Posts


Longtime listener first time caller… that was me reaching out to Shelley… after years of running with some of the same crews, we finally connected on a podcast!

Shelley is full of great energy and wisdom… listen in you will not be disappointed!

With 27 years’ experience in the accounting industry from bookkeeping through purchasing to software integration and setup, Shelley’s Genesys Financial clients have included those of Graphic Arts, Manufacturing, IT, Automotive and the garment industries. 

Her focus later went to implementing and managing larger scale billing platforms and Project Management.  Her focus was on helping Entrepreneurs setup their Financial platforms and Business processes.  A financial professional with a marketing background Shelley is uniquely qualified and can see all sides of business from sales and marketing to purchasing to invoicing, always allowing her to think outside the box.   

In line with her varied interests her latest business, Living Well, has taken a passion for health and wellness to business by facilitating lifestyle changes for busy executives. As the health supplement portion of her business has gone International her love of traveling was often met through her business.    

https://livingwellwithshell.com/

Audio production done by Zane Niezgodzki

Insights & Takeaways:

  • Shelley talks about how she woke up with negative thoughts whirling thoughts “swirling the drain.” She knew this was not how she wanted to start the day, so Shelley says she went into her mind and “quieted my head and started going through what I wanted to see my day look like, how I wanted to give gratitude.” Shortly thereafter the whole feeling of hopelessness and negativity was gone.
  • 4:40 Brandon mentions “manifestation just means that it showed up because they put their thoughts, intention and will behind it in some way, shape or manner.”
  • 5:53 Shelley states “We’re just energetic beings having a physical experience, and power goes where we focus our energy. So, focus it somewhere positive that benefits you. Create some more high functioning you.”
  • 12:08 Shelley states emphatically “… recognize that we have emotional responses to those thought processes, and to the trauma that occurred to us or whatever as children… As adults, I truly believe and I’ve walked this journey for 20 years, we are responsible for healing it.”  {TK: WOW!!!}
  • Prayer can be meditation, meditation can just be going over what you’re grateful for (Gratitude Practice). Make this a habit. 

Spiritual Dope Eureka Moments!

  • 8:15 “So what I found in my early adulthood was I was always breaking out, but not in a positive way. Because I kept myself so contained all the time, that when I burst out, I usually got myself into trouble. And I needed to learn for myself how to live a more genuine, and aligned life…” [TK: YES! This is so relatable!]
  • 10:38 (This hit REALLY close to home.) Shelley talks about realizing as a parent, reflecting on her own parents’ parenting, that they “did the best with what they were given… and came with all their own baggage and all their own hurts and things.” [TK: Indeed. It took me until my mid-forties to stop judging my own upbringing by the light of perfection. My parents did the best with what they had. They weren’t intentionally “bad” or hurtful, they were doing what they felt was right. Different generations, different traumas and lifetimes, etc.]
  •  20:30 Shelley mentions Dr. Joe Dispenza’s teachings where he says the best way to create your future is to imagine it. But you have to live and imagine it already happening. [TK: This brings me back to Brandon’s coaching work with me, and the exercises where I would envision with all senses being in the ideal future!]
  • It’s all in your mind! (TK: IT IS!)
  • Quit apologizing to the world around you
  • https://livingwellwithshell.com/

Transcription by otter.ai

Unknown Speaker 0:02
You’re listening to the spiritual dope podcast with your host, Brandon Handley. The spiritual dope with today’s guest from living well with Shell Shelly shear, the spiritual worked out. Ready, set,

Brandon Handley 0:19
go. Hey there spiritual dope. Today I am on with Shelly shear she is a Vancouver based speaker, emerging author and coach. She spent 28 years as an accounting professional helping small to medium businesses navigate entrepreneurship while having a second side hustle. Her experience has crossed many industries from graphic design, manufacturing, automotive, spa, digital marketing, to hot dog vendors, it is give her a unique perspective into people and how they handle their businesses and themselves. She has a gift for finding logic, cool, logical, common sense solutions. She has a successful podcast that focuses on not living in regret and creating high functioning habits because she truly believes everyone is enough and should have an easier, more vibrant life. Thank you so much for joining today. How are you?

Shelley R Shearer 1:10
I am great. Thanks for having me. On if our listeners don’t know, we’ve known each other for a couple of years very casually because we took our podcasting course together four and a half years ago. Yeah. And it’s wonderful to see us both still here doing what we love to do.

Brandon Handley 1:22
Absolutely. I think that is really what I think is really funny was um, when you must have connected with me on instagram when I might, you know still under like Brandon Handley and I just switched that to spiritual dope. And then it like at some point like there was an aha moment where you realize that that that had happened like I was just praying in

Unknown Speaker 1:43
a second here.

Brandon Handley 1:46
So listen, how I like to start these off with his, you know, we were talking before this everybody’s connected to source source. You know, divinity, whatever speaks through us. We’re basically you know, vessels for the divine. And this podcast today, you are here to connect with somebody who’s listening. What is that message for that person coming through divine through you for that person?

Shelley R Shearer 2:12
My message today would definitely be emotions follow thoughts.

Brandon Handley 2:17
What do you mean by that?

Shelley R Shearer 2:19
Most people I find found in my own life as well that we are taught that we think and emotions are separate or that because of the way we feel we think a certain way and actually, that is improving quite an accurate the last 20 years during research and such that that’s not the case at all. In fact, we think a thought, then we have an emotion. And the reason that’s really important, in fact, I was literally brand brand new puppy in the house. It was sitting it was uptime is like Oh, I got to exercise her before I get on this podcast. I was going to do my own podcast today. And I’ll do it after. And that’s what actually was in my head because this morning I woke up myself personally, just rabbiting just swirling the drain. Just my thoughts were whirling in my mind. They were negative, there was nothing positive going on. It’s like I can’t get up and do this day like this. And that thought came to me it actually was something that I learned was kind of vocalize it’s something I’ve understood sort of in an innate level, but it was vocalized to me by someone Jan Jansen, I think mentioned it and of course, I was in a couple months back. And she said, emotions follow thoughts. And that’s what most people don’t accept, and also don’t consciously train themselves to change how they think. And it’s probably very much how I don’t know how you pronounce his last name, Tom, Bill,

Unknown Speaker 3:34
you know, the name

Shelley R Shearer 3:35
all over his all over Instagram, he’s got the thought Institute of some sort. And he very much hammers this home that you know, we need to control how we think. Yeah, so with that being said, You know, I was texting with the puppy for a quick little nap this morning. And I thought, This is not how I want to start my day. And so I immediately went into my mind quieted my head and started going through what I wanted to see my day look like, how I wanted to give gratitude. And my goodness, it took like a minute and then the rest was just bonus. It was like the whole feeling of hopelessness and negativity just left because where you focus is

Brandon Handley 4:16
in your life, right? Right. Right. And you know that you’re directing your energy into that space right and you’re literally that energy is what it takes for something to manifest whatever that means to people out there right because my wife and I always like I’ll say something about manifesting something’s like shit manifested this idea i think i don’t think you know what I mean. Totally. Yeah. manifestation just means that it showed up because they put their thoughts intention and well behind it in some way shape or madly, right? So no, I love I love that right emotions follow thought we’re gonna have to dig into that as we kind of see

Shelley R Shearer 4:52
if you can control things you’re thinking of and Jim quick that does the, the book on the learning the one that had the brain injury, he talks about this as well, because he’s trying to improve your memory. And there’s just so much now neuroscience behind it in the fact of gene expression and how we function, how we feel how we think. Now it’s the time in this day and age, especially with what’s going on in the world around us to really open up and say, let’s go research that a little bit. As you and I were chatting, just before we got on the on the actual podcast was, I grew up in a very, very religious home, very, very strict religious upbringing. believed and loved the certainty of the black and white of the knowledge at the time, especially as a teenager, and then you know, walked away later. And now I’ve come back to it because I believe in the law of attraction. So whether someone uses God or universe or Supreme, I don’t care. Right, right. Right. Energy interchangeable. Totally. Because we’re just energetic beings having a physical experience. Yeah. And power goes where we focus our energy. So focus it somewhere positive that benefits you create some more high functioning you Yeah, your

Brandon Handley 6:03
choice is a choice. There’s a couple pieces in that. I mean, even today, I picked up some random article that scientists are saying, there’s a 5050 shot that, um, we are in a construct, we are in, you know, a program, the matrix, like a lizard is a 5050 shot. So, you know, the same way there’s a 5050 shot as to whether or not there’s an afterlife, right, right. So why not kind of like, make those choices consciously on what you believe? Because you have a 5050 shot? Mm hmm. Right. So um, so let’s talk a little bit about like, I love, I love your podcast, I think it’s really well done. You handle the guests very well, you’re so well spoken, and you bring this energy that you’re bringing, you know, today, to your podcast, what you know, let’s talk about kind of how you found yourself in the space that you’re at now. And let’s give it like the leading with spirituality that you do now, like I’ve heard you, like, kind of referenced the woowoo. But like, or intuition, you know, how have you integrated that into your life and found more or less fulfillment from it? Like, how’s that? How’s that showing up in your life?

Shelley R Shearer 7:16
Well, it’s funny, cuz it’s something you said earlier about how you’ve manifested it, No, honey, honestly, doesn’t matter that you’re finding all the coincidences I still manifested. Because those are the those are the tracks that lead you to where you’re going. And you can call it coincidence, or you can own it, and I prefer to own it. And like I said, four and a half years ago, you and I took a podcasting course. Now, just just a little quick on that one. That was a very funny thing, how that happened. I went to a Make Your Mark event here in Canada, and signed up for speaking from stage because I wanted to find my voice. I’ve always just felt a little bit like I you know, grew up with the, you know, be seen and not heard one of female coming out of the 60s and 70s very autocratic father very religious upbringing. So lots of rules, lots of rigidity. And I’m clearly not that. So what I found in my early adulthood was I was always breaking out, but not in a positive way. Because I kept myself so contained all the time, that when I burst out, I usually got myself into trouble. And I needed to learn for myself how to live a more genuine and, and aligned life, and got very lucky in my 20s to attend a course called the pursuit of excellence, which talks about the filters to which we see the world and also talks about personality traits. So really, right from my 20s, very young, the universe kept putting the stuff in my path, awakening me awareness, opening my scope of reference, because really, like I say, I was raised in the box. Also, though, my dad was what was so funny is my dad’s an entrepreneur. So there was reason a box and I was a female.

Brandon Handley 8:55
Um, you know, what I love about your story that too, is that your dad became a successful entrepreneur after the age of 40, right?

Unknown Speaker 9:02
Yes. Oh, you do listen to my podcast.

Shelley R Shearer 9:06
Clearly, oh, you’re such a sweetheart. Yes, he did. And yet, when he looked at my life, he wanted it all to be planned out, you know,

Brandon Handley 9:15
as a parent, though, right? As a parent, and and him maybe not having found his stride, and this is me talking to right as a

Unknown Speaker 9:22
parent, and you, you are the parent,

Brandon Handley 9:24
right? It’s like, it’s like, you know, I did it in a very uncontrolled manner, how I got to where I am today is a miracle. But, um, knowing kind of what I know, it’s like, you know, here’s how you can truly succeed with ease. And that’s what you try to impart to your children. And we know that children are like, that’s not gonna work for me. I’m not to figure out my own way. You’re like, fine. I know. And

Shelley R Shearer 9:46
that I think, as a parent, that has got to be the hardest thing. The absolute hardest thing. I know, I did, you know, I only have the one son, and he has been through some very serious challenges in his life. In fact, we’ve just kind of recently he doesn’t want to Talking about this i’m not saying anything he’s not okay with. We thought he had bipolar for a number of years and have been battling that only to find out he’s on the spectrum actually. And it made so much more sense. It’s just he was so high functioning as a child, they never caught it. Yeah. And it wasn’t till I was, you know, he was going into kindergarten grade one and I was in an abusive relationship, and psychiatrists got brought in to assess the situation, and they will deal with ADD, and we carried on and then later in life when things were imploding, it’s like something else is going on here.

Brandon Handley 10:27
So it’s right there, the tools right there, right, the tools weren’t there. The tools, you know, didn’t really exist. Exactly then but but I’d love to hear that, you know, you’re fine. You’re catching it now. Right.

Shelley R Shearer 10:38
And I felt I did the best I could with what I had that something I think people need to give himself grace for more, I really had to learn to do that with my own parents and forgiveness. They did the best with the not with what they were given. Yeah, it came with all their own baggage and all their own hurts and, and things. Sure, um, then I became an adult and the parents I look back and going, I didn’t do that perfectly. But perfection is a lie. It’s not real. If this is just a journey, we’ve got to keep going on. So I handled it you know, in a manner as education again, so then we come back to the kind of again the with the high functioning, right, even when he was diagnosed, my attitude was you’re not going on Ritalin, and we’re not living on drugs. It was learn about what ad D or ADHD was at the time. And I behaved it with behavior modification was lis one thing at a time. Like he was the kid that melted at the front door. If you gave him three things to do. He’d be sitting there with the backpack, unpacked one shoe in his hand, and crying. It’s like I asked you to put your shoes on grab your knapsack can walk out the door, like it

Unknown Speaker 11:35
wasn’t that difficult. But this

Shelley R Shearer 11:37
is me being a very high functioning a tech personality seeing that child? No, it simply wasn’t connecting. Yeah, all those things. Yeah. Yeah. So we got you know, we like you say the tools weren’t there. But I was lucky enough again, to me kind of a few people got on to those you say the woowoo side of things. Yeah. To me. It’s just the holistic, natural side of things. Anti drug? As much as possible. I have nothing against medical Oh my gosh. Yes, that dental surgery. Thank you God for painkillers and antibiotics,

Unknown Speaker 12:06
right, yeah.

Shelley R Shearer 12:08
But I don’t want those corrections being part of everyone’s everyday life now, simply because they don’t understand how to control their thought process. And then recognize that we have emotional responses to those thought processes, and to the trauma that occurred to us, you know, we’re not to blame for the trauma that was given done to us or whatever is children. But as adults, I truly believe and I’ve walked this journey for 20 years, we are responsible for healing it, address it. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 12:34
address it just for having children. I mean, look, just it’s not. I don’t know, I, it’s hard to say like, it’s, you know, you can never say like, I know, that I always refer to kind of grown up, it was pretty easy, right? There’s some shit that happen. And but like, you just kind of look at it and be like, well, that’s just really gave me the ability to withstand X, Y, or Z or gave me strength or, you know, that’s, you know, or, or like, he’ll it right, but like, let’s just feel that address it wholly absorbed that that happened. and move on. Right. Like, let that be. The dragon the wind or whatever, right? Don’t

Shelley R Shearer 13:13
let it define you. Right. Yeah, that makes me sad when I let people see such negativity or illness in their life. define them as a person. Right,

Brandon Handley 13:21
right. Well, I mean, you know, so talk about that for yourself. You’re doing the fibromyalgia. Right, isn’t that? Yes. I mean, you know, I and I, I imagined that initially, you did kind of let it define you and kind of slow you down.

Unknown Speaker 13:38
Ooh, solid years. Yeah. Talk

Brandon Handley 13:41
about that. That because that can’t be easy.

Shelley R Shearer 13:44
I’m sure the property and one of the hardest things probably about things like fibro and mental illness are they are silent. Hmm. I’m like my puppy right now. Um, if this gets if she gets a little whiny, we can just stop and you can edit for me and I’ll do something with her. But that happens people people get very caught up in it. And I did. I was like, how this can be happening to me. I was functioning as a personality. I was working it was built a new house. It’s like, Are you kidding me? And leave me flat for two years until I learned to adjust, get my pain under control even tried to drug route for a little bit. And then the side effects were brutal. You know, there’s just a lot of suicidal thoughts and things and my husband, I were like, We can’t live this way. Alright, so it was a long journey. And I went again, right back into the holistic world of how do I support my body? How do I give myself and sometimes that just want to sit on the same silly napping. napping was a huge thing. I follow naps. But that ego of mine, yes. fought me tooth and nail and we’re stronger than this. We’re better than this. We don’t need this. Yes, we do. That’s the West.

Brandon Handley 14:52
That’s the western day. That’s the western mentality.

Shelley R Shearer 14:57
Absolutely. Yeah. So um, so a child of the 80s I was raised in that women can have it all nonsense have we have full time careers husbands that we wait still do the 1960s housewife thing through, and three children and don’t have House Cleaners?

Brandon Handley 15:11
You guys got back, man. I mean, even kidding me, I still I still I’m still very frustrated. Like, and like, you know, I believe women can do whatever they want be wherever they want, but to make a society where like, you know, you can’t have at least one parent at home, to be with the family or something to make to make that success in the material realm. You know, based on sex, right, be like, Oh, you can do it, I can do it. And we’re all gonna go do it like, Well, you know, who’s, where’s this other human aspect where, like, you know, that’s cool. You go ahead, I don’t even like going to work. So you know, somebody wants to show up and be like, you know what, I got this, you just stay home take care of children, um, like I’m in. Right. So I get frustrated from time to time just because that’s, you know, we’re, I feel like it was, you know, I’m not a I’m not a you know, conspiracy guy or anything like that. Like, I do feel like, you know, that was that was forced on forced on us.

Shelley R Shearer 16:12
Okay, you’re talking to Adam, because you know, he doesn’t he have a brilliant way of describing. So let me explain to me how explain surely how women completely got. How did you subserve his word for it? Where Yes, you had this great life where you were looking after the next generation, creating human beings being there having this whole emotional support for your family. And society walked in and said, Oh, but you don’t really want that, right? You want to go to work for 10 hours, like your husband does, and then still come home and do that all in two hours a night? Are you kidding me? And now requires two incomes to have a home,

Brandon Handley 16:45
but it wasn’t and it wasn’t there. That was your idea you want you forced it? Right. Like I mean, you know, so. So really interesting. Sorry to get off topic.

Shelley R Shearer 16:53
No, that’s okay. I want to vote not to like be a slave.

Brandon Handley 16:56
Right, right. Right. Right. Right. just crazy stuff. Crazy stuff. It is.

Shelley R Shearer 17:02
So you, you’d asked me about my fibro. So yeah, it was a long journey for a couple of years ago when we changed houses. And it gave us options because my income was right out the door. And I had an accounting professional income. So needless to say, that was missed. And there was nothing in the Canadian system, even what we call CPP up here, for this particular disease, there was no sort of long term disability or anything. And I was funny, you know what, as a single Mum, I carried all those extras, insurances for years. But when I got married, after a couple years, I let them go is like in our truck. Ryan was raised, we can both afford to pay the mortgage, we had life insurance in case something happened to either one of us, and I let all that extra stuff going. Hmm, not sure what it helped. But you kind of look back in hindsight, in really so that’s actually was one of the things that started me finding my voice was when I started moving myself forward, it immediately was how do I help other people do the same thing? Right? How do I encourage them to not be defined by a disease, and for me a big part of it, it was on another friend’s podcast a couple months back. And we talked very in depth in this because she deals with women or audiences, middle aged women. And she’d asked, you know, as a silent disease, no one can see it, what do you do you find support. And I believe that in any area of your life, though, find the support around you. And the sad part is, I hate to say it, it’s not always family. It wasn’t for me, and people really just always want it to be, they decide, I might need this, or I want this, but it has to be this person. And that is a tough limiting belief to let go for a lot of people because often that isn’t who’s going to be your biggest support.

Brandon Handley 18:37
I think that families too close, right to too close to the situation. And, you know, they know you from you know, they they know too much about you. Mistake you’ve ever made. Right. Right. And so they play out like the the history of you. Right versus

Shelley R Shearer 18:53
well, sad.

Brandon Handley 18:54
Right? So and that and that’s it. That’s not an easy transition mental model to shift. Right? So, you know, when you go to Thanksgiving dinner or whatever, you guys just happy Thanksgiving on Monday, right? You know, when you go to that dinner, you’re surrounded by family and they talk about all the old you and all the old stories and and all this other stuff. Whereas like your focus is, the future is so amazing. And I’m so excited. Let’s talk about what’s the calm? Yes. Like I’m giving you we talked about, you know, law of attraction with a lot of people. You know, I don’t know that many people actually in the space but giving thanks for you know, everything has already been done. Everything’s already been created. It’s just simply our awareness of that creation. So giving thanks for everything that’s already been done. includes the future. Yes, it does.

Shelley R Shearer 19:49
Right. Because that is something that Joe dispenza talks about. And he Now speaking of being left a center for me. He has taken me into a whole nother realm of my Christian beliefs, like Where do we go with this? He just has a spectacular way of looking at things he says the best way to create your future is to is to imagine it. But you have to live in imagine it already have happening. That’s right. Now something that kind of that he says that I really have taken to heart and I was talking to a girl from the other day, and she was going through a rough time. And I said, You know what, we have to remember that our memories, when we’re remembering something, we’re still living them in the now. Because our souls or spirits don’t differentiate necessarily to timelines. I look in the mirror and I see the wrinkles, and I see my hair graying. And I know time is passing, because my body is aging. Hmm. But my aunt told me once when I was very young, surely what you’ll understand, I was just like, barely even 30. And she said, You will know when you get older, your spirit has an age just you do. It’s all right. In my mind’s eye, I’m still the same person. You know,

Brandon Handley 20:52
it’s so funny, you say that? I always, you know, so I was doing Jiu Jitsu for a while until COVID. And go in there and hang out with people. And you guys are being guys talking about? I’d be getting in there with a younger guy, like, come on old guy, or you’re, you know, you’re just getting old or I was like, I’m not getting all my body’s getting old. Right leg? You know, I’m like, as you know, nothing has changed. Right? Now, there’s

Shelley R Shearer 21:15
my wisdom. Yeah, and whatever, which is fantastic. Right? Oh, you’ve had this all blessing us at

Brandon Handley 21:23

  1. That’s funny, because I remember you saying that earlier to, just to how, you know, you wouldn’t exchange the wisdom right now for youth. But there’s always that other line too, that people are always cracking, which is on this makes me think of your dad, too, is, you know, what would you do? What would you tell your 20 year old self, you know, and and really what they’re saying is like, especially now I think even at our age, and when your dad was 40 is like, when you realize all the wisdom that you have, like, I’m just gonna go ahead and use this for the next 2015 1520 years. Right. So yeah, you know,

Shelley R Shearer 21:58
that’s a very good point about having grace. Because my dad has a great education was raised and born in Saskatchewan, one of nine, and he’s one of the youngest of that crew. Very, very brutal, straight out of second generation British parents, very different upbringing. So now he married a city girl with an education and a working father, that worked professionally. So my parents are actually kind of funny that way, but well suited to each other’s strengths. So I could see him as a father and later in life saying, Oh, no, please don’t let my children go through what I went through, like, go get an education, right? Get a career. And he always wanted me to get something good. I could go somewhere that he could travel to meet me. He’s like, I need you to go work in Australia or something, Shelly honey,

Unknown Speaker 22:41
so I can run?

Shelley R Shearer 22:43
Okay, that’ll get right on that. So let’s just go for physical therapy and got nowhere with it. But regardless, I could see you have very valid point as a parent, right? Don’t do it, you know, don’t do what I did don’t make my mistakes. Right? Well,

Brandon Handley 22:56
that’s what we try to do. All we’re trying to do is like, man, here’s my list. And just like, don’t do any of this, right? Or, you know, and this is this is, this is why I feel like I’m very lucky to be a parent in this time and age, right, I started fatherhood for the rest of us, that was the first podcast. And that was, you know, learning the positive opposites. Right? You don’t, right? And this plays right into law of attraction is play, right? And everything else, right? You don’t think about what you don’t want your children to? Do? You tell them what you want them to do? Exactly. Because otherwise, you’re already creating the image in their mind of what you don’t want them to do. And as you and I know, the subconscious doesn’t see yes or no, they just see the picture

Shelley R Shearer 23:34
exactly right or wrong. Even if it doesn’t differentiate, it just sees the picture that you’re playing, just like having the comment about the memories, every time. I mean, remember things, it’s fun, but recognize that you need to like, let it go and go back to where it belongs. Because otherwise, you’re living your current existence in that memory. And if that memory and those experiences are negative, or bad, you are bringing them into your current circumstances, like this morning, every single day of your life. No wonder there is no positive emotion going forward. Because your thoughts are all in the past and all the negativity. Absolutely. I

Brandon Handley 24:11
mean, look, it’s in the word right and negative being like a re cursor, right? Like we did that. Um, so what one thing that you talked about this morning, too, was, you know, waking up and catching and creating a vision for the day?

Shelley R Shearer 24:27
Yes, very much.

Brandon Handley 24:29
Is that a daily practice?

Unknown Speaker 24:31
Yes, very much. So.

Brandon Handley 24:32
What’s that, like, you know, for the audience.

Shelley R Shearer 24:37
No matter what I have positive or negative to say about my upbringing, prayer was instigated in my life. And that makes meditation for me quite easy. And because I never had grew up in the Catholic religion where I had to worry about talking to a priest. It was always a direct contact, contact or conversation sorry with source. Meditation for me is really that now which is why I talk about in my little ebook I don’t care if you’re lying in bed in the morning, or it’s just before you’re going to sleep at night, let your mind wander and just go over the positives or go over what you want to see happen. show gratitude for whatever’s in your life, what’s going on in that day. Because that now is in the subconscious, like you say, the subconscious isn’t there to differentiate between all of this is just waiting for you to give it you know, to activate. And so activate on the positive activate on what you’re grateful for. So yes, that is very, very much a daily thing for me. In fact, I even got into the habit of doing a sitting here, a gratitude journal, and someone knows, and of course, one day and you just buy them. And that for people, it’s like people who go on diets, I always say get an app on your phone and write down everything for a week, though. Because your awareness you need to see because they’re like, cheating. I don’t eat sugar. Mm hmm. Yeah, it’s every thing.

Brandon Handley 25:53
Whatever you track, right? Whatever you track, you pay, you can measure. Yeah, you can measure as well.

Shelley R Shearer 25:58
So my gratitude journal was that’s became a habit at nighttime, just even if it was just three lines. It’s like, I’m tired. I don’t wanna do this right now. I made myself do it. It was a habit to do it that way. 80% of the time, it was getting done.

Brandon Handley 26:11
Yeah, no, I mean, you’re lucky and you can’t beat yourself up if you don’t do it. Right. Like it’s these are. And I think that that’s one of the problems. Not a problem. It’s just one of our, again, another Western civilization Quirk. Right. Which is, which is Oh, I missed the day. I guess I’m never gonna do it again. Oh, right. It’s all or nothing.

Shelley R Shearer 26:32
Oh, I hear coaches talk about that all the time. Fitness coaches, anything is like, no, get back up on the horse The next day, please. That’s why I say to people what I used to coach health stuff because I was in a network marketing company for a couple years. It was just kind of fun. And it really spoke to my need just to be healthier. Because I’ve always been a bit of a nutcase. Like always a bit of a health nut, what you do 80% of the time is a good habit. Hmm. Not the one day a week or the every now and then, where you just blow it all to smithereens. And you haven’t gone to the gym in a week or when on vacation and drank every day. Okay, great. You did that writing on, right act to your routine. Oh, and if you can get those habits in place, and they are there 8% of the time, you will slip back to them because it’s your norm.

Brandon Handley 27:15
Right. Well, I mean, that was one of the things that we learned with this podcasting course was, you know, your default pattern, right? I know that that was one of the places I first picked up on how your default patterns was through, you know, Sam,

Shelley R Shearer 27:30
right and consistency, Sam, just, you know, what, what is he? What does Sam always say? My favorite expression is Sam. Repetition reduces resistance. Yeah, I

Brandon Handley 27:39
haven’t listened for a while. But um, you know, I still love them like it without without going through that I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today. And so let’s talk about what is it you’re doing right now? Are you doing the coaching? Are you? Yes.

Shelley R Shearer 27:51
So just getting you just very small. It’s just a very, it’s new. It’s new to me for now. I started coaching back in January, took on my first clients, okay, and it didn’t actually want to do it. At first, my coach was making me I just want to public speak, I love to talk.

Brandon Handley 28:06
Clearly, you do their job, but you’re very well spoken. So thanks, sweetie. Putting it to good use.

Shelley R Shearer 28:12
And I wanted to write a book. But it was like you still have to earn a living. And also there’s always there’s always the attitude with coaching is that you can’t keep all that knowledge to yourself, if you’re not, and I’m definitely so I talk about things in my podcasts, something called the sacred gifts. And it was a course I took a number of years ago and that lady is now a personal friend of mine, even though I quote and I called her, Monique ladette MacDonald, Monique, l e da Tila that you can find her anywhere sacred gifts, okay. And she talks about the things that are innately in us, like right out of the gate is one of those neat courses where you take and you realize, Oh, that’s not me. That’s a skill set. Like administration. I worked in an office for 30 years. All right, not my gift. Okay, I just learned to get good at it. So you can still have great skill sets and everything. But I have the gift of what they call service, and hospitality and knowledge. Those are my three main gifts. So I have to learn stuff. But then I also have to share it with you because what makes it a gift is that you share it with the world. So although I love music, I don’t have a gift of music, things like that. It’s something I definitely never share with the world.

Unknown Speaker 29:19
It’s just not pleasant.

Shelley R Shearer 29:20
But the gift of service was and what I realized early on in my accounting career was that gift was always in play with the smaller clients I was servicing. I was helping you was hospitality was even involved in my knowledge was needed. Right? When I got to be later in life when I was at companies like Bell Canada, one of those big telco companies here in Canada. those gifts were not engaged in I load my accounting work. I thought what happened? It’s the same job. So I’m making more money and I’ve got people reporting to me and I hated it hated every minute of it. So gifts are really important. So the gift of services there regardless and it’s innate in me. Therefore, if I know knowledge, I have to be able to share it and coaching is the best way to do that.

Brandon Handley 30:00
Yeah, I love it. I love. I love coaching, I love sharing out that knowledge I love. I love seeing somebody go through the journey, right? I love, I love seeing them come into it too, you know, and just being able to recognize it like just on a visual cue or even like through some phrases, if somebody’s like, typing in like Facebook or somewhere and you’re like, I know exactly where you are, I know exactly what’s going on in your mind. And we should talk, you know, and you know, and that’s it’s not a, it’s not a sign of transaction I’m looking for, right? It’s like, Look, this is I can help you if you’d like, kind of thing, right? Or like, so so I get that. And I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it called, here’s another one of my little rants. But I’ve seen it called, you know, generational knowledge, right? We need to, we need to pass that generational knowledge. Yes. Right. So I feel almost, and I’m sure there’s not intentional in any way, shape or form. But if you look at Western civilization again, especially in the US and Canada, the generations have been divided very much almost purposely, right? Like almost, you know, so, you know, when you get too old, they’re like, well, we got to ship you off. We can’t take care of you anymore. But like who, where’s where’s, where are the elders, and in that situation, right to pass,

Shelley R Shearer 31:22
which is a completely score, fundamental belief system, in every Aboriginal or ancient civilization in history. Right. The elders are the holders of the knowledge. We’ve got to the point that as soon as our kids hit nine, we’ve got them labeled as Tweenies, or millennials, there’s, so they’ve got this lovely little label, and then they start buying into that indoctrinated propaganda. It’s like, No, no, no, stop right now, please. Because all you are right now is just young, you might be growing up in different technology than us. Fair enough. But I think one of our biggest advantages, and just why cannot stand people to say things Oh, I can’t be bothered that things will never change.

Unknown Speaker 32:00
Really?

Shelley R Shearer 32:03
Because I’m pretty sure 200 years ago, you would dive in infection because penicillin wasn’t invented yet. So that’s sort of, you know, willful ignorance. Crazy. Yes, for sure. Do not put our children into a box and then do not ship off for elderly. Right? There is a humongous disconnect here in our society in this in this area.

Brandon Handley 32:20
Right. Yeah. So you see to salutely All right, all right. So you know, this, this kind of innate ability, the, you know, connected to source, kind of reconnecting back to source like, kind of after pushing it aside, or, or just not recognizing it for what it was for a while how, you know, how did that show back up in your life? And what’s it been like, since then?

Shelley R Shearer 32:48
I’d have to see it showed back up when I got a handle on accepting that this wasn’t a punishment, because that’s how I felt I felt God punished me with fibro. Hmm, I get you know, and it’s funny, because I wasn’t raised necessarily with some of the Catholic belief systems that you know, that things happen because you’ve been naughty, or that you need to do good things to earn your way into heaven. And like I say, remember, I’m married to a Catholic, and a very good friend. So some of this stuff is not I may know, I’ve talked to these people, I know how some of the religious doctrine works. And I’ve never, I’ve always believed in grace, because being in the Pentecostal church are simply saved, you know, you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, and the sins are forgiven. And when you’re raised with that sort of belief structure, it often makes me surprised how many people hang on to so much guilt and shame, because it’s like, well, if you truly believe that you can change as a person and that there was grace and there is forgiveness from a higher source. And Shouldn’t you be living in that in that grace? And that, that good stuff,

Unknown Speaker 33:54
right? Why wouldn’t you be?

Shelley R Shearer 33:56
Exactly So for me, when I came to the realization that this was not a punishment, and when I also started coaching with my own coach to say, this is a journey, and there’s lessons here I need to learn one of the things in you, you and I have Adam in common. One of the his strong belief structures is

Unknown Speaker 34:16
so you’re able to edit this

Unknown Speaker 34:17
will be good people have dogs,

Unknown Speaker 34:21
because

Unknown Speaker 34:22
you can always get up and walk away for a second and I can monitor if you’re, it’s okay.

Unknown Speaker 34:28
All she’s doing, she can’t

Unknown Speaker 34:29
see.

Shelley R Shearer 34:31
So one of the things that he really hammered home for me in our coaching sessions were that life happens for me, not to me,

Brandon Handley 34:37
that’s a great trend. And

Shelley R Shearer 34:38
when you can get your head around that as an individual, it changes everything. It changes how you look at every situation. And in fact, although maybe not 100%, you know, across the board relatable, it saved my marriage even when I was struggling a year or two ago because instead of looking at the lame, like, what are you doing? And how I’m feeling about it? Sure. Again, back to the emotions follow thoughts. Of course, I’m going to think negative or feel negatives, when all I’m thinking is he’s this he’s that he’s, what other response is your body going to have? Or your subconscious going to accept? Negative? Yeah. So when you can take responsibility for yourself, which is what really started this journey, and then believe that life is for me, well, if it’s for me, then that means everything is for me. So what do I need to take out of this situation? Well, I wouldn’t have a podcast, I wouldn’t be coaching, which I love. Excuse me, I wouldn’t have been able to even help my son through so much of what he’s gone through the last few years, because I was literally just two steps ahead of him going through my own stuff. I wouldn’t have been able to repair some of the relationship with my parents. And now that you know, there are failures, you know, they’ve got dimension, my mother has been diagnosed as well. So she doesn’t remember speaking me sometimes the day before, which is very sad. But it made me look at all of that very, very differently. What was the lesson here for me?

Brandon Handley 36:11
The idea of taking 100% ownership for your life. You know, I understood the concept, and I went and I saw cheese. Who’s the Chicken Soup for the Soul guy? Okay, so I went saw him. He really great. Yeah, really great presenter, right. But he said, You know, he goes, just try it for a little bit, just try to take 100% ownership, because because if you take you know, 100% ownership for everything, everything, including like everything, everything included yet, then you know everything, it’s on you, right, you’ve got that responsibility. But if you just take responsibility for 99% of it, that’s, that’s not gonna work. Right? So you’ve just so much is 1% can throw it off for you. And it’s kinda like you said to, you know, they say this, and I think the data, you know, either all of it, or none of it is God. And just like Albert Einstein says, to either everything or nothing is a miracle. Right? Like miracles. So I love that mindset, right, and making that shift that the world is out there for you. I don’t know if you’re familiar with a book that I love is called, are you ready to succeed? Um, I’ve

Shelley R Shearer 37:29
read that one.

Brandon Handley 37:30
So make a note of that one. Oh, good. I mean, I’m on my, I’ll probably read it for my fourth time this year, because, you know, I’ll read like a chapter a week, and you do the exercises in it, and you go through it. And in that book, he just talks about how you know, of Indian descent.

Unknown Speaker 37:46
How

Brandon Handley 37:48
the benevolent universe has Montana, right? It’s a benevolent universe. And if you can find, you know, what good the universe is kind of doing for you on your behalf today, then, that’s a game changer. It is. And also to your relationship example, right? I view my relationship as a gift and opportunity for me to recognize what my triggers are. Right? If

Unknown Speaker 38:16
that’s a good one. Yes. Right. Your

Brandon Handley 38:18
triggers are what are my triggers? Right? Because if I’m, if I’m, you know, it goes to that, that little letter writing exercise I’m sure you’re familiar with, like, if I write you a letter, if I write a letter to someone that’s pissing me off, and blah, blah, blah, and all these things that are annoying me about them? That’s a reflection on myself. Right? Yes. Well, so the reverse is true, though, too. So if I write a letter of like, all the admirable traits, you know, those are the things I admire about myself, right? So I’ll catch myself in the relationship situation be like, Oh, my gosh, she doesn’t do those who didn’t do that? I’m like, neither did I. Right. Right. So so I just look at it as kind of like an opportunity for me to recognize what my triggers are. And that was a lesson for me, because and again, too, if we don’t address those triggers are the things that are always blown up in our face, they will always be there.

Shelley R Shearer 39:09
Yes. And they will always control you. So you will always be doing the neat what we like, like I like to call the knee jerk reaction versus the planned response. Where would you rather live that planned response or a knee jerk situation where your subconscious is controlling? I always love that analogy with the iceberg. And there’s the waterline, and here’s what everyone sees what we think is our reality, right? And then this is our subconscious, huge compared to up here.

Brandon Handley 39:37
Right? Right. So I mean, the video may not go out so I’m gonna just explain so you know, she, she just drew like, kind of a triangle and it’s literally only like, in 5% maybe on the top and 95% on the bottom, which, you know, I always we can accord to your conscious and your subconscious. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. So, um,

Unknown Speaker 39:58
you know, the

Brandon Handley 39:59
idea Spiritual dope is kind of like, we can get these spiritual, right we can get like these spiritual highs, right? Like it just like like, Oh man, I just feel like so filled with source and just filled with life. What where does that come for you like what are some of your spiritual highs? What are some of your spiritual dopes?

Shelley R Shearer 40:21
Definitely family and when I say that I’m married into an amazing family, and I have my granddaughter as well. And you know, it’s funny, you should just mention that. For some reason, it just popped into my mind growing up with the Bible, and the fact that you were two or more gathered together, the Bible says there will be also wood, you know what, that is actually a universal truth. And we see it every day and mob mentality, we thinking how does all those people get crazy and will because they became a group and the energy became a force of nature, the negativity that a few people were feeling, they surrounded themselves with it. So I remember my parents telling me growing up, he was very important to go to church on Sunday for that food. And I’m thinking as I got older, like, whatever. But actually, that is very true in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be church for you find the friends, I found my tribe, and especially my neighborhood. So when I got sick, and we were able to move up the street into a house that had rental suite, so we didn’t have to downsize was a gift, just a gift from God. And because these people, these ladies, especially in this neighborhood, and even the men, they’re our friends, they’re our support network. And where we are gathered together, there is positive energy. And there is thought and there is solutions talked about and not just gossip that we’re looking for. You need to make a decision and actively go search for that in your life. Now, if it’s going to church on Sundays, great, just don’t get involved in a lot of negativities everyone’s going to hell but you nonsense, because that’s really roughly not going to give you what you need. There are still reasons why people gather, right? Why there are powers in numbers because exponentially our energetic beings of ourselves or a field grow and feed off each other. That’s why kids and gangs run around doing bad things. And it gets worse. And the opposite is true. For sure.

Brandon Handley 42:16
I just finished reading on force versus power by Dr. David Hawkins. And he talks a little bit about this too. Like I mean, this is a you read about you read about people to spend time with Yogi’s, right and how they’re all just kind of sitting there and meditation and then all of a sudden, like they get that whatever happens right? They get that head of spiritual dope and like what, but he calls it it’s a vibrational entrainment. So like, if you guys are all hanging out vibrating at a certain level, then you guys are also increasing each other’s vibration.

Shelley R Shearer 42:48
Exactly. or something. I actively search for that in my life. Yeah,

Brandon Handley 42:53
yeah, no, absolutely. But I mean, that’s what they tell you to go find people that are beyond where you are today, right? go seek those people out. And for the people that are listening that like the woowoo stuff, that’s one of the reasons why is because you are in an entrainment field then. Right,

Shelley R Shearer 43:11
exactly.

Brandon Handley 43:12
How much fun is that? Like, I mean, it may make us right makes me and that’s and i think that i think that you know, again, this podcast is also geared towards like taking all this spiritual energy and applying it to a successful kind of business and place What would you say, you know, how have you taken like your spiritual energy and infused that to a more holistic business practice? I would say

Shelley R Shearer 43:41
I don’t think I will actually the simple answer that is I don’t think I could coach without it if I hadn’t made that choice and that change wouldn’t be coaching okay. I just wouldn’t be I was my old self is too logical to right or wrong to not self yes an ego but I was very independent and bit bit of a loner, and I still am to a certain extent I’m what they call an extroverted introvert. I need a lot of downtime to recover. And being I guess, being a bit of Pathak, I guess they call it people’s emotions affect me. And I really had to learn to protect myself while still giving back. So if I hadn’t come to some of those realizations, yeah, I would still just be doing accounting work and worrying about debits and credits, not about people’s well being.

Brandon Handley 44:27
Tell me tell me a tool or visualization or something you use to protect your energies. And I asked this because I don’t have that problem. Like I like I am. I’m not an MP, right. Like I like, I like people and I feel your emotions and we’re all cool, but like it doesn’t. I don’t feel it. Right. So but I do know people that experienced the same thing. So what do you do to protect your energy?

Unknown Speaker 44:58
Yeah. Oh,

Shelley R Shearer 44:59
that’s an interesting one. I have to be careful what I read and watch on TV for starters. Okay, very much so because it affects me, it affects my sleep and affects my thought patterns. I do take a lot of quiet downtime. And in fact, we’ll be going back, you know, we don’t wait up to our family’s home in penticton, which the Okanagan Valley here in BC, fruit wine country for us, that’s lovely. And we have a little house that I lived in as a child and has always stayed in the family. And I’m going to head back up there for a few weeks. Next month on my own, I want to do the outline for the book, because I just need to be out of the energetic field of sometimes all the chaos that’s even going on in my own home. Just people I’ve had students that live with us and get it done. And I do you need to just decompress a lot, watching what goes in my brain, I take it all on. And what I didn’t realize is when I was younger, one of the things about being my personality trait was amplified in this aspect, not realizing I had empathic abilities, in the fact that I just shut myself down, I built a really strong wall around myself, and didn’t let me out very often. Because they didn’t know how to protect that it was just I might as well have just, you know, stuck my heart out of my chest, lay there and let you poke needles at it. And it’s like, that’s just a bizarre visual. But that’s almost like what felt like to me. So now I work very hard at not over scheduling my days. And not being with people day in and day out. I cannot do that very hard to my husband who’s a true extrovert. But for me, people drain me they don’t charge me He is a full on. We’ve done this, this and this now let’s go to the after party because I’m gonna get you set up. I’m like, Oh my gosh, let

Brandon Handley 46:37
me go home to my bathtub. Definitely, definitely more the after party kind of guy. That’s okay. So

Shelley R Shearer 46:44
you’re the after party and kind of guy or not.

Brandon Handley 46:45
I am okay. At least I was right. Like, I mean, it’s been, you know, my whole journey has been, you know, just kind of letting go some of the things that didn’t serve me like so now I’ll shut down and be like, you know, if I’m in a fun man and party atmosphere, I’m like, nothing here for me go have fun. I’ll see you guys later. Right? Like, because I’d rather go watch Autobiography of a yoga

Shelley R Shearer 47:10
Yogi. Okay, you know what I mean? But that’s the big thing is recognizing it about yourself. So many people remove themselves from the situation without understanding why they’re doing it. The understanding of the motivation is

Brandon Handley 47:21
so important. I think that, you know, we could probably wrap it with with something like that, where you started off with that, right, recognizing where your emotion was coming from, which was being driven by a thought. And then not just recognizing that being able to transform that energy, right? It’s an immediate, it’s kind of like the old old school railroad tracks right here it comes to train the trains already gone. The beautiful thing about the train that we run and operate in our mind is that we can switch those tracks at any time.

Shelley R Shearer 47:53
Yes, exactly. So I’ve always loved the expression, like you say, to end this here, I’ve always loved the expression, it’s all in your mind. Because it is a full believer on that I believe in the placebo effect, I believe that we have the ability to change based on how we think about things. So really understanding what you need as an individual and taking that time, and not allowing people that don’t understand how paths work draining me all the time. That has been a godsend for me. And the big thing too, is that you cannot apologize for it, then quit apologizing to the world around you. That doesn’t understand. Like I say I’m married to an extrovert, full on and because I’m social social story, people always thought we were the same. But I need very, very different recovery tools than he does. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 48:41
was important to recognize. So thank you. That’s definitely some nice tools. I think for people that experienced that. Me on like a lead ball, like I don’t even know. Right. So and it’s that’s okay, too. So what, where can we send people to hang out with you? I mean, it’s been a ton of fun. I will keep going. But I have absolutely no,

Shelley R Shearer 49:00
I know we do. And we’re gonna we’ll do this again soon, I promise. And I’d love to have you as guest on my show as well, because I my listeners would just I have a very large male demographic of all i don’t know why but I do. And so they would just love they love it. When I do interviews. You can reach me anywhere at living well with shell that is the name of the Instagram page, the Facebook page, my email living well with Shell at gmail, the generic one. Anything living well with Shell, you will find me on social media.

Brandon Handley 49:24
Awesome. So thank you so much for coming on today. I really enjoyed it. Thank

Shelley R Shearer 49:27
you for having me. It’s been wonderful. We’ll see you soon. Absolutely. Excellent.

Unknown Speaker 49:32
Thanks for listening to the spiritual Dell. And thank you, Shelley, for being on the show. Spiritual dub. Be sure to follow us on Facebook and on our website does spiritual dope.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

Join us as we talk about how crystals actually function as a focal point for your energies… how you charge them up and how they can act as a filter for your energies.  

Also, learn a little bit about Leah’s story as she shares just how she found herself leading a life of spirituality and how the universe unfolded for her.

Leah Vanderlinden comes from a background of 17 years of hands-on experience working with youth and adults with mental illness, who suffered severe trauma, abuse, come from extreme poverty, and or have mental or developmental delays.


She has spent the past 17 plus years developing holistic strategies helping clients heal without having to relive their trauma.


She does this through her certifications in Breathwork, Inner Child Healing, Shamanic Journeying, Crystal and Reiki Therapy, Deeksha, Shadow Work, and through her experience in her field.
She has helped hundreds of clients excel beyond their wildest dreams.


She was also a published writer for a spiritual parenting column for three years.


She runs a spiritual internet-based community with close to 800 members called The Soulful Goddess, and a meditation channel on Youtube, and a motivational page on Facebook called Living Life With Leah.

 

 

Brandon Handley 0:00
4321 Hey there spiritual dope and thanks for tuning in I am on with Leah vandal van Vanderlinden. I never noticed the last part that was a Linden. So here’s what happens when you read things out loud. She comes from a background of 17 years of hands-on experience with youth and adults with mental illness who suffered severe trauma abuse and come from extreme poverty and or have a mental or developmental delays. She spent the past 17 years developing holistic strategies helping clients heal without having to relive their trauma. She does this through her certifications and breathwork inner child healing somatic journey crystal and Reiki therapy is a Reiki Reiki I mean, I don’t know right? Deep Dive we’ll talk about that deeksha , never heard it, Shadow Work and through her experience in her field, she’s helped hundreds of clients Excel beyond their wildest dreams. She has also published writer for a spiritual parenting column play three years And then she runs a spiritual internet-based community with close to 800 members called soulful goddess and meditation channel on YouTube and a motivational page called Living

 

Leah Vanderlinden 1:12
life with Leah. Leah. Thanks for coming on. That was a mouthful, wasn’t it? It was

Brandon Handley 1:17
sure I had to ask you. I should have right column play for three years is it or was it just a column column play?

Leah Vanderlinden 1:25
That’s called it writing air. Okay, I

Brandon Handley 1:27
was like I read earlier today and I saw that but so and here’s something that I think is kind of funny too. So for those of you that are 10 and Julie and I have known each other around three years now right, like kind of back and forth through Facebook and different communities. So you know, kind of got this running dialogue already gone. So that’s why it started off like this.

Unknown Speaker 1:52
The The one thing that

Brandon Handley 1:55
I like to start this off with is you know, I like to think That spirit God whatever the creator speaks through some right now we You and I are acting as like a conduit vessel, call it what you will to somebody out there that needs to hear this today. And my question is asking you what do they need to hear today?

Leah Vanderlinden 2:19
I think first and foremost is that they matter

Unknown Speaker 2:23
instead is their voice. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 2:30
I love it. It’s true, right? You do matter and and your voices. You’re given a voice and it’s kind of meant to be heard. Right? I saw somebody earlier today post, like, if you’re, if you’re, if you’re talking, you know, and you’re not listening, you’re not learning if I was like, Well, how do you ask the questions if you don’t open your mouth, right. I mean, you know, something, you know, but you’re giving a voice as opposed to use it right singing whatever. podcasting, you know, being on a stage Doing whatever and you always have to kind of enjoy. Life is life is a state right? So usually then the other part that I want to hit on was you writing the whole I want to make sure one little pauses for a second. Oh my god. So you were you shared your write up today with me. Right? And, and and you wrote you’re like I could keep going on I hate writing these things. And and I had, you know, Paresh was on my show, Jews want to reason episode pressure off and I did the same intro for him and he’s like, I hate it I hate like, you know that thing I feel like that’s like the I feel like that’s the entry thing for like my mom or like a business thing and, and you know,

Unknown Speaker 3:48
but

Brandon Handley 3:50
there’s so much that you’ve done to be proud of too, right? So like, why not kind of like, honor what is done right and just be like, you know what about us and I’m gonna keep writing this stuff out and tell somebody like do you have the shortened version of that right? Can we condense it? Or you know, okay, I’ll take it but the thing that my next question would be that and so you know what about a life resume or like how would you would you would use if you didn’t feel like it had to be a professional script about you what would you say about yourself

Leah Vanderlinden 4:26
I think long story short short would just be

I’m just a girl that refuses to give up Hmm, now I’ve been like I think almost all of us out there then given some times what would be labeled as a difficult you know deck of cards. I just continue to choose to keep reshuffling

Unknown Speaker 4:49
I love it a lot. No, that’s great.

Brandon Handley 4:50
That’s great. And I I did not know that you were so deep in like all these other spaces. I know. I know. We’ve been buddies for a while but I didn’t realize you bet. I had it for like 17 years, I didn’t realize you had all these certifications. And I just knew that you were somebody who’s in the crystals and saging and, and mermaid water.

Leah Vanderlinden 5:11
mermaid water. Right.

Brandon Handley 5:14
And so the gist of this podcast was like, you know, so you’ve been kind of doing a spiritual work, spiritually focused work for you would say seven the past 17 years then.

Leah Vanderlinden 5:26
Yes. Okay, that time I didn’t know that’s what it was called, you know, I just knew that I was in a field that was helping people. And people were trying so hard to help these clients, but the clients just weren’t getting results. And so I just wanted to like, I just felt like I was put there to find another way to help them if that makes sense. And at the time, I didn’t know this stuff was all quote unquote, spiritual, like journaling. Yeah, breathing was the way to calm people down and get them out of that moment. You know, and teach them that life is bigger than just that moment. Hmm,

Brandon Handley 6:09
yeah, no, that’s huge. That’s huge. Um, I love I love the idea of journaling and to kind of get your ideas out of your head and onto the paper before you to write. So it’s really just like a transplant of, is it still, in my mind? Was it on this piece of paper, and to kind of just really transfer quite literally not just write it out, but I want to transfer it like energetically to this piece of paper in front of me and out of my head.

Leah Vanderlinden 6:38
Right, exactly. It’s just a form of really thing.

Brandon Handley 6:41
And so you also bring up a great point and saying, you know, you don’t realize I think when you initiate your journey, that it’s a spiritual one. So when do you feel like you

Unknown Speaker 6:56
started calling it the spiritual journey spirit Your practice?

Leah Vanderlinden 7:02
You know, I think it was when when people labeled it that because I always just have had ever since I was a kid, I’ve just had this kind of greater note, like, I would say, greater knowing but this desire to connect to something bigger. And I always knew there was something bigger. But I always felt like it was outside of me. And I think when I, like started learning about spirituality, I think the biggest lightbulb moment for me was really realizing it was actually inside of me. And it wasn’t something I had to go search for as cheesy as that sounds. And they didn’t need to bring it to me either.

Brandon Handley 7:41
Oh, sure. And I love it. Right. So you don’t it doesn’t sound it only sounds cheesy if you haven’t had the experience. Right. And that’s, that’s a big part of it. Right? You’re like Alright, well, when you stop, pause, and you realize that all the cliches have like this huge impact here. Hey, it’s since it you deep within you, you’ve got to go with it. And you’re like, you’re like I just went within and it was empty bro. There was nothing there. Right? And that’s the person who’s not really there yet right? Or I was talking about my mom was always like, you got to practice your awareness. I was like, do you see me hitting any walls? see everybody out here right? But what she meant was like kind of this, this, this like inner awareness and so I can relate to when it sounded cheesy to now I’m like, Nah, you This is real. You got to pay attention, right?

Leah Vanderlinden 8:41
And the power of observation, hmm. like sitting back and not trying to dissect everything or always needing to know the answers but really just observing and seeing what that teaches you

Brandon Handley 8:55
a lot love it. So I like to call it like the business right like That’s just what it is. Right? That’s just the business about what’s going on around me. There’s no there’s no separation from anything that just simply is. And I’m not labeling anything. I’m not trying to put words to anything. I’m not trying to outline anything and it just is, right.

Unknown Speaker 9:18
Isn’t it business?

Unknown Speaker 9:24
The business

Unknown Speaker 9:33
is the business. So

Unknown Speaker 9:36
that’s funny. Uh huh. So

Brandon Handley 9:41
so you weren’t calling it spiritual until everybody else started calling spiritual. So the walk me through that.

Leah Vanderlinden 9:49
I would call it more searching like, I was just always like I said, I was just always kind of hungry to deeply connect and when I was little, I was blessed. That my my parents I wasn’t raised in a spiritual home or a religious home. But my parents gave me the gift of being able to choose that I wanted to go to church and I literally got to pick the religion and everything. Sure. What sold me was Vacation Bible School. They had a cute flyer and it said free snacks.

Brandon Handley 10:18
You know, we all like some free snacks, some Kool Aid and like, you know, some type of coffee cake and, you know, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like,

Leah Vanderlinden 10:28
little sandwich cookies, you know, I went and I remember being like, even that little being deeply intrigued by Oh, wow, there’s this person that will fully accept me. And all that I am and all that I’m not and love where I’m at. And then the more I went I got so confused because my Wow, wait a minute. Okay, they’re gonna love me, but I have to follow certain guidelines. those rules. Yeah. And if they don’t, if I don’t follow these guidelines, I’m gonna burn in hell. Mike, what’s up. And so I remember being really confused by a lot of the message. But I still felt that even amongst all that confusion, there was some truth in it. So I just was blessed that I, like I said that my parents gave me the freedom to continue to explore different face. And that led me to where I was about 18 I walked into what is called a metaphysical store.

Brandon Handley 11:32
Was it a Christian Science stop shop? Or was it like a Christian Science reading room? Or was it a metaphysical space? I mean,

Leah Vanderlinden 11:38
it was metaphysical. But to be honest, I didn’t know what that meant. I just, oh, there’s cute crystals and books about, you know, self acceptance and all and books about things I had never heard before.

Unknown Speaker 11:51
I mean, at age 18, okay.

Leah Vanderlinden 11:54
And so I remember being really drawn to just, you know, diving And learning things. And there was a crystal class at that time. And it was a crystal meditation. And so I, I’m like, super excited, and I bring my little yoga mat and I go in, and everybody’s laying down, you know. And next thing I know, they’re starting to chant, and I was like, oh, Lord, Jesus.

Unknown Speaker 12:20
I gotta go.

Leah Vanderlinden 12:23
I’m just trying to find God, I don’t have my full soul.

But I have to say, that I have never felt so free to make, you know, just by simply letting go and having no expectations, making weird sounds and breathing. And not really caring if I was judged in that moment, but more so seeing what this taught me, you know, kind of observation. And that is really what started the journey was going to that little meditation class. And there was like this light bulb. That went off like every Sunday. For years, I didn’t realize how much I went to church and depended on someone else to create a relationship for me with God. I would sit there and I would be moved by the pastor’s words I would show by their relationship with the Bible, their relationship to God. But I wasn’t really doing the work as much as I thought I was to be doing those things for me. And then when I started doing spirituality, I started doing that work and eliminating the middleman, if that makes sense.

Brandon Handley 13:32
Yeah, not me though. Like, I mean, so when you started doing the spirituality, what’s up mean?

Leah Vanderlinden 13:37
Meaning I started to see what God meant to me. And I started removing what all I’ve been taught, and started teaching myself meaning I learned to listen and not pray all the time with like a wish list. But more so pray to hear peanut butter, gonna need some

lovin marshmallow fluff.

But I craved more to hear and I started finding God through exercise and walking and just doing certain things. And that’s when I started hearing God louder. Like, God telling me why certain things happened. And it removed me from feeling like my life was against me, but instead My life was for me. Yeah, that’s the best, right? Yeah,

Brandon Handley 14:26
so that’s the coolest transition. I feel like you could really ever make that and what you’re saying here is that you’ve found God and everything that you were doing.

Leah Vanderlinden 14:37
Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 14:42
What’s that like?

Leah Vanderlinden 14:46
It’s like, freedom and surrender, you know?

Brandon Handley 14:53
To pick those two words apart too, right? Like cuz I mean, and not by picking apart but it’s always nice to kind of go deeper into those words and they really what they mean to you because surrender You know, it can mean different things at different times in life and you know, I can even just a few years back I was like surrender isn’t me and now I’m like surrender.

Unknown Speaker 15:17
Right? So, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 15:24
So you know what and freedom to like

Unknown Speaker 15:29
you know we start when you start messing with freedom freedom from what to do what right like why is why is this freedom so important to us? And again I feel like that’s something that we look for outside of us,

Unknown Speaker 15:47
which is like God

Brandon Handley 15:49
kind of inside of us right? So So yeah, tell me a little bit about those two words and what they mean to you in this context.

Leah Vanderlinden 15:57
Okay, freedom for me as a I’m not having to. So like I have to conform to create a connection. So in many ways no longer being a sheep, but and that, you know, becoming the shepherd online.

Unknown Speaker 16:15
Yasser Shepherd of my own life I like that I like that a lot

Unknown Speaker 16:28
you know, that’s right. I’m

Unknown Speaker 16:32
gonna get shut down. Have you gotten started?

Unknown Speaker 16:38
Then Then surrender. Yeah, yeah so when there’s a great word Tell me what it means for you now.

Leah Vanderlinden 16:47
For me it really is and I know I’m being repetitive but

Unknown Speaker 16:53
it would be my need to control and always know have to know everything Letting Go those mean letting surrender those moments to something outside of yourself. Yeah you call

Brandon Handley 17:06
it God do you call it like a university and what are your what’s your what’s your choice? Because I’m still kind of Alec Hartnett, right? Oh my god this one’s god This one’s universe. Mitch, right?

Unknown Speaker 17:19
Because yes, so are you calling What are you calling it

Leah Vanderlinden 17:23
you know I do the same thing I guess I’m gonna another car girl myself so like are so all go from source because I love that word that that to me makes a lot of sense. But there’s definitely days I say universe and not just what I’m in the mood for because it really to me is all pretty much the same thing. Sure.

Brandon Handley 17:44
Okay, interchangeable. So you’re surrendering your control to God, the universe, etc. Right? So I’m just saying.

Leah Vanderlinden 17:55
Yeah, and just

And Mike and my, my desire I guess to constantly control

like this, this need to always know the outcome. Yeah,

because that to me doesn’t really give God the universe source whatever you want to choose today the magical unicorn dragon, right? give God the freedom to actually do what we believe God is going to do if I am already, you know, have this preconceived idea how my life is going to play out. I have to surrender a little bit to say, Okay, this is what I want, but ultimately, you know, I have to be open to seeing how it’s gonna come.

Brandon Handley 18:42
No, I love that too. And I think I’ve tried tying that into I just did a podcast on vision, right? Like how in the end like your vision is kind of like the end goal result in everything you see coming through and foreign to you.

Unknown Speaker 18:58
And the Middle,

Unknown Speaker 19:00
it’s left up to God the universe to kind of help you manifest that, right. And

Brandon Handley 19:07
I think I’m hearing you say like, you know, I’ve got this desire, here’s how I see it happening. And this is the only track that I see happening, right. And the thing that happens is when we’re like, this is the only track I see happening. And that’s the only telling you’re looking down. That’s the only thing you’re able to see.

Unknown Speaker 19:23
Right? Because

Brandon Handley 19:25
you’ve got your mind set on, this is how it’s gonna happen. You won’t be open to all the other possibilities of how it’s happening for you. So I like to say, you know, you don’t have to know how it’s gonna happen, but look for the evidence that it is happening for you.

Leah Vanderlinden 19:41
Yeah, cuz if you think about it, I mean, that’s almost micromanaging God.

Unknown Speaker 19:45
I got no time.

Leah Vanderlinden 19:47
Yeah, I got to thinking, Okay, listen to me all the shit you want. I’m trying to give it to you like don’t tell me how to do it to look like

Brandon Handley 19:55
Lucy and Ethel all the chocolate conveyor right? With all your asks this is getting backed up.

Unknown Speaker 20:05
Let me do my thing.

Unknown Speaker 20:07
Like, you know when you’re with the kids, right they’re like, Can I get this? Like do you know what I’m doing right now?

Unknown Speaker 20:13
Right Can’t you see that I

Brandon Handley 20:14
am in process of providing the very thing that you’re asking me for. Right okay. So surrender and freedom I love I love kind of I love that I love that you brought those two words up surrenders been a newer one for me to accept into my vernacular, right? Like this word is not allowed. I’ll take it. I’ll take it. Let’s talk crystals and but let’s talk crystals. But before you do, right, I want to tell you a little bit of my recent thought on crystals. I thought, I don’t know anything about them aside from there they are. Right?

Unknown Speaker 20:52
Um, let’s start with a crystals are carbon

Unknown Speaker 20:58
right basically aren’t they carbon

Unknown Speaker 21:01
Pretty much

Unknown Speaker 21:02
Yeah, yeah. So

Unknown Speaker 21:04
work carving. Mm hmm.

Brandon Handley 21:07
What I love about crystals is that they are aligned structures that form over time in the same alignment over and over and over and over again that they’re, they’re so well aligned these layers that you can see through them and they formed like this kind of this awesome strengthened structure, right and they’re made of the exact same substance as us which is also a we carbon comes from stars, too. So I mean, that’s a new one for me, you know, so we are stars Stardust, quite literally but then these these crystals are just like, just like us, but just in this compressed

Unknown Speaker 21:49
you know, form

Unknown Speaker 21:50
and I love that. So I don’t know is that anywhere near? Kind of

Brandon Handley 21:58
how am I how am I doing my crystallization

Leah Vanderlinden 22:01
You would get like three gold stars if you were in my class.

Unknown Speaker 22:06
C suite.

Brandon Handley 22:09
Free snacks. Tell me what you got those. So I mean, so tell me about your attraction the crystals were and how you’re using them in your practices.

Leah Vanderlinden 22:19
Yeah, so I mean, like we were talking about earlier. And so the first time I actually just like, discovered crystals and purchased them a girlfriend and I, we were in high school. And we I think we got like a hobby lobby kind of thing. And I just thought they were pretty I didn’t understand that, you know, you could actually use them to system healing. And then after that meditation class I mentioned, I walked around that store and they had all these crystals and different bowls, and they were labeled what they can do, and I’m like, what, and I didn’t still really quite understand how they could do things to me. And then, one day, I just decide Added to, like, I’m like, if I’m going to use these and have these all over my house, I should actually figure out how they work. So, a crystal basically is kind of like a vessel that holds energy in many ways. And a lot of times how I like to explain to a client is that different crystals have different healing properties and they have different forms of energies in the that are held in that crystal, okay? So when you use those for healing, and you’re using them for meditation, they are just working with where you are low in energy and supplying it, you know, supplying the energy that you need to help get you back to the right level. So a lot of times when you walk into a crystal store, you don’t know how or why but you have this inner knowing, walk up to a crystal and you’re attracted to it. And then you start to read the little label and They’re like, wow, that’s exactly what I need. It’s like your energy recognizes somehow some way, the energy of the crystal and that you need it.

Unknown Speaker 24:13
So,

Brandon Handley 24:14
if I’m somebody who’s coming off the street, I’m like, that’s cool. So where’s it getting this energy from these crystals? Like, right? How is it stored and questions like that? Yeah.

Leah Vanderlinden 24:24
So a crystal is a lot like, I like to refer to it as it’s a lot like food because it has nutrients in it in many ways. So when we get fruit and we get vegetables, they were getting that energy from the sun. We’re getting it from the elements right from the energy of the moon, from the water from the soil, and the earth does this magnificent thing and create and allows us to have this piece of food, right? Well, crystals are the same way. Many of them are formed in caves and underground and seven water and so they’re getting all This high vibrational energy from source, right? All those things. And so it’s just like in many ways that food that you need that when you’re eating healthy, how you feel better. And it has like an orange has all this vibration to heal you and to give you an accident and make you feel better when you’re sick. Well crystals the same way it’s getting the energy from the earth, and very few of us do that anymore. Very few of us actually are getting that nutrients from food like we are meant to. Very few of us are getting it spiritually by praying, meditating like we’re meant to. And so when you interact with a crystal, in many ways, you’re just allowing yourself to get the nutrients that your soul needs. Now, it’s not this magical. Some people may may beg to disagree, but it’s not this magical thing that you’re going to hold. And it’s just going to do all that work for you. What is the programmable tool So when you pick up that crystal how it really is going to work and and amplify your healing as you’re setting the intention with combining it with spiritual work, or doing work.

Brandon Handley 26:14
Yeah, no. So look for any naysayer, right let’s let’s take a look at let’s take a look at sick look at watches quartz watches let’s take a look at radios. Look we’ll look at radios right so your radio your radio is um you know for us old heads that had like the tuni you know knob and dial and it wasn’t digital yet. The the making part of this up because I don’t know hundred percent. I’m pretty sure like there’s a electric coil around the courts inside the radio receiver. And what you’re doing is you’re tuning that crystal To a certain frequency through electromagnetic pulses, and that’s set to receive, right? And so you as a human, whether you like it or not, are an electromagnetic device, and should you choose so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say some of these crystals have, you know, properties that are tuned to certain frequencies that, you know, I’m sure somebody really felt like doing a study and saying, you know, Amethyst, you know, resonates at a certain vibration, that if you tune yourself to that resonance, you’re gonna get those healing vibrations that come from that crystal.

Leah Vanderlinden 27:41
That was freakin amazing. Thank you for saving me on that one. Yeah, no, that was absolutely perfect. And that’s exactly right. Right. And that’s when when you’re combining, you know, when you’re doing meditation and you’re focusing on healing your heart, and then you hold a crystal that has that vibration of a healthy heart. Passion, that same frequency, what you’re doing as you’re setting that intention and not in too many, in many ways to happen for you as well. I love it. Right. And so many things. I mean, even in medication like when when you think of zinc and you think of minerals, right? depression meds, I mean, crystals are linked back to that and even in the Bible, rubies, sapphires, all of that a lot like essential oils.

Unknown Speaker 28:28
It’ll cure everything.

Leah Vanderlinden 28:29
Well, I mean, raise your vibration,

Brandon Handley 28:31
right now teas on the essential oil. So So let’s talk about another thing that is kind of a and I want to I want to just kind of loop back in here too. So the big part of this podcast is, you know, how you lead spiritually for a more fulfilling life. Right? And part I want to just kind of went back, you know, part of what it was was, you know, you were already kind of leading this life. You were Looking you were seeking? At some point, it just kind of merged for you, right? You no longer separated your spiritual self from your everyday material self. Right? And you you you’ve found for you that it’s been more fulfilling, right for you. Is that fair to say?

Leah Vanderlinden 29:23
Yes. And

Brandon Handley 29:24
you’re having success with it in you know, I know you’ve got, you know, you have regular jobs, but you’ve also got, I want to say regular jobs. I’m talking like corporate america gig, right? But you’ve also got this other space where you can go and you teach and you help others to kind of unlock certain aspects of themselves. And there’s so much fulfillment in that for you. I’m imagining

Leah Vanderlinden 29:47
there really is.

Brandon Handley 29:48
Yeah. And so, you know, there’s practical application here too. So like we talked about the crystals. So like, you know, get it out of your head that like there’s a bunch of this woowoo Voodoo and take into account that there is science using these and and kind of make those links yourself right? Like how if this is being used like you said even the medications, right like how is it being used the medication? Is it the actual chemical? Or is it the bio makeup of like all the crust crystals that you’re ingesting? Who knows? I don’t know. I’m gonna throw that one out there though, right? God, you know, um, you know what, because literally when we when it kind of boils down to it, it’s a bunch of minerals or a bunch of salts, right? Which are a bunch of crystals and when you put them all together in a certain makeup, you know How’s that? What’s it doing? I don’t know. I’m not a scientist, but it doesn’t hurt to just kind of have those questions and wonder, right? They Well, you know, is there something to this? Is there something to

Unknown Speaker 30:52
tuning yourself right, let’s see what’s,

Unknown Speaker 30:55
what is the show?

Leah Vanderlinden 30:58
Okay, so yeah, so Deeksha is It’s called it’s a third eye awakening, it’s a third eye opening. And so a practice that a lot of people refer to as what’s called a oneness blessing giver. And it’s just where the person really tunes into the frequency of I’m opening the third eye and they just kind of they don’t physically touch you, they just basically send you all their energy over your third eye send you healing send you golden energy to just awaken and expand your awareness and your connection back to the connector. So it’s kind of like, I like to tell people it’s basically like putting windshield wipers on your third eye and closing out all the debris meaning all the mobile self talk and all the limiting beliefs.

Allow yourself to really just hear

Unknown Speaker 31:54
God I need a full on powerwash

Unknown Speaker 31:59
full on powerwash

Brandon Handley 32:02
Let’s, let’s talk. Let’s talk though like I mean, third eye, right? In this context, what are you saying when you say third eye?

Leah Vanderlinden 32:12
Yeah, so your third eye is. So what I’m referring to is an energy center, and that is the center in your body, where energy resides. And so most the time when we refer to that we’re talking about emotional energy. And so your lower region of your body, your lower chakra system, right? That’s all pretty much emotional based stuff. So that’s you’re talking about, like, maybe words that have been said to you, when you’re a child that are stuck there, that you’re going to respond to something or you’re in a relationship, you’re not sure why you’re reacting certain ways that might have suppressed emotions from memories that are related to trauma or related to an experience that changed you from that point forward. Another way, right? So all energy centers on the bottom are more emotional. However, once you get past the throat area, then you’ve got more spiritual centers. And these are the centers where we receive our intuition, our inner knowing our inner guidance, and we really receive those, you know those conversations with God. And when I or your energy center right in between the brow is clogged with all these past words that may, you know, be preventing you from actually hearing, then your what you think is your intuition. Thinking that’s leading you the right way that’s putting these people in your life or taking those people out. But that’s actually your emotions you haven’t healed, not your intuition.

Unknown Speaker 33:51
Interesting.

Leah Vanderlinden 33:52
When you work on meditating for an example, and you breathe, you literally let out those tracks. Emotions just like why people when they work out they’re like, God, I feel so much better. Sure. Yeah, right. Yeah, sure releasing endorphins and you’re creating new hormones in your body that you need, but you’re also breathing and you’re relieved by being out of breath. Right out that emotion, those suppressed emotions. So you when we’re talking about the third eye, we’re basically just talking about a storage unit. Where kind of God’s little golden nuggets come through are meant to come through Deeksha work you’re basically just cleaning it out so that you hear God and not hear stuff from your past you don’t need to be hearing.

Unknown Speaker 34:46
I like that. I like the idea.

Unknown Speaker 34:49
And

Brandon Handley 34:51
we would think like kind of like a piercing the veil or lifting the veil, right? We would think to like, I don’t know that different parts. To the brain so well but you know, you go from your, your lizard brain to your frontal cortex piece, right? So you go from being driven by your emotions and feeling things versus feeling those things and then taking kind of that snap moment to think, why am I feeling this thing? What is this thing that I’m feeling right? And actually processing it

Unknown Speaker 35:25
for a moment and being with that feeling,

Brandon Handley 35:29
right. I think that that to me sounds sounds a little bit like kind of like making that connection and, and helping clear out the frontal junk.

Unknown Speaker 35:39
But it also sounds a lot like, you know, we put the meditation together with NLP, right? Yeah. And so NLP

Brandon Handley 35:49
I don’t think was really designed, you know, to for Shadow Work and, and Deeksha and all that stuff. But when you when you combine it, you say that’s exactly what you’re doing. Right. So it’s real similar. Right, because it’s very heavily image and visual driven, right, which a lot of us don’t spend too much time because we’re spending so much time consuming content instead of closing our eyes and creating it with our own capabilities, right. And when you do the Deeksha work with somebody, you’re teaching them how to visualize how to get out of their own way, how to connect them with their creative source.

Leah Vanderlinden 36:26
Yeah, and connect them back to their body. So what’s really cool about the show or chakra work or crystals, right, is learning how powerful your body is. So when we were talking about the third eye, I also wanted to touch on this too. So not only does it connect you to your intuition, to your insight to your imagination, your concentration, your wisdom, and your perception. It also is connected to health things in your body, right so it’s also connected to your nose to yours. How will you hear others how Well, listen. And ironically, as weird as it sounds, your left eye, not your right, just your left eye like filthy. And it’s like if you have a lot of headaches, if you have sleeping problems, hormonal imbalance, sinus issues, that also is related to your third eye. And that’s when that means that you have neglected over the years, right to actually listen and honor that third eye and now it’s overcompensating and so because of that there’s a clog, or there’s like we said, debris in the powerwash.

Unknown Speaker 37:37
You know, not mess up. For sure.

Leah Vanderlinden 37:40
When center.

Brandon Handley 37:42
Well, you know, I’m still you know, I’m not I’m not real deep on my chakras either. And that’s okay.

Leah Vanderlinden 37:49
It’s another day.

Brandon Handley 37:50
That’s, I mean, that’s something that you know, I got a I’ve got a look at, it’s funny, I took a spiritual coaching course it was like all of like, 20 minutes long. But I was like, Really? I was like, but I did. I was like, but I did pay 10 bucks for it. So that’s cool. I got what I deserved for that one

Unknown Speaker 38:14
didn’t overpay I didn’t under pay.

Brandon Handley 38:17
But a big part of it. And I haven’t done this yet. And I’m sure that it will actually have an advantage. This is all like, in the course is like, here’s your seven chakras, like highlight each one now go study. I’m like, that’s it. That’s, that’s okay. I can do that. Huh? Okay. I’m telling you about it, but I’m not going to tell you about it.

Unknown Speaker 38:38
Sorry.

Brandon Handley 38:39
Sorry. The chakras. Sorry, cuz I gotta get into, um, you know, I think something pretty cool too is, you know, you just sent your son out. Now he’s, you know, off the bootcamp. raising a child, I think really draws that

Unknown Speaker 38:58
inner

Unknown Speaker 39:00
out of you.

Brandon Handley 39:01
Right whatever’s in there. That’s to me why I think they call children a blessing, right, like, because they’re gonna pull at your heartstrings and they’re gonna show you some things about yourself that you probably haven’t been paying attention to. Right, um, and all that, how do you feel like you’ve passed? I mean, he joined the military, right? So like, I’m really curious kind of how he, what, how, how you taught him, you know, what you’ve taught him and how he carries that as he goes into this position?

Leah Vanderlinden 39:36
Well, I would like to tell you, I taught him a whole bunch of things, but I think more than anything, he taught me a whole bunch of things. And he’s a big part of my spirituality, a lot of things that I thought I healed from, came up at different ages of his life for me, that I didn’t realize I still was holding. In other words, you

Unknown Speaker 39:58
know, give me one

Leah Vanderlinden 40:01
Just a rejection and judgment as a teenager. I didn’t realize how much I still carry that with, with feeling that same way from other teenagers when I hit and then when he does that, to me, it brings me right back, you know, to be felt like I’m a part of walking in the scene of Mean Girls. But he taught he just, he taught me different perspectives, and how to no matter how frustrated I’ve been or angry, I’ve gotten with him to find different ways to connect to him. When we’ve had brief periods where we have been deeply disconnected from each other, he’s taught me to just find a different approach to learn how to love him.

Yeah, I don’t even know how to say anything else.

Brandon Handley 41:01
Children, right really teach us kind of how to do unconditional love, right? If you didn’t know how to do it before.

Unknown Speaker 41:09
Children can help you learn how to love unconditionally, right? How to

Brandon Handley 41:18
release judgment how to you’re talking about, you know, surrender that control, right? Like, I’d really like it if you turn out like this type of thing and versus versus, you know, how can I help you with what you want, right? How can I help you with what you want from your life? And I think children need some guidance, obviously, like, you know, but if they’re so focused on this one thing, instead of keeping them away from it, how can I bring that closer to you so that a, you can either get tired of it faster, right? And find out that it’s not for you because the longer I hold it away from you, the more you want it, right? As a child and an assembly here, you know, have at it. And five minutes later usually they’re done with that type of thing. So now that’s yes powerful, right? Cuz I mean, look, that was another place that you and I connected years ago to was just when I was doing, you know, the fatherhood journey, you know, are there for the rest of us podcasts and we kind of have that in common just trying to work with parents and and

Unknown Speaker 42:21
keeping

Unknown Speaker 42:27
under.

Unknown Speaker 42:39
Back, you okay?

Brandon Handley 42:43
Man, but you know, so I love I love how children kind of our big play a big part, right. And I also think that you’ve been able to lead by example to by following your heart and showing them that would you say that’s been true for what you do?

Leah Vanderlinden 42:58
For sure. And I think what The things that I have tried to teach him more than anything is I haven’t ever, like, tried to sugarcoat that I have times where I screw up.

I’ve never tried to hide that from him.

And I also wanted him to see the vulnerability of what rough times bring you You know, I’ve been very vocal with him that there. The depression is something that I struggle with at times. And I want him to see that I’m always trying to find another way to help myself right.

Unknown Speaker 43:35
Be a jerk, but is there a crystal for that?

Leah Vanderlinden 43:38
There is actually I mean, there’s crystals to us. Sure that informs right so now one, the biggest one for me honestly, is when you mentioned earlier is clear quartz crystal, Master crystal and I’ll just hold that and sometimes I will just literally say like, God take the same anxiety from me. Feel like in my mind’s eye Feel like it goes into the crystal? And I’m sure out of my body.

Brandon Handley 44:04
Yes, what we’re talking about earlier, right, you know, the energy transference, you know, from inside, like you’ve talked, we talked about journaling, right? You know, transferring that energy or, you know, surrendering those aspects of yourself to

Unknown Speaker 44:20
a higher power, right, you know, um, you know,

Brandon Handley 44:25
was a couple of lines, you know, that it’s always like, I get my problems over to God, Jesus, take the wheel, all that stuff, right, you know, it’s just like, let’s something else, it’s a higher power take care of it sometimes. I’ll call it you know, just my subconscious, right? Well, because that’s the whole thing right here. It pumps my blood. It uh, you know, it grows my hair. It makes what I don’t know how it does it.

Unknown Speaker 44:50
What I’m doing, I’m done and don’t give don’t give it to me to handle.

Brandon Handley 44:55
Right. There’s something that knows way more than I do to can deal with it. Problem

Leah Vanderlinden 45:01
writer right in saying the other day I posted this the other day. You know when we’re when we become parents. Everyone tells us like oh, it takes a village takes a village takes a village. Couldn’t be more true. But for some reason as an adults, we have been given this like this illusion that we have to do it all alone. You know we should we should battle our depression alone we should do it in private we should do this alone. But these tools that we’re mentioning today, they’re a part of your village you know to help you heal. Crystal if you’re like struggling and see what it does I have physically when I’ve been in my darkest moments, I used to wear this little pink rose quartz crystal when I felt like I had barely any love left to give and it’s a little you know, literally like a little dragon pebble thing and I would put it in sorry Brandon but I put it in a brawl.

Brandon Handley 45:59
This is all that I got.

Unknown Speaker 46:02
Want to take it?

Leah Vanderlinden 46:05
And I would say to her before I would put it in there, I would say, you know, God show me different ways to love myself today, you know, some action. And it was crazy that within a few weeks of wearing that every day, how this pink crystals started to have literally like brown speckles and change color. And it was like the things from me that were not in alignment with what I was saying or being pulled out of me and pulled into this crystal,

Unknown Speaker 46:33
like a certain filter. So

Unknown Speaker 46:36
that’s trainable. I love it. No,

Brandon Handley 46:39
I mean, yeah, totally. Like, you know, it’s just it’s your son at the energy and you know, is said that you’re not necessarily even trying to send it to the universe, right? You’re like, here’s some things that I don’t want in me anymore. I want to love more. But I also don’t want to send that out to the universe. Take that from me, which isn’t serving me We’ll call that.

Leah Vanderlinden 47:01
Yeah, it’s like grounding. You know, when you go out and you take your shoes off and you ask what exactly what you just said, you asked that to be removed from you and put back into the earth or put back into, you know, give them back to the creator and you walk barefoot and you allow yourself to ground. That’s what you do with the crystals. And then you just make sure you cleanse them and charge them and then you can use them over again.

Unknown Speaker 47:22
I think that was a question too, like, you know, is there a recharging station? Is it like your iPad?

Brandon Handley 47:27
is low on this one, I’m gonna have to how do you do that? How’s that work?

Leah Vanderlinden 47:32
So back to this village, right that God that we’ve been so blessed to begin when we are talking about things that that help us, right. So the moon is one of those, the moon is very much like a human it goes and with different emotions. It’s very emotional, right? So you have different phases of the moon, that help with different things in your life. You’ve got certain moons that help you shed emotion you got certain moons that help you with manifestation with letting go different things like that. So depending on what it is you’re working on and healing on, you’ll want to charge those crystals in the window seal or you can charge them in soil outside during specific moons of what it is that you’re working on. That helps cleanse it. Putting it in soil, like I mentioned, helps ground it and cleanse it too. You can also use just like a very inexpensive, it’s called cell A night. And it kind of looks like a wand and is crystal and you just place them on top of there and it cleanses them as well.

Unknown Speaker 48:36
Love it. Love it.

Leah Vanderlinden 48:38
Just wanting a ton of energy. You can place them in the windowsill with the sun, but just be aware it’s gonna give you really intense energy. It’s different.

Brandon Handley 48:48
I think we need like you’re talking about the moon and all the different aspects we need. We need a calendar for that thing. Which I’m sure exists, right like this is the one that’s gonna be like all your emotions. Here’s the one that And here’s the one has just charted out for so we know to expect. So you also, you run a bunch of different courses sounds like you You do different courses with meditations around like once a month, give or take, is that is that right?

Leah Vanderlinden 49:19
Yeah, I’m always trying to think of new ways to just, you know, create ways to to help people connect back to themselves. And right now we’re doing just a meditation challenge each month. So we just spend 30 days doing different forms of meditation, and kind of introducing people to different styles. A lot of people think meditations one way and it’s just a Kumbaya, breathe in, breathe out. And I love teaching people that there are hundreds of different forms of meditation. You just got to find the one that works best for you.

Brandon Handley 49:52
Sure, sure. And so and I guess I have a question. Do you do some breath work with you do breath work on an individual basis? Is that correct?

Leah Vanderlinden 50:01
Yeah, I tend to like to do those more in a private setting as opposed to in a group I’ll do them when I teach at a yoga studio. I’ll do that because I’m there to physically guide them. But breathwork can be very intense when you’re working with a guide that person knows specific breathing techniques to breathe out that emotional kind of baggage that we were talking about with without you having to relive it. However, sometimes you don’t know what’s going to happen with that client they may have an outburst of crying hysterically or laughing and they don’t necessarily want to do that around a ton of other people.

Brandon Handley 50:41
No sound sounds it’s a very personal cuz there’s it’s an energy release. Right? I mean, and and sometimes you can be hysterics, right and it could be something that they haven’t felt for so long, right and it’s just a lot packed up. Fan a tiny little ball right there and just right. When, you know, so I know you’ve got the courses going, you’re doing the one on ones people should connect with you, I think that they should. Sounds like you’ve got a waitlist as well for some of your courses. But before we get that the one last thing I want to touch on with the breath work is

Unknown Speaker 51:23
when we get down to it, most of us don’t even know how to breathe correctly. So if we’ve jacked up that fundamental

Brandon Handley 51:35
thing that we do, and this may be one of the problems with allowing our subconscious to do so much for us, too. Right? Right. So let me just tell me a little bit about what will be a simple one that wouldn’t take a guide to be with them today, that they can work on breathing or breath work for themselves.

Leah Vanderlinden 51:57
Yeah, so a simple one would be

Oh goodness, I’m probably just like, I think people different people call it different things, but a lot of people will reference it for 680. Have you heard of that? So you’re breathing in for the count of four. Wait, hold on. I’m confusing myself. You read them for the count of four. Now, I’m confusing myself. Hold on fours, the middle.

Brandon Handley 52:23
I want to say fours the middle, I want to say fours the middle, I’ll be out here and we’ll just pretend like we’re present. Like I know what I’m talking about, too. So I think it’s 648.

Unknown Speaker 52:34
Yeah, but so the six is the

Brandon Handley 52:38
before is to kind of like pause in the middle of the breath. Right. Thank

Leah Vanderlinden 52:41
you. Yeah. And then release it for the count of eight.

Brandon Handley 52:44
Why do I release it for longer than I breathe it in.

Leah Vanderlinden 52:50
Because the longer that you release, the more you’re literally gonna release you’re going to release out of your body. So as important it is to learn how to inhale correctly. It’s really more important to learn how to excel correctly. Most people like you were talking about earlier, pretty. Amanda’s gonna make up a statistic. So it sounds important, but it is true. I mean, there’s like, I would say, honestly, at least 60 to 70% of people go around every day. And they are literally breathing in a stress related sponsor of breathing. They’re not breathing correctly. So they’re breathing more so through their chest, right, and they’re not breathing through their belly. And like, we’ve heard that famous line like people, when that happens when you’re breathing in a stress related breath, your body doesn’t know that how to decipher if like a bear is chasing you, right? Something like you’re stuck in traffic. Either way, your body’s producing that same amount of energy thinking that you’re in a fight or flight response. So much going almost all day breathing like that.

Brandon Handley 53:56
So you’re talking about, you know, die Frame breathing. I think I tried to label a diaphragm ik the other day and I got a read. But I’m gonna stick with it, you know, breathing from breathing with your diaphragm. And and you know, kind of dropping your center as well, right? And it’s like you’re saying you’re breathing from your chest, there’s always a tightness right here, your chest, and when you when and that also tightens up your arms and tightens up your neck and tightens up your shoulders, right. And so when you start breathing from the diaphragm, like Leah’s talking about here, you’re going to notice just a huge difference and you’ll have to catch yourself. I’m still working on it, right? This is totally like, within the past six months for me, but it feels so much better. I feel so much. I feel looser. I feel looser.

Leah Vanderlinden 54:53
And I’d read somewhere to that when you breathe out. It signals the body when you’re doing these Longer breath two signals to the body that, uh, that is safe. Exactly. It’s literally like a hug for your soul. Yeah. And so that’s my when I infuse it with inner child work because without even happening to, you’re telling the inner child that it’s safe, right? So let’s just let’s just take out and pretend that Leah didn’t say the 468 breath and breath that you could do is just say I’m breathing in through my belly. And a few moments like let’s say you’re writing, you know, you’re in your car and you’re going home for work. Just focus, turn the radio off and just focus on breathing your breath and our breathing and sending all your breath down to your belly. Exhale, and do seven of those sevens only the the you know, you only did seven that day. It’s better than nothing.

Unknown Speaker 55:51
dummy those videos to do it.

Brandon Handley 55:54
Yeah. So So you’d recommend people go out and look for some breathing exercises for you know, on diaphragm breathing and like, you know, us, and if we get the numbers wrong, you figured out it’s 6484468 at the end.

Unknown Speaker 56:17
So

Brandon Handley 56:19
I think those are I think those are important and you know, let’s wind it down here again. So, you know, you kind of fell into it, you aligned your spirituality, you accepted it as as a holistic way of life you find God and everything that you do. And you’re working as kind of, we didn’t really say like being anywhere in this pumps gonna say you’re working as kind of like being giving, you know, emanating your spiritual energy and living life that way. Does that sound about right? Yeah, I mean, because when you wake up and you’re doing that all day long, somebody might be like, well, don’t you ever get tired of that? Do you ever get tired of living that way?

Leah Vanderlinden 57:04
I definitely don’t. But what I will, full disclosure, what I do get tired of is this preconceived idea that once you live this way, that love that this life is just loving light and that love and light means conforming and saying yes to things you don’t want to do, or always being happy or always being a certain way. love of mine is learning what your boundaries are learning what moves your soul what connects you back to your connector, and living in your authenticity. It doesn’t have to look a certain way and it really isn’t always perfect. It’s just making sure that like your mom taught you. It’s just making sure that you’re back to being aware of what works for Brandon, what works for Leah, what works for you?

Brandon Handley 57:49
Yeah, no, I think it’s funny. I was thinking that as I came up here to to, to log us in right and start the conversation as I kicked like a two weeks away. He’s like, come on, man. I was like, is that really love light and peace? Right? And I was like it was in that moment.

Unknown Speaker 58:05
It was it had a calming,

Brandon Handley 58:08
calming. And it is a challenge though, right? To find kind of that medium and that happy medium. And, you know, there’s a book out there that I’m not a big fan of the first time I heard it clearly talks about kind of the pendulum right was this you know, also speaks to kind of, you know, the Bible talks about the way but also Buddhism you know, Chinese you know, the Dow the way is the middle way right there’s this there’s always going to be a kind of like a you know, what they always talk about polarization but there’s always just kind of like this middle way, you’re and you’re not always going to be on the center of that balance beam and it’s not always going to be perfect. Some days you can be like, full on spiritual, and then the other days you could be like, you’re gonna be like, not as much today.

Unknown Speaker 58:54
Much today.

Leah Vanderlinden 58:56
Spiritually, you know, that

Brandon Handley 59:00
Right so awesome so where Thank you first of all for coming on today I’m really I think I think I had fun with you behind here today we had a good time it was a good conversation. Um, where can I send people to find you know you to find out anything about ology got going on where’s the best place to go?

Leah Vanderlinden 59:20
We got seriously thanks for having me because I always say that you’re the the male version of me just a little bit better.

Unknown Speaker 59:26
Is this is the business let me

Unknown Speaker 59:31
know

Leah Vanderlinden 59:33
where you can find me so I honestly I don’t really have a lot of I don’t have Alexei I just kind of go off referrals but people can find me on Facebook, just Leah vanderlinden or my group is soul Goddess is open to women. And it’s just a spiritual community where we do we talk a lot like what we’re talking about today and we just talk about things that kind of off topic topics. Or you can find me on Facebook with living life.

Brandon Handley 1:00:02
Yeah. Okay, awesome. Well, I’ll share that out with everybody and thanks for being on.

Leah Vanderlinden 1:00:08
Thank you so much. Bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Photo of Steven

Join me as I catch up with my coaching friend Steven Mills.

Steven & I spent quite a bit of time together a couple of years back as I was beginning to coach and he was a coaches coach…

After catching up with him, I felt I could detect a bit of a Heroes Journey… a spiritual tale as it were within him and invited him to share on this podcast.

I am a loving father to my daughter Evanna; I was born in
Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland and live in Glasgow, Scotland today.Ok a
little bit about me then, at the young age of 16 I joined the British
Army in 1998 and served for six years with two operational tours of
Iraq and Kosovo. I left in 2004 to begin my transition back into civilian
life.
This transition was challenging for me, and in the years that followed, I
resorted to alcoholism and anti-depressants, Living from a place of stress and Anxiety, Failed relationships, jumping from job to job, never really settling down or finding peace. I suppressed a lot of childhood trauma that would bite me in the bum later in life that stemmed from emotional neglect, physical and verbal abuse.
This was one of the main reasons I joined the forces to run away from this,
this wasn’t the answer as I found out the hard way later in life. The transition was a real rollercoaster ride for me, without the support I was used to in the army, life had its challenges, with uncertainty and no purpose to where my life was heading.
I got lost in a trail of destruction which impacted my health, finances,
relationships with friends and family and I had no hope and a feeling of
emptiness and hurt. Eight years of going round in circles, frustration, feeling useless, no peace and continuously busy, destroying a lot of relationships, emotional and spiritual health issues, and much more I decided to enough was enough, it was time for a change.
Through this process, I have gained so many transformational insights into
destructive patterns of not only my behaviors, habits, attitudes, and beliefs
but of others around me too. This has been an ongoing journey.
Moving beyond this season of life influenced me to evaluate my future, and take this vision for my life today, to facilitate and coach as many people who
were in my position as I am physically possible to overcome the common fears, blockages, limitations in order to heal and have a transformation in your life as I have, if I can do it, so can you.

Brandon Handley 0:02
4321 Hey there. This is Brandon Handley. I am on with Steven Mills, who’s a coach and mentor, men’s life coach, trauma recovery coach, online trainer, who’s currently just recently founded. Core coaching business Academy is also the founder of social enterprise core connections, coaching and training. He’s a experienced men’s coach. And he’s got over seven years experience in the coaching a personal development industry. He’s a loving father. He’s from Scotland, I don’t even know how to pronounce where you’re from. So I didn’t even try except for Glasgow, which, you know, that’s where you are right now. joined the military at the young age of 16. And you serve for six years there, two operational tours of Iraq and Kosovo. And this is when you left in 2004 To begin a transaction, transit efficient back into civilian life, and you were kind of that was kind of a challenge, from what I understand he resorted to alcoholism and depressants, living in a place of stress and anxiety. Not really being able to settle down and kind of seems like that stemmed from emotional, black, physical and verbal abuse. And and, you know, throughout all this, you know, you started to find your own path, right, you start to find your own path and you hooked on to coaching and others you’ve over the years, you know, I know you’re passionate about coaching, that’s how you and I met you, you helped build the coaching community, you’ve been a mentor and a trainer to that and more recently, as you and I reconnected, you told me that you know, you’ve gone through and I hope this is okay to share, because I know I didn’t ask, but you know, you’ve had some more therapy over the past year. Seems like you may have had some kind of struggles in, in getting past this kind of like invisible barrier threshold, right that you felt like something was holding you back. And you spent some time work more time work on yourself. And a Pac Man, it seems with a fierceness as it were, as I like to say, right. So, you know, welcome. Thanks, Steven, for coming on today. And thanks for reaching out to me just to say, Hey, I’m sure you probably didn’t have a podcast in mind when you said hey, Brandon, what’s going on? But after hearing your story, I felt like it was something that fit with what we’re doing here. Well, what I love to do is I love to start these off with like, you know, one or two things right? What is something that I can help you celebrate today? Or you know, what is is like spiritual dope, right? Like is the name of the podcast so what’s like, your most recent spiritual high if you could qualify?

Steven Mills 3:00
And then probably place off NRP. So what’s took about our journey, it took a lot of years to find that went around in circles and, you know, kept living and old patterns and dealing with childhood trauma, which was overpowered, and on me it’s like a dark cloud over my head. And there was a lot of toxic shame in there that I used to live by. And I call them sub hub and a lot of self pity parties. So from going through that journey of healing from trauma, over a 12 month period, and really get into the trenches and do and be able to look the past and a deeper level than I have ever done before. And I was able to find that place off and a piece. So I guess that in our piece, you know, call it spirituality, call it whatever faith in that place at peace. I think we all want to find that in life. We all want to find that inner peace Inner Peace Center brings so much Joy brings so much, you know, you feel that sense of you’re okay, you’re settled yet there’s no you don’t have to worry about the future. You don’t have to think about the back of the past too much, but actually just loving more and know if you like and I know that’s probably a cliche to say loving on the note but actually, it’s achievable. And it takes a lot of work by took me a lot of work to get there. But knowing the work of dead you know, I would always encourage anyone out there that’s maybe going through things from the past as to really engage with that and be able to look at because you have a choice right or look at or we look away, we can look away and I for years, I looked away I denied I suppressed I didn’t really address it properly. And then it came out like a volcano feel like it was like a volcano effect that just blew up. And just like fireworks go all over the place with Emma was my favorite Whole body. So finding that inner peace has been a big revelation for me. And it’s allowed me to slow down. And everything I do know, because I believe slowing down as the best slowing down solves most problems. If we’re able to find a place and a peace and slow down in life, we’re able to see things from a different perspective. And we become more patient and much more welcomed set of choices. And that’s been a big revelation for me a big breakthrough moment. I feel like a big aha moment. It’s really changed my my life and many ways. And this allowed me just to follow my intuition, follow my gut and follow what’s what I’m truly passionate about and, and find my purpose if that’s what you want to call it. Your mission in life, your vision, all these things. So yeah.

Brandon Handley 5:53
man you got you got a lot in there, right. One of the things a few of the things that that you’ve gotten, there is The acceptance of you know what I think a lot of people call the shadow self, right? Or the darkness in themselves, or whatever you want to call it. But you know, by facing that pain instead of and welcoming it and seeing what it had to teach you, in your life sounds like one of the things that you’ve done there. And it also sounds like you know, the whole being the now thing. While it may sound cliche, it’s very much so when the student is ready, the master will appear right? And that’s when all of a sudden, it sounds like you’re finding all these cliches have some place in reality, and you’re like, man, I really did I just did I just say being the now did I just say find inner peace and everything will be okay. Yeah, I did. And the other part in there too is when you find here, those you Hear that chirping in the background? I’ve got chickens in my bathroom. Who knew that?

Unknown Speaker 7:09
little chicks in there? Yeah.

Brandon Handley 7:11
I always make fun of myself to those five chicks in my bathroom, but not what you’re thinking. Um, and then, and then when, you know, you find that inner peace and this is a line that I heard from Bob Proctor finally, finally made some sense. It was like, I don’t need to slow down.

Unknown Speaker 7:30
I need to calm down.

Brandon Handley 7:32
Right? I don’t need to be excited because when something’s excited that that’s an indicator of your molech Moloch. You know, molecular level, bouncing around too fast. This excited. There’s lots of energy there, but it’s not focused energy. Right. And it’s not calm and to your point, thoughtful energy, you know when you can pause in that intercom if you’re not worried or thinking about yesterday and if you’re not concerned, worried about tomorrow, you can focus on today and what’s right

Unknown Speaker 8:04
in front of you.

Brandon Handley 8:08
In a sense of calm, right, like you said, Take a breath, think about what’s right in this situation, think about what you should do right here and now versus this kind of react. And like I said, this excited motion, this excited motion says what? Oh, that’s there. We got to go do this. This is what I know to do. We’re gonna hop right to it.

Unknown Speaker 8:29
Right, that’s not it.

Brandon Handley 8:31
And that’s what you found. So I love it, man. That’s, that’s something to celebrate, for sure. And I think that that’s also where we’ve, I’m sure heard it all throughout time while you’re growing up, you know, you’re the sum of all the choices that you make. Right? And, and you see now the power of choice. The power of choice is in that call moment that you’re talking about. Got that all kind of sum it up all right for you my caption.

Steven Mills 9:04
Choice is quite a big thing. I mean, we all have, we all have choice choices every day. And certainly we make and how we live our lives and what we do as a career, what we do in relationships, we all have a choice to respond in a way that’s, you know, whatever way you want to respond and respond from a place of fear or we can respond from a place of love. We can respond from a place of, you know, calmness, whereas more well considered, or we can respond emotionally and a reaction. And it’s just, you know, having that knowing that we’ve got that free will to choose how we live is very important. And it’s only through my experience of healing, that I found a place to choose more effectively. The biggest thing I learned through healing from trauma was you to feel as real before you suppress all the feelings of denial, but if you can set with these feelings as hard as they may be It’s, it’s the best way to heal as I lower it just to be and to release because emotions, emotions need to move. They’re not they’re not they’re just temporary they have to move. You know, if you think of emotions come from a Latin word emotive, you know, as moving as a movement, emotions need to move. And a lot of us struggle with dealing with the hard emotions, the the tension, the shoulders, the butterflies, the stomach, the anxiety that may come through pain. And there’s one of the biggest things I had to learn it was just stuff set, still allow it to come and go, allow it just to be and release it through different ways like breathing. I used to write about a lot. So I journal I write a lot about my domain recovery. I would write a lot of it and release it through writing, how I was feeling because a lot of us don’t really engage with our definite emotions, a lot of us tend to only know a few, a handful of emotions, but actually, if you look at not the definitely, I have all the different emotions, that is, it’s probably 50 4050 emotions, that we can all go through another and it’s been aware of all them. And it’s allowing them to come into your life and leave your life and we’re, you know, we can react emotionally or we could just set with them. And his biggest thing out loud was just, I like the phrase to feel as real, to feel as real and life to just set with the feelings, no matter how hard to make beat do that. And that took a lot of practice for me. It took a lot of practice. And as I was going through my healing journey, because when you start delving into this, the dark shadow as you may call it, Brandon and we start looking into, you know, what’s really going on deep down and and maybe some past, you know, trauma that really has hard it can be definitely To face up to them and that’s where trauma can drive that addictions it can drive you know, relationship behaviors, it can, you know, just behaviors that maybe not, you know, healthy in a relationship it can drive all sorts of different behavior or patterns. And and unless we’re in a weird on, we’re never able to address them fully and actually be mindful of how we have been for our last domain for some of their patterns or habits and we have come from because these patterns and habits and sometimes creep up on us and be unhealthy but it could come from past traumas and and this is why I’m really passionate about trauma awareness and helping people with trauma and relationships because, you know, economically be that partner that’s where someone with trauma doesn’t see what the you know, the where these behaviors are coming from. They just actually react to the behavior and start Should I that’s not good. I’m you. You’ve just been angry to me for Reason, but the anger could be coming from past arch. You know, the anger comes from past hearts really, I mean, behind anger, there’s always pain.

Brandon Handley 13:10
So I believe 100% 100%. So again, you know, a lot a lot in there. Right. And I think that to hit it off with what you’ve discovered is something that I would assert is that Western civilization, you know, European civilization has been taught very poorly about their emotions, which is something that sounds like you found, right? You said you knew of like, maybe four or five, and it’s like, all right, well, you’ve come across another 30 or 50. Right, and you’re journaling and you’re dealing with them and you’re sitting with them and you’re learning about your emotions. What are something you know, what are some other tools that you know, how did you how did you learn? You know, what would you tell me if I wanted to learn What these other 25 to 45 emotions are that I may not be aware about right. And then what are some other tools? You talked about journaling, right? As one of your big ones, what are some other tools that I can use to identify and deal with my emotions? And again, learn what some of these other ones are? Because I know anger. I mean, right? Like, How old’s your daughter? Six, six. So you’ve probably watched it the Disney one right? Inside Out, have you watched it? All right. So I mean, those are like those, like the five emotions we know. We know like, anger, joy, happy, you know, sadness. And then like, you know, the the the other guy, right? So yeah, walk us through a little bit of that, right? We’re learning

Steven Mills 14:46
about having the art of, I call it the art of curiosity. So it’s been it’s always it’s always been curious of what’s going on. Not you know, not just mentally but physically. How is the emotions of affect us physically as well as mentally? Because a lot of us focus on that just a reaction more than I’m gonna interrupt just one sec.

Brandon Handley 15:08
I’m going to as what would you because I see I see a pathway going down right now how about what if I asked you this question What about how are you teaching your daughter to identify emotions and deal with them when she said she went, which when she grows up she’s able to to do what your it took you 30 some odd years to do. Right? How would you teach her to

Steven Mills 15:31
teach her the moment as I am? Get off to draw how she’s feeling? I get to draw and expressions of how do you feel a foreigner? How do you feel right now? Can you draw me an emoji? Or can you draw me a sample emojis and can be okay, can you also draw me a picture of how you’re feeling right now? And also teacher to it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let your emotions out and the best wishes Sometimes it’s okay to cry. Daddy sometimes cries. And it’s okay. I mean, a lot of us don’t like to admit, we cry, especially men, we don’t like to admit that we have, we would like to see it be seen that we’ve got all together. But actually, if we allow it just the floor, sometimes the best release of emotions is through trial through 11. The tears to flow aluminum f meet hard not to change suppress them, but just allow them to flow. It’s like a rubber bashes canal here, right? I fit in a river, the lava flows, right. Yeah. So So

Brandon Handley 16:32
yeah, a big part of it, though, is again going back to kind of like that Western civilization part is that, you know, we’ve been taught to control our emotions. Right. And as especially as men control your emotions, you know, don’t let your emotions run you. Yeah, which is true, right, which is where we get to this point in kind of your stories set with your emotions, understand your emotions. make a conscious choice off of your emotions, don’t react. Tear emotions, which is very hard to deliver to a young child because again we hear Don’t let your emotions control you which translates to a child is an adult so your emotion so it sounds to me like you’re you’re you’re you’re helping her to identify them. You’re helping her to allow her to express them. You know, tears is one way art is another right How can you translate, translate those emotions, identify them and share them. Awesome. I love that. Yeah, a little bit more. Go ahead. Sorry.

Unknown Speaker 17:35
Yeah, interrupt.

Steven Mills 17:36
No, no, it’s cool as cool as you know, emotions are right and society we’re not taught how to express them. We you know, and a lot of time has grown men don’t try comes to me and I you know, man up and get yourself together. We you know, all these phases talk to young men and you know, don’t you can’t we you know, you can’t be seen to cry because that’s, you’d actually be shown a weakness but See it. The opposite is that’s the strength as a strength to show your weaknesses. It’s a strength to show your vulnerability at times. And it’s a sense of speech was meant to be a vulnerable, and sometimes to show that we have pain and allow the tears to flow, because it’s much more powerful and showing the vulnerabilities. Now, teaching children that as I feel is really important for white parents. I’ll say stop crying, don’t cry, just get on with it. Come on, yeah, you’ll be fine. You, but sometimes it’s about being patient. And, you know, 11 the children just to, to kick off and allow them to be angry. Because if you try and stop lying God, you’re gonna, you’re gonna just flare even more. Whereas if you just allow it to, I, you know, and it’s about, I see that you’re angry. I see that you’re frustrated, and that’s okay. Because in life, sometimes we get frustrated and we get angry and I’m not going to hold against you. Allow it to just release it, allow it to come out. Because of you, there’s another statement I grew up with, and that was, children should, you know, shouldn’t be heard, should be seen but not heard. And something’s allowing children to be held by allowing them to release that anger, or at least start excitement, release of tears. And it’s about just helping them become aware of that. as we as we go. because more people, more children become aware of their emotions, the better they’re going to be equipped going in the adulthood. When disappointments come when things come that show up in life that causes on pain. After then aware of what’s called going on, then there’s no better place to respond, and then to deal with it. And this helps with self care. And it helps with managing expectations as the drawn toddlerhood so for me, not at score, export and just explore your emotions be widdle Take a look at you know, the stuff that works as I’ve said, there’s frustration, there’s anger, I’m happy and fulfilled. I, you know, I’m agitated. I, there’s definitely words and there’s different ways we can describe how our emotions put the quotes gone and our physical body what’s going on with their emotions mentally, what’s going on, Anders, the more we can slow. This is our lambda the last 18 months and it’s the more we can just be patient and show yourself that bat grace and self compassion, compassion as an important ingredients when it comes to and keeping up you know, being being okay with ourselves and being okay with our own skin. And part of my healing journey was shown that compassion because as I see a lot of machine, and when shames around us like a dark cloud over here, but if you start being compassionate to the max, and that’s the antidote for shame and compassion, as something again, we’re not really shown too much when we’re growing up. We’re not sure how to be that sure sure that self compassion, you know, love yourself became to yourself that self kindness because a lot of think all of us Eagle, no it’s not about Eagle it’s about more about forget about the eagle. It’s about fetal kidney on skin being your ability to love yourself and show yourself that kindness and forgiveness even when you make a mistake. But some kids grew up trying to be perfect because their kids the parents have these expectations on them. That’s just jackal with expectations check with the mom to be perfect it’s about allowing them to show that it’s okay to make mistakes. So kill them and show that self coke self compassion is something that I know I love to help out with when I’m coaching and when I’m helping them find that place to show themselves that back crease and just come on. Tricia flat little bit several passionate because the more we can learn that Assaf compassion, because as an art, and it’s something we need to practice, because we’re a lot of people are showing this growing up to short self compassion. So it’s almost like unlearning what was learned as grown up?

Brandon Handley 22:14
And you know, that’s 100% 100%

Steven Mills 22:17
the

Unknown Speaker 22:19
year it looked

Brandon Handley 22:19
at the idea of that self compassion. The idea of learning that again for yourself, like you just said there at the end to having to unlearn everything that you you learned while you’re growing up is something that you know, Alan Watts talks to quite a bit not sure if you ever listen to him, just kind of a beatnik type, you know, back in the day talking about different comparative religions, right. But he talks about it in the sense of like salted meat, right, you know, you salt it to cure it, but like before you can eat it, you have to put it in the water and desalinate it, right. You have to, you have to, you have to make it so that it can be Music but uh, you know, that’s what I think of, you know, when you say that line, right? Just because that was kind of the first time I’d ever really understood or heard it. You also talk about, like, you know, look, the grace, right? To me, that’s a super powerful word. Because again, we talked before we got started here, the kind of the gist of this is, you know, kind of the, you know, the spirituality, inner sense of self right. And when you look up the word grace, that’s the, I think called, like, divine power. Right? And, and really, divinity is again, talks about the inside of you what’s inside of you, right? That’s divine, who you are, is divine. And when you accept like divine, when you accept grace, who you’re accepting of power that, you know, it’s just like, allows you to be in that place that you’ve been talking about that, that gets part of what gives you that

Steven Mills 23:59
sense of calm.

Brandon Handley 24:00
The sense of inner peace that’s grace when you when you discover that for yourself that’s man you can you can’t I mean, I haven’t tried but you could walk on water, that kind of thing, right i mean that’s the kind of thing we’re talking about. And and it really seems to me like you found it right seems to me like you found this space and you’re really leaning into it.

Unknown Speaker 24:22
And, and you’re using it

Brandon Handley 24:25
to fuel your life and your success and your career right now with your next coaching place, right and I’ve got it right here in front of me too, is like, you aim to help people discover their peace, so they can find their passion and purpose so they can fulfill their life goals and dreams. Right now, I would go so far as to say what you’re trying to do. You know, this is and this is again, my perspective kind of coming from the coaching space as well is you’re trying to Find people how to become aware of their own emotions, how they can find that grace within themselves. So they can, you know, accept themselves as who they are. And you talk about, you know, teaching kids how to accept themselves at an early age, as you and I are doing as fathers. I know that my son, and I think that, you know, they look at numbers like he’ll come home and he’ll say, I only got five wrong. I’m like, Well, how many did you get? Right? Tell me how many you got? Right, right. Let’s celebrate your wins, man. It’s okay to celebrate. You know, you got 15 right? That’s awesome, dude. It’s awesome. I always break down like, I’ll break down a baseball batting average form, right? I’m not sure how big you are and American baseball over there. But if you if your batting average is 25%

Unknown Speaker 25:46
you’re actually not bad.

Brandon Handley 25:48
That’s pretty good. You get to 35% journalist, a hero, okay. And so it’s really it’s not about those numbers. It’s about how you feel about what you’ve done. Did you bring it? Did you bring your best game? Did you did you prepare yourself for for this particular situation? And I’ll even loop in jujitsu with him too because he’s in Jiu Jitsu and I’ll say, all right, well, you know, you learn more from your losses than you do from your wins because you know, your wins this mean that like you, you may train a little bit more than the other guy. But if you lose, you can see where your deficiencies are, you can see what you need to work on. Right But, but come out of there being strong, like you’re saying, show yourself compassion, and learn, learn about all of that, that you can. And I think that sounds to me, too, like you’re teaching your daughter to these things, right? You’re teaching them as you’re learning them to do Am I getting? Am I getting this all right for you? Or am I missing anything?

Steven Mills 26:51
Yeah, yeah, that’s it. I mean, Greece as powerful graces really, you know, when you’ve got grace that takes away any guilt Grace is the antidote to guilt here. If you say

Brandon Handley 27:03
that’s right, you said the antidote, the antidote, the antidote, hey, I will not interrupt the antidote to shame, right was compassion, right? I love that line man, the antidote. I love that line. So I mean, that’s gonna be, that’s gonna be a tweet, you just wait for that one.

Steven Mills 27:18
Cool, that’s fine. You’re getting a ticket ticket that said this was before. And, and grace is added to it to go. Because when you’ve got grace, there’s no room for guilt, when you’re able to just show yourself that that forgiveness for grace. Grace for me means that you’re forgiven towards yourself, and Jana placed off, not being hard on yourself. You have been better on your shelf and grace just once famously, is a great ingredients that works well with compassion. And then if you’ve got grace and compassion, then it’s only going to bring patience. You’re able to show much more patience with others, you’re able to show much, much more grace with a lot of because you’ve given it to yourself. And when you’re in that place of patience, and you’ve noticed fixations, then you have not attached to the outcomes, all the results in your life tell you not to their results, and when you’re not attached to the outcomes and results, and not bring space. Again, spiritual. No,

Brandon Handley 28:14
absolutely. I mean, I mean, that’s, that’s the whole gist of it, right? Like, it’s and you know, that talks to Buddhism, right? To me it talks to Buddhism. See, it’s the, the attachment to the desired outcomes. Right? That’s right, that brings suffering, right, because you get to the point of, well, it’s got to turn out this way. And if it doesn’t turn out this way, I’m gonna be pissed and what was me life’s Right. Yeah. What you’re saying though, is let go of those outcomes. Have some faith in it? Yeah, absolutely. 100%. Man, there’s a little bit of there’s a little bit of there’s a little bit of spirituality in that. Let’s talk about, let’s talk about, you know, this past. It says you said about 18 months about therapy. I want to talk a little bit a bit about The difference between especially you being a coach a little bit of difference between what therapy is and and what coaching is right and and and, you know, kind of when to use both.

Steven Mills 29:16
So therapy for me, I was definitely journey altogether and I learned a lot along the process and for me, it was a longer process than I would normally find coaching. So for me therapy as delving a lot into, you know, a lot of that deeper work. So, you know, not seeing the course and capable deep part but for therapy depends on what kind of therapy you go down. There’s different tapes and different modalities, but for me therapy is about really jumping into the trench and delving into some of the past traumas that maybe affect who we are today. And and if you’re not aware of this, it could really check out Cochin another hand a lot of it as progress. It’s about setting goals and moving forward in your life coaching, you may not even get past this much. But if you can find a hybrid of coaching and therapy together, then you’re finding the sweet spot. So a lot of the work I’m doing with trauma recovery coaching, as a hybrid between coaching and therapy. So as as given, it’s been therapeutic, and it’s so low in space and given silence and less than, but at the same time asking the right questions that allows the individual to explore. So for me therapy was, it was an eye opener I learned so much about myself, I said, I learned so much about my behaviors, about habits and patterns turned up in my life today. And I learned more about toxic shame hoshin was overshadowing everything I’ve done in my life and allow around our wars for others. And how are we keep everyone that that’s obviously good at keeping people at arm’s length And not allowing them and to affect my emotions are not alone. They’re meant to. So I was very, I struggled to show up and vulnerable at times. And it was me learning how to be vulnerable and actually be completely honest, on a heart level, rather than my head level, just trying to tell people where they want to hear or so I showed up more vulnerable than I’ve ever done in my life. No therapy. At that age, the route I went was CRM, which is like compare comprehensive resource model. And it’s about it’s almost like there’s about Shimano humanism and now, and it’s about it’s about shamanism and not therapy. It’s very much similar. And there’s also a hypnosis so it’s about a hybrid between CRM a new model, now not like people will know about it was developed by an American woman, and Lisa Swann. And she, she developed this model, comprehensive resource model, and it’s very especially specialist especially in trauma. It’s a very very effective and modality for clearing trauma and it is quite safe it’s a safe way of doing it and it’s it’s more prolonged it’s more of a preparation and get into that place where you’re mindful and you know allowing yourself to go back into some of the memories not really experienced none but remembering them. So you’re unable to distill at least them so you know, living these memories to come off maybe abuse or these memories of you know, past things that happened and what that were that stuff actually to deal is just given that space, silly some and I’ve done a lot of work in that. It was fair therapy every week for 14 months and tall and saw caution. If you look at coaching, how is that different? coaching you might not be sometimes not, not not you may not go quality coaching for that length of time. You may only be coaching for some time. Six weeks or 12 weeks or three months or six months, but euro, and there’s nothing to have, like a hybrid between coaching and therapy, and actually bring both together. So what I’ve done know, is what I’m doing from an acoustic portion as well as my men’s coaching. I bring a therapeutic approach and based on where my journey, I’ve learned from the caution aspect of also having the counseling and the therapeutic. So when I put it all together a pitchman good stead to help us deal with some of the past hearts that may be affecting them. And it’s so this is where I look to help people find peace because, you know, we can help people find a set of goals for their dreams going forward. But sometimes you need to have that that deeper and to really deal with the deep rooted stuff. So you’re talking about limiting beliefs, but you’re also talking about the trauma.

Unknown Speaker 33:53
Well, yeah, like, you know,

Brandon Handley 33:55
I think for you, right, you found In therapy, you went deeper. You found some things that were holding you back and I say I’d like to think of it as a plane right? Like, you don’t think I’m thinking of like you know the actually thinking of like, God what is it just to say where those movies where they got too much like I’m thinking of like the cocaine transporters right like that they’re always trying to smuggle but you know that it got to drop you got they got to drop off that stuff so they can make it over certain ridges right like and it sounds to me like you had some pain that was dragging you down. You had to address it. You had to identify you said is this still serving me? Does this serve me? Should they stay on the plane? Or should this be jettisoned?

Steven Mills 34:43
Yeah, and this is what I would use the three years and this is where we need to, first of all, acknowledge that we’ve got that pain there. Acknowledge. Then we look at accepted and coming fame Going to a place of acceptance that is going on. And then we address so acknowledge, accept and address, as we are looking at when it comes to trauma when it comes to any pain from your past, as we need to be look really explored on the seas and it’s also about awareness, there’s a 44th in the awareness and for not acknowledged and unaware of that, how it’s playing out in our lives, that we’re not going to be willing to accept an address. And that’s what therapy did for me, it helped me do all these 40 years. And it also gave me a bit of give me more tools to, to throw in when it came to court, Jen, and it helps me my job when I’m coaching is to help people slow down and find a place of peace spot, because that’s the don’t do that fast, then they’re going to struggle to follow that intuition. When it comes to the passion and purpose. They’re going to struggle to tell themselves to listen to what’s going on and say rather than and so my job As to get them from the head to their heart as soon as we can. Because when we get them to the heart is more authentic, the be the shop, maybe more more fundable. And it’s true that that’s when the magic happens is when when, when we get when we get more honest and authentic from a place of that heart and allows more flow. So this is my, my role when I’m coaching and also brings like, like, I see a hybrid with with therapy at the same time.

Brandon Handley 36:30
I love it. I love I love the four A’s to write, acknowledge, accept, address and bring that awareness without being able to acknowledge except or and or dress and identify, right, give these things kind of a label. You can’t be aware of them. You can’t. You can’t make a choice on something that you’re unaware of. Mm hmm. So I love that. I love that I love I love the head to heart right now. Bringing them from The head to the heart. And, you know, to me, there’s definitely a huge connection there. And, and I chased that one down to a few years ago, myself. And there’s a booze lie. It’s just, it’s called the heart, the heart mind, right, connecting the two. And once you meet, once you make that connection to the two of them, and maybe you’re feeling from your heart, and then your mind is able to as you kind of go back to right, what am I feeling in my heart right now? That’s the acknowledgement, right? And then you have the opportunity to accept it, of whether or not that’s true for you, in your mind, right after you’ve acknowledged it, and then you can address whether or not that’s true for you. Right, is that my follow on kind of like, how I how I would use this?

Steven Mills 37:53
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much you getting down at your heart levels and as For me key and this is where you find your true answers in your life not in your mind, not what you you know you think people should be and the best way to get from head to heart is asking really powerful questions and allowing them giving them that space

Brandon Handley 38:17
have an example of a powerful question Stephen most

Steven Mills 38:21
powerful question would be

what’s what’s your biggest blockage? what’s what’s holding you back right now? Honestly, forget about external refer no forget about what’s going on around you forget what’s new mate. What’s really holding you back?

Unknown Speaker 38:39
Well, what’s, what’s the blockers? Damn, like, I would answer that too. I’d be like I was like, Yeah, man that you know, for me.

Brandon Handley 38:49
It’s it’s what I’m doing right now. Right and it’s fear. There’s like tremendous fear and going ahead and and continuing to step into what I’m doing right now. Spiritual dope, right leading with spirituality. I mean, who does that? Right? Plenty of people do but it’s the first time I’ve ever done it. So I’m terrified because I’ve never done this before. Is this the right thing for me to do? I don’t know. So I’m blocking myself with a number of things invisible blockages, because I’ve looked all around and I see that society says, Well, you don’t talk about religion and you shouldn’t do this. And most people don’t do it like that. And that’s not the way it’s been done in the past. And so man, for me, some of my biggest blockages are what we talked about earlier. These are all the things that I’ve learned. And I need to unlearn them, right. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 39:41
Now I need to face them and walk into

Steven Mills 39:44
a set and another good question is what you seek what you seek in within. What are you seeking right now? The what’s missing as something that you’re seeking on a heart level.

Brandon Handley 39:56
Great one brother. That is a that’s a great one. I’m not gonna lie, because so what I’ll do in the mornings, is, I have a, you know, mini practice as it were, right, a reflection period. And I go and I write these questions, I search out questions just like you’re saying, What’s missing? What am I seeking? And I don’t you know, I would use the word God the universe, right, that connection to it. Right? And, and that’s exactly what it is. I’m doing right now, with this conversation you and I are having I’m, I’m looking to kind of validate what I already know to be true. Mm hmm. Right. And and where can i Where else can I find this in life?

And that’s exactly you know, so I believe. I’ve already established a connection with God divine divinity within right. I’ve kind of harnessed with it, come together with it, but every day. I feel like I’m still questioning that right. I’m still looking. looking looking for that. I’m still looking and that’s the spirit dope right there, brother.

Steven Mills 41:02
Yeah, that’s uh that’s that’s certain. It’s a nice powerful questions. That’s the more the more quality of questions, the better the more quality answers we’ll get. And the more the more willing we are to search and like, go back to our on our curiosity and feel just curious in life. And when it comes to others, just asking questions, the best coaches, the best therapists are the ones that asked good questions and sharp after they ask the question, and just alone space lesson. Yeah. And then you pick it up on what’s really going on. And you’ve given the most powerful thing here as allowing someone space to get everything out to release everything. It’s maybe in the main so we can get down to that space. Most nuggets and coaching are found when once they’ve replied, You don’t answer straight away. You give me back so silence is actually silence is golden, right? And silence in space that helps people explore much more when it comes to emotions explore much more what’s on the heart, and it’s about our curiosity. Another question I love to ask is, what do you need to do that you don’t want to do?

Brandon Handley 42:15
Now you asked me that one a couple of years back, man, that sucked.

Unknown Speaker 42:19
I was like, Man,

Brandon Handley 42:20
you always know what you need to do. And it’s just like you just do it, you know? Because that’s um that shows your level of commitment to what it is you say you want to do to me, right? What you know, so if you know what it is that you need to do, because inherently you do right and you’re not doing it, are you indeed committed to what it is that you say you want to do?

Steven Mills 42:51
So, again, it comes back to the choice love versus fear. are you choosing love in your life or are you choosing fear yellow in the future? To overcome you already moving beyond and choosing love, because when you’re choosing love, you’re much more you’re following your true heart. You’re trying to find your passion, you’ve got a love for others around you, your family and people. And love versus fear comes in every choice we make, I believe in when it comes to career when it comes to, you know, responsibilities in life, not just a family but our friendships. Love versus fear as the choice that we all have to make. Love comes from our heart fear comes from what’s going on our mains, or what’s what we are going to block our shelves.

Brandon Handley 43:36
So for me, the question ends up being you know, is that part of kind of what drove you? I use the word drive you into therapy? Is that part of what made you seek out therapy was it you didn’t find yourself choosing love enough? And you were choosing fear more often?

Steven Mills 43:55
I choose fear much more often. Yeah, I load shame to crap on me. I upload shame to really orange Company allowed not to hold me back. So I was choosing fear for years, not through potential any fault at all. But it was my own fault was not actually addressing the traumas and not addressing the past that maybe has shown up in my life. So you talking about trauma reenactment here, I would gravitate to certain relationships in my life, because of my childhood. And they weren’t serving me. And I didn’t, I was vulnerable. So I know boundaries. And fear really troubled me for years. And it was only when I went to that journey healing, that I was able to then start fame than, you know, love and self. Also more love for people around me. And another only due to any trauma or addiction as healthy relationship. A healthy relationship, a loving relationship, someone that’s there for you, unconditionally, on giving you that acceptance, as even when you’re angry. Even When you’re throwing a lot out there, and that’s one thing that gave me hope and help me through much omnious as through the, my partner who was was just solid rock, and she, she was there constant. So relationships and love as another 92 you know, addictions, trauma?

Brandon Handley 45:21
Well, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, you know, it’s so funny, like just kind of how similar, you know, parts of our journey are right? I can tell you that when I was vulnerable to my wife, Meg, years ago, when I was going through, you know, kind of my space, my journey, actually what even maybe even years before that, the whole the whole gist of of me packing everything up and driving 3000 miles across country in a vehicle that might not have made it was due to her ability to love me as I was on conditionally and then years later, when I was able to be vulnerable and she said, She says, I don’t understand, you know, kind of what’s going through what it is that you’re doing, but I’m here for you. Right. And even even more recently, I think, you know, I just had a, you know, a minor just like blow up, but you know, you talk about that volcano and the eruptions just like, everything had gotten to me at a certain point. I was like, Listen, yeah, I’ve rarely Yeah, really express my anger, right. Which is probably not healthy. But, you know, I had expressed it and not in a violent way. I just like erupted. You know, I apologized, and I just said Listen, I you know, I really sorry, and just, nobody deserves to have to hear my shit just because I’m feeling this way. And she goes, listen, I get it. You know, everybody, just kind of everybody. We’re all gone through some things. And you know, when you have somebody like that in your life, right when you have somebody that’s accepting you as you are. That’s powerful. And I think that that’s also where do the things at home first, right The having a solid This is the importance of a good home life a strong relationship at home a strong relationship with your family because you can be who you need to be and be loved unconditionally for who you are every day at home. It makes it much easier to pass the threshold of your own doorway and into the world and accept that maybe somebody else is going to accept you as you are as you’re being accepted at home.

Steven Mills 47:30
Yeah. Because no matter what we look at, we all look for validation, right? Everyone in life looks for validation. You know, Michelle or Oprah Winfrey used to talk about this everybody acumen I’m sure. You know, we’d see him sad cuz they’re not for you. Even like Obama and all these different people would say at the end, was that good enough for you because we’re looking for validation. So what we all want validation from others and our ways and that police acceptance is powerful, and it’s powerful and it allows us It gives us more Peace knowing that we can be who we are with people around us and and that helps bring peace and come back to grace, about self compassion, if we’re showing compassion does help us on our journey to find more self compassion. And no, it’s not an easy journey finding peace. It’s not an easy journey, finding a healing through recovery from trauma from from from past hearts, but as a oneness, what’s going on. So then, you know, you can then enable yourself to love them, and a better place going forward, and you then allow joy in your life yellow, loving relationships, you allowed yourself to find your passion and your purpose. And one of the things no, as, you know, one of the biggest things I’ve learned is not to care what people think. And if you can come to a place where you don’t care what people think it’s quite, it’s quite cool, because you can just do your thing, be yourself. And, you know, for me, I’ll just keep somebody Thing simplistic, you know, coaching, there’s so many different modalities. There’s so many different things about coaching. But coaching for me is just simply allowing people that space to explore with that. And a good coach is someone that lessons effectively. And that’s good questions. I said, and I, you know, I saw as a coach, all I can the best gift I can give someone is my time and space to explore where they are and really get down to delve into the heart and go that little bit deeper to then help them find the the AHA most breakthroughs I get some that sense of peace. So bear with

Brandon Handley 49:40
it. I think I think once you get to do right is you get to give people permission to find themselves to be themselves right and beyond hindered, and to allow them to share their dreams with you while you support them and helping them facilitate Let’s state that right by giving them permission to be in that space with themselves as they are. And then I think the other part that I would throw in here for you is that you know, your whole journey as and where you are right now, I just want to highlight this is that you change the world outside of you by working on what’s inside of you. Is that fair?

Steven Mills 50:26
Yes, definitely. Because the more you you more you work on yourself, the more you get a crack to help others and a much more effective way, and you can make an impact make a big difference. And, you know, for me, it’s just one passionate team. I don’t need to have a big audience. I don’t need to have you know, thousands of people follow me as one passion. I tell you, if you can change the world to one passion, then I’m happy. I’m a happy man. I’m fulfilled on my journey. If I can change the life of one person per day, I’m living a life of purpose. Making a difference and the lives of others. One passion to another, just like,

Brandon Handley 51:07
just like Jim Rohn said, focus on the few. Yes, it’s on the few brother. You know so Look, man, you’re using the game that just to this whole thing, right is people who are kind of following their intuition, their inner selves and living a life that’s true to who they are. And I can’t think of anybody else that I know that fits that more than more than you are right now. So I appreciate you, again, reaching out sharing your story. What is what is uh, I always like to try and give some other tidbits to the audience to like, what is a book or some type of resource that has had tremendous impact. It’s like, earth shattering for you. change everything about what it is and how you do it.

Steven Mills 51:54
And one of the books I read was recently in the library last year was the The mindful path to self compassion. And I think it’s Dr. Christopher kalmar. Another book that I liked was the body nose score.

Brandon Handley 52:10
And I’ve actually had that one in my garage right now from a friend of mine. But uh, yeah. So tell me a little bit about that. What What does that What about?

Steven Mills 52:18
It talks a lot about, you know, traumas, it talks about past hearts, it talks about how our physical ailments and physical body can tell us what’s going on in our lives. And it’s been it’s been able to then explore and be aware of what’s going on in our bodies. And because more often than not, it does know the score at times. It shows up in our life when we feel that tension or we can feel something like a sore sore throat or it’s a really good book to explore emotions, and know how to express them and how to be aware of them. And it just delves into a lot of different types of traumas and stuff. It’s a really good book. I can’t remember the same fun. I can’t remember the guys name. It’s a Dutch guy and phone number A couple other books there. And that’s the only good bit and the book I’m reading at the moment is called Layton call and by Dr. Hawkins, and this is a very powerful because well and that’s it’s quite it’s a path to surrender. So it’s really about letting go over fears, letting go of, you know, it’s very thing you know understanding acceptance, grief. So again, it’s a very powerful book and letting go and all the different kinds of fears that we have in our lives and how they’re showing up and it’s about just as I love that word, surrender, and people see so the end of the war, belt, surrender to your shelf, surrender to your fears, surrender to, you know, the attachments you have in life, you know, surrender to, and the outcomes. So end up to say having faith and just, you know, finding that space, to just be and surrender to all our own. Everything is our own. Us, I surrender to expectations. So it’s surrenders and really big what I discovered recently and really tried to understand much more. And so let go is a good book, and many other different books I’ve read so many over the years, I was a personal development junkie. I’ve not read as much I don’t read as much as they used to. But I still doubt you will delve into books though. And again, but certainly These are some I would say recently that I’ve had a big impact. Also, the complex PTSD book by Pete Walker was another one and from thrive and survive from surviving to thriving. That was a really powerful book and understanding my my trauma, and yeah,

okay, so I recommend that

Brandon Handley 54:43
last one there, mostly for somebody who is seeking to understand more about their trauma.

Steven Mills 54:49
Yeah, or the complex PTSD or as well not so that’s striving to survive is by Pete Walker, who writes a really really simple so really good book, I would say it was like the best have complex trauma. And yeah,

Brandon Handley 55:04
I love those. I love that all sounds great. So thank you for sharing those thanks for sharing kind of your story, your thought processes, you know, the dealing with emotions. Here’s a couple of anecdotes, right. And I’ve just really enjoyed our conversation here. And I love seeing that you are out there, you know, still serving these coaching communities still giving all of this wisdom and all of who you are to your clients and helping them to build out their own communities and their own coaching practices. as it were, we didn’t talk too much about exactly what it is that you’re doing. But you know, I want I want people to who, for anybody who’s been piqued and interested by you know what Stephen is talking about today and would like to find more About Steven Mills, where should we go to find out more and connect with you

Steven Mills 56:05
and you could check my coaching page on Facebook, Steven Mills coaching, I’m just revamping the website in the moment. And you would find me in the core coaching business Academy, and but the Facebook community that you’re a part of Brandon. So you do a Facebook Live stuff in there and we give away a lot of resources and offer free, free events weekly. So we help development with we’ve got a pro program launching very soon. And for coaches that want to really make an impact and they’re and they’re, you know, practices and also help them thrive as a coach because 80% of coaches in the world and, and under $20,000 a year and we want to help people actually, you know, move beyond that and help them build a thriving coaching practice and overcome the fears of selling and overcome those fears of maybe associate them with what they’re doing. So I my passion lies with helping coaches and find that passion and really start living by the purpose and start serving and making a bigger difference than they may be already doing. And

Brandon Handley 57:13
you’re trying to teach them how to stop playing small, right? It’s a

Steven Mills 57:15
it’s a program that myself and my business partner Kevin Petri have developed. It’s a 12 week program that will be launched very, very soon in July. So we are working hard on it, you know, we’ve got a curriculum ready and we’re just going to be putting it out there. And that will be a part of my work over the next and years to come, I’m sure. As well as I still have my private practice. So you know, Stephens called Chen. And I’ve also got core connections coaching chain, which is the social enterprise, which we still do a lot about working there as well with some of the teams that have there. So a lot going on, and you’re more than welcome to join me there. My email address you’ve got there and but you probably better Find me on

Brandon Handley 58:01
Facebook and you know Steven was caught Shen are the court coach and Business Academy. Hello, brother. Well, hey, thanks again for hanging out with us today sharing your story, like I said, and you know, just being being out there being honest with us and being sincere. Thank you so much.

Steven Mills 58:18
Thanks for having me, Brandon. It’s been a it’s been a pleasure.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai