a star like, you know, blazing star out there. And like, you know, each time you’re not being your story self, you’re just kind of losing Stardust, right? You’re diminishing yourself and you just kind of become a decrepit, right. You’re not you’re not being true to who you are. And, man, it’s the worst, right? I can still remember, I still remember way back in the day, some some warehouse parties. And I still remember these two girls dancing, right? And I could show you my dance, I was doing like little, little white guy up on the corner, just kind of like dancing like hiding in the shadows. Right. And I but like, I was really just kind of pulled into myself and I wasn’t, you know, just pulled into myself. And I was tight. And I was I wanted to dance. But you know, I wasn’t sure that I was doing it. Right. Maybe people would see me and then I saw these, like two girls out there. Right. And, and, you know, they’re, you know, back in the day, like those big baggy, like party people clothes, right, like his big old clothes, and just like whatever. And, you know, they’re just just playing in their arms out just like taking all this space. I was like, that’s so like, it’s a straight up, just letting the energy flow through them. And being all of who they were, they did not give a fuck, right? They didn’t care. And, you know, I was so inspired like, by by those two girls, it’s like, just letting it all just energy out. And I was like, from there on out. Right, like so, you know, like, you’re saying like little pieces that you’re not giving into right, that you’re that you’re ignoring are literally diminishing, you and who you are.

Kiko Ellsworth 6:56
Yeah, and that’s like, you know, it doesn’t just, you know, I’m glad you brought that example, because I have some of those images. Like my very first girlfriend, I remember going to the club with her back in the day when I was like 15. And I remember getting on the dance floor, and I was that guy that you were taught that you were as well. And she was that that girl that you talked about that you saw. And she was out there. And she I just remember her hair going all over the place. And she was just doing she was taking up all the space. And I was like, whoa. And you know, I was inspired and also intimidated at the same time. And, but I never forgot that, you know, and, you know, it’s it’s a, it takes, it takes practice. It’s interesting, because it’s like, you don’t need to do anything to be you because you’re already you. And at the same time, it takes practice, in a sense, shaking off and creating the space that you need in this world. So you can actually be free to be you, we have to create the space, we have to exercise our muscles, we have to exercise our expression, our voice. And if we don’t give it the attention and exercise and practice that it needs, when we call upon it, we’re gonna get out there on the dance floor and be like, I want to dance and I know I can but like, I’m kind of like, you know, kind of like, I don’t know, I haven’t been practicing and will be just out of shape. That’s right. Every every, I’ll just say like, every, every every like, you know, as we talk, like, every moment is a moment to practice being you don’t have a word. Of course, I can just talk to you like this. And I can just shoot words out of my mouth. And I can just talk and talk and talk and that’s fine. Or we can talk and we can feel the word and be present with who we’re being what we’re saying, present to the vibration of the words coming out. You know, and this just like, practicing taking up that space in our communication, and there’s so many ways to just play being you. Well, I

Brandon Handley 9:06
mean, look, I mean, I would relate it back to dance. So it’s just another dance, right? Just another. I like it, I liken it to double dutch too, right? Like always, because you know, you got the two ropes going, right? You got the two ropes going,

Unknown Speaker 9:21
Yeah, and you’ve got to get in that

Brandon Handley 9:22
rhythm. And you’ve got to do you’ve got to jump in the middle there, right. And if you mess that up, you’re getting hit by one of those rows. But when you do it and you hit it, you know, you’re just having fun, you’re just dancing in the middle there. And you’re going all around but the same thing with you and I had a conversation and a conversation that you’re present for, right? There’s a there’s, you can feel it. Right. And and that’s that’s a lot of how I liken it but I also understand too that you know, you’re into martial arts or you know, you’re a yoga teacher Kundalini, and all of these things, you know, they kind of all do this same thing. I mean, it correct me if I’m wrong, like Talk to me about how you see maybe martial arts playing a similar role as dancer or being present in that space. I’d love to hear that.

Kiko Ellsworth 10:09
Yes, yes, it’s interesting, you bring that up, because I think that you’re totally on point with that. And that’s, that’s exactly what my philosophy is. Because I don’t, I don’t see myself as an actor, or even a martial artist, or this or that, you know, at the end of the day, you know, I see myself as a creator, and I express myself in these different ways. And I allow myself to express myself through the art of acting, or through the art of martial arts, or through the art of dance, or through the art. And, you know, for me, my, you know, my job, my responsibility is to try to find as many ways as I can to authentically express my smile my soul in a way that it wants to express itself, it might not want to express itself, and I don’t want to paint right now, I’m not looking for that. Or this, you know, my head right now. It’s like, it’s the drum, it’s my, maybe it’s not the guitar just yet. I’m not ready for that, or whatever the case may be. But for right now is, you know, for me to look in the way that’s most true for me, you know, how, how, what feels right for me to express myself right now? And am I allowing that to flow? Or am I like, getting caught in Am I am I blocking that energy from, you know, letting it express itself, because as far as I’m concerned, man, it’s like spirit just wants to express itself as much as it can through you. As much as it can through me in through all of our brothers and sisters. And if you just do your thing, Brandon, if I just do my thing if I just because it’s there’s so much work to do over here. For me, I can’t I can’t worry about your work, because I got so much work over here to do you know, and if it’s like, if we’re both doing our work, then it’s something beautiful can happen in between the interaction between, you know, souls like you and me, man. So I appreciate it.

Brandon Handley 12:10
And I love it. As to Pete waitley, definitely one piece in here, right? How did you come to find yourself as a creator? Right? How did you when, when do you feel like you accepted that moniker for yourself? And then what, uh, you know, how would you state yourself as a creator, like, as a spirit flowing through you? You know, I’d love to hear kind of what your take is on that.

Kiko Ellsworth 12:35
I think that over the years, I’ve been calling myself so many things, and they’ve all been inaccurate.

Brandon Handley 12:43
Okay, so I bring that up, though, because I mean, we’re creators of our own lives, right? And, and the sooner that we accept that, the sooner we can get to creating our own lives, right. And like, you were saying, you know, letting I love to like you, when you were talking about blocking spirit or not letting spirit kind of flow directly through you, you put your hand to your head, right? And that’s, that’s what happens, right? When, when we’re, when we’re kind of and have this conversation last night with a coach. When we’re paying attention to ego, we’re using our head, right, and there’s, there’s kind of like, this is blockage, right? But then like when we’re just fully accept, and you brought your hand down a little bit, like, you know, kind of, we’re full of expressing spirit, like, it’s kind of flowing down through you out through your heart, and like, you know, you open up your arms a little bit too much. It’s like, it’s just coming through, like, a tsunami.

Kiko Ellsworth 13:36
Yeah, I think that’s interesting. You picked up on that? Yeah. Because it’s, it was totally unconscious. But I think that that’s exactly accurate. When you if you were to, like, unpack what’s going on that when we when we stopped flowing, it’s, it’s, it’s this, that stopping the flow is our head. And it’s also we’re stopping the flow of this energy of seeing of the being, and we’re this totally stopping and then but when we allow it, to have its way with us, man, man, just just that, that fun happens, you know, and so I think with with regards to like, accepting myself as a creator, you know, um, you know, I think the the frustration of like, what do I call myself? What do I call myself? am, I’m an actor, I’m a, I’m a director, I’m a teacher, I’m this, I’m this, I’m this and I’m like, I’m like, Damn, I was like, What? I don’t know. And just changed like, hundreds of times. And, you know, I think just to keep it simple and truthful is like, at the end of the day, like, you know what, I’m a creator. Like, let me just get back, boom, I’m a creator. And so, at the end of the day, that’s what I resonate. That’s the truth. We’re all creators. We all create our lives. We’re all creating every single moment I’m creating right now. I’m creating something into the universe right now. with with with how Everything I’m doing thinking, speaking, vibrating, moving, creating something with you, my brother, listeners, my brothers and sisters with myself, you know, so, and then, you know, at certain points in my life, I’ve just learned that okay, and this era of my life, like right now in this era of Kiko sallallaahu Ellsworth slife right now, you know, because sometimes we need a little more definition than just creator because that’s so broad. It’s like, okay, but yeah, what do you do is like, okay, yeah, let me just kind of do this human thing now, you know, but at this point in my life right now, I’m identifying as, you know, an actor on camera artists, you know, that sort of identity, inspirational speaker, and high performance love and lifestyle coach. So those are my Those are my, my things that are most prevalent in my life is being able to express myself on camera, inspiring, and people, you know, speaking people speaking, on the stage with people, whether it be virtually like this on stage in front of 10,000 people, it doesn’t matter. And then also actually doing the work like helping people to do the day to day work, whether I’m teaching a Kundalini yoga class, or breath work, or teaching a man how he can activate all of his cylinders as a man. So that’s, that’s where I’m rolling that right now, man. Yeah. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 16:29
That’s great. I want to I want to get back to that. So what I want to do is kind of break into the one piece, right, you know, for a while there, there you are, your your, your Hollywood, your Mr. Hollywood Kiko? Right and you kind of like the Playboy, your party, and you’ve got the ladies, you’ve got the, you know, the vehicles and you’re having a good time, right? Where is where is kind of the, the reckoning moment, right? where like, this is gonna, this this, this isn’t working, right, this, uh, this isn’t satisfying, this isn’t fulfilling. I mean, I’d be curious to kind of what did you even recognize it as a Was it a slow burn out? Or what?

Kiko Ellsworth 17:09
Yeah, there was a few of those moments, actually, you know, 211 was, you know, and living the fast life with a woman and then you know, doing that, and I’m in the moment, and then like, this, this is, I’m in the moment, but this is not it. This is not the moment I’m not feeling it. I’m not even connecting to this, to this, this moment. This is supposed to be this is supposed to be it. This is supposed to be the fun of, of, you know, you know, being with women and, you know, running this and you know, and it just, I just remember, like, kind of like being pulled outside of my body outside of this experience that’s supposed to be, you know, it, you know, the intimacy of being with a woman or women and all that stuff. And I’m like this, I’m like, I’m doing this act. And I’m like, just saying it, man. And it was like, my spear is like, yeah, you keep doing that. But like, I’m gonna be over here. And you do finish that or whatever. But I’m gonna be over here. And it’s just like, Whoa, I was like, Okay, this doesn’t mean much.

Brandon Handley 18:18
Yeah. So kind of like a hollow hollow moments. Right. And so hollow man, recognizing that, you know, recognizing them was it’s your product of I want to say the simulation right, you know, a product of the of the simulation right, the product of I hate to say commercialism, because I’m not going to try and like hate on commercialism. Right? Because even as even as you did acting and entertainment, and that might not have been like the most fulfilling, you know, if you if you were to take that kind of role right now, you you might you might turn it down. But at the same time, there’s value in entertainment, right? Everybody needs everybody needs that piece, right? everybody’s like, the world’s like, you know, you can get yourself down every once a while you just need something to distract. You need something to be entertained, right. So what you were finding hollow moments, right? So when, you know, when do you feel like was the Kundalini rising moment, right?

Kiko Ellsworth 19:15
Well, I was a slow rise for many, many years. And I had to add a big break down moment. But I remember another big choice of mine was when I was I remember that show heroes years ago. I don’t know if you remember that. So I had a role on there. And I remember, they want me to continue to be on the show. But it overlapped with my spiritual development in a way that, you know, I was trying to learn how to be in a relationship with this woman that was helping me to advance spiritually, right. And I ended up marrying her and we ended up having a completion ceremony as well. And it was like Okay, you got to choose us. Shoes, the money in the show, and some this or you choose this over here, but you can’t have both because they’re both at the same time, it’s like, you’re gonna choose this, you know, going on a trip with her and, and, and developing and investing in your relationship or you’re going to cancel the trip, postpone it, put that off, and then actually do this. And for me, you know, I just felt like I needed to choose me in that moment, and, and be willing to sacrifice the money, the fame being on a on a hit show. And that those sorts of things. And you know, and I did, and I ended up losing, you know, that role, they ended up like killing me off and stuff like that, you know, because there’s someone else that’s willing to take it and do those things. And

Brandon Handley 20:47
that was another moment. That’s super powerful. Right? That’s, uh, you know, God, I don’t know that Jesus lies in the Bible lines, but I know that, you know, a big part of it is like, you know, get rid of everything else and follow me, right. And by saying that he’s you know, basically you saying, doing what Jesus did, you know, get rid of everything else. That’s kind of distracting and follow yourself, right? Follow follow the truth of who you are. Or at least pay attention to that intuitive moment, like you did. And choosing yourself over anything else. That’s huge, man.

Kiko Ellsworth 21:24
I’m, like, enlightened, like, I mean, you tap in on it right there, like? And it goes back to the very first question that you asked me when we first started all this, right, choosing yourself, but most of us I know that I have very low self esteem, and I was very insecure, very low self esteem. When I now that Looking back, I realized that I didn’t think much of myself. I and I looked at myself, and I just saw this sort of, you know, a human, you know, I didn’t really see a divine being It was beautiful, and powerful and influential. And that that has all these magic, like literal magic. You know, I didn’t see that. And so I think if we don’t see that, we’re like, Well, why would I choose me? Like, I’m just, I’m just a little old me, you know, I’m saying, Yeah, yeah. Because that’s glitz and glamour. You know, I’m

Brandon Handley 22:22
saying that is? I mean, that’s a great word for it, though. Right. That’s the glamour. Right. That’s that, you know, you’re talking magical sense. Right. That’s, that’s the glamorization of this thing as its disillusionment. And I think that, you know, I don’t know if it’s purposeful. I’m not again, I’m not, I’m not a big conspiracy guy, either. I don’t have that kind of time. But like, when exactly we weren’t taught, we’re taught to play small, right? We’re taught to play small, we’re taught to be humbled to, you know, be grateful for what you get, you know, don’t ask for more than you need type of thing. So you are taught to be big. You weren’t taught to, like, find that expression you weren’t taught to? Even if you went to church, like you, and as a child, you wouldn’t have understood to look for your divinity. Yeah. Right. Um, you know, at least again, not and mostly in like, the western civilization. And this is just another parallel before we started the show, you know, you know, I came upon the same thing myself, like, probably this started spiritual dope, right? Because at the start of spiritual dope, was the recognition of myself as a divine being. Right? 100% right. I do. So I’ve got a mini course called, like, the divine framework, right? Like it’s recognized making that choice to recognize yourself as divinity is connected to the divine.

Kiko Ellsworth 23:46
What can be better than that? Yep. Because look, look, I mean, you you hit it, we were taught to be small, right? But, like, for those of you that are listening to this, you know, you are big like this is your world. Literally, like Neo in the matrix are the one that says

Brandon Handley 24:15
100% So uh, yeah, all good stuff man. And and I literally had during my awakening period, just because you’re bringing up Neo references remember that part where he goes in there and he starts replicating, right? Dude? sober like for like months right? Like I didn’t stop drinking right but if similar to your story, right, like we can get more into that and but replication moment, like we’re like that same noise like in my body, like I was like, This is some fucking shit. Right? Like and again. So was the day is long and that was happening. I still remember calling my wife and let her know that like all this shit was going on. She’s like, are you okay? Are you sober? I was like, Yeah, and that’s the problem. Right like going through. I was like, that’s because because you know if it was drugs or something else, I could I could I could put point to it. So, you know, you’re, you’re doing this right and you choose you, what are your friends saying? What are the people around you saying,

Kiko Ellsworth 25:08
I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t really know, I don’t care. And at the same time, the ones that are showing up and saying things are, are are inspired, they’re on board, you know, my main focus is me. And being true to me, like I said, I got enough work to do, to stay aligned with me, and to keep diving deep within me. And, you know, sometimes I come out and people have a response. And that’s, and that’s cool. And at the same time, you know, I’m okay with people not agreeing or saying certain things. Because at the same time, you know, it’s got nothing to do with me. And I realized that as well, like, they’re having their own experience, you know, whether they want to, you know, be responsible for that they’re the creators of their own life and not in project what they want to project. Like, that’s, that’s on that’s totally on them. And, you know, at the same time, there is a certain amount of reflection that I can get back from people, that also may just kind of give me a read on how I’m coming off or how, because I know, like, say, for example, if I say something that’s a deep truth to me, and then I can calibrate that on a response that I get if someone responds negatively, I’m like, Okay, great. I understand that. But I’m also, you know, I’m also calibrating that this was a deep truth of mine, and I can bring up things for other people. So being able to discern the difference between, you know, if I, if I, if I’m standing in my truth, and it’s bringing up negativity or something from someone else, I have to be able to discern, okay, this is something that’s bringing up for them. And that has nothing to do with me. And at the same time, if it brings up something positive, and if it inspires somebody else, I have to realize that that that communication got through to somebody, right, and it inspired somebody. So I have to discern the difference between one action that can inspire some biomek. Okay, great, I see how it’s resonating. And at the same time, if it brings up something negative, and someone else, being able to discern that same energy is bringing up something that has nothing to do with me, but has something to do with what someone else needs to work through in their own life, right. But I got to keep doing the same thing. I got to keep doing my thing. And my job is still the same. It’s just like, Am I am I doing? Am I am I aligned here? Am I doing my Am I expressing myself better? Is it better? Am I speaking my truth? I got a lot of work to do, man. Look, I got a lot of work to do, bro.

Brandon Handley 27:42
100%. Right, right. And it doesn’t stop. Let’s talk. I mean, what what are some practical applications? Right? So you have the work, right? have, you know some of some of what you’re doing? I know that you’re you’re you’re helping men and women to find themselves to activate themselves to to be true to themselves? What are some? What are some practical teachings that you’re sharing out there that some like, I don’t know, man? What’s something, you know, give me an example of something that you’re working on today. And let’s just walk it out. Right?

Kiko Ellsworth 28:14
Yeah, yeah. Well, let me just preempt it with this. My, my work that I do for myself, at times looks different than than the work that I do at times with people, you know, and it’s, it’s all it’s all but it’s all the one in the same as well, right? So say, for example, I’m creating this one course that I’m doing, and it’s a, it’s called, everyday divine love. It’s just like, how you can express every day, divine, dope, powerful love, being able to say your brand, and I love you, brother. I love you. Every day, divine love being able to see the Divinity in you and me, and not feel like this is taking me away and making me less than a man like nah, every single day, I can say I love you to my brother, and not feel weak. Every single day I can say I love you to my sister, and not mean nothing sexual. I just love you, my sister. I love you. I want you to fulfill your divine mission because you came in for mission. And I want you to fulfill that. So, you know, that court and that particular course, it’s really about like two things. It’s about anchoring in and giving them the framework to be able to authentically start to anchor themselves for that clarity to being able to see everyone with that divine love Now that doesn’t mean that we’re all like a just vulnerable to everybody in the way we would get ourselves hurt. Because it’s all about healthy boundaries as well too. And just because I love I love somebody that’s evil, but you need to stay over there. I love you because everything’s spirit right but You’re at a vibration that I will not allow to come into my space at the same time, you see what I’m saying. So anchoring in that sort of insight filter to be able to see the divinity and everything. And then also the basics of breathwork, that the basics of being able to breathe properly diaphragmatic breathing, having a complete breath, most of us originated, our breath originates in our upper chest, or our clavicles, as completely unproductive. And that’s going to take you completely off your path, it’s going to be counterproductive to being who you need to be, and fulfill your mission. So with that, it’s like, anchoring in that divine love and anchoring in just breathing properly, nothing, nothing special, just anchoring that breath down there into that diaphragm into that lower, you know, and then that chest, and then up here, and then learning how to breathe completely, right. And in that way, we can actually have, you know, sort of be the creators of our life in a very responsible and controlled, free flowing way. So that’s something that I’m creating right now. But that’s something that I repeatedly do, because a lot of people are so stressed, and they just don’t we just, we’re just in here, we’re just not taught how to breathe

Brandon Handley 31:15
in and,

Unknown Speaker 31:18
you know,

Brandon Handley 31:20
if we don’t know how to breathe, then you know, what else don’t we know? Right? And I think that that’s the crazy part. Because, you know, there you are, you’re breathing, and you’ve been breathing your entire life. And now somebody is going to count and be like, you’re doing it wrong. Like, what? What do you mean, I’m breathing wrong, I’m here, I’m alive. I’m doing well, aren’t I? Like, you know, that’s, are you? Right? I mean, that’s a great question. Right? Like, are you? What is your What is your breathing style?

Kiko Ellsworth 31:52
You know, and it changes, obviously, for me, you know, I just make sure that like, say, say for example, my default breathing, that it always starts down here, it always starts down here. And it’s something that I are constantly being conscious of a practice of just being aware of where my breathing is at. And never make myself wrong, just because like so you know, maybe in the day, I might start my breath here. I’m just conscious of it. So it’s my practice to constantly be aware of how I’m breathing, where I’m reading the rate of how I’m breathing, the pattern, how I’m breathing, I don’t ever feel bad. If I’m even breathing like up here. I’m not perfect with it. I’m always aware of my breathing. And then if it is somewhere else that is not necessarily optimal. I bring it back down to my belly, my navel point, my diaphragm. And what I like to say is I breathe low slow and it creates that glow. Number Baby,

Brandon Handley 32:55
I love it. The the you’re talking about though, twos taken away judgment, right, just because you’re not doing it and what you feel might be the best way for yourself. You’re not beating yourself up over it.

Unknown Speaker 33:06
He know. Right?

Brandon Handley 33:09
So I asked that question, just out of curiosity, because there was are you familiar with I’m sure you probably are Hara style breathing, the Japanese and style of breathing? No, I

Kiko Ellsworth 33:19
never heard of that. Actually.

Brandon Handley 33:20
That’s pretty cool. It’s a little bit different than just I guess the in the book anyways, it says is a little bit different than Indian style of breathing, just because it stops it stops the diaphragm or the belly from dropping a little bit lower that I don’t I mean, so. But it stops it from dropping just as low. But the thought that I had when I when I learned how to do a little bit of what you’re talking about, right and and implementing this Hara breathing is the idea of

Unknown Speaker 33:51
Holy Grail.

Brandon Handley 33:52
Right? If you look at it, right, and I almost ended up like this. So the base down here would be the bottom of the chalice, right? And if you’re squeezing here and you’re breathing your, you know, your belly here, right? And then you’ve got up here on the top of the chest. This is the holy grail is breathing properly.

Kiko Ellsworth 34:08
Yeah, I’m gonna run with it. Yeah, you know, you’re right. Because just briefly, the breath, your your quality of breath, directly influences your quality of thought. The quality of thought directly influences your quality of emotions and feelings, right? How you feel out throughout your entire body. And then our feelings and emotions directly influence our words and our actions. So our breath literally influences our ability to create the quality of life through our words. Someone that’s breathing and I love the saying is like if you picture like a I think it was like a it’s an old saying, but it goes. Deep breath, long life. Shallow breath close to death.

Brandon Handley 35:00
Oh, no. That’s funny sounds like it’s from like five fingers of venom or something like that.

Kiko Ellsworth 35:05
Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

Brandon Handley 35:07
You picked up on that. Um, and so, so um, and another thing you mentioned in one of the other podcasts, I thought was pretty interesting. And they brought this, they brought this up in this book is called hair, how to find it, or how to share your link when I unpack. Because it’s actually really interesting. It comes from, from a German psychologist who’s been about 10 years with Zen Buddhists in the 40s and 50s. Right? So he was kind of a foreigner in this space. And one of the things they talk about, and there was something that you you brought up is like you by changing the way you breed, you change where your voice is coming from, talk a little bit about that, and how that comes about,

Kiko Ellsworth 35:51
oh, man, I I remember when I when I started doing Kundalini Yoga. And I’m doing class like 4am, early in the am 4am 4:35am. And I remember at that time, I was, I was so uptight. And I’m doing these mantras, there’s a lot of mantras and stuff like that. And I remember that time, my voice was caught in my throat. And it was like, it was like, up here. And it was like, tight. And it was it was higher. And it wasn’t coming from my diaphragm. And it was really heavy. And I remember in that class, I was like, why am I so stressed, I’m like, there’s nothing happened. It’s 430 in the AM. And I felt how I was holding everything up here, and my throat, and my shoulders. And when I learned how to breathe, my voice, my breath and everything just dropped down to my diaphragm, where it’s supposed to be, you know, where, where you can blow where you can, you know, where you have your power. And that’s, that’s where my got my voice back. The creativity just started flowing through my pacing on how I talk, you know, slow down, you know, you just you just start to get yourself back. You know, this is beautiful, man.

Brandon Handley 37:19
100% 100%. And so this is something that you’re you’re another another piece I enjoyed hearing you talk about was how acting helped you to connect to your emotions, right? And to actually feels I love that. It’s funny. About two weeks ago, I interviewed Anthony Mondale,

Unknown Speaker 37:40
are you familiar with him? Mondale?

Brandon Handley 37:42
Yeah, he’s an acting coach out there in LA. Just wasn’t sure if you guys ever cross paths?

Kiko Ellsworth 37:47
No, not my dad. One of my great friends is Anthony Montgomery. Not No, no.

Brandon Handley 37:53
Yeah. So when I was interviewing him, it was talking a little bit about this, right. Like, you know, he was saying, like, everybody needed, maybe I think classes. Absolutely. And, and, and I connected the two today when I was listening your podcast earlier. So talk a little bit about how that works. And you know, what, what, you know, how can somebody apply acting to, you know, figuring out their own emotions and their shit?

Kiko Ellsworth 38:17
Yeah, I think especially for, especially for men for both sexes, obviously. But especially for a man like fought for man, like, what we’re coming from is like, Man, you better not cry, you better suck it up. You know, you being a little worse, you being that, you know, you better man up you better, you better you better man up, you know what I’m saying? We’re coming from that sort of up tight, macho, you know, illusion type of crap. So, you know, a lot of men, you know, it’s good for men, because it’s almost like an excuse to cry. It’s like, we have an excuse. It’s like, Oh, no, I wasn’t really going to cry. It’s like, I’m an actor. So I get to cry. It’s kind of like a bridge. And you’re just

Brandon Handley 39:00
practicing for a role, right?

Unknown Speaker 39:02
Oh, man.

Kiko Ellsworth 39:04
You know, I was a real, you know, but but it gives us an excuse to get in touch with ourselves. Because once we make contact with ourselves, we go beyond that, that sort of fear. And we realize that, that it’s actually okay. And that is actually a natural part of us. It’s actually those if you imagine that we’re a 12 cylinder, high performance vehicle, and that we’re only using our masculine side, right that that strong, aggressive sun energy, we’re only using six of our cylinders. But when we start to tap into that, that Yin, that recessive side, that feminine side of who we actually are that part that can slow us down and be more sensitive and creative, right? Then we actually get in touch with those other cylinders. Because, you know, being in touch with our emotions allows us to navigate life. I can’t always just be aggressive with you or A child or a woman, I can’t always be completely masculine. I have to know when to receive, when to stop, when to listen. And then when to apply myself to penetrate. It’s a dance just like martial arts, I can’t always strike I got to know when to block. You know, the best martial artists are boxers, the ones that know how to like, you know, like, Oh my God, look how he’s like slipping that punch. Look how he’s blocked and look at how he’s moving. That’s a feminine move right there. That’s, that’s it, that’s an emotional move. That’s being sensitive, that’s being aware. And being aware and sensitive of what’s going on with you from an emotional state is, is essential. If a person but particularly a man because we struggle with it the most. If a man wants to evolve, particularly he has to be aware, really aware of his emotions, if he wants to evolve as a man, if not, he’s gonna he’s gonna be like a dinosaur. And he’s gonna, you’re gonna die, he’s gonna, he’s not gonna be able to keep up with evolution does so so I mean, look, I

Brandon Handley 41:05
mean, there’s, what you’re saying is there’s there’s a lot of power in feeling that emotion and recognizing it, what’s what’s, uh, what’s like the first tool that you give to a man who’s just trying to figure out his emotions.

Kiko Ellsworth 41:18
Uh, it all It all depends where he’s at, you know, for me, it’s,

Brandon Handley 41:23
I’m in off the streets, and I, I’m tough as hell, and I don’t have any emotions. So what’s, uh,

Kiko Ellsworth 41:30
yeah, yeah. Well, I think the first thing is having a real conversation to acknowledge that everybody has emotions. And that, if you really are man, let’s say for example, I might be dealing with this stuff, too, right? It’s like, okay, so you’re man, you’re tougher. Right? So So when did you get hurt? So I know that cuz everybody gets hurt. You weren’t born? It’s where were you born this way. So where were you like before? You think that you didn’t have motions? When did you stop having emotions? Look, your heart. Let’s be real. Let’s be tough about this. Who broke your heart, man, I don’t remember who broke my heart. And I’ll share, I’ll share myself and I might even tear up I because I need to create a space right for him. So he feels safe, I need to lead by example. Right? So I’ll create a space where he can start to see maybe himself in me. And then he can start to share himself. So he needs to learn how to explore the inner workings of his if several, he never felt safe to explore the inner workings of himself to reveal himself to himself, literally. That’s how he’s going to find him his strength. So, you know, some it’s, it’s, it’s, uh, you know, I don’t ever come out at the same way. And at the end of the day, I don’t go out just looking for men. They gotta want it themselves.

Brandon Handley 42:40
We look. Yeah, that’s I mean, that’s huge. Right. Gotta want it.

Kiko Ellsworth 42:48
Yeah, right.

Brandon Handley 42:48
I still, you know, I think that I’m not sure if you were like me. And, you know, when you first kind of had your moments of awakening moments, or you’re, you’re like, Hey, y’all are spiritual now. Right? Yeah. Like, like a, you know, it’s like I was. No, I’m

Kiko Ellsworth 43:05
not I’m not doing the drinkin and stuff.

Unknown Speaker 43:08
Already. Yeah, I’m

Brandon Handley 43:10
like, it’s old school, right? Like, quite literally, like, I’m like, Hey, y’all, let’s go streak in, right. And everybody’s like, nobody’s coming with me. But that’s okay. But you know, there’s also that point where you realize, like, you were talking earlier, it’s, it’s your own experience, and everybody else is having their own experience. And you got to want it, right, you got to be looking for it in order to, to immediately if you’re not looking for it, you won’t find it right.

Kiko Ellsworth 43:35
At some point, you’re being selfish in that sense. You know, I’m gonna say it like that. You got to just start thinking about you. Because here’s the thing. Like, I might say this to a guy too. I might say this, like, Look, you’re gonna die, dude, you’re gonna die. One day, you’re gonna die. And you can either look back on your life because I believe we’re gonna be able to look back on our life. And no, we’re just gonna, you’re gonna know. And so like, you can live a life that you’re proud of. Right? And you can really have shown up in the best way that you can, or you can continue to, like, do what you’ve been doing. Right? Like we want to, we want to die proud. We want to challenge ourselves. We want to evolve ourselves as men, and be that and do the things that we need to say confront the fears, we need to say heal the relationships that we need to heal. You know, one of the most proud things I’m most proud of, is I you know, me and my dad I really was like over 30 years I healed my relationship with my dad. I created 100% peace with my dad. That was the relationship I did other ones too. You know, I’m saying but that was the one that was the one that was the monster that was the one I was most afraid of. That was the one that was the breakthrough. Right? What

Brandon Handley 44:39
was what was what made it the monster like I mean, what was what was it that you know, what was the wall like?

Kiko Ellsworth 44:46
Because I was afraid of my dad. I was afraid of my dad. You know, growing up. That was where a lot of the abuse happened to alcohol the the manipulation the that sort of thing you don’t I’m saying I was afraid of my dad. He was the big bad monster. You know what I’m saying? I’m walking on eggshells being afraid It all started with, like, you know, my dad, you know, and now you know, but my dad, at the time when he had me when he was so young, right, I don’t blame my dad, you know, like, but for me for being a young boy and and then having your dad, your hero, that figure and then being afraid of that, and then you have and then having to overcome that your entire life. You know, I’m saying that’s that’s like the big bad monster. So for me to, you know, when I was engaging in the world The reason why I didn’t have my voice and the reason why I was afraid is because I was initially afraid of my dad.

Unknown Speaker 45:32
Yeah, well, I

Kiko Ellsworth 45:32
mean, that’s why I was afraid to the entire world. Yeah, cuz.

Brandon Handley 45:36
Yeah. So I mean, I didn’t mention it. But my first my first foray into doing the podcast was fatherhood stuff, right? covering the fatherhood space, right? Just understanding how important that is to have somebody that does the first stop. Right, your first office at home? Yep. Right. And so having to deal with a father like that, that tells you a lot, right, and what you had to overcome. So I mean, that’s powerful that you did it, like, what do you do? You know, what do you attribute the largest of it, you know, kind of overcoming it just all the work that you did on yourself and fully accepting him for who he was? And, you know, what, what was the final breakthrough for you?

Kiko Ellsworth 46:13
I think, you know, it’s interesting. My own dedication to myself, being selfish, wanting to be just the best version of myself, helped me to be the person I need to be to really make that job happen. That’s one thing, right. And then along the path, I realized that I was in a Iosco ceremony, you know, one of these Iosco ceremonies, I’ve done like a lot of those, right. And in one of these ceremonies, I wrote down two words, I wrote down, Hey, Dad, that’s all I wrote down. Because at that point, when I was in that, in the middle of that, I realized that if I could just say to my dad, Hey, Dad, with an open heart, peaceful, love, I realized that’s what I wanted. And I didn’t realize it. And many of us men don’t realize we like oh, or woman or whatever, like, I’m cool. I’m cool. Just being over here. At the end of the day, I just like I challenge you, that we all really do want it, we might not think that it’s possible, there might be a lot of pain, there might be we might have given up hope, we might not have the tools, we might not have developed ourselves enough. That might be looking like a big 30 foot 100 foot wall 20 feet thick, it might look impossible. That said, the child inside of us still wants that peace, wants that relationship still wants something healthy. And I think that we have an opportunity, we might not have been able to do it as a child. But we have an opportunity if we actually get the tools and the resources to be able to actually create that some of us got a really it took me 30 years, you got to fight for that. And then gonna be easy, right? You might not, you might never get the response that you need. But it’s not about that always, it’s really about like healing this up in here. And let me tell you, when I finally broke through to my dad, Yo, I found it I put it like this. I had there was like three, not physical fights. But there was three fights with my dad like emotional fights. The first one was like an explosion of volcanoes all over the place. crying tears, I remember was like, in the beginning, it was like in the middle of an alley dives, I got out the middle of his truck. And I was yelling at him. And it was just, it was all over the place. A second one. Same thing, but not as intense, right. Third time was same thing. definitely like it was like about 25% and intense. But I was much more in control with my tools and how to show up. And it was like, it was like I had to manage my ego and my spirit manages, right, keep him so he wasn’t able to like run away and get out of the situation. And you know, hit it over here with my ego, maybe confront him with something and then speak my heart and then do this but and then also not be emotionally attached to what was going on with him. But be my own. It was there, then and then it was like and then it was like I remember the moment then he sat down. I’m not gonna tell you some Look, look. It’s like Scarface waving a little white flag. never see that happen ever. So you’re going to shoot me like I’m going out with it’s like right? See, my dad at that time. Put it to sit down was like seeing having Scarface surrender. And I remember in that moment, everything changed. because something happened that I didn’t even know that I was looking for and my dad Man, he spoke to me in a tone that that I hadn’t heard like, in 40 years. Since I was a boy since I was like five. And a part that that little boy inside of me was like, I remember him. Yeah. I remember that voice. Yeah, I didn’t, I didn’t. I wasn’t available for it in all the stuff that had happened throughout life, and all this stuff. But that didn’t change the fact that when I heard that voice, that’s what I wanted to hear.

Brandon Handley 50:35
Yeah. Yeah. I love that man. Yeah, you were able to just kind of get back to to the space, right? Where is just the two of you. You know, there’s that Father, Son and father child bond. I mean, look, you’ve got your daughter, right. I don’t know if you’ve got any other children. But there’s that bond and do when when you’re given all of your heart guests. And that’s kind of a tone that you heard from your father, right? Like, get the unconditional love of a father and a child. And that’s what had been missing for you for so long.

Kiko Ellsworth 51:05
Yeah, yeah. And as soon as I broke through with my dad, I was able to connect with my daughter at a deeper level, because I had a block with my daughter.

Unknown Speaker 51:14
Yeah,

Kiko Ellsworth 51:15
up until that point, when I broke through with my dad, I broke through with my daughter. And she also established a connection with him because she was like, disconnected from him, too. And I was wondering what was happening. And I was like, I want to be more connected. But it’s not. That happened. It just started flowing.

Brandon Handley 51:32
There it is. There it is, man, I love it. So you know, you’ve got this, you’ve got training, you’ve got courses, where, you know, you’re working with other people, I believe, you know, that you’re also getting back into some acting right? You’re getting back to work?

Unknown Speaker 51:48
Well, in front of the camera, we’ll get in front of the camera. Okay. All right. All right.

Kiko Ellsworth 51:54
Yes. Is back for sure. Most definitely, absolutely.

Brandon Handley 51:58
so forth, we expect to see you this year.

Kiko Ellsworth 52:03
You know, this is what matters most right here having these conversations. And, you know, this, it starts with, like, it has been starting with, like these sorts of podcasts and these sorts of interviews. You know, I walked away from entertainment, because I didn’t, I didn’t have anything of value, in my opinion, to talk about, that truly matter, anything that I felt where I had a real foundation to stand upon. But being able to talk about things like my relationship with my father, now I got something to talk about. For me. That’s the stuff that matters in life. That’s the stuff that matters when we are on our deathbed when we’re transitioning and going back to our home, right? That’s the type of stuff that we can be proud of, you know, so, you know, starts with like this, I’m doing some a lot of public speaking. This this year as well, too. It might not be this particular year, like in TV or film. But that that will likely happen in the next like two years or so. What I’m what I’m doing is I’m getting back in front of the camera in ways that are most meaningful. And my job is just to listen to spirit, and to do and to go where spirit guides me. And like right now it has me speaking with you. And I’m so blessed to be here with you, brother. I’m so appreciative of you and holding the space spiritual dope podcast. Thank you to you and your listeners, man. And I’m just you know, I’m just grateful man. Yeah, thank you.

Brandon Handley 53:30
I’m so appreciative to have this opportunity to speak with you right to get to connect. And to be able to use a platform like this to do that. Right. So where can I send people then to connect with you? Where should we Where should we go? Get us some more Kiko?

Kiko Ellsworth 53:43
Your Yeah, um, you can find me on Instagram. It’s just Kiko Ellsworth KKOELL sw rth. On Instagram and everything is like you can find everything that I do. They’re awesome.

Brandon Handley 53:56
Well Kiko thank you so much again, man. You know, I’m sure most of people know you know, novice days is is is what it means to say, you know, I salute the Divinity within you. So I salute the Divinity with

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Brandon Handley 0:00
Welcome back spiritual dope we are working on are you ready to succeed written by Mr. Rao? And we are on chapter four, you can’t kill it and it won’t shut up. And we’re on part two of how many I don’t know, it’s just God, we’ll have to, we’ll have to play by ear. We just finished up with by golly,

Unknown Speaker 0:19
I’ll stop that mental

Brandon Handley 0:20
chatter. And now we’re going to get over to an incredibly fertile plot of land. So the deal is, look, mental chatter is not the the overall enemy. It only seems to be the enemy, because you just let it run amok. I’ll give you my, my chickens, for example, right? Like, if we don’t clean up bathroom makes a big old mess, right? If you don’t, if you don’t know that they’re running around, it’ll make a big ol mess like our kids, right? If we, if we leave him alone for too long in any one area, with all the things, they’ll make a big mess, because you haven’t been paying attention. I know mine, mine, don’t do that. And you haven’t been aware of it. So the idea is, though, now now you are aware of it. All right, now you’re aware that, you know, you’re you’ve got this mental chatter going on. And it’s been going on all this time. Sreekumar says, hey, look, imagine this is a plot of land with plenty of fertile ground. And if you’ve ever, if you’ve ever just kind of cleared off a spot in your yard or anywhere, and then you walk away from it for a while, you know, with your intention was, Hey, I’m gonna, you know, do this garden. I mean, I don’t know how many of you guys tried to do a garden over, you know, 2020 COVID. But what happens is, if you don’t pay attention to it, you’re gonna get all kinds of overgrowth, and there’s no way that you’re going to be able to see, you know, the bare ground that you left behind is going to be so much overgrowth, it’s like, wow, I’m not even gonna bother, screw it. Like, I’ll get to this next year. I know, that was me and my, my garden this year. So but imagine now what what happens if you leave this incredibly fertile plot of land alone for years, and years, you’ll have a forest job a big old mess. So your mind is pretty much the same thing. Right? Your mind will grow and nurture no matter what you kind of, you know, let in there or on there, it can not be prevented. There won’t be it’s impossible, right? Something’s going to grow there. It absolutely will produce. And here’s the good news. The good news is you may influence the garden, right, it’s going to take, it’s going to take some weeding, it’s going to take some rowing. And eventually, if you’ve ever had a Successful Garden, you’ll know that you’ll have so much leftover and you’ll have an abundance, you’ll have so much leftover, that you’ll be sharing it with others. The I remember a garden that I had a few years ago, and a fig tree and all this stuff I had so much I didn’t know what to do with it, though I couldn’t even with the tiniest garden, I had so much I didn’t I had to give stuff away. Right? This is this is like your mind when you nurture these, these awesome thoughts when you begin to nurture? How you cultivate the mind, right? I mean, it’s literally cultivation of the mind. So the deal is, you’ve been away from your mind, you’ve been away from tending to your mind for four years, right? You’ve been you’ve not been tending to the idea of your mental chatter you just been like that? Well, that’s just how it goes. And it rolls out this way, right? Because who has taught you previous to now that you just you write it out, there’s just your thoughts, your thinking your thoughts, and there’s one thing you can do about them, they come they go and you know, you talk yourself like shit that’ll happen. But deal is of course we know this now. That’s not that’s not necessarily true. So when you show up to your garden, and it’s a fucking mess, don’t be surprised, right? The real thing you want to do is be grateful that there are some useful plants right thoughts and ideas anything good at all in there. And then literally set about to tending to that shit, you got to imagine that imagine the the people that came to the United States of America, and they had to they had to cultivate the land right in order to grow they had to clear down fields and forests and they had to create fields and they had to do that do a lot of that they’ll do a lot of work. That’s your mind right? You know just pretend like you’re no secrets for Columbus when there’s somebody Christopher Columbus man, but the deal is imagine years some years some adventure, right? And you get stranded at some Island and right now you’re you come into a place that you’re very familiar with your mind, you know, the things that are in there and and now you know Now you know that you can create within your mind, right? So we’ve got this, we’ve got this idea of your mental chatter. Now you’ve got the idea of, you know, awareness, right. And he’s got a great line. And it’s the weeds in your mind will wither

once exposed to the light of awareness, and you know, plenty of people will tell you this one too, that, you know, darkness goes away, once you expose it to the light, right, it’s super, super simple, same thing. And you will recognize as you begin now, with their, with your practice, the distracting and unsupportive thoughts are the things that are bringing you down and simply not serving you, you’ll be able to, you’ll be able to recognize those now. And, you know, simply recognizing that you’re having those thoughts will tend to diminish them, right, it’s kind of the idea of weeding them out. As built up, round up in your mind, if you will, or again, you know, think of it as like this kind of nocturnal plant that once exposed to the light just shrivels away, you don’t really have to say or judge anything is something that I would say about this experience, once you just recognize it, you know, see the thought for what it is, it’s a thought, it’s no judgement to it just be like, Oh, it’s not really helping me, ah, I’m gonna let that one go. Or, and literally the other concept of it is, it is a stream of consciousness. Let it go on down its merry way and it’s bubbling fucking broke and just let it go. So we get to the witness, right, the best friend you will ever have. This is what will assist you with your awareness. And this is the idea of right of watching your thoughts dispassionately and again, he calls it says, this does have a name they call it the watcher. And when I say they, it is a universal concept. I know that this is prevalent inside of Hinduism, and in mindfulness and meditation. And you the watcher merely observes, right? It is dispassionate, there’s, there’s no judgment, again, no labels assigned, you just you look at these things as their thoughts or emotions. And I learned through about that myself and headspace, right thoughts or emotions, what is it, and you don’t have to say that’s a good one or a bad one, just which one is it and be dispassionate about it. Once you begin to leverage the watcher, you will begin to feel like you are on two tracks. There’s the just kind of emotional piece where you are doing it, where you are the one doing the things, but then there’s this uncanny ability to kind of watch yourself doing these things. And it’s very interesting, right? It’s very interesting. So initially, he says, Hey, initially, you you won’t be able to hold the water for a few seconds, right? Because it’s, it’s basically like saying, the mind is like, ah, or we’re like, shut the door, I’m in the bathroom, right, it’s natural for the mind to resist the light be just kind of shoved away. And I think the other idea too, is like you’re building a new muscle, you’re building a new skill and it’s not going to be until after repetition that you’re going to be able to hold the watcher for longer periods of time. And I jotted down here too that the watcher can be seen and NLP exercises. Consider the idea of, you know, if you kind of close your eyes and you know, remove yourself one person back, take one step out of yourself. And then pretend like you’re watching yourself, when you when you remove yourself and you see yourself as here I see myself is creating this podcast saying these things and I can see my face and emotions and feel them. But I’m one step removed. And then you can do it a second time. You can say here’s the guy watching a guy who’s doing something then you can do it a third time. Here’s the guy watching a guy watching a guy watch a guy doing something and it’s kind of once you get pulled away like that far back the emotion the passion and and these kind of attached emotionally the attachment to what is happening begins to diminish and I think that’s very interesting how we’re beginning to see the merger of of these kind of East meets West the psychology energy fields and thoughts and processes. What’s even funnier is you know, here we are like NLP who does brand new, you know, thing Neuro Linguistic you know, practices and These are things that are, you know, 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of years old, that, you know, people are stumbling upon and feeling they’re brand new whereas, and primarily because they’re not familiar with Eastern philosophy or an Eastern way of thinking. They, they’re like Eureka.

So, and if you if you’ve been following along through this book, and if you’ve been following along through some of these exercises, and you’ve sincerely begun to watch your own thoughts as passionately, chances are that you have begun to see your voice of judgment kind of diminish. And it’s very interesting how you how quickly you can stop beating yourself up simply because you are you, you’ve got this, you know, you got this witness, you’ve brought somebody with you, you’ve got this observational ability that you didn’t really have before be or realize that you had before because you’ve been so attached and invested in your thoughts. Because your thoughts, they’re not man, you’ve gotten these thoughts from like the rest of the world. So they’re your thoughts. And then they make you body and your life and you feel these things. And these are my feelings. Oh, makes me so mad. Like, if you take a step back, and you’re like, well, that guy’s just getting mad because he thinks it’s these thoughts, those sayings and he’s feeling this way. But as an observer, you know, you can kind of zoom out as it were, and you can see the the, the forest right, you know, people always like you can’t see the forest because of the trees or whatever to close the tree. So it’s the same thing. We zoom out and you get to see the whole scene. And you get to detach on the video, those emotions because, you know, they’re no longer your emotions, you’re watching somebody else’s emotions. And it’s very interesting anyways. So the the witness is the friend you ought to care for and nurture more than most. I think that’s I think that’s pretty interesting one, so I’ll stop it on this one too. We fill out a little bit more to go through on chapter four.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Longtime listener first time caller… that was me reaching out to Shelley… after years of running with some of the same crews, we finally connected on a podcast!

Shelley is full of great energy and wisdom… listen in you will not be disappointed!

With 27 years’ experience in the accounting industry from bookkeeping through purchasing to software integration and setup, Shelley’s Genesys Financial clients have included those of Graphic Arts, Manufacturing, IT, Automotive and the garment industries. 

Her focus later went to implementing and managing larger scale billing platforms and Project Management.  Her focus was on helping Entrepreneurs setup their Financial platforms and Business processes.  A financial professional with a marketing background Shelley is uniquely qualified and can see all sides of business from sales and marketing to purchasing to invoicing, always allowing her to think outside the box.   

In line with her varied interests her latest business, Living Well, has taken a passion for health and wellness to business by facilitating lifestyle changes for busy executives. As the health supplement portion of her business has gone International her love of traveling was often met through her business.    

https://livingwellwithshell.com/

Audio production done by Zane Niezgodzki

Insights & Takeaways:

  • Shelley talks about how she woke up with negative thoughts whirling thoughts “swirling the drain.” She knew this was not how she wanted to start the day, so Shelley says she went into her mind and “quieted my head and started going through what I wanted to see my day look like, how I wanted to give gratitude.” Shortly thereafter the whole feeling of hopelessness and negativity was gone.
  • 4:40 Brandon mentions “manifestation just means that it showed up because they put their thoughts, intention and will behind it in some way, shape or manner.”
  • 5:53 Shelley states “We’re just energetic beings having a physical experience, and power goes where we focus our energy. So, focus it somewhere positive that benefits you. Create some more high functioning you.”
  • 12:08 Shelley states emphatically “… recognize that we have emotional responses to those thought processes, and to the trauma that occurred to us or whatever as children… As adults, I truly believe and I’ve walked this journey for 20 years, we are responsible for healing it.”  {TK: WOW!!!}
  • Prayer can be meditation, meditation can just be going over what you’re grateful for (Gratitude Practice). Make this a habit. 

Spiritual Dope Eureka Moments!

  • 8:15 “So what I found in my early adulthood was I was always breaking out, but not in a positive way. Because I kept myself so contained all the time, that when I burst out, I usually got myself into trouble. And I needed to learn for myself how to live a more genuine, and aligned life…” [TK: YES! This is so relatable!]
  • 10:38 (This hit REALLY close to home.) Shelley talks about realizing as a parent, reflecting on her own parents’ parenting, that they “did the best with what they were given… and came with all their own baggage and all their own hurts and things.” [TK: Indeed. It took me until my mid-forties to stop judging my own upbringing by the light of perfection. My parents did the best with what they had. They weren’t intentionally “bad” or hurtful, they were doing what they felt was right. Different generations, different traumas and lifetimes, etc.]
  •  20:30 Shelley mentions Dr. Joe Dispenza’s teachings where he says the best way to create your future is to imagine it. But you have to live and imagine it already happening. [TK: This brings me back to Brandon’s coaching work with me, and the exercises where I would envision with all senses being in the ideal future!]
  • It’s all in your mind! (TK: IT IS!)
  • Quit apologizing to the world around you
  • https://livingwellwithshell.com/

Transcription by otter.ai

Unknown Speaker 0:02
You’re listening to the spiritual dope podcast with your host, Brandon Handley. The spiritual dope with today’s guest from living well with Shell Shelly shear, the spiritual worked out. Ready, set,

Brandon Handley 0:19
go. Hey there spiritual dope. Today I am on with Shelly shear she is a Vancouver based speaker, emerging author and coach. She spent 28 years as an accounting professional helping small to medium businesses navigate entrepreneurship while having a second side hustle. Her experience has crossed many industries from graphic design, manufacturing, automotive, spa, digital marketing, to hot dog vendors, it is give her a unique perspective into people and how they handle their businesses and themselves. She has a gift for finding logic, cool, logical, common sense solutions. She has a successful podcast that focuses on not living in regret and creating high functioning habits because she truly believes everyone is enough and should have an easier, more vibrant life. Thank you so much for joining today. How are you?

Shelley R Shearer 1:10
I am great. Thanks for having me. On if our listeners don’t know, we’ve known each other for a couple of years very casually because we took our podcasting course together four and a half years ago. Yeah. And it’s wonderful to see us both still here doing what we love to do.

Brandon Handley 1:22
Absolutely. I think that is really what I think is really funny was um, when you must have connected with me on instagram when I might, you know still under like Brandon Handley and I just switched that to spiritual dope. And then it like at some point like there was an aha moment where you realize that that that had happened like I was just praying in

Unknown Speaker 1:43
a second here.

Brandon Handley 1:46
So listen, how I like to start these off with his, you know, we were talking before this everybody’s connected to source source. You know, divinity, whatever speaks through us. We’re basically you know, vessels for the divine. And this podcast today, you are here to connect with somebody who’s listening. What is that message for that person coming through divine through you for that person?

Shelley R Shearer 2:12
My message today would definitely be emotions follow thoughts.

Brandon Handley 2:17
What do you mean by that?

Shelley R Shearer 2:19
Most people I find found in my own life as well that we are taught that we think and emotions are separate or that because of the way we feel we think a certain way and actually, that is improving quite an accurate the last 20 years during research and such that that’s not the case at all. In fact, we think a thought, then we have an emotion. And the reason that’s really important, in fact, I was literally brand brand new puppy in the house. It was sitting it was uptime is like Oh, I got to exercise her before I get on this podcast. I was going to do my own podcast today. And I’ll do it after. And that’s what actually was in my head because this morning I woke up myself personally, just rabbiting just swirling the drain. Just my thoughts were whirling in my mind. They were negative, there was nothing positive going on. It’s like I can’t get up and do this day like this. And that thought came to me it actually was something that I learned was kind of vocalize it’s something I’ve understood sort of in an innate level, but it was vocalized to me by someone Jan Jansen, I think mentioned it and of course, I was in a couple months back. And she said, emotions follow thoughts. And that’s what most people don’t accept, and also don’t consciously train themselves to change how they think. And it’s probably very much how I don’t know how you pronounce his last name, Tom, Bill,

Unknown Speaker 3:34
you know, the name

Shelley R Shearer 3:35
all over his all over Instagram, he’s got the thought Institute of some sort. And he very much hammers this home that you know, we need to control how we think. Yeah, so with that being said, You know, I was texting with the puppy for a quick little nap this morning. And I thought, This is not how I want to start my day. And so I immediately went into my mind quieted my head and started going through what I wanted to see my day look like, how I wanted to give gratitude. And my goodness, it took like a minute and then the rest was just bonus. It was like the whole feeling of hopelessness and negativity just left because where you focus is

Brandon Handley 4:16
in your life, right? Right. Right. And you know that you’re directing your energy into that space right and you’re literally that energy is what it takes for something to manifest whatever that means to people out there right because my wife and I always like I’ll say something about manifesting something’s like shit manifested this idea i think i don’t think you know what I mean. Totally. Yeah. manifestation just means that it showed up because they put their thoughts intention and well behind it in some way shape or madly, right? So no, I love I love that right emotions follow thought we’re gonna have to dig into that as we kind of see

Shelley R Shearer 4:52
if you can control things you’re thinking of and Jim quick that does the, the book on the learning the one that had the brain injury, he talks about this as well, because he’s trying to improve your memory. And there’s just so much now neuroscience behind it in the fact of gene expression and how we function, how we feel how we think. Now it’s the time in this day and age, especially with what’s going on in the world around us to really open up and say, let’s go research that a little bit. As you and I were chatting, just before we got on the on the actual podcast was, I grew up in a very, very religious home, very, very strict religious upbringing. believed and loved the certainty of the black and white of the knowledge at the time, especially as a teenager, and then you know, walked away later. And now I’ve come back to it because I believe in the law of attraction. So whether someone uses God or universe or Supreme, I don’t care. Right, right. Right. Energy interchangeable. Totally. Because we’re just energetic beings having a physical experience. Yeah. And power goes where we focus our energy. So focus it somewhere positive that benefits you create some more high functioning you Yeah, your

Brandon Handley 6:03
choice is a choice. There’s a couple pieces in that. I mean, even today, I picked up some random article that scientists are saying, there’s a 5050 shot that, um, we are in a construct, we are in, you know, a program, the matrix, like a lizard is a 5050 shot. So, you know, the same way there’s a 5050 shot as to whether or not there’s an afterlife, right, right. So why not kind of like, make those choices consciously on what you believe? Because you have a 5050 shot? Mm hmm. Right. So um, so let’s talk a little bit about like, I love, I love your podcast, I think it’s really well done. You handle the guests very well, you’re so well spoken, and you bring this energy that you’re bringing, you know, today, to your podcast, what you know, let’s talk about kind of how you found yourself in the space that you’re at now. And let’s give it like the leading with spirituality that you do now, like I’ve heard you, like, kind of referenced the woowoo. But like, or intuition, you know, how have you integrated that into your life and found more or less fulfillment from it? Like, how’s that? How’s that showing up in your life?

Shelley R Shearer 7:16
Well, it’s funny, cuz it’s something you said earlier about how you’ve manifested it, No, honey, honestly, doesn’t matter that you’re finding all the coincidences I still manifested. Because those are the those are the tracks that lead you to where you’re going. And you can call it coincidence, or you can own it, and I prefer to own it. And like I said, four and a half years ago, you and I took a podcasting course. Now, just just a little quick on that one. That was a very funny thing, how that happened. I went to a Make Your Mark event here in Canada, and signed up for speaking from stage because I wanted to find my voice. I’ve always just felt a little bit like I you know, grew up with the, you know, be seen and not heard one of female coming out of the 60s and 70s very autocratic father very religious upbringing. So lots of rules, lots of rigidity. And I’m clearly not that. So what I found in my early adulthood was I was always breaking out, but not in a positive way. Because I kept myself so contained all the time, that when I burst out, I usually got myself into trouble. And I needed to learn for myself how to live a more genuine and, and aligned life, and got very lucky in my 20s to attend a course called the pursuit of excellence, which talks about the filters to which we see the world and also talks about personality traits. So really, right from my 20s, very young, the universe kept putting the stuff in my path, awakening me awareness, opening my scope of reference, because really, like I say, I was raised in the box. Also, though, my dad was what was so funny is my dad’s an entrepreneur. So there was reason a box and I was a female.

Brandon Handley 8:55
Um, you know, what I love about your story that too, is that your dad became a successful entrepreneur after the age of 40, right?

Unknown Speaker 9:02
Yes. Oh, you do listen to my podcast.

Shelley R Shearer 9:06
Clearly, oh, you’re such a sweetheart. Yes, he did. And yet, when he looked at my life, he wanted it all to be planned out, you know,

Brandon Handley 9:15
as a parent, though, right? As a parent, and and him maybe not having found his stride, and this is me talking to right as a

Unknown Speaker 9:22
parent, and you, you are the parent,

Brandon Handley 9:24
right? It’s like, it’s like, you know, I did it in a very uncontrolled manner, how I got to where I am today is a miracle. But, um, knowing kind of what I know, it’s like, you know, here’s how you can truly succeed with ease. And that’s what you try to impart to your children. And we know that children are like, that’s not gonna work for me. I’m not to figure out my own way. You’re like, fine. I know. And

Shelley R Shearer 9:46
that I think, as a parent, that has got to be the hardest thing. The absolute hardest thing. I know, I did, you know, I only have the one son, and he has been through some very serious challenges in his life. In fact, we’ve just kind of recently he doesn’t want to Talking about this i’m not saying anything he’s not okay with. We thought he had bipolar for a number of years and have been battling that only to find out he’s on the spectrum actually. And it made so much more sense. It’s just he was so high functioning as a child, they never caught it. Yeah. And it wasn’t till I was, you know, he was going into kindergarten grade one and I was in an abusive relationship, and psychiatrists got brought in to assess the situation, and they will deal with ADD, and we carried on and then later in life when things were imploding, it’s like something else is going on here.

Brandon Handley 10:27
So it’s right there, the tools right there, right, the tools weren’t there. The tools, you know, didn’t really exist. Exactly then but but I’d love to hear that, you know, you’re fine. You’re catching it now. Right.

Shelley R Shearer 10:38
And I felt I did the best I could with what I had that something I think people need to give himself grace for more, I really had to learn to do that with my own parents and forgiveness. They did the best with the not with what they were given. Yeah, it came with all their own baggage and all their own hurts and, and things. Sure, um, then I became an adult and the parents I look back and going, I didn’t do that perfectly. But perfection is a lie. It’s not real. If this is just a journey, we’ve got to keep going on. So I handled it you know, in a manner as education again, so then we come back to the kind of again the with the high functioning, right, even when he was diagnosed, my attitude was you’re not going on Ritalin, and we’re not living on drugs. It was learn about what ad D or ADHD was at the time. And I behaved it with behavior modification was lis one thing at a time. Like he was the kid that melted at the front door. If you gave him three things to do. He’d be sitting there with the backpack, unpacked one shoe in his hand, and crying. It’s like I asked you to put your shoes on grab your knapsack can walk out the door, like it

Unknown Speaker 11:35
wasn’t that difficult. But this

Shelley R Shearer 11:37
is me being a very high functioning a tech personality seeing that child? No, it simply wasn’t connecting. Yeah, all those things. Yeah. Yeah. So we got you know, we like you say the tools weren’t there. But I was lucky enough again, to me kind of a few people got on to those you say the woowoo side of things. Yeah. To me. It’s just the holistic, natural side of things. Anti drug? As much as possible. I have nothing against medical Oh my gosh. Yes, that dental surgery. Thank you God for painkillers and antibiotics,

Unknown Speaker 12:06
right, yeah.

Shelley R Shearer 12:08
But I don’t want those corrections being part of everyone’s everyday life now, simply because they don’t understand how to control their thought process. And then recognize that we have emotional responses to those thought processes, and to the trauma that occurred to us, you know, we’re not to blame for the trauma that was given done to us or whatever is children. But as adults, I truly believe and I’ve walked this journey for 20 years, we are responsible for healing it, address it. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 12:34
address it just for having children. I mean, look, just it’s not. I don’t know, I, it’s hard to say like, it’s, you know, you can never say like, I know, that I always refer to kind of grown up, it was pretty easy, right? There’s some shit that happen. And but like, you just kind of look at it and be like, well, that’s just really gave me the ability to withstand X, Y, or Z or gave me strength or, you know, that’s, you know, or, or like, he’ll it right, but like, let’s just feel that address it wholly absorbed that that happened. and move on. Right. Like, let that be. The dragon the wind or whatever, right? Don’t

Shelley R Shearer 13:13
let it define you. Right. Yeah, that makes me sad when I let people see such negativity or illness in their life. define them as a person. Right,

Brandon Handley 13:21
right. Well, I mean, you know, so talk about that for yourself. You’re doing the fibromyalgia. Right, isn’t that? Yes. I mean, you know, I and I, I imagined that initially, you did kind of let it define you and kind of slow you down.

Unknown Speaker 13:38
Ooh, solid years. Yeah. Talk

Brandon Handley 13:41
about that. That because that can’t be easy.

Shelley R Shearer 13:44
I’m sure the property and one of the hardest things probably about things like fibro and mental illness are they are silent. Hmm. I’m like my puppy right now. Um, if this gets if she gets a little whiny, we can just stop and you can edit for me and I’ll do something with her. But that happens people people get very caught up in it. And I did. I was like, how this can be happening to me. I was functioning as a personality. I was working it was built a new house. It’s like, Are you kidding me? And leave me flat for two years until I learned to adjust, get my pain under control even tried to drug route for a little bit. And then the side effects were brutal. You know, there’s just a lot of suicidal thoughts and things and my husband, I were like, We can’t live this way. Alright, so it was a long journey. And I went again, right back into the holistic world of how do I support my body? How do I give myself and sometimes that just want to sit on the same silly napping. napping was a huge thing. I follow naps. But that ego of mine, yes. fought me tooth and nail and we’re stronger than this. We’re better than this. We don’t need this. Yes, we do. That’s the West.

Brandon Handley 14:52
That’s the western day. That’s the western mentality.

Shelley R Shearer 14:57
Absolutely. Yeah. So um, so a child of the 80s I was raised in that women can have it all nonsense have we have full time careers husbands that we wait still do the 1960s housewife thing through, and three children and don’t have House Cleaners?

Brandon Handley 15:11
You guys got back, man. I mean, even kidding me, I still I still I’m still very frustrated. Like, and like, you know, I believe women can do whatever they want be wherever they want, but to make a society where like, you know, you can’t have at least one parent at home, to be with the family or something to make to make that success in the material realm. You know, based on sex, right, be like, Oh, you can do it, I can do it. And we’re all gonna go do it like, Well, you know, who’s, where’s this other human aspect where, like, you know, that’s cool. You go ahead, I don’t even like going to work. So you know, somebody wants to show up and be like, you know what, I got this, you just stay home take care of children, um, like I’m in. Right. So I get frustrated from time to time just because that’s, you know, we’re, I feel like it was, you know, I’m not a I’m not a you know, conspiracy guy or anything like that. Like, I do feel like, you know, that was that was forced on forced on us.

Shelley R Shearer 16:12
Okay, you’re talking to Adam, because you know, he doesn’t he have a brilliant way of describing. So let me explain to me how explain surely how women completely got. How did you subserve his word for it? Where Yes, you had this great life where you were looking after the next generation, creating human beings being there having this whole emotional support for your family. And society walked in and said, Oh, but you don’t really want that, right? You want to go to work for 10 hours, like your husband does, and then still come home and do that all in two hours a night? Are you kidding me? And now requires two incomes to have a home,

Brandon Handley 16:45
but it wasn’t and it wasn’t there. That was your idea you want you forced it? Right. Like I mean, you know, so. So really interesting. Sorry to get off topic.

Shelley R Shearer 16:53
No, that’s okay. I want to vote not to like be a slave.

Brandon Handley 16:56
Right, right. Right. Right. Right. just crazy stuff. Crazy stuff. It is.

Shelley R Shearer 17:02
So you, you’d asked me about my fibro. So yeah, it was a long journey for a couple of years ago when we changed houses. And it gave us options because my income was right out the door. And I had an accounting professional income. So needless to say, that was missed. And there was nothing in the Canadian system, even what we call CPP up here, for this particular disease, there was no sort of long term disability or anything. And I was funny, you know what, as a single Mum, I carried all those extras, insurances for years. But when I got married, after a couple years, I let them go is like in our truck. Ryan was raised, we can both afford to pay the mortgage, we had life insurance in case something happened to either one of us, and I let all that extra stuff going. Hmm, not sure what it helped. But you kind of look back in hindsight, in really so that’s actually was one of the things that started me finding my voice was when I started moving myself forward, it immediately was how do I help other people do the same thing? Right? How do I encourage them to not be defined by a disease, and for me a big part of it, it was on another friend’s podcast a couple months back. And we talked very in depth in this because she deals with women or audiences, middle aged women. And she’d asked, you know, as a silent disease, no one can see it, what do you do you find support. And I believe that in any area of your life, though, find the support around you. And the sad part is, I hate to say it, it’s not always family. It wasn’t for me, and people really just always want it to be, they decide, I might need this, or I want this, but it has to be this person. And that is a tough limiting belief to let go for a lot of people because often that isn’t who’s going to be your biggest support.

Brandon Handley 18:37
I think that families too close, right to too close to the situation. And, you know, they know you from you know, they they know too much about you. Mistake you’ve ever made. Right. Right. And so they play out like the the history of you. Right versus

Shelley R Shearer 18:53
well, sad.

Brandon Handley 18:54
Right? So and that and that’s it. That’s not an easy transition mental model to shift. Right? So, you know, when you go to Thanksgiving dinner or whatever, you guys just happy Thanksgiving on Monday, right? You know, when you go to that dinner, you’re surrounded by family and they talk about all the old you and all the old stories and and all this other stuff. Whereas like your focus is, the future is so amazing. And I’m so excited. Let’s talk about what’s the calm? Yes. Like I’m giving you we talked about, you know, law of attraction with a lot of people. You know, I don’t know that many people actually in the space but giving thanks for you know, everything has already been done. Everything’s already been created. It’s just simply our awareness of that creation. So giving thanks for everything that’s already been done. includes the future. Yes, it does.

Shelley R Shearer 19:49
Right. Because that is something that Joe dispenza talks about. And he Now speaking of being left a center for me. He has taken me into a whole nother realm of my Christian beliefs, like Where do we go with this? He just has a spectacular way of looking at things he says the best way to create your future is to is to imagine it. But you have to live in imagine it already have happening. That’s right. Now something that kind of that he says that I really have taken to heart and I was talking to a girl from the other day, and she was going through a rough time. And I said, You know what, we have to remember that our memories, when we’re remembering something, we’re still living them in the now. Because our souls or spirits don’t differentiate necessarily to timelines. I look in the mirror and I see the wrinkles, and I see my hair graying. And I know time is passing, because my body is aging. Hmm. But my aunt told me once when I was very young, surely what you’ll understand, I was just like, barely even 30. And she said, You will know when you get older, your spirit has an age just you do. It’s all right. In my mind’s eye, I’m still the same person. You know,

Brandon Handley 20:52
it’s so funny, you say that? I always, you know, so I was doing Jiu Jitsu for a while until COVID. And go in there and hang out with people. And you guys are being guys talking about? I’d be getting in there with a younger guy, like, come on old guy, or you’re, you know, you’re just getting old or I was like, I’m not getting all my body’s getting old. Right leg? You know, I’m like, as you know, nothing has changed. Right? Now, there’s

Shelley R Shearer 21:15
my wisdom. Yeah, and whatever, which is fantastic. Right? Oh, you’ve had this all blessing us at

Brandon Handley 21:23

  1. That’s funny, because I remember you saying that earlier to, just to how, you know, you wouldn’t exchange the wisdom right now for youth. But there’s always that other line too, that people are always cracking, which is on this makes me think of your dad, too, is, you know, what would you do? What would you tell your 20 year old self, you know, and and really what they’re saying is like, especially now I think even at our age, and when your dad was 40 is like, when you realize all the wisdom that you have, like, I’m just gonna go ahead and use this for the next 2015 1520 years. Right. So yeah, you know,

Shelley R Shearer 21:58
that’s a very good point about having grace. Because my dad has a great education was raised and born in Saskatchewan, one of nine, and he’s one of the youngest of that crew. Very, very brutal, straight out of second generation British parents, very different upbringing. So now he married a city girl with an education and a working father, that worked professionally. So my parents are actually kind of funny that way, but well suited to each other’s strengths. So I could see him as a father and later in life saying, Oh, no, please don’t let my children go through what I went through, like, go get an education, right? Get a career. And he always wanted me to get something good. I could go somewhere that he could travel to meet me. He’s like, I need you to go work in Australia or something, Shelly honey,

Unknown Speaker 22:41
so I can run?

Shelley R Shearer 22:43
Okay, that’ll get right on that. So let’s just go for physical therapy and got nowhere with it. But regardless, I could see you have very valid point as a parent, right? Don’t do it, you know, don’t do what I did don’t make my mistakes. Right? Well,

Brandon Handley 22:56
that’s what we try to do. All we’re trying to do is like, man, here’s my list. And just like, don’t do any of this, right? Or, you know, and this is this is, this is why I feel like I’m very lucky to be a parent in this time and age, right, I started fatherhood for the rest of us, that was the first podcast. And that was, you know, learning the positive opposites. Right? You don’t, right? And this plays right into law of attraction is play, right? And everything else, right? You don’t think about what you don’t want your children to? Do? You tell them what you want them to do? Exactly. Because otherwise, you’re already creating the image in their mind of what you don’t want them to do. And as you and I know, the subconscious doesn’t see yes or no, they just see the picture

Shelley R Shearer 23:34
exactly right or wrong. Even if it doesn’t differentiate, it just sees the picture that you’re playing, just like having the comment about the memories, every time. I mean, remember things, it’s fun, but recognize that you need to like, let it go and go back to where it belongs. Because otherwise, you’re living your current existence in that memory. And if that memory and those experiences are negative, or bad, you are bringing them into your current circumstances, like this morning, every single day of your life. No wonder there is no positive emotion going forward. Because your thoughts are all in the past and all the negativity. Absolutely. I

Brandon Handley 24:11
mean, look, it’s in the word right and negative being like a re cursor, right? Like we did that. Um, so what one thing that you talked about this morning, too, was, you know, waking up and catching and creating a vision for the day?

Shelley R Shearer 24:27
Yes, very much.

Brandon Handley 24:29
Is that a daily practice?

Unknown Speaker 24:31
Yes, very much. So.

Brandon Handley 24:32
What’s that, like, you know, for the audience.

Shelley R Shearer 24:37
No matter what I have positive or negative to say about my upbringing, prayer was instigated in my life. And that makes meditation for me quite easy. And because I never had grew up in the Catholic religion where I had to worry about talking to a priest. It was always a direct contact, contact or conversation sorry with source. Meditation for me is really that now which is why I talk about in my little ebook I don’t care if you’re lying in bed in the morning, or it’s just before you’re going to sleep at night, let your mind wander and just go over the positives or go over what you want to see happen. show gratitude for whatever’s in your life, what’s going on in that day. Because that now is in the subconscious, like you say, the subconscious isn’t there to differentiate between all of this is just waiting for you to give it you know, to activate. And so activate on the positive activate on what you’re grateful for. So yes, that is very, very much a daily thing for me. In fact, I even got into the habit of doing a sitting here, a gratitude journal, and someone knows, and of course, one day and you just buy them. And that for people, it’s like people who go on diets, I always say get an app on your phone and write down everything for a week, though. Because your awareness you need to see because they’re like, cheating. I don’t eat sugar. Mm hmm. Yeah, it’s every thing.

Brandon Handley 25:53
Whatever you track, right? Whatever you track, you pay, you can measure. Yeah, you can measure as well.

Shelley R Shearer 25:58
So my gratitude journal was that’s became a habit at nighttime, just even if it was just three lines. It’s like, I’m tired. I don’t wanna do this right now. I made myself do it. It was a habit to do it that way. 80% of the time, it was getting done.

Brandon Handley 26:11
Yeah, no, I mean, you’re lucky and you can’t beat yourself up if you don’t do it. Right. Like it’s these are. And I think that that’s one of the problems. Not a problem. It’s just one of our, again, another Western civilization Quirk. Right. Which is, which is Oh, I missed the day. I guess I’m never gonna do it again. Oh, right. It’s all or nothing.

Shelley R Shearer 26:32
Oh, I hear coaches talk about that all the time. Fitness coaches, anything is like, no, get back up on the horse The next day, please. That’s why I say to people what I used to coach health stuff because I was in a network marketing company for a couple years. It was just kind of fun. And it really spoke to my need just to be healthier. Because I’ve always been a bit of a nutcase. Like always a bit of a health nut, what you do 80% of the time is a good habit. Hmm. Not the one day a week or the every now and then, where you just blow it all to smithereens. And you haven’t gone to the gym in a week or when on vacation and drank every day. Okay, great. You did that writing on, right act to your routine. Oh, and if you can get those habits in place, and they are there 8% of the time, you will slip back to them because it’s your norm.

Brandon Handley 27:15
Right. Well, I mean, that was one of the things that we learned with this podcasting course was, you know, your default pattern, right? I know that that was one of the places I first picked up on how your default patterns was through, you know, Sam,

Shelley R Shearer 27:30
right and consistency, Sam, just, you know, what, what is he? What does Sam always say? My favorite expression is Sam. Repetition reduces resistance. Yeah, I

Brandon Handley 27:39
haven’t listened for a while. But um, you know, I still love them like it without without going through that I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today. And so let’s talk about what is it you’re doing right now? Are you doing the coaching? Are you? Yes.

Shelley R Shearer 27:51
So just getting you just very small. It’s just a very, it’s new. It’s new to me for now. I started coaching back in January, took on my first clients, okay, and it didn’t actually want to do it. At first, my coach was making me I just want to public speak, I love to talk.

Brandon Handley 28:06
Clearly, you do their job, but you’re very well spoken. So thanks, sweetie. Putting it to good use.

Shelley R Shearer 28:12
And I wanted to write a book. But it was like you still have to earn a living. And also there’s always there’s always the attitude with coaching is that you can’t keep all that knowledge to yourself, if you’re not, and I’m definitely so I talk about things in my podcasts, something called the sacred gifts. And it was a course I took a number of years ago and that lady is now a personal friend of mine, even though I quote and I called her, Monique ladette MacDonald, Monique, l e da Tila that you can find her anywhere sacred gifts, okay. And she talks about the things that are innately in us, like right out of the gate is one of those neat courses where you take and you realize, Oh, that’s not me. That’s a skill set. Like administration. I worked in an office for 30 years. All right, not my gift. Okay, I just learned to get good at it. So you can still have great skill sets and everything. But I have the gift of what they call service, and hospitality and knowledge. Those are my three main gifts. So I have to learn stuff. But then I also have to share it with you because what makes it a gift is that you share it with the world. So although I love music, I don’t have a gift of music, things like that. It’s something I definitely never share with the world.

Unknown Speaker 29:19
It’s just not pleasant.

Shelley R Shearer 29:20
But the gift of service was and what I realized early on in my accounting career was that gift was always in play with the smaller clients I was servicing. I was helping you was hospitality was even involved in my knowledge was needed. Right? When I got to be later in life when I was at companies like Bell Canada, one of those big telco companies here in Canada. those gifts were not engaged in I load my accounting work. I thought what happened? It’s the same job. So I’m making more money and I’ve got people reporting to me and I hated it hated every minute of it. So gifts are really important. So the gift of services there regardless and it’s innate in me. Therefore, if I know knowledge, I have to be able to share it and coaching is the best way to do that.

Brandon Handley 30:00
Yeah, I love it. I love. I love coaching, I love sharing out that knowledge I love. I love seeing somebody go through the journey, right? I love, I love seeing them come into it too, you know, and just being able to recognize it like just on a visual cue or even like through some phrases, if somebody’s like, typing in like Facebook or somewhere and you’re like, I know exactly where you are, I know exactly what’s going on in your mind. And we should talk, you know, and you know, and that’s it’s not a, it’s not a sign of transaction I’m looking for, right? It’s like, Look, this is I can help you if you’d like, kind of thing, right? Or like, so so I get that. And I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it called, here’s another one of my little rants. But I’ve seen it called, you know, generational knowledge, right? We need to, we need to pass that generational knowledge. Yes. Right. So I feel almost, and I’m sure there’s not intentional in any way, shape or form. But if you look at Western civilization again, especially in the US and Canada, the generations have been divided very much almost purposely, right? Like almost, you know, so, you know, when you get too old, they’re like, well, we got to ship you off. We can’t take care of you anymore. But like who, where’s where’s, where are the elders, and in that situation, right to pass,

Shelley R Shearer 31:22
which is a completely score, fundamental belief system, in every Aboriginal or ancient civilization in history. Right. The elders are the holders of the knowledge. We’ve got to the point that as soon as our kids hit nine, we’ve got them labeled as Tweenies, or millennials, there’s, so they’ve got this lovely little label, and then they start buying into that indoctrinated propaganda. It’s like, No, no, no, stop right now, please. Because all you are right now is just young, you might be growing up in different technology than us. Fair enough. But I think one of our biggest advantages, and just why cannot stand people to say things Oh, I can’t be bothered that things will never change.

Unknown Speaker 32:00
Really?

Shelley R Shearer 32:03
Because I’m pretty sure 200 years ago, you would dive in infection because penicillin wasn’t invented yet. So that’s sort of, you know, willful ignorance. Crazy. Yes, for sure. Do not put our children into a box and then do not ship off for elderly. Right? There is a humongous disconnect here in our society in this in this area.

Brandon Handley 32:20
Right. Yeah. So you see to salutely All right, all right. So you know, this, this kind of innate ability, the, you know, connected to source, kind of reconnecting back to source like, kind of after pushing it aside, or, or just not recognizing it for what it was for a while how, you know, how did that show back up in your life? And what’s it been like, since then?

Shelley R Shearer 32:48
I’d have to see it showed back up when I got a handle on accepting that this wasn’t a punishment, because that’s how I felt I felt God punished me with fibro. Hmm, I get you know, and it’s funny, because I wasn’t raised necessarily with some of the Catholic belief systems that you know, that things happen because you’ve been naughty, or that you need to do good things to earn your way into heaven. And like I say, remember, I’m married to a Catholic, and a very good friend. So some of this stuff is not I may know, I’ve talked to these people, I know how some of the religious doctrine works. And I’ve never, I’ve always believed in grace, because being in the Pentecostal church are simply saved, you know, you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, and the sins are forgiven. And when you’re raised with that sort of belief structure, it often makes me surprised how many people hang on to so much guilt and shame, because it’s like, well, if you truly believe that you can change as a person and that there was grace and there is forgiveness from a higher source. And Shouldn’t you be living in that in that grace? And that, that good stuff,

Unknown Speaker 33:54
right? Why wouldn’t you be?

Shelley R Shearer 33:56
Exactly So for me, when I came to the realization that this was not a punishment, and when I also started coaching with my own coach to say, this is a journey, and there’s lessons here I need to learn one of the things in you, you and I have Adam in common. One of the his strong belief structures is

Unknown Speaker 34:16
so you’re able to edit this

Unknown Speaker 34:17
will be good people have dogs,

Unknown Speaker 34:21
because

Unknown Speaker 34:22
you can always get up and walk away for a second and I can monitor if you’re, it’s okay.

Unknown Speaker 34:28
All she’s doing, she can’t

Unknown Speaker 34:29
see.

Shelley R Shearer 34:31
So one of the things that he really hammered home for me in our coaching sessions were that life happens for me, not to me,

Brandon Handley 34:37
that’s a great trend. And

Shelley R Shearer 34:38
when you can get your head around that as an individual, it changes everything. It changes how you look at every situation. And in fact, although maybe not 100%, you know, across the board relatable, it saved my marriage even when I was struggling a year or two ago because instead of looking at the lame, like, what are you doing? And how I’m feeling about it? Sure. Again, back to the emotions follow thoughts. Of course, I’m going to think negative or feel negatives, when all I’m thinking is he’s this he’s that he’s, what other response is your body going to have? Or your subconscious going to accept? Negative? Yeah. So when you can take responsibility for yourself, which is what really started this journey, and then believe that life is for me, well, if it’s for me, then that means everything is for me. So what do I need to take out of this situation? Well, I wouldn’t have a podcast, I wouldn’t be coaching, which I love. Excuse me, I wouldn’t have been able to even help my son through so much of what he’s gone through the last few years, because I was literally just two steps ahead of him going through my own stuff. I wouldn’t have been able to repair some of the relationship with my parents. And now that you know, there are failures, you know, they’ve got dimension, my mother has been diagnosed as well. So she doesn’t remember speaking me sometimes the day before, which is very sad. But it made me look at all of that very, very differently. What was the lesson here for me?

Brandon Handley 36:11
The idea of taking 100% ownership for your life. You know, I understood the concept, and I went and I saw cheese. Who’s the Chicken Soup for the Soul guy? Okay, so I went saw him. He really great. Yeah, really great presenter, right. But he said, You know, he goes, just try it for a little bit, just try to take 100% ownership, because because if you take you know, 100% ownership for everything, everything, including like everything, everything included yet, then you know everything, it’s on you, right, you’ve got that responsibility. But if you just take responsibility for 99% of it, that’s, that’s not gonna work. Right? So you’ve just so much is 1% can throw it off for you. And it’s kinda like you said to, you know, they say this, and I think the data, you know, either all of it, or none of it is God. And just like Albert Einstein says, to either everything or nothing is a miracle. Right? Like miracles. So I love that mindset, right, and making that shift that the world is out there for you. I don’t know if you’re familiar with a book that I love is called, are you ready to succeed? Um, I’ve

Shelley R Shearer 37:29
read that one.

Brandon Handley 37:30
So make a note of that one. Oh, good. I mean, I’m on my, I’ll probably read it for my fourth time this year, because, you know, I’ll read like a chapter a week, and you do the exercises in it, and you go through it. And in that book, he just talks about how you know, of Indian descent.

Unknown Speaker 37:46
How

Brandon Handley 37:48
the benevolent universe has Montana, right? It’s a benevolent universe. And if you can find, you know, what good the universe is kind of doing for you on your behalf today, then, that’s a game changer. It is. And also to your relationship example, right? I view my relationship as a gift and opportunity for me to recognize what my triggers are. Right? If

Unknown Speaker 38:16
that’s a good one. Yes. Right. Your

Brandon Handley 38:18
triggers are what are my triggers? Right? Because if I’m, if I’m, you know, it goes to that, that little letter writing exercise I’m sure you’re familiar with, like, if I write you a letter, if I write a letter to someone that’s pissing me off, and blah, blah, blah, and all these things that are annoying me about them? That’s a reflection on myself. Right? Yes. Well, so the reverse is true, though, too. So if I write a letter of like, all the admirable traits, you know, those are the things I admire about myself, right? So I’ll catch myself in the relationship situation be like, Oh, my gosh, she doesn’t do those who didn’t do that? I’m like, neither did I. Right. Right. So so I just look at it as kind of like an opportunity for me to recognize what my triggers are. And that was a lesson for me, because and again, too, if we don’t address those triggers are the things that are always blown up in our face, they will always be there.

Shelley R Shearer 39:09
Yes. And they will always control you. So you will always be doing the neat what we like, like I like to call the knee jerk reaction versus the planned response. Where would you rather live that planned response or a knee jerk situation where your subconscious is controlling? I always love that analogy with the iceberg. And there’s the waterline, and here’s what everyone sees what we think is our reality, right? And then this is our subconscious, huge compared to up here.

Brandon Handley 39:37
Right? Right. So I mean, the video may not go out so I’m gonna just explain so you know, she, she just drew like, kind of a triangle and it’s literally only like, in 5% maybe on the top and 95% on the bottom, which, you know, I always we can accord to your conscious and your subconscious. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. So, um,

Unknown Speaker 39:58
you know, the

Brandon Handley 39:59
idea Spiritual dope is kind of like, we can get these spiritual, right we can get like these spiritual highs, right? Like it just like like, Oh man, I just feel like so filled with source and just filled with life. What where does that come for you like what are some of your spiritual highs? What are some of your spiritual dopes?

Shelley R Shearer 40:21
Definitely family and when I say that I’m married into an amazing family, and I have my granddaughter as well. And you know, it’s funny, you should just mention that. For some reason, it just popped into my mind growing up with the Bible, and the fact that you were two or more gathered together, the Bible says there will be also wood, you know what, that is actually a universal truth. And we see it every day and mob mentality, we thinking how does all those people get crazy and will because they became a group and the energy became a force of nature, the negativity that a few people were feeling, they surrounded themselves with it. So I remember my parents telling me growing up, he was very important to go to church on Sunday for that food. And I’m thinking as I got older, like, whatever. But actually, that is very true in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be church for you find the friends, I found my tribe, and especially my neighborhood. So when I got sick, and we were able to move up the street into a house that had rental suite, so we didn’t have to downsize was a gift, just a gift from God. And because these people, these ladies, especially in this neighborhood, and even the men, they’re our friends, they’re our support network. And where we are gathered together, there is positive energy. And there is thought and there is solutions talked about and not just gossip that we’re looking for. You need to make a decision and actively go search for that in your life. Now, if it’s going to church on Sundays, great, just don’t get involved in a lot of negativities everyone’s going to hell but you nonsense, because that’s really roughly not going to give you what you need. There are still reasons why people gather, right? Why there are powers in numbers because exponentially our energetic beings of ourselves or a field grow and feed off each other. That’s why kids and gangs run around doing bad things. And it gets worse. And the opposite is true. For sure.

Brandon Handley 42:16
I just finished reading on force versus power by Dr. David Hawkins. And he talks a little bit about this too. Like I mean, this is a you read about you read about people to spend time with Yogi’s, right and how they’re all just kind of sitting there and meditation and then all of a sudden, like they get that whatever happens right? They get that head of spiritual dope and like what, but he calls it it’s a vibrational entrainment. So like, if you guys are all hanging out vibrating at a certain level, then you guys are also increasing each other’s vibration.

Shelley R Shearer 42:48
Exactly. or something. I actively search for that in my life. Yeah,

Brandon Handley 42:53
yeah, no, absolutely. But I mean, that’s what they tell you to go find people that are beyond where you are today, right? go seek those people out. And for the people that are listening that like the woowoo stuff, that’s one of the reasons why is because you are in an entrainment field then. Right,

Shelley R Shearer 43:11
exactly.

Brandon Handley 43:12
How much fun is that? Like, I mean, it may make us right makes me and that’s and i think that i think that you know, again, this podcast is also geared towards like taking all this spiritual energy and applying it to a successful kind of business and place What would you say, you know, how have you taken like your spiritual energy and infused that to a more holistic business practice? I would say

Shelley R Shearer 43:41
I don’t think I will actually the simple answer that is I don’t think I could coach without it if I hadn’t made that choice and that change wouldn’t be coaching okay. I just wouldn’t be I was my old self is too logical to right or wrong to not self yes an ego but I was very independent and bit bit of a loner, and I still am to a certain extent I’m what they call an extroverted introvert. I need a lot of downtime to recover. And being I guess, being a bit of Pathak, I guess they call it people’s emotions affect me. And I really had to learn to protect myself while still giving back. So if I hadn’t come to some of those realizations, yeah, I would still just be doing accounting work and worrying about debits and credits, not about people’s well being.

Brandon Handley 44:27
Tell me tell me a tool or visualization or something you use to protect your energies. And I asked this because I don’t have that problem. Like I like I am. I’m not an MP, right. Like I like, I like people and I feel your emotions and we’re all cool, but like it doesn’t. I don’t feel it. Right. So but I do know people that experienced the same thing. So what do you do to protect your energy?

Unknown Speaker 44:58
Yeah. Oh,

Shelley R Shearer 44:59
that’s an interesting one. I have to be careful what I read and watch on TV for starters. Okay, very much so because it affects me, it affects my sleep and affects my thought patterns. I do take a lot of quiet downtime. And in fact, we’ll be going back, you know, we don’t wait up to our family’s home in penticton, which the Okanagan Valley here in BC, fruit wine country for us, that’s lovely. And we have a little house that I lived in as a child and has always stayed in the family. And I’m going to head back up there for a few weeks. Next month on my own, I want to do the outline for the book, because I just need to be out of the energetic field of sometimes all the chaos that’s even going on in my own home. Just people I’ve had students that live with us and get it done. And I do you need to just decompress a lot, watching what goes in my brain, I take it all on. And what I didn’t realize is when I was younger, one of the things about being my personality trait was amplified in this aspect, not realizing I had empathic abilities, in the fact that I just shut myself down, I built a really strong wall around myself, and didn’t let me out very often. Because they didn’t know how to protect that it was just I might as well have just, you know, stuck my heart out of my chest, lay there and let you poke needles at it. And it’s like, that’s just a bizarre visual. But that’s almost like what felt like to me. So now I work very hard at not over scheduling my days. And not being with people day in and day out. I cannot do that very hard to my husband who’s a true extrovert. But for me, people drain me they don’t charge me He is a full on. We’ve done this, this and this now let’s go to the after party because I’m gonna get you set up. I’m like, Oh my gosh, let

Brandon Handley 46:37
me go home to my bathtub. Definitely, definitely more the after party kind of guy. That’s okay. So

Shelley R Shearer 46:44
you’re the after party and kind of guy or not.

Brandon Handley 46:45
I am okay. At least I was right. Like, I mean, it’s been, you know, my whole journey has been, you know, just kind of letting go some of the things that didn’t serve me like so now I’ll shut down and be like, you know, if I’m in a fun man and party atmosphere, I’m like, nothing here for me go have fun. I’ll see you guys later. Right? Like, because I’d rather go watch Autobiography of a yoga

Shelley R Shearer 47:10
Yogi. Okay, you know what I mean? But that’s the big thing is recognizing it about yourself. So many people remove themselves from the situation without understanding why they’re doing it. The understanding of the motivation is

Brandon Handley 47:21
so important. I think that, you know, we could probably wrap it with with something like that, where you started off with that, right, recognizing where your emotion was coming from, which was being driven by a thought. And then not just recognizing that being able to transform that energy, right? It’s an immediate, it’s kind of like the old old school railroad tracks right here it comes to train the trains already gone. The beautiful thing about the train that we run and operate in our mind is that we can switch those tracks at any time.

Shelley R Shearer 47:53
Yes, exactly. So I’ve always loved the expression, like you say, to end this here, I’ve always loved the expression, it’s all in your mind. Because it is a full believer on that I believe in the placebo effect, I believe that we have the ability to change based on how we think about things. So really understanding what you need as an individual and taking that time, and not allowing people that don’t understand how paths work draining me all the time. That has been a godsend for me. And the big thing too, is that you cannot apologize for it, then quit apologizing to the world around you. That doesn’t understand. Like I say I’m married to an extrovert, full on and because I’m social social story, people always thought we were the same. But I need very, very different recovery tools than he does. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 48:41
was important to recognize. So thank you. That’s definitely some nice tools. I think for people that experienced that. Me on like a lead ball, like I don’t even know. Right. So and it’s that’s okay, too. So what, where can we send people to hang out with you? I mean, it’s been a ton of fun. I will keep going. But I have absolutely no,

Shelley R Shearer 49:00
I know we do. And we’re gonna we’ll do this again soon, I promise. And I’d love to have you as guest on my show as well, because I my listeners would just I have a very large male demographic of all i don’t know why but I do. And so they would just love they love it. When I do interviews. You can reach me anywhere at living well with shell that is the name of the Instagram page, the Facebook page, my email living well with Shell at gmail, the generic one. Anything living well with Shell, you will find me on social media.

Brandon Handley 49:24
Awesome. So thank you so much for coming on today. I really enjoyed it. Thank

Shelley R Shearer 49:27
you for having me. It’s been wonderful. We’ll see you soon. Absolutely. Excellent.

Unknown Speaker 49:32
Thanks for listening to the spiritual Dell. And thank you, Shelley, for being on the show. Spiritual dub. Be sure to follow us on Facebook and on our website does spiritual dope.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

Join us as we talk about how crystals actually function as a focal point for your energies… how you charge them up and how they can act as a filter for your energies.  

Also, learn a little bit about Leah’s story as she shares just how she found herself leading a life of spirituality and how the universe unfolded for her.

Leah Vanderlinden comes from a background of 17 years of hands-on experience working with youth and adults with mental illness, who suffered severe trauma, abuse, come from extreme poverty, and or have mental or developmental delays.


She has spent the past 17 plus years developing holistic strategies helping clients heal without having to relive their trauma.


She does this through her certifications in Breathwork, Inner Child Healing, Shamanic Journeying, Crystal and Reiki Therapy, Deeksha, Shadow Work, and through her experience in her field.
She has helped hundreds of clients excel beyond their wildest dreams.


She was also a published writer for a spiritual parenting column for three years.


She runs a spiritual internet-based community with close to 800 members called The Soulful Goddess, and a meditation channel on Youtube, and a motivational page on Facebook called Living Life With Leah.

 

 

Brandon Handley 0:00
4321 Hey there spiritual dope and thanks for tuning in I am on with Leah vandal van Vanderlinden. I never noticed the last part that was a Linden. So here’s what happens when you read things out loud. She comes from a background of 17 years of hands-on experience with youth and adults with mental illness who suffered severe trauma abuse and come from extreme poverty and or have a mental or developmental delays. She spent the past 17 years developing holistic strategies helping clients heal without having to relive their trauma. She does this through her certifications and breathwork inner child healing somatic journey crystal and Reiki therapy is a Reiki Reiki I mean, I don’t know right? Deep Dive we’ll talk about that deeksha , never heard it, Shadow Work and through her experience in her field, she’s helped hundreds of clients Excel beyond their wildest dreams. She has also published writer for a spiritual parenting column play three years And then she runs a spiritual internet-based community with close to 800 members called soulful goddess and meditation channel on YouTube and a motivational page called Living

 

Leah Vanderlinden 1:12
life with Leah. Leah. Thanks for coming on. That was a mouthful, wasn’t it? It was

Brandon Handley 1:17
sure I had to ask you. I should have right column play for three years is it or was it just a column column play?

Leah Vanderlinden 1:25
That’s called it writing air. Okay, I

Brandon Handley 1:27
was like I read earlier today and I saw that but so and here’s something that I think is kind of funny too. So for those of you that are 10 and Julie and I have known each other around three years now right, like kind of back and forth through Facebook and different communities. So you know, kind of got this running dialogue already gone. So that’s why it started off like this.

Unknown Speaker 1:52
The The one thing that

Brandon Handley 1:55
I like to start this off with is you know, I like to think That spirit God whatever the creator speaks through some right now we You and I are acting as like a conduit vessel, call it what you will to somebody out there that needs to hear this today. And my question is asking you what do they need to hear today?

Leah Vanderlinden 2:19
I think first and foremost is that they matter

Unknown Speaker 2:23
instead is their voice. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 2:30
I love it. It’s true, right? You do matter and and your voices. You’re given a voice and it’s kind of meant to be heard. Right? I saw somebody earlier today post, like, if you’re, if you’re, if you’re talking, you know, and you’re not listening, you’re not learning if I was like, Well, how do you ask the questions if you don’t open your mouth, right. I mean, you know, something, you know, but you’re giving a voice as opposed to use it right singing whatever. podcasting, you know, being on a stage Doing whatever and you always have to kind of enjoy. Life is life is a state right? So usually then the other part that I want to hit on was you writing the whole I want to make sure one little pauses for a second. Oh my god. So you were you shared your write up today with me. Right? And, and and you wrote you’re like I could keep going on I hate writing these things. And and I had, you know, Paresh was on my show, Jews want to reason episode pressure off and I did the same intro for him and he’s like, I hate it I hate like, you know that thing I feel like that’s like the I feel like that’s the entry thing for like my mom or like a business thing and, and you know,

Unknown Speaker 3:48
but

Brandon Handley 3:50
there’s so much that you’ve done to be proud of too, right? So like, why not kind of like, honor what is done right and just be like, you know what about us and I’m gonna keep writing this stuff out and tell somebody like do you have the shortened version of that right? Can we condense it? Or you know, okay, I’ll take it but the thing that my next question would be that and so you know what about a life resume or like how would you would you would use if you didn’t feel like it had to be a professional script about you what would you say about yourself

Leah Vanderlinden 4:26
I think long story short short would just be

I’m just a girl that refuses to give up Hmm, now I’ve been like I think almost all of us out there then given some times what would be labeled as a difficult you know deck of cards. I just continue to choose to keep reshuffling

Unknown Speaker 4:49
I love it a lot. No, that’s great.

Brandon Handley 4:50
That’s great. And I I did not know that you were so deep in like all these other spaces. I know. I know. We’ve been buddies for a while but I didn’t realize you bet. I had it for like 17 years, I didn’t realize you had all these certifications. And I just knew that you were somebody who’s in the crystals and saging and, and mermaid water.

Leah Vanderlinden 5:11
mermaid water. Right.

Brandon Handley 5:14
And so the gist of this podcast was like, you know, so you’ve been kind of doing a spiritual work, spiritually focused work for you would say seven the past 17 years then.

Leah Vanderlinden 5:26
Yes. Okay, that time I didn’t know that’s what it was called, you know, I just knew that I was in a field that was helping people. And people were trying so hard to help these clients, but the clients just weren’t getting results. And so I just wanted to like, I just felt like I was put there to find another way to help them if that makes sense. And at the time, I didn’t know this stuff was all quote unquote, spiritual, like journaling. Yeah, breathing was the way to calm people down and get them out of that moment. You know, and teach them that life is bigger than just that moment. Hmm,

Brandon Handley 6:09
yeah, no, that’s huge. That’s huge. Um, I love I love the idea of journaling and to kind of get your ideas out of your head and onto the paper before you to write. So it’s really just like a transplant of, is it still, in my mind? Was it on this piece of paper, and to kind of just really transfer quite literally not just write it out, but I want to transfer it like energetically to this piece of paper in front of me and out of my head.

Leah Vanderlinden 6:38
Right, exactly. It’s just a form of really thing.

Brandon Handley 6:41
And so you also bring up a great point and saying, you know, you don’t realize I think when you initiate your journey, that it’s a spiritual one. So when do you feel like you

Unknown Speaker 6:56
started calling it the spiritual journey spirit Your practice?

Leah Vanderlinden 7:02
You know, I think it was when when people labeled it that because I always just have had ever since I was a kid, I’ve just had this kind of greater note, like, I would say, greater knowing but this desire to connect to something bigger. And I always knew there was something bigger. But I always felt like it was outside of me. And I think when I, like started learning about spirituality, I think the biggest lightbulb moment for me was really realizing it was actually inside of me. And it wasn’t something I had to go search for as cheesy as that sounds. And they didn’t need to bring it to me either.

Brandon Handley 7:41
Oh, sure. And I love it. Right. So you don’t it doesn’t sound it only sounds cheesy if you haven’t had the experience. Right. And that’s, that’s a big part of it. Right? You’re like Alright, well, when you stop, pause, and you realize that all the cliches have like this huge impact here. Hey, it’s since it you deep within you, you’ve got to go with it. And you’re like, you’re like I just went within and it was empty bro. There was nothing there. Right? And that’s the person who’s not really there yet right? Or I was talking about my mom was always like, you got to practice your awareness. I was like, do you see me hitting any walls? see everybody out here right? But what she meant was like kind of this, this, this like inner awareness and so I can relate to when it sounded cheesy to now I’m like, Nah, you This is real. You got to pay attention, right?

Leah Vanderlinden 8:41
And the power of observation, hmm. like sitting back and not trying to dissect everything or always needing to know the answers but really just observing and seeing what that teaches you

Brandon Handley 8:55
a lot love it. So I like to call it like the business right like That’s just what it is. Right? That’s just the business about what’s going on around me. There’s no there’s no separation from anything that just simply is. And I’m not labeling anything. I’m not trying to put words to anything. I’m not trying to outline anything and it just is, right.

Unknown Speaker 9:18
Isn’t it business?

Unknown Speaker 9:24
The business

Unknown Speaker 9:33
is the business. So

Unknown Speaker 9:36
that’s funny. Uh huh. So

Brandon Handley 9:41
so you weren’t calling it spiritual until everybody else started calling spiritual. So the walk me through that.

Leah Vanderlinden 9:49
I would call it more searching like, I was just always like I said, I was just always kind of hungry to deeply connect and when I was little, I was blessed. That my my parents I wasn’t raised in a spiritual home or a religious home. But my parents gave me the gift of being able to choose that I wanted to go to church and I literally got to pick the religion and everything. Sure. What sold me was Vacation Bible School. They had a cute flyer and it said free snacks.

Brandon Handley 10:18
You know, we all like some free snacks, some Kool Aid and like, you know, some type of coffee cake and, you know, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like,

Leah Vanderlinden 10:28
little sandwich cookies, you know, I went and I remember being like, even that little being deeply intrigued by Oh, wow, there’s this person that will fully accept me. And all that I am and all that I’m not and love where I’m at. And then the more I went I got so confused because my Wow, wait a minute. Okay, they’re gonna love me, but I have to follow certain guidelines. those rules. Yeah. And if they don’t, if I don’t follow these guidelines, I’m gonna burn in hell. Mike, what’s up. And so I remember being really confused by a lot of the message. But I still felt that even amongst all that confusion, there was some truth in it. So I just was blessed that I, like I said that my parents gave me the freedom to continue to explore different face. And that led me to where I was about 18 I walked into what is called a metaphysical store.

Brandon Handley 11:32
Was it a Christian Science stop shop? Or was it like a Christian Science reading room? Or was it a metaphysical space? I mean,

Leah Vanderlinden 11:38
it was metaphysical. But to be honest, I didn’t know what that meant. I just, oh, there’s cute crystals and books about, you know, self acceptance and all and books about things I had never heard before.

Unknown Speaker 11:51
I mean, at age 18, okay.

Leah Vanderlinden 11:54
And so I remember being really drawn to just, you know, diving And learning things. And there was a crystal class at that time. And it was a crystal meditation. And so I, I’m like, super excited, and I bring my little yoga mat and I go in, and everybody’s laying down, you know. And next thing I know, they’re starting to chant, and I was like, oh, Lord, Jesus.

Unknown Speaker 12:20
I gotta go.

Leah Vanderlinden 12:23
I’m just trying to find God, I don’t have my full soul.

But I have to say, that I have never felt so free to make, you know, just by simply letting go and having no expectations, making weird sounds and breathing. And not really caring if I was judged in that moment, but more so seeing what this taught me, you know, kind of observation. And that is really what started the journey was going to that little meditation class. And there was like this light bulb. That went off like every Sunday. For years, I didn’t realize how much I went to church and depended on someone else to create a relationship for me with God. I would sit there and I would be moved by the pastor’s words I would show by their relationship with the Bible, their relationship to God. But I wasn’t really doing the work as much as I thought I was to be doing those things for me. And then when I started doing spirituality, I started doing that work and eliminating the middleman, if that makes sense.

Brandon Handley 13:32
Yeah, not me though. Like, I mean, so when you started doing the spirituality, what’s up mean?

Leah Vanderlinden 13:37
Meaning I started to see what God meant to me. And I started removing what all I’ve been taught, and started teaching myself meaning I learned to listen and not pray all the time with like a wish list. But more so pray to hear peanut butter, gonna need some

lovin marshmallow fluff.

But I craved more to hear and I started finding God through exercise and walking and just doing certain things. And that’s when I started hearing God louder. Like, God telling me why certain things happened. And it removed me from feeling like my life was against me, but instead My life was for me. Yeah, that’s the best, right? Yeah,

Brandon Handley 14:26
so that’s the coolest transition. I feel like you could really ever make that and what you’re saying here is that you’ve found God and everything that you were doing.

Leah Vanderlinden 14:37
Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 14:42
What’s that like?

Leah Vanderlinden 14:46
It’s like, freedom and surrender, you know?

Brandon Handley 14:53
To pick those two words apart too, right? Like cuz I mean, and not by picking apart but it’s always nice to kind of go deeper into those words and they really what they mean to you because surrender You know, it can mean different things at different times in life and you know, I can even just a few years back I was like surrender isn’t me and now I’m like surrender.

Unknown Speaker 15:17
Right? So, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 15:24
So you know what and freedom to like

Unknown Speaker 15:29
you know we start when you start messing with freedom freedom from what to do what right like why is why is this freedom so important to us? And again I feel like that’s something that we look for outside of us,

Unknown Speaker 15:47
which is like God

Brandon Handley 15:49
kind of inside of us right? So So yeah, tell me a little bit about those two words and what they mean to you in this context.

Leah Vanderlinden 15:57
Okay, freedom for me as a I’m not having to. So like I have to conform to create a connection. So in many ways no longer being a sheep, but and that, you know, becoming the shepherd online.

Unknown Speaker 16:15
Yasser Shepherd of my own life I like that I like that a lot

Unknown Speaker 16:28
you know, that’s right. I’m

Unknown Speaker 16:32
gonna get shut down. Have you gotten started?

Unknown Speaker 16:38
Then Then surrender. Yeah, yeah so when there’s a great word Tell me what it means for you now.

Leah Vanderlinden 16:47
For me it really is and I know I’m being repetitive but

Unknown Speaker 16:53
it would be my need to control and always know have to know everything Letting Go those mean letting surrender those moments to something outside of yourself. Yeah you call

Brandon Handley 17:06
it God do you call it like a university and what are your what’s your what’s your choice? Because I’m still kind of Alec Hartnett, right? Oh my god this one’s god This one’s universe. Mitch, right?

Unknown Speaker 17:19
Because yes, so are you calling What are you calling it

Leah Vanderlinden 17:23
you know I do the same thing I guess I’m gonna another car girl myself so like are so all go from source because I love that word that that to me makes a lot of sense. But there’s definitely days I say universe and not just what I’m in the mood for because it really to me is all pretty much the same thing. Sure.

Brandon Handley 17:44
Okay, interchangeable. So you’re surrendering your control to God, the universe, etc. Right? So I’m just saying.

Leah Vanderlinden 17:55
Yeah, and just

And Mike and my, my desire I guess to constantly control

like this, this need to always know the outcome. Yeah,

because that to me doesn’t really give God the universe source whatever you want to choose today the magical unicorn dragon, right? give God the freedom to actually do what we believe God is going to do if I am already, you know, have this preconceived idea how my life is going to play out. I have to surrender a little bit to say, Okay, this is what I want, but ultimately, you know, I have to be open to seeing how it’s gonna come.

Brandon Handley 18:42
No, I love that too. And I think I’ve tried tying that into I just did a podcast on vision, right? Like how in the end like your vision is kind of like the end goal result in everything you see coming through and foreign to you.

Unknown Speaker 18:58
And the Middle,

Unknown Speaker 19:00
it’s left up to God the universe to kind of help you manifest that, right. And

Brandon Handley 19:07
I think I’m hearing you say like, you know, I’ve got this desire, here’s how I see it happening. And this is the only track that I see happening, right. And the thing that happens is when we’re like, this is the only track I see happening. And that’s the only telling you’re looking down. That’s the only thing you’re able to see.

Unknown Speaker 19:23
Right? Because

Brandon Handley 19:25
you’ve got your mind set on, this is how it’s gonna happen. You won’t be open to all the other possibilities of how it’s happening for you. So I like to say, you know, you don’t have to know how it’s gonna happen, but look for the evidence that it is happening for you.

Leah Vanderlinden 19:41
Yeah, cuz if you think about it, I mean, that’s almost micromanaging God.

Unknown Speaker 19:45
I got no time.

Leah Vanderlinden 19:47
Yeah, I got to thinking, Okay, listen to me all the shit you want. I’m trying to give it to you like don’t tell me how to do it to look like

Brandon Handley 19:55
Lucy and Ethel all the chocolate conveyor right? With all your asks this is getting backed up.

Unknown Speaker 20:05
Let me do my thing.

Unknown Speaker 20:07
Like, you know when you’re with the kids, right they’re like, Can I get this? Like do you know what I’m doing right now?

Unknown Speaker 20:13
Right Can’t you see that I

Brandon Handley 20:14
am in process of providing the very thing that you’re asking me for. Right okay. So surrender and freedom I love I love kind of I love that I love that you brought those two words up surrenders been a newer one for me to accept into my vernacular, right? Like this word is not allowed. I’ll take it. I’ll take it. Let’s talk crystals and but let’s talk crystals. But before you do, right, I want to tell you a little bit of my recent thought on crystals. I thought, I don’t know anything about them aside from there they are. Right?

Unknown Speaker 20:52
Um, let’s start with a crystals are carbon

Unknown Speaker 20:58
right basically aren’t they carbon

Unknown Speaker 21:01
Pretty much

Unknown Speaker 21:02
Yeah, yeah. So

Unknown Speaker 21:04
work carving. Mm hmm.

Brandon Handley 21:07
What I love about crystals is that they are aligned structures that form over time in the same alignment over and over and over and over again that they’re, they’re so well aligned these layers that you can see through them and they formed like this kind of this awesome strengthened structure, right and they’re made of the exact same substance as us which is also a we carbon comes from stars, too. So I mean, that’s a new one for me, you know, so we are stars Stardust, quite literally but then these these crystals are just like, just like us, but just in this compressed

Unknown Speaker 21:49
you know, form

Unknown Speaker 21:50
and I love that. So I don’t know is that anywhere near? Kind of

Brandon Handley 21:58
how am I how am I doing my crystallization

Leah Vanderlinden 22:01
You would get like three gold stars if you were in my class.

Unknown Speaker 22:06
C suite.

Brandon Handley 22:09
Free snacks. Tell me what you got those. So I mean, so tell me about your attraction the crystals were and how you’re using them in your practices.

Leah Vanderlinden 22:19
Yeah, so I mean, like we were talking about earlier. And so the first time I actually just like, discovered crystals and purchased them a girlfriend and I, we were in high school. And we I think we got like a hobby lobby kind of thing. And I just thought they were pretty I didn’t understand that, you know, you could actually use them to system healing. And then after that meditation class I mentioned, I walked around that store and they had all these crystals and different bowls, and they were labeled what they can do, and I’m like, what, and I didn’t still really quite understand how they could do things to me. And then, one day, I just decide Added to, like, I’m like, if I’m going to use these and have these all over my house, I should actually figure out how they work. So, a crystal basically is kind of like a vessel that holds energy in many ways. And a lot of times how I like to explain to a client is that different crystals have different healing properties and they have different forms of energies in the that are held in that crystal, okay? So when you use those for healing, and you’re using them for meditation, they are just working with where you are low in energy and supplying it, you know, supplying the energy that you need to help get you back to the right level. So a lot of times when you walk into a crystal store, you don’t know how or why but you have this inner knowing, walk up to a crystal and you’re attracted to it. And then you start to read the little label and They’re like, wow, that’s exactly what I need. It’s like your energy recognizes somehow some way, the energy of the crystal and that you need it.

Unknown Speaker 24:13
So,

Brandon Handley 24:14
if I’m somebody who’s coming off the street, I’m like, that’s cool. So where’s it getting this energy from these crystals? Like, right? How is it stored and questions like that? Yeah.

Leah Vanderlinden 24:24
So a crystal is a lot like, I like to refer to it as it’s a lot like food because it has nutrients in it in many ways. So when we get fruit and we get vegetables, they were getting that energy from the sun. We’re getting it from the elements right from the energy of the moon, from the water from the soil, and the earth does this magnificent thing and create and allows us to have this piece of food, right? Well, crystals are the same way. Many of them are formed in caves and underground and seven water and so they’re getting all This high vibrational energy from source, right? All those things. And so it’s just like in many ways that food that you need that when you’re eating healthy, how you feel better. And it has like an orange has all this vibration to heal you and to give you an accident and make you feel better when you’re sick. Well crystals the same way it’s getting the energy from the earth, and very few of us do that anymore. Very few of us actually are getting that nutrients from food like we are meant to. Very few of us are getting it spiritually by praying, meditating like we’re meant to. And so when you interact with a crystal, in many ways, you’re just allowing yourself to get the nutrients that your soul needs. Now, it’s not this magical. Some people may may beg to disagree, but it’s not this magical thing that you’re going to hold. And it’s just going to do all that work for you. What is the programmable tool So when you pick up that crystal how it really is going to work and and amplify your healing as you’re setting the intention with combining it with spiritual work, or doing work.

Brandon Handley 26:14
Yeah, no. So look for any naysayer, right let’s let’s take a look at let’s take a look at sick look at watches quartz watches let’s take a look at radios. Look we’ll look at radios right so your radio your radio is um you know for us old heads that had like the tuni you know knob and dial and it wasn’t digital yet. The the making part of this up because I don’t know hundred percent. I’m pretty sure like there’s a electric coil around the courts inside the radio receiver. And what you’re doing is you’re tuning that crystal To a certain frequency through electromagnetic pulses, and that’s set to receive, right? And so you as a human, whether you like it or not, are an electromagnetic device, and should you choose so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say some of these crystals have, you know, properties that are tuned to certain frequencies that, you know, I’m sure somebody really felt like doing a study and saying, you know, Amethyst, you know, resonates at a certain vibration, that if you tune yourself to that resonance, you’re gonna get those healing vibrations that come from that crystal.

Leah Vanderlinden 27:41
That was freakin amazing. Thank you for saving me on that one. Yeah, no, that was absolutely perfect. And that’s exactly right. Right. And that’s when when you’re combining, you know, when you’re doing meditation and you’re focusing on healing your heart, and then you hold a crystal that has that vibration of a healthy heart. Passion, that same frequency, what you’re doing as you’re setting that intention and not in too many, in many ways to happen for you as well. I love it. Right. And so many things. I mean, even in medication like when when you think of zinc and you think of minerals, right? depression meds, I mean, crystals are linked back to that and even in the Bible, rubies, sapphires, all of that a lot like essential oils.

Unknown Speaker 28:28
It’ll cure everything.

Leah Vanderlinden 28:29
Well, I mean, raise your vibration,

Brandon Handley 28:31
right now teas on the essential oil. So So let’s talk about another thing that is kind of a and I want to I want to just kind of loop back in here too. So the big part of this podcast is, you know, how you lead spiritually for a more fulfilling life. Right? And part I want to just kind of went back, you know, part of what it was was, you know, you were already kind of leading this life. You were Looking you were seeking? At some point, it just kind of merged for you, right? You no longer separated your spiritual self from your everyday material self. Right? And you you you’ve found for you that it’s been more fulfilling, right for you. Is that fair to say?

Leah Vanderlinden 29:23
Yes. And

Brandon Handley 29:24
you’re having success with it in you know, I know you’ve got, you know, you have regular jobs, but you’ve also got, I want to say regular jobs. I’m talking like corporate america gig, right? But you’ve also got this other space where you can go and you teach and you help others to kind of unlock certain aspects of themselves. And there’s so much fulfillment in that for you. I’m imagining

Leah Vanderlinden 29:47
there really is.

Brandon Handley 29:48
Yeah. And so, you know, there’s practical application here too. So like we talked about the crystals. So like, you know, get it out of your head that like there’s a bunch of this woowoo Voodoo and take into account that there is science using these and and kind of make those links yourself right? Like how if this is being used like you said even the medications, right like how is it being used the medication? Is it the actual chemical? Or is it the bio makeup of like all the crust crystals that you’re ingesting? Who knows? I don’t know. I’m gonna throw that one out there though, right? God, you know, um, you know what, because literally when we when it kind of boils down to it, it’s a bunch of minerals or a bunch of salts, right? Which are a bunch of crystals and when you put them all together in a certain makeup, you know How’s that? What’s it doing? I don’t know. I’m not a scientist, but it doesn’t hurt to just kind of have those questions and wonder, right? They Well, you know, is there something to this? Is there something to

Unknown Speaker 30:52
tuning yourself right, let’s see what’s,

Unknown Speaker 30:55
what is the show?

Leah Vanderlinden 30:58
Okay, so yeah, so Deeksha is It’s called it’s a third eye awakening, it’s a third eye opening. And so a practice that a lot of people refer to as what’s called a oneness blessing giver. And it’s just where the person really tunes into the frequency of I’m opening the third eye and they just kind of they don’t physically touch you, they just basically send you all their energy over your third eye send you healing send you golden energy to just awaken and expand your awareness and your connection back to the connector. So it’s kind of like, I like to tell people it’s basically like putting windshield wipers on your third eye and closing out all the debris meaning all the mobile self talk and all the limiting beliefs.

Allow yourself to really just hear

Unknown Speaker 31:54
God I need a full on powerwash

Unknown Speaker 31:59
full on powerwash

Brandon Handley 32:02
Let’s, let’s talk. Let’s talk though like I mean, third eye, right? In this context, what are you saying when you say third eye?

Leah Vanderlinden 32:12
Yeah, so your third eye is. So what I’m referring to is an energy center, and that is the center in your body, where energy resides. And so most the time when we refer to that we’re talking about emotional energy. And so your lower region of your body, your lower chakra system, right? That’s all pretty much emotional based stuff. So that’s you’re talking about, like, maybe words that have been said to you, when you’re a child that are stuck there, that you’re going to respond to something or you’re in a relationship, you’re not sure why you’re reacting certain ways that might have suppressed emotions from memories that are related to trauma or related to an experience that changed you from that point forward. Another way, right? So all energy centers on the bottom are more emotional. However, once you get past the throat area, then you’ve got more spiritual centers. And these are the centers where we receive our intuition, our inner knowing our inner guidance, and we really receive those, you know those conversations with God. And when I or your energy center right in between the brow is clogged with all these past words that may, you know, be preventing you from actually hearing, then your what you think is your intuition. Thinking that’s leading you the right way that’s putting these people in your life or taking those people out. But that’s actually your emotions you haven’t healed, not your intuition.

Unknown Speaker 33:51
Interesting.

Leah Vanderlinden 33:52
When you work on meditating for an example, and you breathe, you literally let out those tracks. Emotions just like why people when they work out they’re like, God, I feel so much better. Sure. Yeah, right. Yeah, sure releasing endorphins and you’re creating new hormones in your body that you need, but you’re also breathing and you’re relieved by being out of breath. Right out that emotion, those suppressed emotions. So you when we’re talking about the third eye, we’re basically just talking about a storage unit. Where kind of God’s little golden nuggets come through are meant to come through Deeksha work you’re basically just cleaning it out so that you hear God and not hear stuff from your past you don’t need to be hearing.

Unknown Speaker 34:46
I like that. I like the idea.

Unknown Speaker 34:49
And

Brandon Handley 34:51
we would think like kind of like a piercing the veil or lifting the veil, right? We would think to like, I don’t know that different parts. To the brain so well but you know, you go from your, your lizard brain to your frontal cortex piece, right? So you go from being driven by your emotions and feeling things versus feeling those things and then taking kind of that snap moment to think, why am I feeling this thing? What is this thing that I’m feeling right? And actually processing it

Unknown Speaker 35:25
for a moment and being with that feeling,

Brandon Handley 35:29
right. I think that that to me sounds sounds a little bit like kind of like making that connection and, and helping clear out the frontal junk.

Unknown Speaker 35:39
But it also sounds a lot like, you know, we put the meditation together with NLP, right? Yeah. And so NLP

Brandon Handley 35:49
I don’t think was really designed, you know, to for Shadow Work and, and Deeksha and all that stuff. But when you when you combine it, you say that’s exactly what you’re doing. Right. So it’s real similar. Right, because it’s very heavily image and visual driven, right, which a lot of us don’t spend too much time because we’re spending so much time consuming content instead of closing our eyes and creating it with our own capabilities, right. And when you do the Deeksha work with somebody, you’re teaching them how to visualize how to get out of their own way, how to connect them with their creative source.

Leah Vanderlinden 36:26
Yeah, and connect them back to their body. So what’s really cool about the show or chakra work or crystals, right, is learning how powerful your body is. So when we were talking about the third eye, I also wanted to touch on this too. So not only does it connect you to your intuition, to your insight to your imagination, your concentration, your wisdom, and your perception. It also is connected to health things in your body, right so it’s also connected to your nose to yours. How will you hear others how Well, listen. And ironically, as weird as it sounds, your left eye, not your right, just your left eye like filthy. And it’s like if you have a lot of headaches, if you have sleeping problems, hormonal imbalance, sinus issues, that also is related to your third eye. And that’s when that means that you have neglected over the years, right to actually listen and honor that third eye and now it’s overcompensating and so because of that there’s a clog, or there’s like we said, debris in the powerwash.

Unknown Speaker 37:37
You know, not mess up. For sure.

Leah Vanderlinden 37:40
When center.

Brandon Handley 37:42
Well, you know, I’m still you know, I’m not I’m not real deep on my chakras either. And that’s okay.

Leah Vanderlinden 37:49
It’s another day.

Brandon Handley 37:50
That’s, I mean, that’s something that you know, I got a I’ve got a look at, it’s funny, I took a spiritual coaching course it was like all of like, 20 minutes long. But I was like, Really? I was like, but I did. I was like, but I did pay 10 bucks for it. So that’s cool. I got what I deserved for that one

Unknown Speaker 38:14
didn’t overpay I didn’t under pay.

Brandon Handley 38:17
But a big part of it. And I haven’t done this yet. And I’m sure that it will actually have an advantage. This is all like, in the course is like, here’s your seven chakras, like highlight each one now go study. I’m like, that’s it. That’s, that’s okay. I can do that. Huh? Okay. I’m telling you about it, but I’m not going to tell you about it.

Unknown Speaker 38:38
Sorry.

Brandon Handley 38:39
Sorry. The chakras. Sorry, cuz I gotta get into, um, you know, I think something pretty cool too is, you know, you just sent your son out. Now he’s, you know, off the bootcamp. raising a child, I think really draws that

Unknown Speaker 38:58
inner

Unknown Speaker 39:00
out of you.

Brandon Handley 39:01
Right whatever’s in there. That’s to me why I think they call children a blessing, right, like, because they’re gonna pull at your heartstrings and they’re gonna show you some things about yourself that you probably haven’t been paying attention to. Right, um, and all that, how do you feel like you’ve passed? I mean, he joined the military, right? So like, I’m really curious kind of how he, what, how, how you taught him, you know, what you’ve taught him and how he carries that as he goes into this position?

Leah Vanderlinden 39:36
Well, I would like to tell you, I taught him a whole bunch of things, but I think more than anything, he taught me a whole bunch of things. And he’s a big part of my spirituality, a lot of things that I thought I healed from, came up at different ages of his life for me, that I didn’t realize I still was holding. In other words, you

Unknown Speaker 39:58
know, give me one

Leah Vanderlinden 40:01
Just a rejection and judgment as a teenager. I didn’t realize how much I still carry that with, with feeling that same way from other teenagers when I hit and then when he does that, to me, it brings me right back, you know, to be felt like I’m a part of walking in the scene of Mean Girls. But he taught he just, he taught me different perspectives, and how to no matter how frustrated I’ve been or angry, I’ve gotten with him to find different ways to connect to him. When we’ve had brief periods where we have been deeply disconnected from each other, he’s taught me to just find a different approach to learn how to love him.

Yeah, I don’t even know how to say anything else.

Brandon Handley 41:01
Children, right really teach us kind of how to do unconditional love, right? If you didn’t know how to do it before.

Unknown Speaker 41:09
Children can help you learn how to love unconditionally, right? How to

Brandon Handley 41:18
release judgment how to you’re talking about, you know, surrender that control, right? Like, I’d really like it if you turn out like this type of thing and versus versus, you know, how can I help you with what you want, right? How can I help you with what you want from your life? And I think children need some guidance, obviously, like, you know, but if they’re so focused on this one thing, instead of keeping them away from it, how can I bring that closer to you so that a, you can either get tired of it faster, right? And find out that it’s not for you because the longer I hold it away from you, the more you want it, right? As a child and an assembly here, you know, have at it. And five minutes later usually they’re done with that type of thing. So now that’s yes powerful, right? Cuz I mean, look, that was another place that you and I connected years ago to was just when I was doing, you know, the fatherhood journey, you know, are there for the rest of us podcasts and we kind of have that in common just trying to work with parents and and

Unknown Speaker 42:21
keeping

Unknown Speaker 42:27
under.

Unknown Speaker 42:39
Back, you okay?

Brandon Handley 42:43
Man, but you know, so I love I love how children kind of our big play a big part, right. And I also think that you’ve been able to lead by example to by following your heart and showing them that would you say that’s been true for what you do?

Leah Vanderlinden 42:58
For sure. And I think what The things that I have tried to teach him more than anything is I haven’t ever, like, tried to sugarcoat that I have times where I screw up.

I’ve never tried to hide that from him.

And I also wanted him to see the vulnerability of what rough times bring you You know, I’ve been very vocal with him that there. The depression is something that I struggle with at times. And I want him to see that I’m always trying to find another way to help myself right.

Unknown Speaker 43:35
Be a jerk, but is there a crystal for that?

Leah Vanderlinden 43:38
There is actually I mean, there’s crystals to us. Sure that informs right so now one, the biggest one for me honestly, is when you mentioned earlier is clear quartz crystal, Master crystal and I’ll just hold that and sometimes I will just literally say like, God take the same anxiety from me. Feel like in my mind’s eye Feel like it goes into the crystal? And I’m sure out of my body.

Brandon Handley 44:04
Yes, what we’re talking about earlier, right, you know, the energy transference, you know, from inside, like you’ve talked, we talked about journaling, right? You know, transferring that energy or, you know, surrendering those aspects of yourself to

Unknown Speaker 44:20
a higher power, right, you know, um, you know,

Brandon Handley 44:25
was a couple of lines, you know, that it’s always like, I get my problems over to God, Jesus, take the wheel, all that stuff, right, you know, it’s just like, let’s something else, it’s a higher power take care of it sometimes. I’ll call it you know, just my subconscious, right? Well, because that’s the whole thing right here. It pumps my blood. It uh, you know, it grows my hair. It makes what I don’t know how it does it.

Unknown Speaker 44:50
What I’m doing, I’m done and don’t give don’t give it to me to handle.

Brandon Handley 44:55
Right. There’s something that knows way more than I do to can deal with it. Problem

Leah Vanderlinden 45:01
writer right in saying the other day I posted this the other day. You know when we’re when we become parents. Everyone tells us like oh, it takes a village takes a village takes a village. Couldn’t be more true. But for some reason as an adults, we have been given this like this illusion that we have to do it all alone. You know we should we should battle our depression alone we should do it in private we should do this alone. But these tools that we’re mentioning today, they’re a part of your village you know to help you heal. Crystal if you’re like struggling and see what it does I have physically when I’ve been in my darkest moments, I used to wear this little pink rose quartz crystal when I felt like I had barely any love left to give and it’s a little you know, literally like a little dragon pebble thing and I would put it in sorry Brandon but I put it in a brawl.

Brandon Handley 45:59
This is all that I got.

Unknown Speaker 46:02
Want to take it?

Leah Vanderlinden 46:05
And I would say to her before I would put it in there, I would say, you know, God show me different ways to love myself today, you know, some action. And it was crazy that within a few weeks of wearing that every day, how this pink crystals started to have literally like brown speckles and change color. And it was like the things from me that were not in alignment with what I was saying or being pulled out of me and pulled into this crystal,

Unknown Speaker 46:33
like a certain filter. So

Unknown Speaker 46:36
that’s trainable. I love it. No,

Brandon Handley 46:39
I mean, yeah, totally. Like, you know, it’s just it’s your son at the energy and you know, is said that you’re not necessarily even trying to send it to the universe, right? You’re like, here’s some things that I don’t want in me anymore. I want to love more. But I also don’t want to send that out to the universe. Take that from me, which isn’t serving me We’ll call that.

Leah Vanderlinden 47:01
Yeah, it’s like grounding. You know, when you go out and you take your shoes off and you ask what exactly what you just said, you asked that to be removed from you and put back into the earth or put back into, you know, give them back to the creator and you walk barefoot and you allow yourself to ground. That’s what you do with the crystals. And then you just make sure you cleanse them and charge them and then you can use them over again.

Unknown Speaker 47:22
I think that was a question too, like, you know, is there a recharging station? Is it like your iPad?

Brandon Handley 47:27
is low on this one, I’m gonna have to how do you do that? How’s that work?

Leah Vanderlinden 47:32
So back to this village, right that God that we’ve been so blessed to begin when we are talking about things that that help us, right. So the moon is one of those, the moon is very much like a human it goes and with different emotions. It’s very emotional, right? So you have different phases of the moon, that help with different things in your life. You’ve got certain moons that help you shed emotion you got certain moons that help you with manifestation with letting go different things like that. So depending on what it is you’re working on and healing on, you’ll want to charge those crystals in the window seal or you can charge them in soil outside during specific moons of what it is that you’re working on. That helps cleanse it. Putting it in soil, like I mentioned, helps ground it and cleanse it too. You can also use just like a very inexpensive, it’s called cell A night. And it kind of looks like a wand and is crystal and you just place them on top of there and it cleanses them as well.

Unknown Speaker 48:36
Love it. Love it.

Leah Vanderlinden 48:38
Just wanting a ton of energy. You can place them in the windowsill with the sun, but just be aware it’s gonna give you really intense energy. It’s different.

Brandon Handley 48:48
I think we need like you’re talking about the moon and all the different aspects we need. We need a calendar for that thing. Which I’m sure exists, right like this is the one that’s gonna be like all your emotions. Here’s the one that And here’s the one has just charted out for so we know to expect. So you also, you run a bunch of different courses sounds like you You do different courses with meditations around like once a month, give or take, is that is that right?

Leah Vanderlinden 49:19
Yeah, I’m always trying to think of new ways to just, you know, create ways to to help people connect back to themselves. And right now we’re doing just a meditation challenge each month. So we just spend 30 days doing different forms of meditation, and kind of introducing people to different styles. A lot of people think meditations one way and it’s just a Kumbaya, breathe in, breathe out. And I love teaching people that there are hundreds of different forms of meditation. You just got to find the one that works best for you.

Brandon Handley 49:52
Sure, sure. And so and I guess I have a question. Do you do some breath work with you do breath work on an individual basis? Is that correct?

Leah Vanderlinden 50:01
Yeah, I tend to like to do those more in a private setting as opposed to in a group I’ll do them when I teach at a yoga studio. I’ll do that because I’m there to physically guide them. But breathwork can be very intense when you’re working with a guide that person knows specific breathing techniques to breathe out that emotional kind of baggage that we were talking about with without you having to relive it. However, sometimes you don’t know what’s going to happen with that client they may have an outburst of crying hysterically or laughing and they don’t necessarily want to do that around a ton of other people.

Brandon Handley 50:41
No sound sounds it’s a very personal cuz there’s it’s an energy release. Right? I mean, and and sometimes you can be hysterics, right and it could be something that they haven’t felt for so long, right and it’s just a lot packed up. Fan a tiny little ball right there and just right. When, you know, so I know you’ve got the courses going, you’re doing the one on ones people should connect with you, I think that they should. Sounds like you’ve got a waitlist as well for some of your courses. But before we get that the one last thing I want to touch on with the breath work is

Unknown Speaker 51:23
when we get down to it, most of us don’t even know how to breathe correctly. So if we’ve jacked up that fundamental

Brandon Handley 51:35
thing that we do, and this may be one of the problems with allowing our subconscious to do so much for us, too. Right? Right. So let me just tell me a little bit about what will be a simple one that wouldn’t take a guide to be with them today, that they can work on breathing or breath work for themselves.

Leah Vanderlinden 51:57
Yeah, so a simple one would be

Oh goodness, I’m probably just like, I think people different people call it different things, but a lot of people will reference it for 680. Have you heard of that? So you’re breathing in for the count of four. Wait, hold on. I’m confusing myself. You read them for the count of four. Now, I’m confusing myself. Hold on fours, the middle.

Brandon Handley 52:23
I want to say fours the middle, I want to say fours the middle, I’ll be out here and we’ll just pretend like we’re present. Like I know what I’m talking about, too. So I think it’s 648.

Unknown Speaker 52:34
Yeah, but so the six is the

Brandon Handley 52:38
before is to kind of like pause in the middle of the breath. Right. Thank

Leah Vanderlinden 52:41
you. Yeah. And then release it for the count of eight.

Brandon Handley 52:44
Why do I release it for longer than I breathe it in.

Leah Vanderlinden 52:50
Because the longer that you release, the more you’re literally gonna release you’re going to release out of your body. So as important it is to learn how to inhale correctly. It’s really more important to learn how to excel correctly. Most people like you were talking about earlier, pretty. Amanda’s gonna make up a statistic. So it sounds important, but it is true. I mean, there’s like, I would say, honestly, at least 60 to 70% of people go around every day. And they are literally breathing in a stress related sponsor of breathing. They’re not breathing correctly. So they’re breathing more so through their chest, right, and they’re not breathing through their belly. And like, we’ve heard that famous line like people, when that happens when you’re breathing in a stress related breath, your body doesn’t know that how to decipher if like a bear is chasing you, right? Something like you’re stuck in traffic. Either way, your body’s producing that same amount of energy thinking that you’re in a fight or flight response. So much going almost all day breathing like that.

Brandon Handley 53:56
So you’re talking about, you know, die Frame breathing. I think I tried to label a diaphragm ik the other day and I got a read. But I’m gonna stick with it, you know, breathing from breathing with your diaphragm. And and you know, kind of dropping your center as well, right? And it’s like you’re saying you’re breathing from your chest, there’s always a tightness right here, your chest, and when you when and that also tightens up your arms and tightens up your neck and tightens up your shoulders, right. And so when you start breathing from the diaphragm, like Leah’s talking about here, you’re going to notice just a huge difference and you’ll have to catch yourself. I’m still working on it, right? This is totally like, within the past six months for me, but it feels so much better. I feel so much. I feel looser. I feel looser.

Leah Vanderlinden 54:53
And I’d read somewhere to that when you breathe out. It signals the body when you’re doing these Longer breath two signals to the body that, uh, that is safe. Exactly. It’s literally like a hug for your soul. Yeah. And so that’s my when I infuse it with inner child work because without even happening to, you’re telling the inner child that it’s safe, right? So let’s just let’s just take out and pretend that Leah didn’t say the 468 breath and breath that you could do is just say I’m breathing in through my belly. And a few moments like let’s say you’re writing, you know, you’re in your car and you’re going home for work. Just focus, turn the radio off and just focus on breathing your breath and our breathing and sending all your breath down to your belly. Exhale, and do seven of those sevens only the the you know, you only did seven that day. It’s better than nothing.

Unknown Speaker 55:51
dummy those videos to do it.

Brandon Handley 55:54
Yeah. So So you’d recommend people go out and look for some breathing exercises for you know, on diaphragm breathing and like, you know, us, and if we get the numbers wrong, you figured out it’s 6484468 at the end.

Unknown Speaker 56:17
So

Brandon Handley 56:19
I think those are I think those are important and you know, let’s wind it down here again. So, you know, you kind of fell into it, you aligned your spirituality, you accepted it as as a holistic way of life you find God and everything that you do. And you’re working as kind of, we didn’t really say like being anywhere in this pumps gonna say you’re working as kind of like being giving, you know, emanating your spiritual energy and living life that way. Does that sound about right? Yeah, I mean, because when you wake up and you’re doing that all day long, somebody might be like, well, don’t you ever get tired of that? Do you ever get tired of living that way?

Leah Vanderlinden 57:04
I definitely don’t. But what I will, full disclosure, what I do get tired of is this preconceived idea that once you live this way, that love that this life is just loving light and that love and light means conforming and saying yes to things you don’t want to do, or always being happy or always being a certain way. love of mine is learning what your boundaries are learning what moves your soul what connects you back to your connector, and living in your authenticity. It doesn’t have to look a certain way and it really isn’t always perfect. It’s just making sure that like your mom taught you. It’s just making sure that you’re back to being aware of what works for Brandon, what works for Leah, what works for you?

Brandon Handley 57:49
Yeah, no, I think it’s funny. I was thinking that as I came up here to to, to log us in right and start the conversation as I kicked like a two weeks away. He’s like, come on, man. I was like, is that really love light and peace? Right? And I was like it was in that moment.

Unknown Speaker 58:05
It was it had a calming,

Brandon Handley 58:08
calming. And it is a challenge though, right? To find kind of that medium and that happy medium. And, you know, there’s a book out there that I’m not a big fan of the first time I heard it clearly talks about kind of the pendulum right was this you know, also speaks to kind of, you know, the Bible talks about the way but also Buddhism you know, Chinese you know, the Dow the way is the middle way right there’s this there’s always going to be a kind of like a you know, what they always talk about polarization but there’s always just kind of like this middle way, you’re and you’re not always going to be on the center of that balance beam and it’s not always going to be perfect. Some days you can be like, full on spiritual, and then the other days you could be like, you’re gonna be like, not as much today.

Unknown Speaker 58:54
Much today.

Leah Vanderlinden 58:56
Spiritually, you know, that

Brandon Handley 59:00
Right so awesome so where Thank you first of all for coming on today I’m really I think I think I had fun with you behind here today we had a good time it was a good conversation. Um, where can I send people to find you know you to find out anything about ology got going on where’s the best place to go?

Leah Vanderlinden 59:20
We got seriously thanks for having me because I always say that you’re the the male version of me just a little bit better.

Unknown Speaker 59:26
Is this is the business let me

Unknown Speaker 59:31
know

Leah Vanderlinden 59:33
where you can find me so I honestly I don’t really have a lot of I don’t have Alexei I just kind of go off referrals but people can find me on Facebook, just Leah vanderlinden or my group is soul Goddess is open to women. And it’s just a spiritual community where we do we talk a lot like what we’re talking about today and we just talk about things that kind of off topic topics. Or you can find me on Facebook with living life.

Brandon Handley 1:00:02
Yeah. Okay, awesome. Well, I’ll share that out with everybody and thanks for being on.

Leah Vanderlinden 1:00:08
Thank you so much. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Photo of Steven

Join me as I catch up with my coaching friend Steven Mills.

Steven & I spent quite a bit of time together a couple of years back as I was beginning to coach and he was a coaches coach…

After catching up with him, I felt I could detect a bit of a Heroes Journey… a spiritual tale as it were within him and invited him to share on this podcast.

I am a loving father to my daughter Evanna; I was born in
Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland and live in Glasgow, Scotland today.Ok a
little bit about me then, at the young age of 16 I joined the British
Army in 1998 and served for six years with two operational tours of
Iraq and Kosovo. I left in 2004 to begin my transition back into civilian
life.
This transition was challenging for me, and in the years that followed, I
resorted to alcoholism and anti-depressants, Living from a place of stress and Anxiety, Failed relationships, jumping from job to job, never really settling down or finding peace. I suppressed a lot of childhood trauma that would bite me in the bum later in life that stemmed from emotional neglect, physical and verbal abuse.
This was one of the main reasons I joined the forces to run away from this,
this wasn’t the answer as I found out the hard way later in life. The transition was a real rollercoaster ride for me, without the support I was used to in the army, life had its challenges, with uncertainty and no purpose to where my life was heading.
I got lost in a trail of destruction which impacted my health, finances,
relationships with friends and family and I had no hope and a feeling of
emptiness and hurt. Eight years of going round in circles, frustration, feeling useless, no peace and continuously busy, destroying a lot of relationships, emotional and spiritual health issues, and much more I decided to enough was enough, it was time for a change.
Through this process, I have gained so many transformational insights into
destructive patterns of not only my behaviors, habits, attitudes, and beliefs
but of others around me too. This has been an ongoing journey.
Moving beyond this season of life influenced me to evaluate my future, and take this vision for my life today, to facilitate and coach as many people who
were in my position as I am physically possible to overcome the common fears, blockages, limitations in order to heal and have a transformation in your life as I have, if I can do it, so can you.

Brandon Handley 0:02
4321 Hey there. This is Brandon Handley. I am on with Steven Mills, who’s a coach and mentor, men’s life coach, trauma recovery coach, online trainer, who’s currently just recently founded. Core coaching business Academy is also the founder of social enterprise core connections, coaching and training. He’s a experienced men’s coach. And he’s got over seven years experience in the coaching a personal development industry. He’s a loving father. He’s from Scotland, I don’t even know how to pronounce where you’re from. So I didn’t even try except for Glasgow, which, you know, that’s where you are right now. joined the military at the young age of 16. And you serve for six years there, two operational tours of Iraq and Kosovo. And this is when you left in 2004 To begin a transaction, transit efficient back into civilian life, and you were kind of that was kind of a challenge, from what I understand he resorted to alcoholism and depressants, living in a place of stress and anxiety. Not really being able to settle down and kind of seems like that stemmed from emotional, black, physical and verbal abuse. And and, you know, throughout all this, you know, you started to find your own path, right, you start to find your own path and you hooked on to coaching and others you’ve over the years, you know, I know you’re passionate about coaching, that’s how you and I met you, you helped build the coaching community, you’ve been a mentor and a trainer to that and more recently, as you and I reconnected, you told me that you know, you’ve gone through and I hope this is okay to share, because I know I didn’t ask, but you know, you’ve had some more therapy over the past year. Seems like you may have had some kind of struggles in, in getting past this kind of like invisible barrier threshold, right that you felt like something was holding you back. And you spent some time work more time work on yourself. And a Pac Man, it seems with a fierceness as it were, as I like to say, right. So, you know, welcome. Thanks, Steven, for coming on today. And thanks for reaching out to me just to say, Hey, I’m sure you probably didn’t have a podcast in mind when you said hey, Brandon, what’s going on? But after hearing your story, I felt like it was something that fit with what we’re doing here. Well, what I love to do is I love to start these off with like, you know, one or two things right? What is something that I can help you celebrate today? Or you know, what is is like spiritual dope, right? Like is the name of the podcast so what’s like, your most recent spiritual high if you could qualify?

Steven Mills 3:00
And then probably place off NRP. So what’s took about our journey, it took a lot of years to find that went around in circles and, you know, kept living and old patterns and dealing with childhood trauma, which was overpowered, and on me it’s like a dark cloud over my head. And there was a lot of toxic shame in there that I used to live by. And I call them sub hub and a lot of self pity parties. So from going through that journey of healing from trauma, over a 12 month period, and really get into the trenches and do and be able to look the past and a deeper level than I have ever done before. And I was able to find that place off and a piece. So I guess that in our piece, you know, call it spirituality, call it whatever faith in that place at peace. I think we all want to find that in life. We all want to find that inner peace Inner Peace Center brings so much Joy brings so much, you know, you feel that sense of you’re okay, you’re settled yet there’s no you don’t have to worry about the future. You don’t have to think about the back of the past too much, but actually just loving more and know if you like and I know that’s probably a cliche to say loving on the note but actually, it’s achievable. And it takes a lot of work by took me a lot of work to get there. But knowing the work of dead you know, I would always encourage anyone out there that’s maybe going through things from the past as to really engage with that and be able to look at because you have a choice right or look at or we look away, we can look away and I for years, I looked away I denied I suppressed I didn’t really address it properly. And then it came out like a volcano feel like it was like a volcano effect that just blew up. And just like fireworks go all over the place with Emma was my favorite Whole body. So finding that inner peace has been a big revelation for me. And it’s allowed me to slow down. And everything I do know, because I believe slowing down as the best slowing down solves most problems. If we’re able to find a place and a peace and slow down in life, we’re able to see things from a different perspective. And we become more patient and much more welcomed set of choices. And that’s been a big revelation for me a big breakthrough moment. I feel like a big aha moment. It’s really changed my my life and many ways. And this allowed me just to follow my intuition, follow my gut and follow what’s what I’m truly passionate about and, and find my purpose if that’s what you want to call it. Your mission in life, your vision, all these things. So yeah.

Brandon Handley 5:53
man you got you got a lot in there, right. One of the things a few of the things that that you’ve gotten, there is The acceptance of you know what I think a lot of people call the shadow self, right? Or the darkness in themselves, or whatever you want to call it. But you know, by facing that pain instead of and welcoming it and seeing what it had to teach you, in your life sounds like one of the things that you’ve done there. And it also sounds like you know, the whole being the now thing. While it may sound cliche, it’s very much so when the student is ready, the master will appear right? And that’s when all of a sudden, it sounds like you’re finding all these cliches have some place in reality, and you’re like, man, I really did I just did I just say being the now did I just say find inner peace and everything will be okay. Yeah, I did. And the other part in there too is when you find here, those you Hear that chirping in the background? I’ve got chickens in my bathroom. Who knew that?

Unknown Speaker 7:09
little chicks in there? Yeah.

Brandon Handley 7:11
I always make fun of myself to those five chicks in my bathroom, but not what you’re thinking. Um, and then, and then when, you know, you find that inner peace and this is a line that I heard from Bob Proctor finally, finally made some sense. It was like, I don’t need to slow down.

Unknown Speaker 7:30
I need to calm down.

Brandon Handley 7:32
Right? I don’t need to be excited because when something’s excited that that’s an indicator of your molech Moloch. You know, molecular level, bouncing around too fast. This excited. There’s lots of energy there, but it’s not focused energy. Right. And it’s not calm and to your point, thoughtful energy, you know when you can pause in that intercom if you’re not worried or thinking about yesterday and if you’re not concerned, worried about tomorrow, you can focus on today and what’s right

Unknown Speaker 8:04
in front of you.

Brandon Handley 8:08
In a sense of calm, right, like you said, Take a breath, think about what’s right in this situation, think about what you should do right here and now versus this kind of react. And like I said, this excited motion, this excited motion says what? Oh, that’s there. We got to go do this. This is what I know to do. We’re gonna hop right to it.

Unknown Speaker 8:29
Right, that’s not it.

Brandon Handley 8:31
And that’s what you found. So I love it, man. That’s, that’s something to celebrate, for sure. And I think that that’s also where we’ve, I’m sure heard it all throughout time while you’re growing up, you know, you’re the sum of all the choices that you make. Right? And, and you see now the power of choice. The power of choice is in that call moment that you’re talking about. Got that all kind of sum it up all right for you my caption.

Steven Mills 9:04
Choice is quite a big thing. I mean, we all have, we all have choice choices every day. And certainly we make and how we live our lives and what we do as a career, what we do in relationships, we all have a choice to respond in a way that’s, you know, whatever way you want to respond and respond from a place of fear or we can respond from a place of love. We can respond from a place of, you know, calmness, whereas more well considered, or we can respond emotionally and a reaction. And it’s just, you know, having that knowing that we’ve got that free will to choose how we live is very important. And it’s only through my experience of healing, that I found a place to choose more effectively. The biggest thing I learned through healing from trauma was you to feel as real before you suppress all the feelings of denial, but if you can set with these feelings as hard as they may be It’s, it’s the best way to heal as I lower it just to be and to release because emotions, emotions need to move. They’re not they’re not they’re just temporary they have to move. You know, if you think of emotions come from a Latin word emotive, you know, as moving as a movement, emotions need to move. And a lot of us struggle with dealing with the hard emotions, the the tension, the shoulders, the butterflies, the stomach, the anxiety that may come through pain. And there’s one of the biggest things I had to learn it was just stuff set, still allow it to come and go, allow it just to be and release it through different ways like breathing. I used to write about a lot. So I journal I write a lot about my domain recovery. I would write a lot of it and release it through writing, how I was feeling because a lot of us don’t really engage with our definite emotions, a lot of us tend to only know a few, a handful of emotions, but actually, if you look at not the definitely, I have all the different emotions, that is, it’s probably 50 4050 emotions, that we can all go through another and it’s been aware of all them. And it’s allowing them to come into your life and leave your life and we’re, you know, we can react emotionally or we could just set with them. And his biggest thing out loud was just, I like the phrase to feel as real, to feel as real and life to just set with the feelings, no matter how hard to make beat do that. And that took a lot of practice for me. It took a lot of practice. And as I was going through my healing journey, because when you start delving into this, the dark shadow as you may call it, Brandon and we start looking into, you know, what’s really going on deep down and and maybe some past, you know, trauma that really has hard it can be definitely To face up to them and that’s where trauma can drive that addictions it can drive you know, relationship behaviors, it can, you know, just behaviors that maybe not, you know, healthy in a relationship it can drive all sorts of different behavior or patterns. And and unless we’re in a weird on, we’re never able to address them fully and actually be mindful of how we have been for our last domain for some of their patterns or habits and we have come from because these patterns and habits and sometimes creep up on us and be unhealthy but it could come from past traumas and and this is why I’m really passionate about trauma awareness and helping people with trauma and relationships because, you know, economically be that partner that’s where someone with trauma doesn’t see what the you know, the where these behaviors are coming from. They just actually react to the behavior and start Should I that’s not good. I’m you. You’ve just been angry to me for Reason, but the anger could be coming from past arch. You know, the anger comes from past hearts really, I mean, behind anger, there’s always pain.

Brandon Handley 13:10
So I believe 100% 100%. So again, you know, a lot a lot in there. Right. And I think that to hit it off with what you’ve discovered is something that I would assert is that Western civilization, you know, European civilization has been taught very poorly about their emotions, which is something that sounds like you found, right? You said you knew of like, maybe four or five, and it’s like, all right, well, you’ve come across another 30 or 50. Right, and you’re journaling and you’re dealing with them and you’re sitting with them and you’re learning about your emotions. What are something you know, what are some other tools that you know, how did you how did you learn? You know, what would you tell me if I wanted to learn What these other 25 to 45 emotions are that I may not be aware about right. And then what are some other tools? You talked about journaling, right? As one of your big ones, what are some other tools that I can use to identify and deal with my emotions? And again, learn what some of these other ones are? Because I know anger. I mean, right? Like, How old’s your daughter? Six, six. So you’ve probably watched it the Disney one right? Inside Out, have you watched it? All right. So I mean, those are like those, like the five emotions we know. We know like, anger, joy, happy, you know, sadness. And then like, you know, the the the other guy, right? So yeah, walk us through a little bit of that, right? We’re learning

Steven Mills 14:46
about having the art of, I call it the art of curiosity. So it’s been it’s always it’s always been curious of what’s going on. Not you know, not just mentally but physically. How is the emotions of affect us physically as well as mentally? Because a lot of us focus on that just a reaction more than I’m gonna interrupt just one sec.

Brandon Handley 15:08
I’m going to as what would you because I see I see a pathway going down right now how about what if I asked you this question What about how are you teaching your daughter to identify emotions and deal with them when she said she went, which when she grows up she’s able to to do what your it took you 30 some odd years to do. Right? How would you teach her to

Steven Mills 15:31
teach her the moment as I am? Get off to draw how she’s feeling? I get to draw and expressions of how do you feel a foreigner? How do you feel right now? Can you draw me an emoji? Or can you draw me a sample emojis and can be okay, can you also draw me a picture of how you’re feeling right now? And also teacher to it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let your emotions out and the best wishes Sometimes it’s okay to cry. Daddy sometimes cries. And it’s okay. I mean, a lot of us don’t like to admit, we cry, especially men, we don’t like to admit that we have, we would like to see it be seen that we’ve got all together. But actually, if we allow it just the floor, sometimes the best release of emotions is through trial through 11. The tears to flow aluminum f meet hard not to change suppress them, but just allow them to flow. It’s like a rubber bashes canal here, right? I fit in a river, the lava flows, right. Yeah. So So

Brandon Handley 16:32
yeah, a big part of it, though, is again going back to kind of like that Western civilization part is that, you know, we’ve been taught to control our emotions. Right. And as especially as men control your emotions, you know, don’t let your emotions run you. Yeah, which is true, right, which is where we get to this point in kind of your stories set with your emotions, understand your emotions. make a conscious choice off of your emotions, don’t react. Tear emotions, which is very hard to deliver to a young child because again we hear Don’t let your emotions control you which translates to a child is an adult so your emotion so it sounds to me like you’re you’re you’re you’re helping her to identify them. You’re helping her to allow her to express them. You know, tears is one way art is another right How can you translate, translate those emotions, identify them and share them. Awesome. I love that. Yeah, a little bit more. Go ahead. Sorry.

Unknown Speaker 17:35
Yeah, interrupt.

Steven Mills 17:36
No, no, it’s cool as cool as you know, emotions are right and society we’re not taught how to express them. We you know, and a lot of time has grown men don’t try comes to me and I you know, man up and get yourself together. We you know, all these phases talk to young men and you know, don’t you can’t we you know, you can’t be seen to cry because that’s, you’d actually be shown a weakness but See it. The opposite is that’s the strength as a strength to show your weaknesses. It’s a strength to show your vulnerability at times. And it’s a sense of speech was meant to be a vulnerable, and sometimes to show that we have pain and allow the tears to flow, because it’s much more powerful and showing the vulnerabilities. Now, teaching children that as I feel is really important for white parents. I’ll say stop crying, don’t cry, just get on with it. Come on, yeah, you’ll be fine. You, but sometimes it’s about being patient. And, you know, 11 the children just to, to kick off and allow them to be angry. Because if you try and stop lying God, you’re gonna, you’re gonna just flare even more. Whereas if you just allow it to, I, you know, and it’s about, I see that you’re angry. I see that you’re frustrated, and that’s okay. Because in life, sometimes we get frustrated and we get angry and I’m not going to hold against you. Allow it to just release it, allow it to come out. Because of you, there’s another statement I grew up with, and that was, children should, you know, shouldn’t be heard, should be seen but not heard. And something’s allowing children to be held by allowing them to release that anger, or at least start excitement, release of tears. And it’s about just helping them become aware of that. as we as we go. because more people, more children become aware of their emotions, the better they’re going to be equipped going in the adulthood. When disappointments come when things come that show up in life that causes on pain. After then aware of what’s called going on, then there’s no better place to respond, and then to deal with it. And this helps with self care. And it helps with managing expectations as the drawn toddlerhood so for me, not at score, export and just explore your emotions be widdle Take a look at you know, the stuff that works as I’ve said, there’s frustration, there’s anger, I’m happy and fulfilled. I, you know, I’m agitated. I, there’s definitely words and there’s different ways we can describe how our emotions put the quotes gone and our physical body what’s going on with their emotions mentally, what’s going on, Anders, the more we can slow. This is our lambda the last 18 months and it’s the more we can just be patient and show yourself that bat grace and self compassion, compassion as an important ingredients when it comes to and keeping up you know, being being okay with ourselves and being okay with our own skin. And part of my healing journey was shown that compassion because as I see a lot of machine, and when shames around us like a dark cloud over here, but if you start being compassionate to the max, and that’s the antidote for shame and compassion, as something again, we’re not really shown too much when we’re growing up. We’re not sure how to be that sure sure that self compassion, you know, love yourself became to yourself that self kindness because a lot of think all of us Eagle, no it’s not about Eagle it’s about more about forget about the eagle. It’s about fetal kidney on skin being your ability to love yourself and show yourself that kindness and forgiveness even when you make a mistake. But some kids grew up trying to be perfect because their kids the parents have these expectations on them. That’s just jackal with expectations check with the mom to be perfect it’s about allowing them to show that it’s okay to make mistakes. So kill them and show that self coke self compassion is something that I know I love to help out with when I’m coaching and when I’m helping them find that place to show themselves that back crease and just come on. Tricia flat little bit several passionate because the more we can learn that Assaf compassion, because as an art, and it’s something we need to practice, because we’re a lot of people are showing this growing up to short self compassion. So it’s almost like unlearning what was learned as grown up?

Brandon Handley 22:14
And you know, that’s 100% 100%

Steven Mills 22:17
the

Unknown Speaker 22:19
year it looked

Brandon Handley 22:19
at the idea of that self compassion. The idea of learning that again for yourself, like you just said there at the end to having to unlearn everything that you you learned while you’re growing up is something that you know, Alan Watts talks to quite a bit not sure if you ever listen to him, just kind of a beatnik type, you know, back in the day talking about different comparative religions, right. But he talks about it in the sense of like salted meat, right, you know, you salt it to cure it, but like before you can eat it, you have to put it in the water and desalinate it, right. You have to, you have to, you have to make it so that it can be Music but uh, you know, that’s what I think of, you know, when you say that line, right? Just because that was kind of the first time I’d ever really understood or heard it. You also talk about, like, you know, look, the grace, right? To me, that’s a super powerful word. Because again, we talked before we got started here, the kind of the gist of this is, you know, kind of the, you know, the spirituality, inner sense of self right. And when you look up the word grace, that’s the, I think called, like, divine power. Right? And, and really, divinity is again, talks about the inside of you what’s inside of you, right? That’s divine, who you are, is divine. And when you accept like divine, when you accept grace, who you’re accepting of power that, you know, it’s just like, allows you to be in that place that you’ve been talking about that, that gets part of what gives you that

Steven Mills 23:59
sense of calm.

Brandon Handley 24:00
The sense of inner peace that’s grace when you when you discover that for yourself that’s man you can you can’t I mean, I haven’t tried but you could walk on water, that kind of thing, right i mean that’s the kind of thing we’re talking about. And and it really seems to me like you found it right seems to me like you found this space and you’re really leaning into it.

Unknown Speaker 24:22
And, and you’re using it

Brandon Handley 24:25
to fuel your life and your success and your career right now with your next coaching place, right and I’ve got it right here in front of me too, is like, you aim to help people discover their peace, so they can find their passion and purpose so they can fulfill their life goals and dreams. Right now, I would go so far as to say what you’re trying to do. You know, this is and this is again, my perspective kind of coming from the coaching space as well is you’re trying to Find people how to become aware of their own emotions, how they can find that grace within themselves. So they can, you know, accept themselves as who they are. And you talk about, you know, teaching kids how to accept themselves at an early age, as you and I are doing as fathers. I know that my son, and I think that, you know, they look at numbers like he’ll come home and he’ll say, I only got five wrong. I’m like, Well, how many did you get? Right? Tell me how many you got? Right, right. Let’s celebrate your wins, man. It’s okay to celebrate. You know, you got 15 right? That’s awesome, dude. It’s awesome. I always break down like, I’ll break down a baseball batting average form, right? I’m not sure how big you are and American baseball over there. But if you if your batting average is 25%

Unknown Speaker 25:46
you’re actually not bad.

Brandon Handley 25:48
That’s pretty good. You get to 35% journalist, a hero, okay. And so it’s really it’s not about those numbers. It’s about how you feel about what you’ve done. Did you bring it? Did you bring your best game? Did you did you prepare yourself for for this particular situation? And I’ll even loop in jujitsu with him too because he’s in Jiu Jitsu and I’ll say, all right, well, you know, you learn more from your losses than you do from your wins because you know, your wins this mean that like you, you may train a little bit more than the other guy. But if you lose, you can see where your deficiencies are, you can see what you need to work on. Right But, but come out of there being strong, like you’re saying, show yourself compassion, and learn, learn about all of that, that you can. And I think that sounds to me, too, like you’re teaching your daughter to these things, right? You’re teaching them as you’re learning them to do Am I getting? Am I getting this all right for you? Or am I missing anything?

Steven Mills 26:51
Yeah, yeah, that’s it. I mean, Greece as powerful graces really, you know, when you’ve got grace that takes away any guilt Grace is the antidote to guilt here. If you say

Brandon Handley 27:03
that’s right, you said the antidote, the antidote, the antidote, hey, I will not interrupt the antidote to shame, right was compassion, right? I love that line man, the antidote. I love that line. So I mean, that’s gonna be, that’s gonna be a tweet, you just wait for that one.

Steven Mills 27:18
Cool, that’s fine. You’re getting a ticket ticket that said this was before. And, and grace is added to it to go. Because when you’ve got grace, there’s no room for guilt, when you’re able to just show yourself that that forgiveness for grace. Grace for me means that you’re forgiven towards yourself, and Jana placed off, not being hard on yourself. You have been better on your shelf and grace just once famously, is a great ingredients that works well with compassion. And then if you’ve got grace and compassion, then it’s only going to bring patience. You’re able to show much more patience with others, you’re able to show much, much more grace with a lot of because you’ve given it to yourself. And when you’re in that place of patience, and you’ve noticed fixations, then you have not attached to the outcomes, all the results in your life tell you not to their results, and when you’re not attached to the outcomes and results, and not bring space. Again, spiritual. No,

Brandon Handley 28:14
absolutely. I mean, I mean, that’s, that’s the whole gist of it, right? Like, it’s and you know, that talks to Buddhism, right? To me it talks to Buddhism. See, it’s the, the attachment to the desired outcomes. Right? That’s right, that brings suffering, right, because you get to the point of, well, it’s got to turn out this way. And if it doesn’t turn out this way, I’m gonna be pissed and what was me life’s Right. Yeah. What you’re saying though, is let go of those outcomes. Have some faith in it? Yeah, absolutely. 100%. Man, there’s a little bit of there’s a little bit of there’s a little bit of spirituality in that. Let’s talk about, let’s talk about, you know, this past. It says you said about 18 months about therapy. I want to talk a little bit a bit about The difference between especially you being a coach a little bit of difference between what therapy is and and what coaching is right and and and, you know, kind of when to use both.

Steven Mills 29:16
So therapy for me, I was definitely journey altogether and I learned a lot along the process and for me, it was a longer process than I would normally find coaching. So for me therapy as delving a lot into, you know, a lot of that deeper work. So, you know, not seeing the course and capable deep part but for therapy depends on what kind of therapy you go down. There’s different tapes and different modalities, but for me therapy is about really jumping into the trench and delving into some of the past traumas that maybe affect who we are today. And and if you’re not aware of this, it could really check out Cochin another hand a lot of it as progress. It’s about setting goals and moving forward in your life coaching, you may not even get past this much. But if you can find a hybrid of coaching and therapy together, then you’re finding the sweet spot. So a lot of the work I’m doing with trauma recovery coaching, as a hybrid between coaching and therapy. So as as given, it’s been therapeutic, and it’s so low in space and given silence and less than, but at the same time asking the right questions that allows the individual to explore. So for me therapy was, it was an eye opener I learned so much about myself, I said, I learned so much about my behaviors, about habits and patterns turned up in my life today. And I learned more about toxic shame hoshin was overshadowing everything I’ve done in my life and allow around our wars for others. And how are we keep everyone that that’s obviously good at keeping people at arm’s length And not allowing them and to affect my emotions are not alone. They’re meant to. So I was very, I struggled to show up and vulnerable at times. And it was me learning how to be vulnerable and actually be completely honest, on a heart level, rather than my head level, just trying to tell people where they want to hear or so I showed up more vulnerable than I’ve ever done in my life. No therapy. At that age, the route I went was CRM, which is like compare comprehensive resource model. And it’s about it’s almost like there’s about Shimano humanism and now, and it’s about it’s about shamanism and not therapy. It’s very much similar. And there’s also a hypnosis so it’s about a hybrid between CRM a new model, now not like people will know about it was developed by an American woman, and Lisa Swann. And she, she developed this model, comprehensive resource model, and it’s very especially specialist especially in trauma. It’s a very very effective and modality for clearing trauma and it is quite safe it’s a safe way of doing it and it’s it’s more prolonged it’s more of a preparation and get into that place where you’re mindful and you know allowing yourself to go back into some of the memories not really experienced none but remembering them. So you’re unable to distill at least them so you know, living these memories to come off maybe abuse or these memories of you know, past things that happened and what that were that stuff actually to deal is just given that space, silly some and I’ve done a lot of work in that. It was fair therapy every week for 14 months and tall and saw caution. If you look at coaching, how is that different? coaching you might not be sometimes not, not not you may not go quality coaching for that length of time. You may only be coaching for some time. Six weeks or 12 weeks or three months or six months, but euro, and there’s nothing to have, like a hybrid between coaching and therapy, and actually bring both together. So what I’ve done know, is what I’m doing from an acoustic portion as well as my men’s coaching. I bring a therapeutic approach and based on where my journey, I’ve learned from the caution aspect of also having the counseling and the therapeutic. So when I put it all together a pitchman good stead to help us deal with some of the past hearts that may be affecting them. And it’s so this is where I look to help people find peace because, you know, we can help people find a set of goals for their dreams going forward. But sometimes you need to have that that deeper and to really deal with the deep rooted stuff. So you’re talking about limiting beliefs, but you’re also talking about the trauma.

Unknown Speaker 33:53
Well, yeah, like, you know,

Brandon Handley 33:55
I think for you, right, you found In therapy, you went deeper. You found some things that were holding you back and I say I’d like to think of it as a plane right? Like, you don’t think I’m thinking of like you know the actually thinking of like, God what is it just to say where those movies where they got too much like I’m thinking of like the cocaine transporters right like that they’re always trying to smuggle but you know that it got to drop you got they got to drop off that stuff so they can make it over certain ridges right like and it sounds to me like you had some pain that was dragging you down. You had to address it. You had to identify you said is this still serving me? Does this serve me? Should they stay on the plane? Or should this be jettisoned?

Steven Mills 34:43
Yeah, and this is what I would use the three years and this is where we need to, first of all, acknowledge that we’ve got that pain there. Acknowledge. Then we look at accepted and coming fame Going to a place of acceptance that is going on. And then we address so acknowledge, accept and address, as we are looking at when it comes to trauma when it comes to any pain from your past, as we need to be look really explored on the seas and it’s also about awareness, there’s a 44th in the awareness and for not acknowledged and unaware of that, how it’s playing out in our lives, that we’re not going to be willing to accept an address. And that’s what therapy did for me, it helped me do all these 40 years. And it also gave me a bit of give me more tools to, to throw in when it came to court, Jen, and it helps me my job when I’m coaching is to help people slow down and find a place of peace spot, because that’s the don’t do that fast, then they’re going to struggle to follow that intuition. When it comes to the passion and purpose. They’re going to struggle to tell themselves to listen to what’s going on and say rather than and so my job As to get them from the head to their heart as soon as we can. Because when we get them to the heart is more authentic, the be the shop, maybe more more fundable. And it’s true that that’s when the magic happens is when when, when we get when we get more honest and authentic from a place of that heart and allows more flow. So this is my, my role when I’m coaching and also brings like, like, I see a hybrid with with therapy at the same time.

Brandon Handley 36:30
I love it. I love I love the four A’s to write, acknowledge, accept, address and bring that awareness without being able to acknowledge except or and or dress and identify, right, give these things kind of a label. You can’t be aware of them. You can’t. You can’t make a choice on something that you’re unaware of. Mm hmm. So I love that. I love that I love I love the head to heart right now. Bringing them from The head to the heart. And, you know, to me, there’s definitely a huge connection there. And, and I chased that one down to a few years ago, myself. And there’s a booze lie. It’s just, it’s called the heart, the heart mind, right, connecting the two. And once you meet, once you make that connection to the two of them, and maybe you’re feeling from your heart, and then your mind is able to as you kind of go back to right, what am I feeling in my heart right now? That’s the acknowledgement, right? And then you have the opportunity to accept it, of whether or not that’s true for you, in your mind, right after you’ve acknowledged it, and then you can address whether or not that’s true for you. Right, is that my follow on kind of like, how I how I would use this?

Steven Mills 37:53
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much you getting down at your heart levels and as For me key and this is where you find your true answers in your life not in your mind, not what you you know you think people should be and the best way to get from head to heart is asking really powerful questions and allowing them giving them that space

Brandon Handley 38:17
have an example of a powerful question Stephen most

Steven Mills 38:21
powerful question would be

what’s what’s your biggest blockage? what’s what’s holding you back right now? Honestly, forget about external refer no forget about what’s going on around you forget what’s new mate. What’s really holding you back?

Unknown Speaker 38:39
Well, what’s, what’s the blockers? Damn, like, I would answer that too. I’d be like I was like, Yeah, man that you know, for me.

Brandon Handley 38:49
It’s it’s what I’m doing right now. Right and it’s fear. There’s like tremendous fear and going ahead and and continuing to step into what I’m doing right now. Spiritual dope, right leading with spirituality. I mean, who does that? Right? Plenty of people do but it’s the first time I’ve ever done it. So I’m terrified because I’ve never done this before. Is this the right thing for me to do? I don’t know. So I’m blocking myself with a number of things invisible blockages, because I’ve looked all around and I see that society says, Well, you don’t talk about religion and you shouldn’t do this. And most people don’t do it like that. And that’s not the way it’s been done in the past. And so man, for me, some of my biggest blockages are what we talked about earlier. These are all the things that I’ve learned. And I need to unlearn them, right. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 39:41
Now I need to face them and walk into

Steven Mills 39:44
a set and another good question is what you seek what you seek in within. What are you seeking right now? The what’s missing as something that you’re seeking on a heart level.

Brandon Handley 39:56
Great one brother. That is a that’s a great one. I’m not gonna lie, because so what I’ll do in the mornings, is, I have a, you know, mini practice as it were, right, a reflection period. And I go and I write these questions, I search out questions just like you’re saying, What’s missing? What am I seeking? And I don’t you know, I would use the word God the universe, right, that connection to it. Right? And, and that’s exactly what it is. I’m doing right now, with this conversation you and I are having I’m, I’m looking to kind of validate what I already know to be true. Mm hmm. Right. And and where can i Where else can I find this in life?

And that’s exactly you know, so I believe. I’ve already established a connection with God divine divinity within right. I’ve kind of harnessed with it, come together with it, but every day. I feel like I’m still questioning that right. I’m still looking. looking looking for that. I’m still looking and that’s the spirit dope right there, brother.

Steven Mills 41:02
Yeah, that’s uh that’s that’s certain. It’s a nice powerful questions. That’s the more the more quality of questions, the better the more quality answers we’ll get. And the more the more willing we are to search and like, go back to our on our curiosity and feel just curious in life. And when it comes to others, just asking questions, the best coaches, the best therapists are the ones that asked good questions and sharp after they ask the question, and just alone space lesson. Yeah. And then you pick it up on what’s really going on. And you’ve given the most powerful thing here as allowing someone space to get everything out to release everything. It’s maybe in the main so we can get down to that space. Most nuggets and coaching are found when once they’ve replied, You don’t answer straight away. You give me back so silence is actually silence is golden, right? And silence in space that helps people explore much more when it comes to emotions explore much more what’s on the heart, and it’s about our curiosity. Another question I love to ask is, what do you need to do that you don’t want to do?

Brandon Handley 42:15
Now you asked me that one a couple of years back, man, that sucked.

Unknown Speaker 42:19
I was like, Man,

Brandon Handley 42:20
you always know what you need to do. And it’s just like you just do it, you know? Because that’s um that shows your level of commitment to what it is you say you want to do to me, right? What you know, so if you know what it is that you need to do, because inherently you do right and you’re not doing it, are you indeed committed to what it is that you say you want to do?

Steven Mills 42:51
So, again, it comes back to the choice love versus fear. are you choosing love in your life or are you choosing fear yellow in the future? To overcome you already moving beyond and choosing love, because when you’re choosing love, you’re much more you’re following your true heart. You’re trying to find your passion, you’ve got a love for others around you, your family and people. And love versus fear comes in every choice we make, I believe in when it comes to career when it comes to, you know, responsibilities in life, not just a family but our friendships. Love versus fear as the choice that we all have to make. Love comes from our heart fear comes from what’s going on our mains, or what’s what we are going to block our shelves.

Brandon Handley 43:36
So for me, the question ends up being you know, is that part of kind of what drove you? I use the word drive you into therapy? Is that part of what made you seek out therapy was it you didn’t find yourself choosing love enough? And you were choosing fear more often?

Steven Mills 43:55
I choose fear much more often. Yeah, I load shame to crap on me. I upload shame to really orange Company allowed not to hold me back. So I was choosing fear for years, not through potential any fault at all. But it was my own fault was not actually addressing the traumas and not addressing the past that maybe has shown up in my life. So you talking about trauma reenactment here, I would gravitate to certain relationships in my life, because of my childhood. And they weren’t serving me. And I didn’t, I was vulnerable. So I know boundaries. And fear really troubled me for years. And it was only when I went to that journey healing, that I was able to then start fame than, you know, love and self. Also more love for people around me. And another only due to any trauma or addiction as healthy relationship. A healthy relationship, a loving relationship, someone that’s there for you, unconditionally, on giving you that acceptance, as even when you’re angry. Even When you’re throwing a lot out there, and that’s one thing that gave me hope and help me through much omnious as through the, my partner who was was just solid rock, and she, she was there constant. So relationships and love as another 92 you know, addictions, trauma?

Brandon Handley 45:21
Well, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, you know, it’s so funny, like just kind of how similar, you know, parts of our journey are right? I can tell you that when I was vulnerable to my wife, Meg, years ago, when I was going through, you know, kind of my space, my journey, actually what even maybe even years before that, the whole the whole gist of of me packing everything up and driving 3000 miles across country in a vehicle that might not have made it was due to her ability to love me as I was on conditionally and then years later, when I was able to be vulnerable and she said, She says, I don’t understand, you know, kind of what’s going through what it is that you’re doing, but I’m here for you. Right. And even even more recently, I think, you know, I just had a, you know, a minor just like blow up, but you know, you talk about that volcano and the eruptions just like, everything had gotten to me at a certain point. I was like, Listen, yeah, I’ve rarely Yeah, really express my anger, right. Which is probably not healthy. But, you know, I had expressed it and not in a violent way. I just like erupted. You know, I apologized, and I just said Listen, I you know, I really sorry, and just, nobody deserves to have to hear my shit just because I’m feeling this way. And she goes, listen, I get it. You know, everybody, just kind of everybody. We’re all gone through some things. And you know, when you have somebody like that in your life, right when you have somebody that’s accepting you as you are. That’s powerful. And I think that that’s also where do the things at home first, right The having a solid This is the importance of a good home life a strong relationship at home a strong relationship with your family because you can be who you need to be and be loved unconditionally for who you are every day at home. It makes it much easier to pass the threshold of your own doorway and into the world and accept that maybe somebody else is going to accept you as you are as you’re being accepted at home.

Steven Mills 47:30
Yeah. Because no matter what we look at, we all look for validation, right? Everyone in life looks for validation. You know, Michelle or Oprah Winfrey used to talk about this everybody acumen I’m sure. You know, we’d see him sad cuz they’re not for you. Even like Obama and all these different people would say at the end, was that good enough for you because we’re looking for validation. So what we all want validation from others and our ways and that police acceptance is powerful, and it’s powerful and it allows us It gives us more Peace knowing that we can be who we are with people around us and and that helps bring peace and come back to grace, about self compassion, if we’re showing compassion does help us on our journey to find more self compassion. And no, it’s not an easy journey finding peace. It’s not an easy journey, finding a healing through recovery from trauma from from from past hearts, but as a oneness, what’s going on. So then, you know, you can then enable yourself to love them, and a better place going forward, and you then allow joy in your life yellow, loving relationships, you allowed yourself to find your passion and your purpose. And one of the things no, as, you know, one of the biggest things I’ve learned is not to care what people think. And if you can come to a place where you don’t care what people think it’s quite, it’s quite cool, because you can just do your thing, be yourself. And, you know, for me, I’ll just keep somebody Thing simplistic, you know, coaching, there’s so many different modalities. There’s so many different things about coaching. But coaching for me is just simply allowing people that space to explore with that. And a good coach is someone that lessons effectively. And that’s good questions. I said, and I, you know, I saw as a coach, all I can the best gift I can give someone is my time and space to explore where they are and really get down to delve into the heart and go that little bit deeper to then help them find the the AHA most breakthroughs I get some that sense of peace. So bear with

Brandon Handley 49:40
it. I think I think once you get to do right is you get to give people permission to find themselves to be themselves right and beyond hindered, and to allow them to share their dreams with you while you support them and helping them facilitate Let’s state that right by giving them permission to be in that space with themselves as they are. And then I think the other part that I would throw in here for you is that you know, your whole journey as and where you are right now, I just want to highlight this is that you change the world outside of you by working on what’s inside of you. Is that fair?

Steven Mills 50:26
Yes, definitely. Because the more you you more you work on yourself, the more you get a crack to help others and a much more effective way, and you can make an impact make a big difference. And, you know, for me, it’s just one passionate team. I don’t need to have a big audience. I don’t need to have you know, thousands of people follow me as one passion. I tell you, if you can change the world to one passion, then I’m happy. I’m a happy man. I’m fulfilled on my journey. If I can change the life of one person per day, I’m living a life of purpose. Making a difference and the lives of others. One passion to another, just like,

Brandon Handley 51:07
just like Jim Rohn said, focus on the few. Yes, it’s on the few brother. You know so Look, man, you’re using the game that just to this whole thing, right is people who are kind of following their intuition, their inner selves and living a life that’s true to who they are. And I can’t think of anybody else that I know that fits that more than more than you are right now. So I appreciate you, again, reaching out sharing your story. What is what is uh, I always like to try and give some other tidbits to the audience to like, what is a book or some type of resource that has had tremendous impact. It’s like, earth shattering for you. change everything about what it is and how you do it.

Steven Mills 51:54
And one of the books I read was recently in the library last year was the The mindful path to self compassion. And I think it’s Dr. Christopher kalmar. Another book that I liked was the body nose score.

Brandon Handley 52:10
And I’ve actually had that one in my garage right now from a friend of mine. But uh, yeah. So tell me a little bit about that. What What does that What about?

Steven Mills 52:18
It talks a lot about, you know, traumas, it talks about past hearts, it talks about how our physical ailments and physical body can tell us what’s going on in our lives. And it’s been it’s been able to then explore and be aware of what’s going on in our bodies. And because more often than not, it does know the score at times. It shows up in our life when we feel that tension or we can feel something like a sore sore throat or it’s a really good book to explore emotions, and know how to express them and how to be aware of them. And it just delves into a lot of different types of traumas and stuff. It’s a really good book. I can’t remember the same fun. I can’t remember the guys name. It’s a Dutch guy and phone number A couple other books there. And that’s the only good bit and the book I’m reading at the moment is called Layton call and by Dr. Hawkins, and this is a very powerful because well and that’s it’s quite it’s a path to surrender. So it’s really about letting go over fears, letting go of, you know, it’s very thing you know understanding acceptance, grief. So again, it’s a very powerful book and letting go and all the different kinds of fears that we have in our lives and how they’re showing up and it’s about just as I love that word, surrender, and people see so the end of the war, belt, surrender to your shelf, surrender to your fears, surrender to, you know, the attachments you have in life, you know, surrender to, and the outcomes. So end up to say having faith and just, you know, finding that space, to just be and surrender to all our own. Everything is our own. Us, I surrender to expectations. So it’s surrenders and really big what I discovered recently and really tried to understand much more. And so let go is a good book, and many other different books I’ve read so many over the years, I was a personal development junkie. I’ve not read as much I don’t read as much as they used to. But I still doubt you will delve into books though. And again, but certainly These are some I would say recently that I’ve had a big impact. Also, the complex PTSD book by Pete Walker was another one and from thrive and survive from surviving to thriving. That was a really powerful book and understanding my my trauma, and yeah,

okay, so I recommend that

Brandon Handley 54:43
last one there, mostly for somebody who is seeking to understand more about their trauma.

Steven Mills 54:49
Yeah, or the complex PTSD or as well not so that’s striving to survive is by Pete Walker, who writes a really really simple so really good book, I would say it was like the best have complex trauma. And yeah,

Brandon Handley 55:04
I love those. I love that all sounds great. So thank you for sharing those thanks for sharing kind of your story, your thought processes, you know, the dealing with emotions. Here’s a couple of anecdotes, right. And I’ve just really enjoyed our conversation here. And I love seeing that you are out there, you know, still serving these coaching communities still giving all of this wisdom and all of who you are to your clients and helping them to build out their own communities and their own coaching practices. as it were, we didn’t talk too much about exactly what it is that you’re doing. But you know, I want I want people to who, for anybody who’s been piqued and interested by you know what Stephen is talking about today and would like to find more About Steven Mills, where should we go to find out more and connect with you

Steven Mills 56:05
and you could check my coaching page on Facebook, Steven Mills coaching, I’m just revamping the website in the moment. And you would find me in the core coaching business Academy, and but the Facebook community that you’re a part of Brandon. So you do a Facebook Live stuff in there and we give away a lot of resources and offer free, free events weekly. So we help development with we’ve got a pro program launching very soon. And for coaches that want to really make an impact and they’re and they’re, you know, practices and also help them thrive as a coach because 80% of coaches in the world and, and under $20,000 a year and we want to help people actually, you know, move beyond that and help them build a thriving coaching practice and overcome the fears of selling and overcome those fears of maybe associate them with what they’re doing. So I my passion lies with helping coaches and find that passion and really start living by the purpose and start serving and making a bigger difference than they may be already doing. And

Brandon Handley 57:13
you’re trying to teach them how to stop playing small, right? It’s a

Steven Mills 57:15
it’s a program that myself and my business partner Kevin Petri have developed. It’s a 12 week program that will be launched very, very soon in July. So we are working hard on it, you know, we’ve got a curriculum ready and we’re just going to be putting it out there. And that will be a part of my work over the next and years to come, I’m sure. As well as I still have my private practice. So you know, Stephens called Chen. And I’ve also got core connections coaching chain, which is the social enterprise, which we still do a lot about working there as well with some of the teams that have there. So a lot going on, and you’re more than welcome to join me there. My email address you’ve got there and but you probably better Find me on

Brandon Handley 58:01
Facebook and you know Steven was caught Shen are the court coach and Business Academy. Hello, brother. Well, hey, thanks again for hanging out with us today sharing your story, like I said, and you know, just being being out there being honest with us and being sincere. Thank you so much.

Steven Mills 58:18
Thanks for having me, Brandon. It’s been a it’s been a pleasure.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai