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Krista Xiomara is a writer, blogger, podcast host, poet, and author. Krista lives and thrives in Austin, Texas with her dog Penny Moon and maintains her spiritual practices through the lens of Buddhism. She is committed to raising the greater collective consciousness of the world through her podcast, writings, and speaking engagements. Her first non-fiction book, “The Alchemy of Kindness” focuses on helping individuals move from self-rejection to self-love through transforming their internal dialogue with radical kindness and self-compassion to create and sustain long-term unconditional positive regard for oneself.

Podcast: http://imawakenowwhatpodcast.libsyn.com/

Website: www.iamkristaxiomara.com

Instagram: @iamkristaxiomara @ianwpodcast

Brandon Handley 0:00
321 Hey, there’s spiritual dope. Today I am on with my guest, Krista zetta mata on Ted’s butchered it, but I did my best. She is a writer, a blogger, a podcast host poet and author, Krystal lives and thrives in Austin, Texas with her dog, Penny moon, and maintains her spiritual practices through the lens of Buddhism. She is committed to raising the greater collective consciousness of the world through her podcast, writings and speaking engagements. Her first nonfiction book, the alchemy of kindness focuses on helping individuals move from self rejection, to self love through transforming their internal dialogue with radical kindness and self compassion to create and sustain long term unconditional, positive regard of oneself. Woof, we got through it. So welcome to the podcast. And thanks for being here today.

Krista Xiomara 0:56
Thank you for having me, Brandon.

Brandon Handley 0:59
Absolutely, absolutely. So I always start us off with the idea that spirit the universe speaks through us, right? There’s this inherent message that’s coming through us today, specifically through you, that is for somebody who’s listening. What is that message?

Krista Xiomara 1:23
I think for me, the message is always about homecoming to ourselves. Because we are living in a world that is constantly taking us away from ourselves and asking us to be something other than ourselves. And so I think in the vein of my book, my podcast, my own journey, it all comes back to I really, truly believe that the path to enlightenment is the path of self love and self return to oneself. I think there’s no higher purpose we all have in this life, except for returning to ourselves so that we might love and greet the world from a very different place than it usually asks us to.

Brandon Handley 2:16
That’s a fantastic message. It really is what it is. And you know, of course, the first thing that jumps out to someone that’s not in this is I mean, look, even for myself, I’d run around and and she told me years ago, that you had to go on a journey to find yourself and be like, Well, you’re right there. Where do you need to go? Right. So what do you mean by you know, there’s that I love it. What says but what is what do you mean by this journey to ourselves, return to oneself within that?

Krista Xiomara 2:45
Yeah, so I, I referenced in my book, and in the podcast, oftentimes this extended metaphor that I like to call the puzzle. And it’s this idea that we come into this world as a fully formed puzzle. And we get thrown into our families and society and to relationship with other people. And immediately when we land in our family, our family starts to take some of the puzzle pieces out to match with their puzzle pieces. Sometimes they don’t like the way your puzzle pieces look. So they they chuck them. And when you grow into adulthood, you will look into the mirror. And you will see that not only are you missing puzzle pieces, but your own pieces are disorganized and out of place. And my podcasts that centers around the idea of personal development and spirituality, which inevitably, continually cross over one another. If you go on either of those paths, they both cross each other over and in our human experience in coming home to ourselves. Part of that homecoming is about going and finding our puzzle pieces that were chucked out the window, finding puzzle pieces that that actually make a better mosaic of what we actually landed in in this life, and then putting ourselves back together as our authentic, beautiful whole selves. Because we arrived here hole, and the world tells us we’re not that tells us we’re broken. It tells us we’re damaged. It tells us we’re not good enough. It tells us we’re not thin enough. But we land literally in this human form as these beautiful whole human creatures. And to me, enlightenment in this age is about ascending beyond our current culture, and living so at peace with ourselves that we create piece around us.

Brandon Handley 4:54
That’s great. So when you talk about these puzzle pieces, and you’re telling the story, I always think about Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the King’s Men, right? And so it’s kind of similar, right? Like you’re the only one that can put all your pieces back together. Right? You’re the only one that recognizes even your own pieces. Right? And you also are the only one that has capability to recognize that this this, this picture is complete.

Krista Xiomara 5:19
Exactly. Right. Right.

Brandon Handley 5:22
Yeah. So. So let’s talk for a second on on your podcast. I’m so jealous of the name of the podcast. I really am. It’s so simple. But it’s an it’s so but it’s so perfect. What’s the name of your podcast?

Krista Xiomara 5:36
The podcast is called I’m awake. Now what?

Brandon Handley 5:39
Man is genius, right? So how did you know first of all, how did you discover that you were a personally awake? How do you define awake? And then what made you decide to be a voice for that?

Krista Xiomara 5:52
Yeah. So as many people who’ve listened to the podcast know that my journey started out, in a very weird offshoot of Catholicism growing up that was based a lot in conformity, fear and submission and denial of my own humanity and my gender, essentially. And towards the end of my 20s, I started to question start questioning a lot of things. And I started to look at the way the church taught, and the way I grew up, and the people that taught me my Christian values, and they weren’t in alignment with each other. There was a lot of contradictions, there was like a lot of loopholes, and I’m very much a type a person, and I very much love rules. And so I one day just realized there are all these rules in the Catholic Church that people are supposed to follow. And maybe people are following them to like 45 to 50%. Like maybe that’s, that’s really giving a lot of credit to a lot of people. And like, what is the point of all of this then? And that was like the first breaking I was like the first cracking open of my conditioning, my cultural and religious conditioning, where I started to question like, Well, what does this all mean? What What do I believe, and I basically pulled myself out of my religious experience, and found myself in a yoga Ashram. And that’s when I realized that in my conditioning, I was asleep. And I would refer to myself as a sleep walker or a sheeple. And then when I came onto the yogic path, I realized that there was this other more inviting, more self led way to be in relationship with yourself, the world and God. And I realized that was an awakened state and awakened a way of being with yourself. In addition to that those people that I met in that yoga ashram, were so at peace, and within so much harmony with themselves, that I knew that’s what I wanted, I could point to it, I could see, that’s exactly how I want to live in myself and live in the world. How do I get that? And so this awakening started to happen. And it was like a decade’s long journey from like about 28. to, to 37 was a huge opening and cracking open of everything. And I, like you immersed myself in a great deal of texts and experiences and ideas and curiosities and curiosity. I think, if anything I’ve learned is a spiritual practice, the practice of curiosity is a spiritual practice, they’re one in the same and you cannot go on this journey, and not be a curious person, because you’ll, you’ll bump you’ll get stuck. So if you don’t have curiosity as your lens for a lot of this, you’ll get stuck. And so I knew that when I got to the other end, I love podcasts, I love radio, I love all of that. I knew when I got to the opposite end of it, and I had matured into a place of my own homecoming spiritually, that I wanted to create a system and a community where people could go and listen to like your story and other people’s story of like, how are they navigating this awakening, which is very disorienting, very cumbersome, very scary, because you’ve got a dress like the light and the dark parts. And so my podcast was birthed in this idea of like, you wake up, and now what do you do?

Brandon Handley 9:42
And it’s so so true. It’s so disorienting, even even right from the onset. I think what you said there was, we do recognize that in you know, your your, your place of faith and religion, that just about 40% of the people They’re not following the rules. So why am I trying so hard at it right is my guess because you said your type a right? You’re like, why am I trying so hard? Why am I putting all my effort into this? And these guys are getting away with 40% something’s something’s not lining up. So and then and then, you know, that begins to kind of crack the veil, right? That begins to up against to say, Well, if that wasn’t right, man, because you probably based sounds like you base quite a bit off of that, right? Or at least from that space. And now there’s now everything’s just kind of flying off. Right? That’s the whole the whole, you know, well, Jesus, the Wizard of Oz, right, the man behind the man behind the curtain curtain. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, what you’re saying to me, too, is really, really reminds me of the Alan Watts. Knew, and I know, fans of Alan Watts, right? So it reminds me of like, when he’s talking about the monks in Zen Buddhism, when they would go up to the samurai eyes, right? And the samurai is bialik I don’t know what Samurai is do but they, you know, they do their Samurai thing. And then the monk shows like no fear because he’s a total peace with himself. Right? He’s like, go ahead, I’m good. Do what you got to do. But and, and and then the samurai sees, you know, kind of what you saw these people are so at peace. So it like they have something and it’s, it’s nearly palatable, right? You can almost touch it.

Krista Xiomara 11:25
Yes.

Brandon Handley 11:25
And you’re like, you’re like, I want some of that.

Unknown Speaker 11:29
Mm hmm.

Brandon Handley 11:29
Right. And so that’s that’s kind of what I’m hearing you say right. But uh, if you know, so how did you decide to head in you What made you go to like yoga and an ashram? Right, because that’s a, that’s a pretty big leap from from from Catholicism.

Krista Xiomara 11:47
It’s a huge, it’s a huge leap. I read and this is going to be this is the cheesiest part of my whole story, but it’s so it I can’t deny it. It’s everywhere. I’ve said it multiple times. But I had read Liz Gilbert’s Eat, Pray Love. I know. You just posted an Elizabeth Gilbert quote today. I love her. She’s everything to me. To me. She’s like my, my female Jesus on this earth. She’s so honest and transparent. And after I read her book, I was like, if she can figure out her life, and then yogic ashram, I think I can too. And she was right, because it’s the source. It’s so old. It’s so ancient. It’s so tied to the truth of what we are, beyond our current civilization. They have all of the wisdom there and their texts. So I landed in that I luckily had that yogic ashram in this tiny town of Spokane, of all places, Spokane, Washington.

Brandon Handley 12:49
Yeah, that’s, you know, it’s funny, because that’s my, my, I spent a summer up there. Growing up, it is it is tiny. Like you said,

Krista Xiomara 12:59
there’s like 200,000 people there something at the time, but yeah, and so then that led me again, like, curiosity became my guiding light. So the SWAMI who created that ashram there, Swami shivananda, Radha, this beautiful German Swami who is now passed on, but she had a prolific writing career. So I read all her books. And then I’m very much a root cause kind of person. I work in quality management systems in my regular life. And so when I want to understand something, I have to get to the base of it. And so once I dipped into the yogic ashram, which was based in Hinduism, that kind of led me down the path of Buddhism and Zen and Sufi ism, and Islam and Judaism. And then I realized I need to really understand these other religions and philosophies. And I really got into stoicism with Marcus Aurelius. And of course, then you go into the spiritual side, which is like all of the beautiful teachers we’ve had, like Alan Watts, and Wayne Dyer, and Michael Dooley, all these people have done such massive work and you just realize they’re all saying the same thing, which is, you are God God is you live a life that is honest and pure and of service of others. And that’s all you have to do and show up in this world as

Brandon Handley 14:32
so how are you accepting yourself as you know, God, right, I think that that’s definitely been one of the bigger stumbling blocks, right? Because we also, we, you know, Westerners, we’ve got like this, you know, one concept of God, right? And then Hinduism and Eastern and other spiritualities have this other concept of Gods so when you say that, we’re all God, what is your concept of that and how do you sleep at night with that? Right, like, I mean, cuz that’s, that’s definitely a challenge because, um, you know, I can tell you just from my own practice I can I can do like great meditations and I’ll be like, I can get myself to like love. But I can’t, you know, sometimes I had that struggle with, you know, seeing myself as God, right? Like I can be I am love. Right? But then I’m like I am God. I’m like, Hey, wait a second, buddy, what do you think in there? Right? So just walk me through that? Because I’d be curious to hear what that sounds like it looks like for you?

Krista Xiomara 15:29
Well, yeah, it’s interesting that you bring that up, I would say the thing, where I’ve shaken out in my relationship with God, which is too small of a word for what created us, I think. And I don’t think it’s one person. But one of the things that I, I came to terms with on my journey to is like, in Catholicism, and a lot of the Abrahamic religions, and even some of the Eastern ones, there’s this idea that God exists wholly in perfection, and that divinity equates perfection. But if you look around the world, if if a god or gods created us, there are so many imperfections in this world that make it absolutely beautiful. You can walk into a forest, like right now I can see outside of my house is the greenbelt here in Austin, which is like our, our forest, and it’s untamed, and it’s wild. And it’s, you know, it’s not perfect, and we’re not perfect. And that means that the thing that created me is also imperfect, and I’m comfortable knowing that it’s probably still evolving to, and we’re evolving together. And that wisdom that exists in me to understand that helps me connect to my own divinity and remove that disconnection that I grew up with that said, like, God is in this place, and God can only be accessed through these people. And God is only available to X, Y, and Z. But I think we are born with a god shaped portion of our of God in our body and in our soul, and in our energy that circulates us as human beings. And it’s a matter of recognizing that in ourselves. It’s, it’s not that you’re better than anyone if you know that you have God within you or that God is something you know, unattainable. We all have it. And I think the manifestation of understanding that God is within you, is when you act in kindness and compassion and humility to other people. Because that’s, that’s literally God working through you, that’s your own divinity, that the part of you that is God is coming forward. And it’s manifesting as those actions as this podcast. As of the way you help people as a coach Brandon, like, that’s, that’s you and God, that’s like you guys co creating, it’s this beautiful co creation that we all get to be a part of that has been denied, especially in the Western world, because it’s built on these Abrahamic religions and say, no Gods this other thing, but it’s not.

Brandon Handley 18:15
Fair enough. Fair enough. You know, I 100% agree with all all what you’re saying. And the one thing I would say, though, is I was recently introduced to a new definition of the word perfect. Meaning that you don’t need anything else. That’s all it means. Right? So actually, if you go to sleep tonight, Crystal, Do you need anything else? done today? You’re perfect. Today, the world you live in is perfect. Mm hmm. Right. I mean, that forest over there, it doesn’t need anything else today to be that forest, does it? Now it’s a perfect forest. Right, you know, so somebody had introduced it and just said that that was like the old, you know, way back when that’s what that word meant, like, you don’t need anything else. And if that’s if that’s the definition of perfect, then there’s a lot of us that are perfect, that don’t think that we are right, therefore we keep ourselves from saying, Man, I can’t access God, because last time, you should see me last week, that wasn’t cool. Right? Or like, you know, they’ve got all these things that that make them think that they’re being kept away from God. Right? The only thing that’s keeping them away from that is themselves, right?

Krista Xiomara 19:26
That’s exactly right. Right.

Brandon Handley 19:28
Yeah. And to your point today, it doesn’t make somebody better or worse to say, I’m connected to God. Right. I’m divine. You know, that’s, that’s basically it boils down to a choice. Is that fair to say?

Krista Xiomara 19:43
Well, yeah, and I would say the when if if somebody is saying that, that should raise a lot of alarm bells in your mind, if they’re creating that disconnection to you from them because they have a closer connection to God than you should run for the hills.

Brandon Handley 20:02
No good can come to that. That’s what that’s like the Crusades. Right. So, you know, so what made you decide to be the voice though, you know by by taking it and you know, by literally opening up you know their voice and bringing this to bringing us to the greater masses a and then be like, talk about stuffing into that like What gave you the confidence to be that person.

Krista Xiomara 20:24
Um, I mean, I’m not know if it was a matter of like confidence more than the desire to help. So like a lot of my motivations as an individual comes from the desire to alleviate other people’s suffering, whether that’s through community through the podcast through holding space for them to process things, whether it’s just been friendship with somebody, so they don’t feel alone. The my motivation was that I know there’s people that need to hear these things. And I would say the best example of that was the summer when I finally put into one conglomerated space, the journey of me leaving my religion of origin, making sense of all of that trauma, releasing it and coming home to myself. And I can’t tell you how much I’ve heard from people all over the world about how liberating it was to have somebody regurgitate that life experience that they had gone through, and that they were either at the beginning, the two middle parts or the end, and feeling like me, too. And I think when we do this work, like and you do your spiritual dope, podcast on your coaching and stuff, I don’t think there’s any deeper modality of love that we can do for each other than to see and hear each other. And I think what’s funny about the world we live in now is social media is exactly that. It’s this deep seated desire to be seen and to be heard, and to feel like you matter in this world. And I think us on the spiritual path. Our goal and creating this content is to also be a mirror to the people who are in the process of it all. Because we need each other and we need each other’s experiences and wisdom and honesty and integrity. To help us through this this journey. We can’t do it alone.

Brandon Handley 22:40
Yes, so how many? You know, when you open it up? Was there any fear? Was there any family or friends? were surprised or shocked by about kind of what you were doing in that space? How about your co workers, right? Like, I mean, is this something that your your, you know, your day job, right, you’ve got the day jobs, that’s something that you know, you share with openly there? Or is this kind of like, you go to work today is Christa. You know, I’m here working today, and then you come come home at night, and you’re like, let’s finish delivery at some people. Right?

Krista Xiomara 23:18
Yeah. Well, it’s funny, just to that point, and then I’ll answer your question is one of the things that was, was very much a bone of contention in my own life when I was in my religious upbringing and still in the church of origin was, I did feel like they’re like I had a dichotomy. There was like work Krista and then there was like, religious Krista and sometimes religious Krista could come out and sometimes only work Krista could come out or Krista in her marriage or Krista with her friends, or what not. And the thing that has been the most liberating on this path is that I the just the the ability to show up as yourself everywhere all the time is more peace than I could have ever asked for in my life. And so if people ask me about my podcast, or I’ll tell people about it and my work life, but more than anything, what has changed about diet, you know, the duality of Christa, old Krista and new Krista is that my spiritual practices come into my work life and so I’m just as compassionate and kind and, you know, harmonious with my co workers who don’t know anything about me. There’s a lot of them who don’t have never met me. I work remotely no matter what, because of COVID but, but I show up like that to them the way I show up to my podcast guests, the way I show up to my family, that I’m in relationship with my friends, and that’s the thing that has changed more than anything. So I do tell people about it. Mostly my family doesn’t really care, they don’t really even understand what it is like they’re so in their own world and in their own religious experience, still that they don’t really get it, they don’t understand that it’s a thing that it’s grown, that it has a lot of reach that people are super interested in it. So like, there’s a small subset of people I get to really celebrate my podcast with like, you are one of them. And you know, the other people in my life, like, everyone else could care less and

Brandon Handley 25:34
less interesting, though, you know, it’s all it’s always interesting to hear, you know, how you kind of charge for arthritis. What I’m hearing, you say, though, too, is, at some point, there was a merger of the two of us, or maybe there was a, or maybe the you left behind all of all of this, and you’re like, this is all I’m going to be, you know, this is who I am. Now, this, this is what this looks like, to me about like that decision? Because I think that’s pretty interesting.

Krista Xiomara 26:01
Yeah, I mean, I think that our society asks that of us, our society asks us, all of us, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, to show up in these really specific ways. And even the people that we have relationships with, sometimes don’t even want to see all of us. And so in my book of the book, that I’m writing, the alchemy of kindness, I say in there multiple times that it’s like an it’s like an act of bravery, to never turn against yourself to love yourself, no matter what you do, because we all make mistakes where, you know, I don’t always show up compassionately. Although like, I wish I could I wish I that would be like every day of my existence. But I still fail in that in interactions and certain things like that. So for me, thinking about that, that whole idea of coming home to yourself and having that, that, basically, it’s like if you think about it visually, like maybe you’re projecting out these different kind of what are they called, like emojis or I’m not, I can’t think of the word right now. But you’ve got these projections of yourself in the world. And in this journey, what we do is we like suck it all in and we become one, in and of ourselves. Because when I was living in that other place, I was very much at war with myself, I was at war with my ideals. I was at war with my words and my mind and everything. And being able to bring in all those parts of ourselves those avatars, that’s what I was trying to say, you know, we have these avatars of like, podcast, Brandon, and podcasts, or Brandon father, and all these things, these avatars, but we’re really the central core, we’re the bean and bringing it like bringing those avatars in as part of the work on this path. Because to live authentically and truly, in yourself is, is I think, again, the work that we have to do here because our society has become something very wild and different. And authenticity, authenticity and wholeness is not always wanted.

Brandon Handley 28:23
So, the one thing that I see out there a lot, and you know, again, I agree, I agree with everything you’re saying. The one thing I see out there a lot is is this idea of being the be your authentic self.

Krista Xiomara 28:36
Yeah. The bumper sticker.

Brandon Handley 28:38
Yeah, I haven’t seen it. But I haven’t seen a bumper sticker since March. Um, the the idea is, though, whoo, and what is your authentic self, and what you’re describing is like, stop, stop, stop, like projecting all of what you think everybody, you think what everybody wants to see. And pull that all back in. And really sit with yourself. Right. And, and, and, and that’s it. That’s just the one, the one self that that needs to happen. And that is your authentic self. And you’ll be able to know and feel your authentic self when every day doesn’t suck anymore.

Krista Xiomara 29:18
And when you’re not questioning everything, right, you know, you’re not in alignment with yourself. If you don’t know what you want, if you let people make decisions for you, if you feel uncomfortable, even facing yourself. Those are like the big red flags, that you’re not living in authenticity with yourself and that you are not in alignment with your core being. And I think a lot of people go on this spiritual journey. And that’s the outcome. The outcome is them coming home to themselves. A lot of the spiritual other work is healing and releasing stuff that no longer serves you and, and and finding your true self. Honestly, I’m sorry, I’m beating this To a dead horse, but it’s how I feel this journey is is. That is the purpose that, like all of us doing this work is like if we love ourselves, and this is a universal truth that I hated hearing, and I didn’t know it was true, I had to hear like 5000 times. But if we love ourselves, and we’re at harmony with ourselves, and we’re at peace with ourselves, and we are authentically in alignment with ourselves, the world aligns itself as well, because when we show up authentically, then we allow other people to show up authentically, when we are compassionate with ourselves and other people can give some self compassion to themselves and give themselves a break. Like that’s what it’s all about.

Brandon Handley 30:45
Where do you think you first saw that evidence, right evidence of that concept. And when did it finally click?

Krista Xiomara 30:53
I did say 10 years. At the yogic ashram, honestly, that was the first time where, like, the thing that with the authenticity, to just go back to the story about like, living in these dual places in my religion of origin, there was in the religion of origin, there was very much this idea of Do as I say, not as I do. And then going into the yogic ashram and watching people match up their actions with their words. And I was like, Oh, these people are living it. They’re living their true, honest, transparent, authentic selves. And I knew that that’s what I wanted, I didn’t know that the outcome would be this huge homecoming at all, I had no idea that that would happen. I just knew I didn’t want to be in conflict with myself anymore. And I felt very conflicted in my religious experience. Not because necessarily, even I wasn’t living up to the rules. But the goalposts was always moving. If we want to talk back again about the God thing. It was like, you know, I, I,

Unknown Speaker 32:05
I,

Krista Xiomara 32:06
you know, I was abstinent I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t, you know, drink, I didn’t curse, and I still wasn’t good enough for God, I still wasn’t good enough for my church, not you know, the goalpost just kept moving. And then you I went to the yoga ashram, and I’m like, No, these people, they know what they’re doing.

Brandon Handley 32:27
That’s hilarious. You know, I was never none of those things. I probably would have been incinerated going in. And that’s always what I kind of thought. Like, they’re not they don’t want any of this. Um, you know, I love what you’re saying there, you see that these people are actually living their truth. And you know, you’re living your truth now. And then, you know, I like to hear how we’ll just call it like the universe has opened up for you, because your podcast looks like you’ve had, you know, just a great run, right? You’ve had a great run, you’re having great conversations. You’re putting out a book. My guess is you’ve got more behind that. But also sounds to me, like you’ve found a way to and I’m just guessing here, you found a way to like, kind of surrender to it and let it like, be organic.

Unknown Speaker 33:19
Mm hmm.

Unknown Speaker 33:21
That’s about that.

Krista Xiomara 33:22
Yeah. I mean, if we want to talk technically about the podcast, like, like anybody else, I started, I don’t know what the hell I was doing. And I had to learn how to edit. And all of that stuff. I just had an idea that I wanted to put this information out, and I just needed to find a way to do it. And I had to figure out all of those things. And what I, I recently did an interview with a gal about how to start a podcast and one of my advice for somebody was just go in knowing that it’s gonna evolve. And that’s part of the process instead of being stuck in this like, box. So my first two seasons, I didn’t know what I was doing. I changed the format a couple times, I changed the way it was, you know, presented, I changed my branding, and I did a bunch of things. Like, I didn’t know what I was doing. And that was okay. And finally, after with a lot of trial and error, like I think our life is supposed to be it’s supposed to be this loving, existence of trial and error, and we don’t get punished when we error. It’s just a learning lesson and we pivot, right? So I pivoted, and I found the right sequence. And I found an audience that resonated with what I was saying, which allowed me to bring bigger guests on because like, the bigger your podcast gets, the more people want to come. And I was just telling a Mona, who, you know, it’s funny to think when I started my podcast, like, every week, like seven people would listen to it and now it’s like, Up to 21,000 people a week. That’s a lot of people listening

Brandon Handley 35:03
does a lot of people. Yeah, not congratulations. That’s fantastic.

Krista Xiomara 35:06
But it was yours. You know, it’s not like that happened overnight. This it has been me just diligently sitting down and saying, I don’t care about the numbers. I don’t care about the monetary compensation, what I care about is being of service to people on the path who need help. And I’m going to show up, and this is what I’m going to do, as that’s as simple as I can explain it.

Brandon Handley 35:30
No, I mean, that’s perfect, right. But again, so thank you for that. What I’m looking for is just the path opening up, right? And it sounds to me again, like you’ve like, again, you’ve kind of surrendered, right? You’re not forcing something. You’re not saying hey, you didn’t come up and be like, Alright, well, 1231 2018, I’m looking for, like 75,000 downloads and that should that be a great year, right? Instead, you said, Hey, this neat, I need to do this, this is something I’m doing. This is something that I’m doing as much for me as for anybody else, I’m looking to be of service. I’m not looking for anything other than that, like you’re you’re doing it in an altruistic nature, right?

Krista Xiomara 36:16
Mm hmm.

Brandon Handley 36:17
But the idea is that once you kind of move with your intention with your purpose, and you know, you’re in full alignment, the idea is that the universe opens up for you. Have you found that to be true for yourself?

Krista Xiomara 36:30
Yeah. And that’s one of the universal truths. I know, you and I have talked about this already that it is true. I just think that when you go in, honestly, and you ask to co create with the universe, like, honestly, things just fall into place. And there’s no easier way to say it is that like, when I wanted to do the podcast, I was actually telling my therapist about it. And she told me about this guy who happened to produce his own podcast, and he could help me and he helped me and tell me get it off the ground. And it was like, in the alchemist, where Paulo Coelho quotecolo, says, you know, like, the universe will conspire to bring everything to your plate. And it, it really is true, I think, the thing that I would leave the audience with is that you just have to continue to make actionable steps and show up and sometimes your steps are in the wrong direction. But the universe will course correct for you, it’ll let you know you’re on the wrong path. And you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And this idea of the surrender, is that I have this idea, but I’m not tied to it. And that’s where the surrender comes in. So I had this podcast idea, and I thought I wanted it to be this thing. And I let it evolve and become something that it is today and have had opportunities because of it. In that way, is a large surrender, because I let it do what it needs to do. And I’m just kind of the conduit at the end of the day. Does that answer it?

Brandon Handley 38:11
It does? Yep. I mean, that. Nailed it. So that I mean, that’s the space though. And then I think that how would you tell someone that you recognize that you’re a conduit?

Krista Xiomara 38:25
Hmm. That’s a really hard one. I would say first go read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Lee, and help you, you have to do I think anybody This is just a generalization, I think if you want to become a conduit, and a true co creator with divinity, you have to face the, I guess, the idea that you have an ego. And you have to kind of fight with your ego until your ego takes a step back. Because a lot of work can be done from the ego. And a lot can come from the ego. But where that becomes a problem is I think, if you’re working egoic Lee, it takes you out of that alignment, and that co creation, and then you start to have, you know, obstacles or things don’t kind of flow as easily. I’ve seen that too. And I’ve, I’ve had to fight with my own ego all the time, you know, throughout this whole process and to continue to recognize when it’s trying to push itself forward when really the universe is asking me to show up in a very different way. So I would say start there. And then just know and trust like I do say this in my book, too. It’s the it’s in the introduction and it’s the I say that When I went on the spiritual journey, there were two things that I learned. And the first one is that when you go on a journey, whether it’s like physical or spiritual, there are proverbial, you know, twists and turns and things you cannot anticipate you have to be ready for that. But the second thing that you learn on this journey, if you stay open, is that the universe is literally there to bring you the tools, the people, the experiences, anything, you need to be able to become the conduit to your own life journey, and show up in a way that resonates with people. So that we can all help each other.

Brandon Handley 40:40
Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. I mean, what I’m what I think I hear you say that, too, is uh, you know, egos, the guy that says, you know, ego egos the voice inside you saying, I’m doing this, this is me, watch what I can do. Right. And whereas the conduit says, I have the resources of the universe, and it’s just flowing through me, I literally wrote down this morning, I wrote down this morning, the idea that I’m, from a humanity standpoint, if I view myself as strictly human, then all I’m left with his, you know, my human capabilities, and the things of this world, right now, if I open myself up to being divine, or of this universe changes, right? I mean, and so there’s nothing you can’t do. Right? And I don’t have to be and I’m not the one doing it. Right. And you know, so I think that’s what I’m hearing you say, right, and kind of break in and having that breakthrough. And then looking for evidence of that, right? I think that that’s really important. Right? So to set your intention to say that I want to become a conduit, here’s, you know, you’re talking about breaking through the egoic structure, and then saying, you know, now, where am I seeing it? Right? How am I seeing it? And I think that that comes from setting an intention and not acting on it right forcefully in such a way that to your point, like you do need to take action, right, there needs to be some type of whatever move to go get it. This is, you know, the call of, Hey, this is the hero’s call type thing, you know, you’re called to go do this thing. I’m not gonna do it. And so nothing’s gonna happen then, right? There is no transformation, there is no transition. If you’re called hero’s calling, like, Alright, I’m gonna go do it. And then you’re met with obstacles, but like, right behind that obstacles, like the thing like shut up? Right? All I had to do was pick up that rock. That’s crazy.

Krista Xiomara 42:34
Yeah. And I would say that a prayer that has become like, a mantra to me is, I will literally say to the universe, like, I want to do this thing. And I don’t know if it’s right. But I’m gonna take these steps. And I’ll just wait for you to answer. And that’s literally what I do when I want to do something new. Or I want to venture out into something else, or write a book. I just say, I don’t know if this is right, this is what’s in my heart. And I need you to tell me if I’m on the wrong track, and I’ve never been misled. It’s never it’s, it’s it’s either shut doors, or open doors. And that’s how I know. And it’s like, you know, we have all of these other senses that we can tap into from our own divinity that allows us the wisdom to know what’s the next right step every time.

Brandon Handley 43:28
That’s awesome. That’s a great one. That’s a great one. So your book is coming out when when can we expect your book,

Krista Xiomara 43:35
ah, this has been like the biggest labor of love that I’ve ever had in my life. It’s taken me two years to finish this book. And I’m still not even done yet. I’m I’m My goal is to get it done by December and have it out. And in mid March is the goal to after it goes to the drafts and the covers and all of that. But my, I think also to let me just back it up for a second what I’ve learned on this, this journey, as well, and having the podcast is that a lot of people have different entry points into spirituality, how we find it some for some people, it’s addiction for some people, it’s trauma for some people, it’s the religious experience for some people, it’s, you know, no religious experience, but we all have these entry points, but we all come together at some point our experiences kind of merge at some point. But the the, the conflict that I was talking about earlier that can that was contained in my mind was also this deep seated self hatred. And that was my entry point. And because I only needed peace, and I didn’t need peace with the world, I needed peace with myself cuz I hated myself. I hated everything about me. I hated myself to the core. And it’s like one of those things that people never want to talk about. But it was a it was a very big struggle of mine. And it was my entry point. into leaving my religion that I had an inclination that it was a contributing factor to my self hatred. But I didn’t quite know if it was. And so the journey of the alchemy of kindness, the book is about, like, traversing my past to understand where did the separation happen, that I started to hate myself, because I certainly wasn’t born hating myself. I be and then I did. And then unraveling the tools that I picked up, that helped me reverse that self hatred, and then the practices and the daily living, that allows me to stay in congruence with myself and in love with myself in an authentic way, not just like, Oh, I love myself. Not like that, like truly like, yeah, like, I don’t say, a harmful word about myself, don’t criticize myself, all those things. And so this book, I knew, like I did with the podcast, I knew that once I got through that whole thing, I really wanted to create a roadmap for people to unravel their self hatred, because it is a true epidemic in our society. And the, you know, the most hardest part of self hatred is is annihilation. And so, you know, I had a couple of times where I had suicidal attempts with my life. And because I was just like, I cannot stand myself, like, I have ruined everything. I’m like, an embarrassment to my family, and all of these things. And my self hatred took me all the way up to annihilation, like it does with a lot of people. But there’s another way, you know, there’s another way and the other way is that you’re fine. And you’re great. Just The Way You Are you just have been told you aren’t.

Brandon Handley 46:56
No, that’s powerful. That’s powerful. Would you look at that, as you know, hatred is a gateway or addressing your pain as a gateway? How would you? How would you kind of determine to find that?

Krista Xiomara 47:08
Well, so for me for my experience, and I think it can be both and I’m guessing, for me, it was that I was in so much pain with my own internal conflict, like not being able to look at myself in the mirror for very long, or not being able to be in relationship with people and feel like they didn’t like me, because I didn’t like me. Like, I just assumed everybody hated me, because I hated myself to know. And the the pain of that was like, okay, there’s something really traumatic living here, that I have to address now. And what is that, and I didn’t do it on my own, which I say in the book, you know, I definitely had to go to therapy, I had to have a lot of spiritual experiences that helped me, come home to myself. And then the, the longevity of my self love really came into focus when I found Buddhism, because Buddhism is truly a homecoming. It’s like, go and be by yourself, and sit with yourself, and be okay with everything that is, but be okay with yourself. That was like the most eye opening teaching I could have received is what the Buddha did in his life. And I was like, Oh, this is how I’m supposed to exist within myself, then I can attain that, and I’m gonna live it and practice it until it’s in, like every molecule of my body. Right? So yeah,

Brandon Handley 48:46
just just be that. I love that. So you said, you mentioned your spiritual experiences a couple of times do you have like one or two that you could, you know, specifically point to as a specific spiritual experience?

Krista Xiomara 49:01
Like, do you mean through the self that allowed me to create some some self healing in this vein of the book or some are just like spiritual experiences

Brandon Handley 49:11
that yeah, I mean, you pointed to, you know, you pointed to like, along the way, having some spiritual experiences and you know, what does that mean? And what is one that might be specific?

Unknown Speaker 49:20
Mmm hmm.

Krista Xiomara 49:26
Let me think, um, I think one of the, one of the most significant spiritual experiences I had was, when I was in this really, I’ve had like, a couple dark nights of the soul. I would say, I think we all do in our life because it’s hard to navigate humanity being human. But in one particular one, it was up towards the beginning of my spiritual journey. And I don’t know why I looked it up. But I looked up like spiritual cleansing or healing or something. And I found out about Reiki for the first time. I’m, it’s an energy healing modality. And I went on and I looked at all of these people online, and I started to look at their faces. And I was like, Hmm, I could send something about each person’s, you know, you look at pictures, and you can really kind of get a sense of the person’s own energy. And I landed on this girl named Chelsea. And she is like this petite, tiny, little white, white light Angel, very creature that I don’t even think she’s human is what I’ve just decided. And she, I went to her. And I just was like, I feel like I have a great deal of dark energy within me. I’ve done therapy, I’ve gone on spiritual retreats, and there’s just this thing that’s stuck. And I don’t know how to get it out. And my curiosity led me here, can we work together, and she gave me my first Reiki healing that I had ever had. And I literally feel like she physically pulled out this darkness from my body, and liberated whatever that part was of me. And I saw her for a handful of more, have more sessions. But I think she truly was the person that I just think she did her work, so I could do my work. And I needed to go see her. And that was, that changed me I was forever changed by this very healing process that I didn’t even understand that at the time, I didn’t know anything about Reiki, I didn’t know how it worked. I didn’t understand it. And it was really bizarre going through it the first time. And but also, just like, this beautiful experience that truly, I think, went beyond the natural world of something I could never understand, I still I still struggle to understand how it all works, and how it’s all connected. But that was a really big experience that helped me, it was a spiritual tool I took on the way to back to myself.

Brandon Handley 52:24
That’s powerful. I mean, if you’ve got all that darkness, you know, caught up in Saudi and somebody quite literally able to rip it out of you without I mean, they don’t, they don’t touch you, right, like, I mean, now. This is a this is a you know, and if you can go through that and have that kind of sensation as you leave that place. And, you know, there’s no drugs involved. There’s no like weird things happening outside of that thing. That’s powerful. And that’s, that’s something that resonates.

Krista Xiomara 52:52
And she was powerful. Like, I clearly didn’t even know what was happening or what was going on. And she was so powerful that she was able to do this thing that was set me back on my course and really liberated me. And it was like all those things. It was like the therapy and it was like my spiritual journey and reading books and letting go of my ego and dispelling all the stories I had told about myself. And then I needed this other thing that could help me literally lighten up so I could enlightened because I was stuck. I was truly, truly stuck.

Brandon Handley 53:36
So the real recommendation here is go read Eat, Pray Love. Yes. And this will get you started. Right? Right. And along the way, pick up Chris’s book, which will be out in March of 2021. Right? I mean, you can just set the date, let’s just do it, right. It’s common, it’ll be there. And then, you know, go over and you wish wish was some people go

Krista Xiomara 54:00
check it out. You can just find me on Instagram at IN w podcast, I’m in the process of redoing my website and stuff. And I do have some other projects that are not ready to be spoken about. But there’ll be very exciting in the near future. But Instagrams the best place to catch me for now while I revamp everything.

Brandon Handley 54:20
Okay, so if you’re listening today, then make sure you head on over to spiritual dope or the podcast outline and the link for Chris’s Instagram to the podcasts will be available for you. So Chris, thank you so much for coming on today. And you know, sharing pieces of your journey and how you got there and just spend some time with us today. I think that I think what you shared it out today was super valuable for anybody who’s tuning in. Yeah,

Krista Xiomara 54:45
thank you for having me, Brandon. I really enjoyed our time together.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Longtime listener first time caller… that was me reaching out to Shelley… after years of running with some of the same crews, we finally connected on a podcast!

Shelley is full of great energy and wisdom… listen in you will not be disappointed!

With 27 years’ experience in the accounting industry from bookkeeping through purchasing to software integration and setup, Shelley’s Genesys Financial clients have included those of Graphic Arts, Manufacturing, IT, Automotive and the garment industries. 

Her focus later went to implementing and managing larger scale billing platforms and Project Management.  Her focus was on helping Entrepreneurs setup their Financial platforms and Business processes.  A financial professional with a marketing background Shelley is uniquely qualified and can see all sides of business from sales and marketing to purchasing to invoicing, always allowing her to think outside the box.   

In line with her varied interests her latest business, Living Well, has taken a passion for health and wellness to business by facilitating lifestyle changes for busy executives. As the health supplement portion of her business has gone International her love of traveling was often met through her business.    

https://livingwellwithshell.com/

Audio production done by Zane Niezgodzki

Insights & Takeaways:

  • Shelley talks about how she woke up with negative thoughts whirling thoughts “swirling the drain.” She knew this was not how she wanted to start the day, so Shelley says she went into her mind and “quieted my head and started going through what I wanted to see my day look like, how I wanted to give gratitude.” Shortly thereafter the whole feeling of hopelessness and negativity was gone.
  • 4:40 Brandon mentions “manifestation just means that it showed up because they put their thoughts, intention and will behind it in some way, shape or manner.”
  • 5:53 Shelley states “We’re just energetic beings having a physical experience, and power goes where we focus our energy. So, focus it somewhere positive that benefits you. Create some more high functioning you.”
  • 12:08 Shelley states emphatically “… recognize that we have emotional responses to those thought processes, and to the trauma that occurred to us or whatever as children… As adults, I truly believe and I’ve walked this journey for 20 years, we are responsible for healing it.”  {TK: WOW!!!}
  • Prayer can be meditation, meditation can just be going over what you’re grateful for (Gratitude Practice). Make this a habit. 

Spiritual Dope Eureka Moments!

  • 8:15 “So what I found in my early adulthood was I was always breaking out, but not in a positive way. Because I kept myself so contained all the time, that when I burst out, I usually got myself into trouble. And I needed to learn for myself how to live a more genuine, and aligned life…” [TK: YES! This is so relatable!]
  • 10:38 (This hit REALLY close to home.) Shelley talks about realizing as a parent, reflecting on her own parents’ parenting, that they “did the best with what they were given… and came with all their own baggage and all their own hurts and things.” [TK: Indeed. It took me until my mid-forties to stop judging my own upbringing by the light of perfection. My parents did the best with what they had. They weren’t intentionally “bad” or hurtful, they were doing what they felt was right. Different generations, different traumas and lifetimes, etc.]
  •  20:30 Shelley mentions Dr. Joe Dispenza’s teachings where he says the best way to create your future is to imagine it. But you have to live and imagine it already happening. [TK: This brings me back to Brandon’s coaching work with me, and the exercises where I would envision with all senses being in the ideal future!]
  • It’s all in your mind! (TK: IT IS!)
  • Quit apologizing to the world around you
  • https://livingwellwithshell.com/

Transcription by otter.ai

Unknown Speaker 0:02
You’re listening to the spiritual dope podcast with your host, Brandon Handley. The spiritual dope with today’s guest from living well with Shell Shelly shear, the spiritual worked out. Ready, set,

Brandon Handley 0:19
go. Hey there spiritual dope. Today I am on with Shelly shear she is a Vancouver based speaker, emerging author and coach. She spent 28 years as an accounting professional helping small to medium businesses navigate entrepreneurship while having a second side hustle. Her experience has crossed many industries from graphic design, manufacturing, automotive, spa, digital marketing, to hot dog vendors, it is give her a unique perspective into people and how they handle their businesses and themselves. She has a gift for finding logic, cool, logical, common sense solutions. She has a successful podcast that focuses on not living in regret and creating high functioning habits because she truly believes everyone is enough and should have an easier, more vibrant life. Thank you so much for joining today. How are you?

Shelley R Shearer 1:10
I am great. Thanks for having me. On if our listeners don’t know, we’ve known each other for a couple of years very casually because we took our podcasting course together four and a half years ago. Yeah. And it’s wonderful to see us both still here doing what we love to do.

Brandon Handley 1:22
Absolutely. I think that is really what I think is really funny was um, when you must have connected with me on instagram when I might, you know still under like Brandon Handley and I just switched that to spiritual dope. And then it like at some point like there was an aha moment where you realize that that that had happened like I was just praying in

Unknown Speaker 1:43
a second here.

Brandon Handley 1:46
So listen, how I like to start these off with his, you know, we were talking before this everybody’s connected to source source. You know, divinity, whatever speaks through us. We’re basically you know, vessels for the divine. And this podcast today, you are here to connect with somebody who’s listening. What is that message for that person coming through divine through you for that person?

Shelley R Shearer 2:12
My message today would definitely be emotions follow thoughts.

Brandon Handley 2:17
What do you mean by that?

Shelley R Shearer 2:19
Most people I find found in my own life as well that we are taught that we think and emotions are separate or that because of the way we feel we think a certain way and actually, that is improving quite an accurate the last 20 years during research and such that that’s not the case at all. In fact, we think a thought, then we have an emotion. And the reason that’s really important, in fact, I was literally brand brand new puppy in the house. It was sitting it was uptime is like Oh, I got to exercise her before I get on this podcast. I was going to do my own podcast today. And I’ll do it after. And that’s what actually was in my head because this morning I woke up myself personally, just rabbiting just swirling the drain. Just my thoughts were whirling in my mind. They were negative, there was nothing positive going on. It’s like I can’t get up and do this day like this. And that thought came to me it actually was something that I learned was kind of vocalize it’s something I’ve understood sort of in an innate level, but it was vocalized to me by someone Jan Jansen, I think mentioned it and of course, I was in a couple months back. And she said, emotions follow thoughts. And that’s what most people don’t accept, and also don’t consciously train themselves to change how they think. And it’s probably very much how I don’t know how you pronounce his last name, Tom, Bill,

Unknown Speaker 3:34
you know, the name

Shelley R Shearer 3:35
all over his all over Instagram, he’s got the thought Institute of some sort. And he very much hammers this home that you know, we need to control how we think. Yeah, so with that being said, You know, I was texting with the puppy for a quick little nap this morning. And I thought, This is not how I want to start my day. And so I immediately went into my mind quieted my head and started going through what I wanted to see my day look like, how I wanted to give gratitude. And my goodness, it took like a minute and then the rest was just bonus. It was like the whole feeling of hopelessness and negativity just left because where you focus is

Brandon Handley 4:16
in your life, right? Right. Right. And you know that you’re directing your energy into that space right and you’re literally that energy is what it takes for something to manifest whatever that means to people out there right because my wife and I always like I’ll say something about manifesting something’s like shit manifested this idea i think i don’t think you know what I mean. Totally. Yeah. manifestation just means that it showed up because they put their thoughts intention and well behind it in some way shape or madly, right? So no, I love I love that right emotions follow thought we’re gonna have to dig into that as we kind of see

Shelley R Shearer 4:52
if you can control things you’re thinking of and Jim quick that does the, the book on the learning the one that had the brain injury, he talks about this as well, because he’s trying to improve your memory. And there’s just so much now neuroscience behind it in the fact of gene expression and how we function, how we feel how we think. Now it’s the time in this day and age, especially with what’s going on in the world around us to really open up and say, let’s go research that a little bit. As you and I were chatting, just before we got on the on the actual podcast was, I grew up in a very, very religious home, very, very strict religious upbringing. believed and loved the certainty of the black and white of the knowledge at the time, especially as a teenager, and then you know, walked away later. And now I’ve come back to it because I believe in the law of attraction. So whether someone uses God or universe or Supreme, I don’t care. Right, right. Right. Energy interchangeable. Totally. Because we’re just energetic beings having a physical experience. Yeah. And power goes where we focus our energy. So focus it somewhere positive that benefits you create some more high functioning you Yeah, your

Brandon Handley 6:03
choice is a choice. There’s a couple pieces in that. I mean, even today, I picked up some random article that scientists are saying, there’s a 5050 shot that, um, we are in a construct, we are in, you know, a program, the matrix, like a lizard is a 5050 shot. So, you know, the same way there’s a 5050 shot as to whether or not there’s an afterlife, right, right. So why not kind of like, make those choices consciously on what you believe? Because you have a 5050 shot? Mm hmm. Right. So um, so let’s talk a little bit about like, I love, I love your podcast, I think it’s really well done. You handle the guests very well, you’re so well spoken, and you bring this energy that you’re bringing, you know, today, to your podcast, what you know, let’s talk about kind of how you found yourself in the space that you’re at now. And let’s give it like the leading with spirituality that you do now, like I’ve heard you, like, kind of referenced the woowoo. But like, or intuition, you know, how have you integrated that into your life and found more or less fulfillment from it? Like, how’s that? How’s that showing up in your life?

Shelley R Shearer 7:16
Well, it’s funny, cuz it’s something you said earlier about how you’ve manifested it, No, honey, honestly, doesn’t matter that you’re finding all the coincidences I still manifested. Because those are the those are the tracks that lead you to where you’re going. And you can call it coincidence, or you can own it, and I prefer to own it. And like I said, four and a half years ago, you and I took a podcasting course. Now, just just a little quick on that one. That was a very funny thing, how that happened. I went to a Make Your Mark event here in Canada, and signed up for speaking from stage because I wanted to find my voice. I’ve always just felt a little bit like I you know, grew up with the, you know, be seen and not heard one of female coming out of the 60s and 70s very autocratic father very religious upbringing. So lots of rules, lots of rigidity. And I’m clearly not that. So what I found in my early adulthood was I was always breaking out, but not in a positive way. Because I kept myself so contained all the time, that when I burst out, I usually got myself into trouble. And I needed to learn for myself how to live a more genuine and, and aligned life, and got very lucky in my 20s to attend a course called the pursuit of excellence, which talks about the filters to which we see the world and also talks about personality traits. So really, right from my 20s, very young, the universe kept putting the stuff in my path, awakening me awareness, opening my scope of reference, because really, like I say, I was raised in the box. Also, though, my dad was what was so funny is my dad’s an entrepreneur. So there was reason a box and I was a female.

Brandon Handley 8:55
Um, you know, what I love about your story that too, is that your dad became a successful entrepreneur after the age of 40, right?

Unknown Speaker 9:02
Yes. Oh, you do listen to my podcast.

Shelley R Shearer 9:06
Clearly, oh, you’re such a sweetheart. Yes, he did. And yet, when he looked at my life, he wanted it all to be planned out, you know,

Brandon Handley 9:15
as a parent, though, right? As a parent, and and him maybe not having found his stride, and this is me talking to right as a

Unknown Speaker 9:22
parent, and you, you are the parent,

Brandon Handley 9:24
right? It’s like, it’s like, you know, I did it in a very uncontrolled manner, how I got to where I am today is a miracle. But, um, knowing kind of what I know, it’s like, you know, here’s how you can truly succeed with ease. And that’s what you try to impart to your children. And we know that children are like, that’s not gonna work for me. I’m not to figure out my own way. You’re like, fine. I know. And

Shelley R Shearer 9:46
that I think, as a parent, that has got to be the hardest thing. The absolute hardest thing. I know, I did, you know, I only have the one son, and he has been through some very serious challenges in his life. In fact, we’ve just kind of recently he doesn’t want to Talking about this i’m not saying anything he’s not okay with. We thought he had bipolar for a number of years and have been battling that only to find out he’s on the spectrum actually. And it made so much more sense. It’s just he was so high functioning as a child, they never caught it. Yeah. And it wasn’t till I was, you know, he was going into kindergarten grade one and I was in an abusive relationship, and psychiatrists got brought in to assess the situation, and they will deal with ADD, and we carried on and then later in life when things were imploding, it’s like something else is going on here.

Brandon Handley 10:27
So it’s right there, the tools right there, right, the tools weren’t there. The tools, you know, didn’t really exist. Exactly then but but I’d love to hear that, you know, you’re fine. You’re catching it now. Right.

Shelley R Shearer 10:38
And I felt I did the best I could with what I had that something I think people need to give himself grace for more, I really had to learn to do that with my own parents and forgiveness. They did the best with the not with what they were given. Yeah, it came with all their own baggage and all their own hurts and, and things. Sure, um, then I became an adult and the parents I look back and going, I didn’t do that perfectly. But perfection is a lie. It’s not real. If this is just a journey, we’ve got to keep going on. So I handled it you know, in a manner as education again, so then we come back to the kind of again the with the high functioning, right, even when he was diagnosed, my attitude was you’re not going on Ritalin, and we’re not living on drugs. It was learn about what ad D or ADHD was at the time. And I behaved it with behavior modification was lis one thing at a time. Like he was the kid that melted at the front door. If you gave him three things to do. He’d be sitting there with the backpack, unpacked one shoe in his hand, and crying. It’s like I asked you to put your shoes on grab your knapsack can walk out the door, like it

Unknown Speaker 11:35
wasn’t that difficult. But this

Shelley R Shearer 11:37
is me being a very high functioning a tech personality seeing that child? No, it simply wasn’t connecting. Yeah, all those things. Yeah. Yeah. So we got you know, we like you say the tools weren’t there. But I was lucky enough again, to me kind of a few people got on to those you say the woowoo side of things. Yeah. To me. It’s just the holistic, natural side of things. Anti drug? As much as possible. I have nothing against medical Oh my gosh. Yes, that dental surgery. Thank you God for painkillers and antibiotics,

Unknown Speaker 12:06
right, yeah.

Shelley R Shearer 12:08
But I don’t want those corrections being part of everyone’s everyday life now, simply because they don’t understand how to control their thought process. And then recognize that we have emotional responses to those thought processes, and to the trauma that occurred to us, you know, we’re not to blame for the trauma that was given done to us or whatever is children. But as adults, I truly believe and I’ve walked this journey for 20 years, we are responsible for healing it, address it. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 12:34
address it just for having children. I mean, look, just it’s not. I don’t know, I, it’s hard to say like, it’s, you know, you can never say like, I know, that I always refer to kind of grown up, it was pretty easy, right? There’s some shit that happen. And but like, you just kind of look at it and be like, well, that’s just really gave me the ability to withstand X, Y, or Z or gave me strength or, you know, that’s, you know, or, or like, he’ll it right, but like, let’s just feel that address it wholly absorbed that that happened. and move on. Right. Like, let that be. The dragon the wind or whatever, right? Don’t

Shelley R Shearer 13:13
let it define you. Right. Yeah, that makes me sad when I let people see such negativity or illness in their life. define them as a person. Right,

Brandon Handley 13:21
right. Well, I mean, you know, so talk about that for yourself. You’re doing the fibromyalgia. Right, isn’t that? Yes. I mean, you know, I and I, I imagined that initially, you did kind of let it define you and kind of slow you down.

Unknown Speaker 13:38
Ooh, solid years. Yeah. Talk

Brandon Handley 13:41
about that. That because that can’t be easy.

Shelley R Shearer 13:44
I’m sure the property and one of the hardest things probably about things like fibro and mental illness are they are silent. Hmm. I’m like my puppy right now. Um, if this gets if she gets a little whiny, we can just stop and you can edit for me and I’ll do something with her. But that happens people people get very caught up in it. And I did. I was like, how this can be happening to me. I was functioning as a personality. I was working it was built a new house. It’s like, Are you kidding me? And leave me flat for two years until I learned to adjust, get my pain under control even tried to drug route for a little bit. And then the side effects were brutal. You know, there’s just a lot of suicidal thoughts and things and my husband, I were like, We can’t live this way. Alright, so it was a long journey. And I went again, right back into the holistic world of how do I support my body? How do I give myself and sometimes that just want to sit on the same silly napping. napping was a huge thing. I follow naps. But that ego of mine, yes. fought me tooth and nail and we’re stronger than this. We’re better than this. We don’t need this. Yes, we do. That’s the West.

Brandon Handley 14:52
That’s the western day. That’s the western mentality.

Shelley R Shearer 14:57
Absolutely. Yeah. So um, so a child of the 80s I was raised in that women can have it all nonsense have we have full time careers husbands that we wait still do the 1960s housewife thing through, and three children and don’t have House Cleaners?

Brandon Handley 15:11
You guys got back, man. I mean, even kidding me, I still I still I’m still very frustrated. Like, and like, you know, I believe women can do whatever they want be wherever they want, but to make a society where like, you know, you can’t have at least one parent at home, to be with the family or something to make to make that success in the material realm. You know, based on sex, right, be like, Oh, you can do it, I can do it. And we’re all gonna go do it like, Well, you know, who’s, where’s this other human aspect where, like, you know, that’s cool. You go ahead, I don’t even like going to work. So you know, somebody wants to show up and be like, you know what, I got this, you just stay home take care of children, um, like I’m in. Right. So I get frustrated from time to time just because that’s, you know, we’re, I feel like it was, you know, I’m not a I’m not a you know, conspiracy guy or anything like that. Like, I do feel like, you know, that was that was forced on forced on us.

Shelley R Shearer 16:12
Okay, you’re talking to Adam, because you know, he doesn’t he have a brilliant way of describing. So let me explain to me how explain surely how women completely got. How did you subserve his word for it? Where Yes, you had this great life where you were looking after the next generation, creating human beings being there having this whole emotional support for your family. And society walked in and said, Oh, but you don’t really want that, right? You want to go to work for 10 hours, like your husband does, and then still come home and do that all in two hours a night? Are you kidding me? And now requires two incomes to have a home,

Brandon Handley 16:45
but it wasn’t and it wasn’t there. That was your idea you want you forced it? Right. Like I mean, you know, so. So really interesting. Sorry to get off topic.

Shelley R Shearer 16:53
No, that’s okay. I want to vote not to like be a slave.

Brandon Handley 16:56
Right, right. Right. Right. Right. just crazy stuff. Crazy stuff. It is.

Shelley R Shearer 17:02
So you, you’d asked me about my fibro. So yeah, it was a long journey for a couple of years ago when we changed houses. And it gave us options because my income was right out the door. And I had an accounting professional income. So needless to say, that was missed. And there was nothing in the Canadian system, even what we call CPP up here, for this particular disease, there was no sort of long term disability or anything. And I was funny, you know what, as a single Mum, I carried all those extras, insurances for years. But when I got married, after a couple years, I let them go is like in our truck. Ryan was raised, we can both afford to pay the mortgage, we had life insurance in case something happened to either one of us, and I let all that extra stuff going. Hmm, not sure what it helped. But you kind of look back in hindsight, in really so that’s actually was one of the things that started me finding my voice was when I started moving myself forward, it immediately was how do I help other people do the same thing? Right? How do I encourage them to not be defined by a disease, and for me a big part of it, it was on another friend’s podcast a couple months back. And we talked very in depth in this because she deals with women or audiences, middle aged women. And she’d asked, you know, as a silent disease, no one can see it, what do you do you find support. And I believe that in any area of your life, though, find the support around you. And the sad part is, I hate to say it, it’s not always family. It wasn’t for me, and people really just always want it to be, they decide, I might need this, or I want this, but it has to be this person. And that is a tough limiting belief to let go for a lot of people because often that isn’t who’s going to be your biggest support.

Brandon Handley 18:37
I think that families too close, right to too close to the situation. And, you know, they know you from you know, they they know too much about you. Mistake you’ve ever made. Right. Right. And so they play out like the the history of you. Right versus

Shelley R Shearer 18:53
well, sad.

Brandon Handley 18:54
Right? So and that and that’s it. That’s not an easy transition mental model to shift. Right? So, you know, when you go to Thanksgiving dinner or whatever, you guys just happy Thanksgiving on Monday, right? You know, when you go to that dinner, you’re surrounded by family and they talk about all the old you and all the old stories and and all this other stuff. Whereas like your focus is, the future is so amazing. And I’m so excited. Let’s talk about what’s the calm? Yes. Like I’m giving you we talked about, you know, law of attraction with a lot of people. You know, I don’t know that many people actually in the space but giving thanks for you know, everything has already been done. Everything’s already been created. It’s just simply our awareness of that creation. So giving thanks for everything that’s already been done. includes the future. Yes, it does.

Shelley R Shearer 19:49
Right. Because that is something that Joe dispenza talks about. And he Now speaking of being left a center for me. He has taken me into a whole nother realm of my Christian beliefs, like Where do we go with this? He just has a spectacular way of looking at things he says the best way to create your future is to is to imagine it. But you have to live in imagine it already have happening. That’s right. Now something that kind of that he says that I really have taken to heart and I was talking to a girl from the other day, and she was going through a rough time. And I said, You know what, we have to remember that our memories, when we’re remembering something, we’re still living them in the now. Because our souls or spirits don’t differentiate necessarily to timelines. I look in the mirror and I see the wrinkles, and I see my hair graying. And I know time is passing, because my body is aging. Hmm. But my aunt told me once when I was very young, surely what you’ll understand, I was just like, barely even 30. And she said, You will know when you get older, your spirit has an age just you do. It’s all right. In my mind’s eye, I’m still the same person. You know,

Brandon Handley 20:52
it’s so funny, you say that? I always, you know, so I was doing Jiu Jitsu for a while until COVID. And go in there and hang out with people. And you guys are being guys talking about? I’d be getting in there with a younger guy, like, come on old guy, or you’re, you know, you’re just getting old or I was like, I’m not getting all my body’s getting old. Right leg? You know, I’m like, as you know, nothing has changed. Right? Now, there’s

Shelley R Shearer 21:15
my wisdom. Yeah, and whatever, which is fantastic. Right? Oh, you’ve had this all blessing us at

Brandon Handley 21:23

  1. That’s funny, because I remember you saying that earlier to, just to how, you know, you wouldn’t exchange the wisdom right now for youth. But there’s always that other line too, that people are always cracking, which is on this makes me think of your dad, too, is, you know, what would you do? What would you tell your 20 year old self, you know, and and really what they’re saying is like, especially now I think even at our age, and when your dad was 40 is like, when you realize all the wisdom that you have, like, I’m just gonna go ahead and use this for the next 2015 1520 years. Right. So yeah, you know,

Shelley R Shearer 21:58
that’s a very good point about having grace. Because my dad has a great education was raised and born in Saskatchewan, one of nine, and he’s one of the youngest of that crew. Very, very brutal, straight out of second generation British parents, very different upbringing. So now he married a city girl with an education and a working father, that worked professionally. So my parents are actually kind of funny that way, but well suited to each other’s strengths. So I could see him as a father and later in life saying, Oh, no, please don’t let my children go through what I went through, like, go get an education, right? Get a career. And he always wanted me to get something good. I could go somewhere that he could travel to meet me. He’s like, I need you to go work in Australia or something, Shelly honey,

Unknown Speaker 22:41
so I can run?

Shelley R Shearer 22:43
Okay, that’ll get right on that. So let’s just go for physical therapy and got nowhere with it. But regardless, I could see you have very valid point as a parent, right? Don’t do it, you know, don’t do what I did don’t make my mistakes. Right? Well,

Brandon Handley 22:56
that’s what we try to do. All we’re trying to do is like, man, here’s my list. And just like, don’t do any of this, right? Or, you know, and this is this is, this is why I feel like I’m very lucky to be a parent in this time and age, right, I started fatherhood for the rest of us, that was the first podcast. And that was, you know, learning the positive opposites. Right? You don’t, right? And this plays right into law of attraction is play, right? And everything else, right? You don’t think about what you don’t want your children to? Do? You tell them what you want them to do? Exactly. Because otherwise, you’re already creating the image in their mind of what you don’t want them to do. And as you and I know, the subconscious doesn’t see yes or no, they just see the picture

Shelley R Shearer 23:34
exactly right or wrong. Even if it doesn’t differentiate, it just sees the picture that you’re playing, just like having the comment about the memories, every time. I mean, remember things, it’s fun, but recognize that you need to like, let it go and go back to where it belongs. Because otherwise, you’re living your current existence in that memory. And if that memory and those experiences are negative, or bad, you are bringing them into your current circumstances, like this morning, every single day of your life. No wonder there is no positive emotion going forward. Because your thoughts are all in the past and all the negativity. Absolutely. I

Brandon Handley 24:11
mean, look, it’s in the word right and negative being like a re cursor, right? Like we did that. Um, so what one thing that you talked about this morning, too, was, you know, waking up and catching and creating a vision for the day?

Shelley R Shearer 24:27
Yes, very much.

Brandon Handley 24:29
Is that a daily practice?

Unknown Speaker 24:31
Yes, very much. So.

Brandon Handley 24:32
What’s that, like, you know, for the audience.

Shelley R Shearer 24:37
No matter what I have positive or negative to say about my upbringing, prayer was instigated in my life. And that makes meditation for me quite easy. And because I never had grew up in the Catholic religion where I had to worry about talking to a priest. It was always a direct contact, contact or conversation sorry with source. Meditation for me is really that now which is why I talk about in my little ebook I don’t care if you’re lying in bed in the morning, or it’s just before you’re going to sleep at night, let your mind wander and just go over the positives or go over what you want to see happen. show gratitude for whatever’s in your life, what’s going on in that day. Because that now is in the subconscious, like you say, the subconscious isn’t there to differentiate between all of this is just waiting for you to give it you know, to activate. And so activate on the positive activate on what you’re grateful for. So yes, that is very, very much a daily thing for me. In fact, I even got into the habit of doing a sitting here, a gratitude journal, and someone knows, and of course, one day and you just buy them. And that for people, it’s like people who go on diets, I always say get an app on your phone and write down everything for a week, though. Because your awareness you need to see because they’re like, cheating. I don’t eat sugar. Mm hmm. Yeah, it’s every thing.

Brandon Handley 25:53
Whatever you track, right? Whatever you track, you pay, you can measure. Yeah, you can measure as well.

Shelley R Shearer 25:58
So my gratitude journal was that’s became a habit at nighttime, just even if it was just three lines. It’s like, I’m tired. I don’t wanna do this right now. I made myself do it. It was a habit to do it that way. 80% of the time, it was getting done.

Brandon Handley 26:11
Yeah, no, I mean, you’re lucky and you can’t beat yourself up if you don’t do it. Right. Like it’s these are. And I think that that’s one of the problems. Not a problem. It’s just one of our, again, another Western civilization Quirk. Right. Which is, which is Oh, I missed the day. I guess I’m never gonna do it again. Oh, right. It’s all or nothing.

Shelley R Shearer 26:32
Oh, I hear coaches talk about that all the time. Fitness coaches, anything is like, no, get back up on the horse The next day, please. That’s why I say to people what I used to coach health stuff because I was in a network marketing company for a couple years. It was just kind of fun. And it really spoke to my need just to be healthier. Because I’ve always been a bit of a nutcase. Like always a bit of a health nut, what you do 80% of the time is a good habit. Hmm. Not the one day a week or the every now and then, where you just blow it all to smithereens. And you haven’t gone to the gym in a week or when on vacation and drank every day. Okay, great. You did that writing on, right act to your routine. Oh, and if you can get those habits in place, and they are there 8% of the time, you will slip back to them because it’s your norm.

Brandon Handley 27:15
Right. Well, I mean, that was one of the things that we learned with this podcasting course was, you know, your default pattern, right? I know that that was one of the places I first picked up on how your default patterns was through, you know, Sam,

Shelley R Shearer 27:30
right and consistency, Sam, just, you know, what, what is he? What does Sam always say? My favorite expression is Sam. Repetition reduces resistance. Yeah, I

Brandon Handley 27:39
haven’t listened for a while. But um, you know, I still love them like it without without going through that I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today. And so let’s talk about what is it you’re doing right now? Are you doing the coaching? Are you? Yes.

Shelley R Shearer 27:51
So just getting you just very small. It’s just a very, it’s new. It’s new to me for now. I started coaching back in January, took on my first clients, okay, and it didn’t actually want to do it. At first, my coach was making me I just want to public speak, I love to talk.

Brandon Handley 28:06
Clearly, you do their job, but you’re very well spoken. So thanks, sweetie. Putting it to good use.

Shelley R Shearer 28:12
And I wanted to write a book. But it was like you still have to earn a living. And also there’s always there’s always the attitude with coaching is that you can’t keep all that knowledge to yourself, if you’re not, and I’m definitely so I talk about things in my podcasts, something called the sacred gifts. And it was a course I took a number of years ago and that lady is now a personal friend of mine, even though I quote and I called her, Monique ladette MacDonald, Monique, l e da Tila that you can find her anywhere sacred gifts, okay. And she talks about the things that are innately in us, like right out of the gate is one of those neat courses where you take and you realize, Oh, that’s not me. That’s a skill set. Like administration. I worked in an office for 30 years. All right, not my gift. Okay, I just learned to get good at it. So you can still have great skill sets and everything. But I have the gift of what they call service, and hospitality and knowledge. Those are my three main gifts. So I have to learn stuff. But then I also have to share it with you because what makes it a gift is that you share it with the world. So although I love music, I don’t have a gift of music, things like that. It’s something I definitely never share with the world.

Unknown Speaker 29:19
It’s just not pleasant.

Shelley R Shearer 29:20
But the gift of service was and what I realized early on in my accounting career was that gift was always in play with the smaller clients I was servicing. I was helping you was hospitality was even involved in my knowledge was needed. Right? When I got to be later in life when I was at companies like Bell Canada, one of those big telco companies here in Canada. those gifts were not engaged in I load my accounting work. I thought what happened? It’s the same job. So I’m making more money and I’ve got people reporting to me and I hated it hated every minute of it. So gifts are really important. So the gift of services there regardless and it’s innate in me. Therefore, if I know knowledge, I have to be able to share it and coaching is the best way to do that.

Brandon Handley 30:00
Yeah, I love it. I love. I love coaching, I love sharing out that knowledge I love. I love seeing somebody go through the journey, right? I love, I love seeing them come into it too, you know, and just being able to recognize it like just on a visual cue or even like through some phrases, if somebody’s like, typing in like Facebook or somewhere and you’re like, I know exactly where you are, I know exactly what’s going on in your mind. And we should talk, you know, and you know, and that’s it’s not a, it’s not a sign of transaction I’m looking for, right? It’s like, Look, this is I can help you if you’d like, kind of thing, right? Or like, so so I get that. And I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it called, here’s another one of my little rants. But I’ve seen it called, you know, generational knowledge, right? We need to, we need to pass that generational knowledge. Yes. Right. So I feel almost, and I’m sure there’s not intentional in any way, shape or form. But if you look at Western civilization again, especially in the US and Canada, the generations have been divided very much almost purposely, right? Like almost, you know, so, you know, when you get too old, they’re like, well, we got to ship you off. We can’t take care of you anymore. But like who, where’s where’s, where are the elders, and in that situation, right to pass,

Shelley R Shearer 31:22
which is a completely score, fundamental belief system, in every Aboriginal or ancient civilization in history. Right. The elders are the holders of the knowledge. We’ve got to the point that as soon as our kids hit nine, we’ve got them labeled as Tweenies, or millennials, there’s, so they’ve got this lovely little label, and then they start buying into that indoctrinated propaganda. It’s like, No, no, no, stop right now, please. Because all you are right now is just young, you might be growing up in different technology than us. Fair enough. But I think one of our biggest advantages, and just why cannot stand people to say things Oh, I can’t be bothered that things will never change.

Unknown Speaker 32:00
Really?

Shelley R Shearer 32:03
Because I’m pretty sure 200 years ago, you would dive in infection because penicillin wasn’t invented yet. So that’s sort of, you know, willful ignorance. Crazy. Yes, for sure. Do not put our children into a box and then do not ship off for elderly. Right? There is a humongous disconnect here in our society in this in this area.

Brandon Handley 32:20
Right. Yeah. So you see to salutely All right, all right. So you know, this, this kind of innate ability, the, you know, connected to source, kind of reconnecting back to source like, kind of after pushing it aside, or, or just not recognizing it for what it was for a while how, you know, how did that show back up in your life? And what’s it been like, since then?

Shelley R Shearer 32:48
I’d have to see it showed back up when I got a handle on accepting that this wasn’t a punishment, because that’s how I felt I felt God punished me with fibro. Hmm, I get you know, and it’s funny, because I wasn’t raised necessarily with some of the Catholic belief systems that you know, that things happen because you’ve been naughty, or that you need to do good things to earn your way into heaven. And like I say, remember, I’m married to a Catholic, and a very good friend. So some of this stuff is not I may know, I’ve talked to these people, I know how some of the religious doctrine works. And I’ve never, I’ve always believed in grace, because being in the Pentecostal church are simply saved, you know, you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, and the sins are forgiven. And when you’re raised with that sort of belief structure, it often makes me surprised how many people hang on to so much guilt and shame, because it’s like, well, if you truly believe that you can change as a person and that there was grace and there is forgiveness from a higher source. And Shouldn’t you be living in that in that grace? And that, that good stuff,

Unknown Speaker 33:54
right? Why wouldn’t you be?

Shelley R Shearer 33:56
Exactly So for me, when I came to the realization that this was not a punishment, and when I also started coaching with my own coach to say, this is a journey, and there’s lessons here I need to learn one of the things in you, you and I have Adam in common. One of the his strong belief structures is

Unknown Speaker 34:16
so you’re able to edit this

Unknown Speaker 34:17
will be good people have dogs,

Unknown Speaker 34:21
because

Unknown Speaker 34:22
you can always get up and walk away for a second and I can monitor if you’re, it’s okay.

Unknown Speaker 34:28
All she’s doing, she can’t

Unknown Speaker 34:29
see.

Shelley R Shearer 34:31
So one of the things that he really hammered home for me in our coaching sessions were that life happens for me, not to me,

Brandon Handley 34:37
that’s a great trend. And

Shelley R Shearer 34:38
when you can get your head around that as an individual, it changes everything. It changes how you look at every situation. And in fact, although maybe not 100%, you know, across the board relatable, it saved my marriage even when I was struggling a year or two ago because instead of looking at the lame, like, what are you doing? And how I’m feeling about it? Sure. Again, back to the emotions follow thoughts. Of course, I’m going to think negative or feel negatives, when all I’m thinking is he’s this he’s that he’s, what other response is your body going to have? Or your subconscious going to accept? Negative? Yeah. So when you can take responsibility for yourself, which is what really started this journey, and then believe that life is for me, well, if it’s for me, then that means everything is for me. So what do I need to take out of this situation? Well, I wouldn’t have a podcast, I wouldn’t be coaching, which I love. Excuse me, I wouldn’t have been able to even help my son through so much of what he’s gone through the last few years, because I was literally just two steps ahead of him going through my own stuff. I wouldn’t have been able to repair some of the relationship with my parents. And now that you know, there are failures, you know, they’ve got dimension, my mother has been diagnosed as well. So she doesn’t remember speaking me sometimes the day before, which is very sad. But it made me look at all of that very, very differently. What was the lesson here for me?

Brandon Handley 36:11
The idea of taking 100% ownership for your life. You know, I understood the concept, and I went and I saw cheese. Who’s the Chicken Soup for the Soul guy? Okay, so I went saw him. He really great. Yeah, really great presenter, right. But he said, You know, he goes, just try it for a little bit, just try to take 100% ownership, because because if you take you know, 100% ownership for everything, everything, including like everything, everything included yet, then you know everything, it’s on you, right, you’ve got that responsibility. But if you just take responsibility for 99% of it, that’s, that’s not gonna work. Right? So you’ve just so much is 1% can throw it off for you. And it’s kinda like you said to, you know, they say this, and I think the data, you know, either all of it, or none of it is God. And just like Albert Einstein says, to either everything or nothing is a miracle. Right? Like miracles. So I love that mindset, right, and making that shift that the world is out there for you. I don’t know if you’re familiar with a book that I love is called, are you ready to succeed? Um, I’ve

Shelley R Shearer 37:29
read that one.

Brandon Handley 37:30
So make a note of that one. Oh, good. I mean, I’m on my, I’ll probably read it for my fourth time this year, because, you know, I’ll read like a chapter a week, and you do the exercises in it, and you go through it. And in that book, he just talks about how you know, of Indian descent.

Unknown Speaker 37:46
How

Brandon Handley 37:48
the benevolent universe has Montana, right? It’s a benevolent universe. And if you can find, you know, what good the universe is kind of doing for you on your behalf today, then, that’s a game changer. It is. And also to your relationship example, right? I view my relationship as a gift and opportunity for me to recognize what my triggers are. Right? If

Unknown Speaker 38:16
that’s a good one. Yes. Right. Your

Brandon Handley 38:18
triggers are what are my triggers? Right? Because if I’m, if I’m, you know, it goes to that, that little letter writing exercise I’m sure you’re familiar with, like, if I write you a letter, if I write a letter to someone that’s pissing me off, and blah, blah, blah, and all these things that are annoying me about them? That’s a reflection on myself. Right? Yes. Well, so the reverse is true, though, too. So if I write a letter of like, all the admirable traits, you know, those are the things I admire about myself, right? So I’ll catch myself in the relationship situation be like, Oh, my gosh, she doesn’t do those who didn’t do that? I’m like, neither did I. Right. Right. So so I just look at it as kind of like an opportunity for me to recognize what my triggers are. And that was a lesson for me, because and again, too, if we don’t address those triggers are the things that are always blown up in our face, they will always be there.

Shelley R Shearer 39:09
Yes. And they will always control you. So you will always be doing the neat what we like, like I like to call the knee jerk reaction versus the planned response. Where would you rather live that planned response or a knee jerk situation where your subconscious is controlling? I always love that analogy with the iceberg. And there’s the waterline, and here’s what everyone sees what we think is our reality, right? And then this is our subconscious, huge compared to up here.

Brandon Handley 39:37
Right? Right. So I mean, the video may not go out so I’m gonna just explain so you know, she, she just drew like, kind of a triangle and it’s literally only like, in 5% maybe on the top and 95% on the bottom, which, you know, I always we can accord to your conscious and your subconscious. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. So, um,

Unknown Speaker 39:58
you know, the

Brandon Handley 39:59
idea Spiritual dope is kind of like, we can get these spiritual, right we can get like these spiritual highs, right? Like it just like like, Oh man, I just feel like so filled with source and just filled with life. What where does that come for you like what are some of your spiritual highs? What are some of your spiritual dopes?

Shelley R Shearer 40:21
Definitely family and when I say that I’m married into an amazing family, and I have my granddaughter as well. And you know, it’s funny, you should just mention that. For some reason, it just popped into my mind growing up with the Bible, and the fact that you were two or more gathered together, the Bible says there will be also wood, you know what, that is actually a universal truth. And we see it every day and mob mentality, we thinking how does all those people get crazy and will because they became a group and the energy became a force of nature, the negativity that a few people were feeling, they surrounded themselves with it. So I remember my parents telling me growing up, he was very important to go to church on Sunday for that food. And I’m thinking as I got older, like, whatever. But actually, that is very true in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be church for you find the friends, I found my tribe, and especially my neighborhood. So when I got sick, and we were able to move up the street into a house that had rental suite, so we didn’t have to downsize was a gift, just a gift from God. And because these people, these ladies, especially in this neighborhood, and even the men, they’re our friends, they’re our support network. And where we are gathered together, there is positive energy. And there is thought and there is solutions talked about and not just gossip that we’re looking for. You need to make a decision and actively go search for that in your life. Now, if it’s going to church on Sundays, great, just don’t get involved in a lot of negativities everyone’s going to hell but you nonsense, because that’s really roughly not going to give you what you need. There are still reasons why people gather, right? Why there are powers in numbers because exponentially our energetic beings of ourselves or a field grow and feed off each other. That’s why kids and gangs run around doing bad things. And it gets worse. And the opposite is true. For sure.

Brandon Handley 42:16
I just finished reading on force versus power by Dr. David Hawkins. And he talks a little bit about this too. Like I mean, this is a you read about you read about people to spend time with Yogi’s, right and how they’re all just kind of sitting there and meditation and then all of a sudden, like they get that whatever happens right? They get that head of spiritual dope and like what, but he calls it it’s a vibrational entrainment. So like, if you guys are all hanging out vibrating at a certain level, then you guys are also increasing each other’s vibration.

Shelley R Shearer 42:48
Exactly. or something. I actively search for that in my life. Yeah,

Brandon Handley 42:53
yeah, no, absolutely. But I mean, that’s what they tell you to go find people that are beyond where you are today, right? go seek those people out. And for the people that are listening that like the woowoo stuff, that’s one of the reasons why is because you are in an entrainment field then. Right,

Shelley R Shearer 43:11
exactly.

Brandon Handley 43:12
How much fun is that? Like, I mean, it may make us right makes me and that’s and i think that i think that you know, again, this podcast is also geared towards like taking all this spiritual energy and applying it to a successful kind of business and place What would you say, you know, how have you taken like your spiritual energy and infused that to a more holistic business practice? I would say

Shelley R Shearer 43:41
I don’t think I will actually the simple answer that is I don’t think I could coach without it if I hadn’t made that choice and that change wouldn’t be coaching okay. I just wouldn’t be I was my old self is too logical to right or wrong to not self yes an ego but I was very independent and bit bit of a loner, and I still am to a certain extent I’m what they call an extroverted introvert. I need a lot of downtime to recover. And being I guess, being a bit of Pathak, I guess they call it people’s emotions affect me. And I really had to learn to protect myself while still giving back. So if I hadn’t come to some of those realizations, yeah, I would still just be doing accounting work and worrying about debits and credits, not about people’s well being.

Brandon Handley 44:27
Tell me tell me a tool or visualization or something you use to protect your energies. And I asked this because I don’t have that problem. Like I like I am. I’m not an MP, right. Like I like, I like people and I feel your emotions and we’re all cool, but like it doesn’t. I don’t feel it. Right. So but I do know people that experienced the same thing. So what do you do to protect your energy?

Unknown Speaker 44:58
Yeah. Oh,

Shelley R Shearer 44:59
that’s an interesting one. I have to be careful what I read and watch on TV for starters. Okay, very much so because it affects me, it affects my sleep and affects my thought patterns. I do take a lot of quiet downtime. And in fact, we’ll be going back, you know, we don’t wait up to our family’s home in penticton, which the Okanagan Valley here in BC, fruit wine country for us, that’s lovely. And we have a little house that I lived in as a child and has always stayed in the family. And I’m going to head back up there for a few weeks. Next month on my own, I want to do the outline for the book, because I just need to be out of the energetic field of sometimes all the chaos that’s even going on in my own home. Just people I’ve had students that live with us and get it done. And I do you need to just decompress a lot, watching what goes in my brain, I take it all on. And what I didn’t realize is when I was younger, one of the things about being my personality trait was amplified in this aspect, not realizing I had empathic abilities, in the fact that I just shut myself down, I built a really strong wall around myself, and didn’t let me out very often. Because they didn’t know how to protect that it was just I might as well have just, you know, stuck my heart out of my chest, lay there and let you poke needles at it. And it’s like, that’s just a bizarre visual. But that’s almost like what felt like to me. So now I work very hard at not over scheduling my days. And not being with people day in and day out. I cannot do that very hard to my husband who’s a true extrovert. But for me, people drain me they don’t charge me He is a full on. We’ve done this, this and this now let’s go to the after party because I’m gonna get you set up. I’m like, Oh my gosh, let

Brandon Handley 46:37
me go home to my bathtub. Definitely, definitely more the after party kind of guy. That’s okay. So

Shelley R Shearer 46:44
you’re the after party and kind of guy or not.

Brandon Handley 46:45
I am okay. At least I was right. Like, I mean, it’s been, you know, my whole journey has been, you know, just kind of letting go some of the things that didn’t serve me like so now I’ll shut down and be like, you know, if I’m in a fun man and party atmosphere, I’m like, nothing here for me go have fun. I’ll see you guys later. Right? Like, because I’d rather go watch Autobiography of a yoga

Shelley R Shearer 47:10
Yogi. Okay, you know what I mean? But that’s the big thing is recognizing it about yourself. So many people remove themselves from the situation without understanding why they’re doing it. The understanding of the motivation is

Brandon Handley 47:21
so important. I think that, you know, we could probably wrap it with with something like that, where you started off with that, right, recognizing where your emotion was coming from, which was being driven by a thought. And then not just recognizing that being able to transform that energy, right? It’s an immediate, it’s kind of like the old old school railroad tracks right here it comes to train the trains already gone. The beautiful thing about the train that we run and operate in our mind is that we can switch those tracks at any time.

Shelley R Shearer 47:53
Yes, exactly. So I’ve always loved the expression, like you say, to end this here, I’ve always loved the expression, it’s all in your mind. Because it is a full believer on that I believe in the placebo effect, I believe that we have the ability to change based on how we think about things. So really understanding what you need as an individual and taking that time, and not allowing people that don’t understand how paths work draining me all the time. That has been a godsend for me. And the big thing too, is that you cannot apologize for it, then quit apologizing to the world around you. That doesn’t understand. Like I say I’m married to an extrovert, full on and because I’m social social story, people always thought we were the same. But I need very, very different recovery tools than he does. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 48:41
was important to recognize. So thank you. That’s definitely some nice tools. I think for people that experienced that. Me on like a lead ball, like I don’t even know. Right. So and it’s that’s okay, too. So what, where can we send people to hang out with you? I mean, it’s been a ton of fun. I will keep going. But I have absolutely no,

Shelley R Shearer 49:00
I know we do. And we’re gonna we’ll do this again soon, I promise. And I’d love to have you as guest on my show as well, because I my listeners would just I have a very large male demographic of all i don’t know why but I do. And so they would just love they love it. When I do interviews. You can reach me anywhere at living well with shell that is the name of the Instagram page, the Facebook page, my email living well with Shell at gmail, the generic one. Anything living well with Shell, you will find me on social media.

Brandon Handley 49:24
Awesome. So thank you so much for coming on today. I really enjoyed it. Thank

Shelley R Shearer 49:27
you for having me. It’s been wonderful. We’ll see you soon. Absolutely. Excellent.

Unknown Speaker 49:32
Thanks for listening to the spiritual Dell. And thank you, Shelley, for being on the show. Spiritual dub. Be sure to follow us on Facebook and on our website does spiritual dope.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Get your ht

Brandon Handley 0:00
What is going on Brandon Handley here today with do the voice of a generation have a little bit of fun as I’ve got some guests over this weekend but uh, you know, what I haven’t done for you for a little bit was do a solo podcast and what I’m what I want to do is catch up catch you up a little bit with the Buddhism, stuff that we’ve been doing over on Facebook, I’ve had to push off for the past couple weeks, you know one of them. But I’ve got another that we did on Facebook with a Reverend Samurai and we did the Three Jewels of Buddhism. And if you’re not familiar with what they are, and they’re called three areas, which we can turn to, for refuge, right, these three jewels or refuges are essential to the Buddhist teachings. In the Buddhist times, when people wanted to ordain and become Buddhist, they formally took up refuge in these three jewels. The jewels are places where we turn toward in order to cultivate mindfulness and loving kindness. They are three different ways in which we may take refuge

Unknown Speaker 1:23
in our path,

Brandon Handley 1:25
and practice and I love the fact of the idea of refuge is somewhere we can go to find solace to be at peace, to be at ease to not worry so much about nearly anything else. As a matter of fact, you know, what I really want to do is, is, while we’re here right now, is look up refuge and see what the dictionary version of this is. So that we can really just share what it is so shelter or protection from danger or distress, a place that provides shelter or protection, and something to which one has recourse and difficulty. So these three jewels of Buddhism are places in which you or a practicing Buddhist may go and find Rhys bite recourse away from a place that they’re feeling challenged. The first of these three jewels is the Buddha. When we hear the term Buddha, when you hear the term Buddha, and we often think of the historical Buddha, however, taking refuge in the Buddha is less about the man who awakened and more about taking refuge in the Buddha hood with us. The Buddha taught that we all have the seed of awakening that needs to be watered if we are to liberate ourselves. taking refuge in the Buddha means turning toward the Buddha seed within we tune into the seeds of wisdom and compassion already presence cultivating these qualities and resting with them this I think he depending on when you listen to this and just recently released a podcast actually know what I didn’t release this podcast, I forgot to record it during the conversation, ah the trials and tribulations of your own podcasting. The idea and is that we are all Buddhas, you are a Buddha. Simply waking up to that idea. Right? So he says taking refuge is less about the man who awakened and more about taking refuge in the Buddha hood within us you are that Buddha within, you know, I’ll even I’ll even line this up somehow to Napoleon hills thinking grow rich. And what he calls the mastermind is the ability to call upon others mentally as if they were in the room with you. Right. And in. In essence, what you’re doing in that situation is you are vibrating yourself to that level of somebody or something within your own imagination. And when you do that, you’re able to just kind of call forth from the ether and ether and sit into that space. So you have the ability should you choose to say In Buddhist light to sit in Christ light right in nature and that is you know kind of mastermind that’s what they’re talking about here by taking refuge in the Buddha hood with a you have it within you you are that seed you are that as they would say in Hinduism, thou art that. And you’ve had that seed that needs to be watered in cultivation is such a such an amazing word. You find it a lot as a matter of fact, I’ve got it over here in the eaching that I spend, I spend usually a little bit of everyday with most days and going through it and the idea of cultivating that greatness within you. Right and and tuning into that seed of wisdom, compassion, it’s already within you, and resting in that space and being fine. Again, refuge.

Brandon Handley 5:57
Right, relax into it, relax into it. So you have the Buddha within you, you are a Buddha take refuge and knowing that cultivate that and be with it, rest with it, the Dharma. The second of the Three Jewels is the Dharma, or way. The Dharma is both Buddhist teachings and actual actions associated with the teachings. The Buddhist teaching offer a safe place a safe way of being taking refuge in the Dharma means that we study the Buddhist teachings and put forth the effort to utilize the Dharma in our lives. we meditate, take the precepts, and cultivate wholesome qualities, acting and living in this way is a true refuge in that we do not cause harm to others or ourselves and are able to find safety in the teachings. So the Dharma is both the teachings and the actual actions on if you ever heard anybody say, I’ve got to go do my dharma. And I was always confused. I was like, how do you do your Dharma? If that’s the teaching the the words right that there’s not necessarily a doctrine, but the teachings and the ways. But I think that with any type of teaching, anything you do, you must embody it. You must take action, you must live those teachings, not simply read, regurgitate, and mentally, you know, rehash and go over these things over and over. utilize it, put it into your life. And again, you know, meditate and cultivate wholesome qualities, acting and living in this way is a refuge. If you’re not in acting in any way to do harm to others for yourself, how often do you find yourself just beating the shit out of yourself for something so trivial, something so small, that with anybody else with any friend of yours, you would say, everything’s gonna be fine your grade, you didn’t do it on purpose, that type of thing. So I love it. So your Dharma is your teachings in action. And just knowing that, that that is a practice and knowing that that’s the life that you’re living with intention is like, that doesn’t leave room for guilt. There is no harm if you’re living in this way. So there’s refuge in that because you’re not going to kind of be torn as to whether or not you’re living in the right way. And within purpose, and your purpose is to your purpose in your actions or to live the Dharma. The Sangha, this is one of my favorites, right, the third and final today. of the Three Jewels in Buddhism is the Sangha. The Pali word Sangha refers to the community of practitioners. Traditionally, the Sangha is the community of monks and nuns. For laypeople Asana is simply a community of people on the path with you. It may be members of local meditation center, friends, that you’ve made in your practice, or those who sit on a retreat with to take refuge in OSI is to engage with the community of meditators. community is important in Buddhism as it is in many religious and spiritual traditions. Our meditation practice is often personal, intimate, but engaging with others is just as important. When we turn toward the Sangha, we are able to learn from others offer to help others and to use our practice to engage with others mindfully. practicing with the community often helps us to see things and in new ways working Other things which we had not previously considered. I don’t know about you. But there’s so many times as this final line, right is going to a new community and having somebody having a conversation with somebody, and them explaining something you thought you were thoroughly, intimately knowledgeable about, and they, they put a little spin on it. And you say to yourself, wow, I hadn’t thought about it that way. And your life has changed, your life has changed for, right, forever. That’s the power of just a simple community being able to reach out there

Brandon Handley 10:49
and do it in an opening way, in an open way, where you are receptive to new ideas where you are receptive to somebody else’s way of thinking. And the idea of diversity is that many people from different backgrounds, many different perspectives, many different cultures, are going to allow for you to see things in a way that you had not, as, as it says here, previously considered. The other idea is that is people on the path with you, but also the people on the way, you know, people on the way to the community, that there, there’s some excitement about right there, you know, people that you can see coming from a distance like, Oh, my God, I never thought that they were going to come to this community, I’m so excited to share some time with them and be with them. I don’t know that. Susan, I really think that way. That’s the way I think about it, though, you know, you see some people coming along the way or you’re along the path with them, as they’re talking about, as lay people, the community people that are on the path with you, you and I’ve met today, you and I have spent some time with each other, you are here with me on this podcast, or maybe you’re here in the video rendition. And we’re spending a little bit of time with each other. And so that means, you know, we’re we’re along the path with each other, it doesn’t mean we’re going to the same place. means we’re walking with each other for a moment, which means that we are here together for a moment. Now, it doesn’t have to be forever. Does that mean that’s one of the things I think that a lot of people get caught up on or hung up on? People come into your life, they’re just they’re likely just as quick to leave? What did you learn from that person? What kind of experience Did you have with that person? Hopefully, what were you able to offer to them as well? And how did the time that you spent with each other, you know, possibly benefit the world. I’m just kind of, you know, looking at this over again, and also, you know, our meditation is often personal, intimate. I think what’s even just as powerful is to meditate with a community knowing that just for a moment that your minds are in the same space and place and you’re meditating together, there’s a power in that, I don’t know that you’ve ever had the experience of, of watching, maybe a concert, right? I remember, I remember sitting at MPC boys concert years ago. And, you know, up on the we’re probably you know, three rows up or whatever, you know, three levels up and you can see the main floor and the main floor. The piece I forget what the hell it was for us. I think it was a Hello nasty tour. But their their stage would like move left and right. And it was like you could see the bodies moving to follow the concert and you could literally see like this Ying Yang, you know energy because of just how it worked, right? So you see energy in motion bodies in motion and people in motion. And and I say that because you know, you see you see that? vibration, you see that energy in motion in people and it’s very intense to be able to see that now. I know I brought that up in this one. I forget what minds and motion together. Right. So those people work together in unison. They had different kinds of objectives. They’re returning different ways but they were there together an in unison and seeing seeing that outside of you is pretty It’s pretty cool. I’ve seen it in a number of other different scenarios or if you go to raves or been to parties like that you can see people kind of dancing to the same beat. You see them dancing emotion, I’m sure that you always hear people talking, you know, Mark marching to the same beat. But some, you know, there’s, there’s something to seeing people liberated by music and dancing and motion and seeing that community in action together, same idea of even quietly meditating with each other, just that energy, driving through all of you at that same time. mines in refuge

Brandon Handley 15:43
right in the Buddha, and living their dharma. So the Three Jewels ladies and gentlemen of Buddhism, the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha, we should be Samurai that is going live October 17. To finish up our last one for a little bit anyways, and that’ll be the Eightfold noble path. Look forward to hearing your thoughts on this one. And perhaps catching up with you on Facebook. Pete, feel free to join us for the Eightfold noble path. All right. Have a great evening, day life. Do whatever you’re doing.

Unknown Speaker 16:29
Take it easy.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai