Kerri Hummingbird, Soul Guide and host of Soul Nectar Show, is the #1 international best-selling author of “The Second Wave: Transcending the Human Drama” and the award-winning best-selling book “Awakening To Me: One Woman’s Journey To Self Love” which describes the early years of her spiritual awakening. Ms. Hummingbird inspires people to lead their lives wide awake with an authenticity, passion and purpose that positively impacts others. She catalyzes mind-shifts that transform life challenges into gifts of wisdom. Her newest book, already a #1 int’l bestseller, is called “Love Is Fierce: Healing the Mother Wound” and describes the most direct path to spiritual enlightenment. Connect with Kerri at: https://kerrihummingbird.com/
Unknown Speaker 0:00
Your journey has been an interesting one up to hear you’ve questioned so much more than those around you. You’ve even questioned yourself as to how you could have grown into these thoughts. Am I crazy? When did I begin to think differently? Why do people in general appear so limited in this process? Rest assured, you are not alone. The world is slowly waking up to what you already know inside yet can’t quite verbalize. Welcome to the spiritual dough podcast, the show that answers the questions you never even knew to ask, but knew the answers to questions about you this world the people in it? And most importantly, how do I proceed? Now moving forward? We don’t have all the answers but we sure do love living in the question. Time for another head of spiritual dub with your host Brandon Handley. Let’s get right into today’s episode.
Brandon Handley 0:41
Hey there spiritual dope. We are on here today with Carrie hummingbird, Soul guide and host of soul nectar show she’s number one International Best Selling Author of the second wave transcending the human drama and the award winning best selling book, awakening to me one woman’s journey to self love, which describes the early years her her spiritual awakening, Miss hummingbird inspires people to lead their lives wide awake with an authentic, passionate purpose that positively impacts others, she catalyzes miles just to transform life challenges into gifts of wisdom. Her newest book already number one international bestsellers called Love is fierce healing the mother wound and describes the most direct path to spiritual enlightenment. I think everybody wants that right? Like, do not pass go, just you know straight to the end. Guys pretty funny, you said you know, you’re gonna you’re gonna let intuition guide. And that’s really how we kind of start this whole thing off every time here. And the idea is, you know, somebody out there tune in today is tune in to hear what source is sending through you, since we’re, you know, vehicles of Source Energy, right? What what is what’s coming through you today that that listener needs to hear
Kerri Hummingbird 2:02
what’s coming through loud and clear is slow down, really slow down, slow down, restrain, get still get in nature, put your feet on the earth, put your hand over your heart, the other hand over your belly, and just really be present with this vehicle that we most of us ride. Like it’s just a bucking bronco. And we just need to actually be gentle with this, this animals as being that we are in the integration of our spirit with this, this animal, basically, you know, it’s an animal. And a lot of times, we’re kind of mean to our animals, you know, we don’t necessarily feed it that well or take good care of it, we kind of expected to work 12 hour days, and then just be perky at night to have fun. Oh, so we slow down, the things are so hectic. And you know, COVID couldn’t even slow us down. It’s kind of amazing how even COVID didn’t slow us down because we’re right back at it, you know, and we need to really heat that heat that message because really what happens is like we get into connection with some deeper vibratory patterns on the planet, when we slow down, we get connected with the heartbeat of this mother that we all share this Mother Earth. And when we get connected with that heartbeat, and that rhythm of the Earth, actually, things are way less struggle. It’s way less effort connected from that heartbeat space, that rhythm of the earth. Things can get easier. Life gets easier.
Brandon Handley 3:40
Right? I love the idea of kind of for you sounds like there’s almost two heartbeat synchronizations right, first of all, kind of get get in sync with your own heart. What is it a HeartMath Institute, which I think has some really great work done with it. And then identifying Earth as though it were a living being as well. And then kind of getting your rhythm in sync with that. Is that kind of which is that kind of what you’re saying?
Kerri Hummingbird 4:15
Yeah, absolutely is set really as if it it is a living being you know, I think most people think the Earth is a floor and they walk around on it. But the Earth is a living breathing being and trees are living breathing beings and plants and animals and and including us. And we have this we have these beautiful technologies, right like we’re we’re on technology right now. It lets us have a conversation from wherever you are to wherever I am, could be anywhere around the entire world, people could be listening. That is so amazing as such a great product of the mind. And we’re listening from a body from a body that has a heartbeat that has lungs that has muscle souls that has senses, you know, awarenesses when we allow ourselves to get out of our minds and into the body, that’s actually where the real game is, you know, a lot of people, including my son, you know, both of my sons, especially my younger son, they love the computer games, like, just let me play computer games all day long, I’m happy, they’ll just stay in my room and play computer games. And I keep trying to tell them, you know, that’s really interesting in your mind, but there’s actually like, some really trippy stuff that happens when you get off the computer and get in deeply into your human experience. And into the earth experience. There’s some super mystical, amazing stuff that happens in that process that really blows it out of the water in terms of what’s more amazing.
Brandon Handley 5:53
What’s an example that you’d like to use for them?
Kerri Hummingbird 5:57
Oh, yeah, I love this one that I’m thinking about this time that I was in training with the power path School of shamanism. And I was on a retreat, three days in the woods, you know, no, no food, no brain oriented things by myself with a 10 and some water. And I got bored after the first day, you know, the end of the first day, and I’m like, Okay, what am I going to do now? There’s no books to read. There’s no, there’s nothing brain oriented. I’d already done all the things I set up the campsite, I made my medicine wheel. I mean, I did everything. So now what I did just be so I went and stood up on this rock, I found this rock. And it was like a stage because it was really big. I went up and sat stood up on the stage. And I started practicing Healing Songs. Because in this program, we learned how to sing Healing Songs, like from the jungle and Icaros they call them. So I’m up on there singing the Icaros. And in this acre, I was calling in support like, you know, Bear COME TO ME NOW and Firefly coming to, you know, whatever, I could think of singing a song. And at the end of several verses, I got this little giggle and I thought, you know, I’m gonna innovate hummingbird. And is the moment I started singing in Hummingbird, an actual hummingbird flew through the forest, and hovered right in front of my third eye, about 12 inches away from my third eye. And it stayed there. As my eyes got huge,
Brandon Handley 7:36
some real snow. Like, way, like Alright, what else? Can we you know, did you What else did you call in?
Kerri Hummingbird 7:43
conjuring up? So, I mean, I basically was like, so in other words, you come when I call and it nodded. And then it flew away. Awesome.
Brandon Handley 7:53
That’s pretty intense, for sure. Um, it’s a hard sell on a couple of boys in the video games, right? What is my guess? Well, again, I think that that’s super impactful. They’re just not there yet. Right. And I think that that’s part of the challenge is, you know, that growth into recognizing just how powerful an experience like that can be. When you’re in tune sounds like when you’re in tune with the way you were, in that moment, kind of with your heart and the Earth’s vibration as well.
Kerri Hummingbird 8:29
Yeah, it’s it’s a, it’s a slowing down. Now. I don’t, I don’t judge my kids. I mean, they’re young, right. And I gotta tell you, my mind was filled up when I was their age. I, I’m not sure there was any space, there was a rock concert going on inside my head. You know, like, all the time. It was so busy and so loud. And I remember I used to have to sit at stoplights. And just to deal with the fact that there was a stoplight. I had to count, like to start counting 1002 1003 1004 Just to get through the fact that I had to wait at the stoplight. That’s how impatient I was.
Brandon Handley 9:08
I get it, right. I know that. Geez. I used to drive so fast and reckless. Right? Like I just kind of go anywhere I could as fast as I could traffic, weaving in and out doing whatever. Somebody’s slowing down and be like, ah, freaking out. Right? Why is this? And now just like whatever man, you know? Yeah, sure. You know, it’s it’s, it’s, we’re slowing down. And that’s just that’s just what we’re doing here right now. Being okay with it. But I totally I totally get it. So let’s let’s walk through right like kind of how you even found yourself in this space, because I’m sure that you weren’t always calling hummingbirds to your to your third eye. All right. So let’s let’s get to it. Let’s let’s start off kind of a little bit in the beginning. You know, you’re you’re deep into spirituality space right now. You’re doing Sam Stick you’re doing. I’d last time you and I had a quick conversation. You’re doing plant medicine, you’ve got a lot going on, who, you know, who were you before? How did you fall into spirituality? Because that’s usually my experience is like most people just kind of like, oh, there it is. Right? And then, you know, kind of rolling into the next piece. And then you know, what’s happening now? What’s happening now?
Kerri Hummingbird 10:24
Yeah, so Well, I, I was always spending time I was 15, a teenager, I was in psychotherapy, because I was, you know, my parents were very concerned that I was going to have mental challenges because I didn’t really rocky early beginning, in my life, the first five years of my life were a little traumatic, between my natural father and my mother’s first choice of father who was a violent drunk. And, you know, so the trauma of that experience, and anybody who’s listening who’s had a similar experience, my heart just goes out to you, because I know how long it’s taken me to get safe in my body from that experience, but I was doing psychotherapy to kind of, you know, work on fixing me because I had big emotional swings. And, you know, I kind of prone to some wild behavior, which were all signs of that early trauma, you know, from psycho therapies point of view. So I was trying to do it that way from the mind. And it was okay. I mean, I got some coping skills. But when I became a mother at 30, everything just flew out the window, you know, I was immersed in a darkness that I can’t even explain, but it was profound, you know, and struggling to be happy, I wanted to be happy I wanted a child, that was completely my choice, I wanted to have a baby. And I was, I was actually really upset that I was so upset, you know, because I really wanted to have this experience. And when it didn’t work out that way, I was in deeper psychotherapy. And then they put me on some pills, because, you know, that’s sort of the Western medical solution as well just stop feeling that so here’s some pills and make that go away. So I did that, you know, I kind of coped that way for a while. But what I finally realized was that there was a lot of limitation in the dynamic between me and my spouse, because we were playing very traditional roles. And that wasn’t working out for me, you know, when I became a mother, those traditional roles, like, they didn’t work anymore. When I’m saying that, I mean, like, you know, the whole knight in shining armor thing, you know, I really liked that I liked having that knight in shining armor, and I liked sort of being the Maiden in distress. But when you’re the mother, that doesn’t fly very well, you know, because somebody has got to take care of the baby. And that was me, you know, that was my job. I mean, I was the one with the breast milk. So you know, it’s kind of my job, you know, to take care of this baby. And I couldn’t just fall apart, you know, the way I had previously in my life, or run away or get away from it somehow. So that was the beginning of learning how to stay in the conversation and learning how to deepen within myself. And at that moment, what I actually needed was spirituality, I deeply, deeply, deeply needed spiritual connection, I needed to understand that it was okay to open to some bigger support, you know, it was okay to open myself and I and I was subconsciously doing that because I was an artist. So it was always outside painting. So in some way, some part of me knew you need to be outside, you need to be in nature. And I spent hours out there painting, because I just needed to get out and get connected. I didn’t even understand what I was doing. I just was kind of doing it. But I remember I used to walk the baby, I take these long walks, because he was so colicky our first child who took the brunt of our synthesis of polarity for a child took the brunt of all that. And I remember walking him, you know, on around the neighborhood. And I would always walk by this center for spiritual enlightenment. And my body would come to a halt.
And my head would turn was look at I would feel a little yearning, like, I think I need to go in there. And then I would have a million reasons why I shouldn’t namely, because my partner didn’t believe in all that. And if I spent money on that, it’d be an argument is what I would turn away from it and keep walking. Right? So that was also just a big part of my journey. So those motherhood really called me up, you know, it called me up to make a stand. And it took me a while to make it. It didn’t actually make that stand until I was my oldest child was going into middle school. And I finally things got bad enough meaning that I was I was really self abusing by holding myself back from my power and my Wisdom in my knowing and trying to fit into that tiny little box that society had made for me of the maiden. And it wasn’t working. So I ended up leaving him and heading out on my own and opening to the great mystery. And pretty soon found a teacher that helped me to start to own my feminine and own the fact that whoa, I’m not small and skinny. I’m like, big and expansive. I have this thing called intuition. That’s telling me things that he’s not getting. I am emotional, because I’m designed that way. And feeling those emotions is actually what gives me the knowledge, the wisdom I need inside to cope with situations. So there is just all this unfolding that happened over the last decade, that has been amazing and tremendous, and has guided me to heal any places where I was holding blame for him, because it wasn’t his fault that I was having an awakening.
Brandon Handley 16:04
Yeah, a lot to unpack there. But I mean, you know, a big part of it, right is when the depression state right, or like we getting the medicated thing, when they’ve seen Western medicine, like you’re saying, it’s just like, to give you this thing to help you get rid of it as really, you’re just cutting off a piece of your own internal guidance, right. And again, that’s just my perception was that the way that you were feeling like when you when you kind of got that medication there was like, it’s isolation of feelings, or almost like a, like a soft knocking at the door that you just couldn’t answer.
Kerri Hummingbird 16:48
You know, for me, I was with the birth of my child, I was drowning in my emotions, and my depression, I was seeing visions of big holes in the floor, like I saw this vision in the shower of a big dark hole opening up in the middle of the floor, like going somewhere in other regions, right. So I was having wild impulses. So for me, it was actually helpful at first to take the edge off that extreme experience. So that I could provide for my child because I needed to be present, right, I needed to be able to be a safe place for this baby. So I had to be on that, I think at first, only because I did not have the training before my motherhood and how to handle my emotions. Now had I been trained earlier, and how to channel my emotional experience, and how to move through waves of emotion while staying grounded and present. And being a safe place. For others. Even though I’m experiencing my emotions, that would have been a completely different experience. And I probably wouldn’t have broken down the way I did. Okay, real quick. And if I’d done some healing to
Brandon Handley 17:56
you real quickly, before we move on from that, right? What are some of those tools that if you had had prior to or some of that knowledge, if you’re able to share it? That would have been beneficial? Right, that, you know, looking back said, hey, you know, just would have would have been nicer, no sooner?
Kerri Hummingbird 18:15
Yeah, like. I really think that being aware that emotions are a sign that something’s out of balance, instead of a sign that you’re crazy or broken. Number one, that would have been really great to know that. And because I didn’t know that I of course, wanted to suppress my emotions, because I didn’t want to be crazy and broken. So I think that’s a judgment that collectively as a society, we could start unwinding and untangling that to make emotions normal. And to help each other to feel them. So that’s on a bigger level, but at the at the individual level. You know, just listen to my words and hear me when I say you’re not broken and crazy, if you have emotions, you’re human. And whenever I’m having them now, a lot of times what I’ll do is hold myself, so put my hand over my heart, a hand over my belly. If I’m feeling grief, I’ll let myself cry. And, and just until it passes, and even if I’m in a like situation where you’re not supposed to cry. Like yesterday, I was at brunch with my mom and some big emotion came up because I was reading to her from her her profile, her jinkies profile, and I was having this huge realization about what a blessing she was for me in my life because she was this essence this energy that I needed. And I was reading to her and I was I looked at her and I said, Mom, I just I resented you so much for being exactly this, but this is your design and I just burst into tears. And that’s okay with me. I think don’t care anymore. If people see me crying, I don’t, that is so genuine to cry with that realization and to share that moment with my mom, even though we’re out in public at a restaurant. It’s just, it’s just so beautiful. And I don’t judge it anymore. So I think like, feel your feelings. And if other people are uncomfortable with that, well, that’s their job, that’s their work to do is to get more comfortable with you expressing your feelings. And, you know, if you feel angry, that’s one that I tried to, you know, to process without directing it at someone I really, I that’s the only caveat I would have is express the emotion and just do your best not to express it at someone, you know, like, like, own that emotion is completely yours. Do your processing with it. For me with anger, I like to you know, I like to go ride off on some country road and just like roar, like a lion, you know, just like, get somewhere and just roar like I’m in the jungle because it’s just energy. It’s just like fire energy from the will center usually. And so you just need to kind of roar that crap out just like yeah, just like, Release the Kraken?
Brandon Handley 21:10
No, that’s a great one, right? I mean, it’s just, it’s just this kind of pent up energy that’s gotten you feeling like one sort of way. And there’s a way to release it. And I like what you’re saying there not to release it at somebody, but to release it just in general.
Kerri Hummingbird 21:25
Right? Yeah. And it’s really hard for men to release anger. I had this client once, who was, um, he was probably like, six foot three, six foot four, big guy, but big teddy bear guy. But you know, he had anger. But he had repressed it all because he wasn’t allowed to express his anger in front of his father, right, his father kind of had his thumb on him. And he also wasn’t definitely not supposed to express anger at or in front of women. You know, that was just not cool. So when I was coaching him, I had to, I was like, well, you’re gonna have to release that anger. So let’s try the roar. You know, and he’s wearing my house, you know, so he’s, he’s like, I can’t even he couldn’t even open his throat to do it. He, like literally couldn’t do it. And so I did it for him. I said, I did it first. I was like, Okay, I’m going to do it. So you know, it’s okay. And when he felt my grounded power with my own anger, that made it safe, actually, for him to feel his anger, because he knew I could handle it. And I think this is a big message for women. You know, if you want your guys to express their anger in a safe way, then you have to feel your anger and, and really own your anger. And let yourself express that so that you can become a safe place for anger to be communicated. You know, but if you’re if you don’t own your own anger, and you play that victim role on the triangle, you know, then then there’s just no place for authenticity to happen in the relationship.
Brandon Handley 22:55
Like it’s a triangle, you’re talking like the Drama Triangle, the Drama Triangle.
Kerri Hummingbird 22:59
Oh, yeah, triangle disempowerment triangle.
Brandon Handley 23:02
Got it. Very cool. It’s funny. You’re bringing up the anger bit, right? I’m going through this book right now. Bringing your shadow out of the dark, right. And I think I just got done doing anger, that the deal is we we all think it’s like the bad thing. But again, to your point, if you go back to when you’re talking about emotions, they’re just showing you something about what you’re what’s happening. And I think even stronger cases is that we’re generally not taught and it sounds like you know, you weren’t taught to pay attention to your motion is easy, like, I’m not supposed to have this emotion. Case in point is like, you know, you’re you’ve got your, your firstborn. You want to be happy. You can’t figure out how to get happy then there’s like this vicious like, kind of cycle of wire and I something’s wrong with me, because I’m not happy in this situation. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me? Right? And that’s not it, right? Like, you’re just feeling a certain way. And like you said, you’re human. And as humans, we, one of the side effects or benefits, however, you want to take a look at it, we feel. And I think one of the worst worst things is we’re not taught how to cope with them, like you were saying. And I think you know, getting getting getting that kind of lesson sooner rather than later is very important.
Kerri Hummingbird 24:25
Yeah, and there’s a lot of there’s a lot of expectation that women place on themselves when they become mothers, like, huge expectations about being perfect and being loving all the time. And always being giving and always being nurturing and always, always, always, and that is an impossible standard to me, because you’re a human being. And especially if you don’t take care of yourself. I’ve seen so many women that they just sublimate themselves to the family. Then they bend over backwards doing things everything for everybody. And they get celebrated when they do that, by the way, too. So it reinforces the role of like surrendering yourself or everybody else in the family about yourself. And that actually sets a really bad role model. Because now you’re saying to everybody, you know, just surrender yourself completely to everybody else. And don’t, don’t worry about what’s good for you, or to even take care of your own body. And, you know, even get the exercise you need, or even like, either right meals that you need, or get the emotional support that you need, like, completely, leave yourself behind and throw yourself under the bus to be like this corporate employee and go out there and do right You because You love your replicate the model. So I think it’s better and it’s brave and courageous. And you definitely can take a lot of flack for it. But for those moms who feel courageous, is to start stepping out of those expectations, like, actually get clear, what is a good example? Like, what would be a healthy way for me to live? And then what do I want to teach my kids? Like? How do I want to model healthy behavior, and self care for my kids, and not just what to say it, and then do something else, but actually stick by it, which means you have to have boundaries, and then that teach healthy boundaries to the kids to by your example. And it’s when we won’t do those things out of fear of not belonging, or being rejected or being criticized? Those are the things that hold us back is that fear? So I think, you know, one of the major realizations I’ve had about this whole paradigm is how it’s a system. So our family systems are based on these expectations of each other, like the knight in shining armor, and I’m going to be the damsel in distress, and you’re just going to rescue me, however, then I become a mother. And that just throws the whole thing out the wash, you know, it’s like, well, that doesn’t work anymore. And now there’s this question of, well, how am I getting nourished? Right? And I’ve seen women all over the map with how they handle that disparity between being a maid and where everything was being rescued for you, and being a mother where you have to do everything. It’s like, how do you navigate that? And then what is, you know, what’s the masculine in the picture doing? You know? Because, like, how do you react to that? So there’s, there’s just so much just so juicy in that conversation of that, like, how we each choose to show up and be full humans, in the family, I think is like the answer from our hearts, you know, taking a spiritual journey, looking at our own shadows, as you were talking about owning those shadows, not stepping over anything. If anger comes up, anger is there. If resentment comes up resentments, they’re seeing what that has to share with you. You know, for me, whenever resentment came up, it was telling me, Carrie, you’re not taking care of yourself. You’re not resourced. You needed to slow down and be resourceful.
Brandon Handley 27:58
That makes sense, right? Because you’re probably seeing everybody else’s fully being taken care of, and getting everything that they need. And you’re like, What the hell, right? And he starts to resent all that. That’s simply because you’re, you’ve given everything to everybody else, but you haven’t given anything to yourself. In a scenario like that. D, you know, so the Thanks for Thanks for you know, talking, I guess about a couple of tools to write about things that you could use right? Before? Before before. Before time’s right. And then, you know, so you’re walking, you’re doing your walks, and you’re going past the US on past, like, your spirituality place. Did you ever step into that spirituality? Place? Or is
Kerri Hummingbird 28:43
it never, I never went in. And I just, I must have stopped there, like, I know, 2030 times. And I was standing freeze and just look at it, even though it was getting more and more desperate, I would just look at you know, and I wouldn’t go in, it was crazy that I wouldn’t go in there.
Brandon Handley 29:01
And you’re talking about, you know, kind of this the stand that you took at a certain point. And you also talk about like all these other fears and stigmas about like the society, how they’re going to look at you for whatever it is you do. I imagine there was a bit of that as you went through the divorce process. I don’t know if that’s anything you feel like sharing as part of this process that you went through?
Kerri Hummingbird 29:23
Yeah, absolutely. Of course, everybody in my, in my connection, thought it was insane for leaving my husband because on the outside, it looked awesome. You know, I mean, it looked like I was getting everything I wanted, right? I had somebody that liked to party and have fun and go on vacations and we had a nice house and spent money but we even built me a studio. So you know, like an art studio so I could do my art. Like, I looked like I was just getting it all you know, and then nobody can understand. They’re like, why are you leaving this guy? And it was because I I was just in my cage. Like there was this cage for me an elephant dictation in our relationship. And I was also up against my own edges. And I didn’t have the tools to process that. With psychotherapy, I was still going to psychotherapy, but it was not, it wasn’t hitting the mark, like, there’s a depth to spirituality that I found is able to really heal, things that are operating that are totally influencing your decisions in your perceptions, but you don’t even know it until you get deep enough. And the mind is not deep enough. So trying to solve it by talking about it isn’t really deep enough to go. So a lot of the ways that I was looking at him, a lot of the dynamics that were playing out, were part of my soul’s curriculum, it was calling me up to speak my truth. It was calling me up to honor myself, it was calling me up to trust my intuition. And, you know, an almost all the arguments we had were all about those things, you know, it’d be him challenging my intuition, it’d be him challenging my honor to be him challenging, you know, he would just poke poke, poke, poke poke at me, and, and it wasn’t able to stand my ground, you know, and I was being called up to stand my ground. So if we look at the bigger picture of the evolution of humanity, we can see that the last, you know, several 1000 years has been mostly guided by the masculine energy, and some would say the imbalance, masculine energy, that patriarchal energy, which is sort of suppressing women’s intuition and suppressing the feminine and all of us, really, you know, because that feminine and masculine, they live in all of us, no matter what body we have. So now is the time where we’re waking that wild, feminine back up, and this is men, women, whatever gender you are, that feminine, that wild, feminine is being woken back up, and for anybody who’s like delivered a baby, Ben, a mother in that capacity, it’s really wild, the way it wakes up. It’s like, it’s like, you know, fierce Mama Bear waking up. And that energy had to come through me. But I was always conflict avoidance. So I wanted to be a pleaser, I liked being the golden daughter, I liked being daddy’s girl. And here, I was being called up by the shadows to say, you’re not daddy’s girl, you’re a grown ass woman, you’re a mom, you need to stand in your power you need if you don’t agree, you need to say you don’t agree. If you know, there’s another way, you need to say, you know, there’s no another way. And you need to hold that even if there’s no evidence to support you, you know, from the mind. So that’s what I the initiation I was being called toward. And I was too chicken, you know, to do it at the time in that relationship, or just didn’t have the tools really, to make that leap?
Brandon Handley 32:49
It makes sense, right? I mean, you’ve got a lot of these these other spaces in places that were taught, right, and you’re trying to think you have these discussions from the mind, and you’re getting them from the heart and the gut. Versus and there’s really, you know, it’s hard to substantiate that. Right. And, and here, he is challenging all that and a loving relationship. We’re just kind of supposed to trust each other out. Right. And that can be challenged, too. So you’re, you’re you’re stuck in your cage, like you said, and then you know, you just decided to stand in your power and make the break. Right. I mean, that was more for the benefit of all parties involved, right? As far as I can tell. And it was time for you to just kind of break free of that paradigm.
Kerri Hummingbird 33:38
Yeah, because it wasn’t, it wasn’t loosening up, you know, it was like getting more and more intense to the place where I was having. I mean, I’d always had a history of having some suicidal ideations, but those got very strong during that period, I had tons of self loathing, I was having nightmares, that would wake me up in the middle of the night with sweats, I was crying all the time, I’d like lock myself in my office, because I worked at home and I would just cry in there. So I knew like this is not whatever this is, is not working. And it’s not good for any of us. And admittedly, during that time, for the last two years of our relationship, my self loathing got to the place where I started seeking validation outside of our marriage. So I started having affairs, and you know, short live, like one night or whatever, but it was like that need for some acceptance from some somebody who liked me just the way I was, instead of wanting me to be totally different. So that was, yeah, I was like, I can’t go on like that, because that’s not at the core of me that wasn’t resonating with my integrity, and the person I am inside. So I could see the only reason I was doing that behavior was because of deep deep pain. And if that couldn’t be healed through all the work that I’ve done for 20 years in psychotherapy, and some of the work we’ve done for a few years in couples therapy Then I had to move on. I mean, there just was I had to make a decision for the benefit of my kids and myself.
Brandon Handley 35:07
And look, it makes sense. Right? You were you were? I think you’d set it up, you know, earlier up against it. All right, I would guess the edges. And you weren’t seeing any way out. Right. And I think you would have been operating from a severe place of, you know, like claustrophobic, right? Just kind of lashing out just like just anything else. And you had to get out and do what was right for everybody. And it sounds like, it sounds like you did, right. So I mean, you make the break. And now Now though, like, I mean, look, you’re, you’re in this space, you’ve got your courses and books. He’s got some seminars, you’ve got a thing coming up at the end of October, we were talking about the beginning here, which will pass by the time this gets released. But I mean, let’s talk about, you know, kind of this journey, how it’s led you into this spirituality where you said, you know, there’s more depth in here than just from the mind, just pray in the spiritual space, love to hear, you know, a little bit more about that, and, and how you’re leading from a spiritual place, spiritual place.
Kerri Hummingbird 36:15
Yeah, so I think that the biggest decision, the biggest thing that’s helped my personal growth in a spiritual path has been my heart stop, like when I had that realization that I don’t ever want to be here anymore. And I’ve got these kids, and I’ve got to stay for them. That was my heart stop. So it was like, alright, that I have to change whatever it is that needs changing, that’s up to me, I’ve got to take responsibility for that. So I can stay on the planet. So a lot of people don’t necessarily have that heart of a stop. But I, it was pretty intense. So I knew that I had to do something. So that level of commitment was there. And that whenever anybody has that level of commitment, then the spiritual growth can be tremendous. Like, it’s amazing how much can happen in a short period of time. So my journey started 10 years ago, and this part of my journey started 10 years ago, with my decision to leave and my decision to trust this spirit sign that I got that showed me that was the end of the rope. That’s it. I followed that I had no idea was afraid, of course, you know, how am I going to support myself? I haven’t really worked full time for a long time. I’m a mom, how are we going to work this out? And I just had to take the journey, you know, and I haven’t done it perfectly. You know, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve especially when I started messengering. And I started writing my books, I was pretty much called right away to start writing my book that that awakening to me book was started, like within six months of my divorce, actually, like before the divorce was final it started. So that was immediate, like the messenger part of me woke up right after I left. So and then the spiritual aspect just like took off. I mean, I’ve had mentors that say, my early mentors, they were like, we don’t even know who you are anymore. Like you just went like this. You just wow. Like, Pam, you know. And it’s that I think it’s that passion, that realization of the buck stops with me. Like, no one can save me, but me. So if I want to be here for my kids, I have got to make the choice to heal, and do it now. And that means I’ve got to humble myself. I’ve got to ask for help. I got to realize there’s a thing or two I don’t know, even though I’ve been a psychotherapy for 20 years, I mean, geez, I don’t know something like something should work by now. But, but the thing is, it wasn’t a waste. You know, all that time I spent navigating my thought tunnels is like it started clicking when I started combining it with the spirituality when I started combining it with energy healing and ancestral healing and early childhood healing and re parenting myself and all these modalities I’ve been practicing and learning for the last 10 years. It all clicked, it was like not time wasted. It was just time buffered, it was just buffered wisdom until I was ready to claim it. Right, like
Brandon Handley 39:01
when you’re watching a video and it’s just like all waiting. And it’s like spinning and spinning and spinning. And then it finally just plays and since it’s like the show you’ve been waiting for. And I love the idea of it all just finally clicking right when that spirituality piece kind of drops in. I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s almost like you know, like watching a water wheel right and unless there’s unless the water comes in like that wheels not moving right and then you know, spirituality there it is, right? It’s just like starts moving and sets everything else into motion. You’re like, holy shit. I guess there’s something to this and it’s, it’s pretty intense. And that’s what it sounds like, you know, sounds like sounds like that’s what it’s been like for you the growth and just kind of the idea of, you know, opening yourself up to it so that it just opens up to you type of thing. What um, you know, so I know that you’d mentioned on your When we’re putting this stuff together, you know, what would you describe as the most direct path to spiritual enlightenment? Because I’m curious because you wrote it down?
Kerri Hummingbird 40:11
Yeah. Well, that’s why I say it’s healing the mother wound. So we all have a mother wounds, because we’re all born of a mother. And we’re all on earth at this time on the planet. So unless you’re just like born in a very unusual circumstance, you’re experiencing some aspect of the mother wound. And at the very least, it’s disconnection from the planet. It’s a feeling of being separate alone. And you know, unguided, right? Like, like, somehow God’s way out there somewhere. And maybe there is one or maybe there isn’t. And you’re here alone, just having to, like, survive, you know, so there’s that, I have to do it myself. And all of that is all part of the mother wounds, and, and any ways that any kind of aspect of the feminine gifts that are that have been disempowered, all of those are the mother wounds. So if your intuition is not online, yet, if you’re, you know, emotions, if you’re not comfortable with your emotions, if, if you have a hard time slowing down and creating stillness and space, all of those are divine feminine gifts. And so it any one of that is also wounding and, and then there’s ancestral patterns. So in a mother’s body is her consciousness, right? It’s her consciousness is happening inside her body. So when a baby starts to grow inside that consciousness, the baby is growing inside the mother’s current state of consciousness, which means the baby is learning right away by this osmosis method, about life from the mother’s reality. So therefore, if the mother’s reality includes feeling disempowered, or not important, or not worthy, or not heard at all, how to speak up, I don’t stand in my power, whatever version of that is happening inside that woman, the child is picking all of that up and inheriting that as his or her starting point in reality. So mothers often feel when I when they hear that, that’s a deep truth that we all know. And that can provoke a feeling of guilt or shame about however, the conditions were that you were in when you had pregnant the first time, or a second time or third time, however many. And what I want to say to that is, you can let that go because you know, our children chose to come in incarnate through our vessels, at the exact moment that we were going through whatever it was, we were going through, to start them on their journey of discovery. So that they would have all that raw material to work with for their souls curriculum, so there isn’t anything out of line. And with more consciousness, we can choose more consciously. And so there’s always that beautiful gift of, if you haven’t birthed yet, you can, you know, clear some of the ancestral patterns, you know, do some inner work, do some, some reconciliation within yourself in your ancestry to clean up some of that stuff that you don’t want your kids to inherit, maybe there’s some addiction patterns, or maybe there’s some, you know, some conflict between the mothers or the daughters or the sons or whatever it is a father. So you can clear up that by doing your inner work, so that you’re not passing that on as a starting point. So there’s this invitation. And if your children are already fully grown, and having kids of their own, you can still do your work because as a mother, I know I remember moments of touching my belly when my baby was inside. And because I remember those moments, I can place myself there in the now and I can bring healing from my current awareness to my baby now. Even though it might have been 21 years ago, that he was in there, I can place that love inside me now. And trust that it’s gonna find its way through his evolution to help him where he is now. And as I practice that, I’ve noticed him blossom. So my oldest son, I’ve noticed, you know, both of my sons, I do this, I put myself back in moments where I remember being with them in my body. And sometimes it’s looking at a photograph. Sometimes it’s just an embodied memory. And I send love and comfort back to that baby from my current awareness. We can all practice this. This is what the shamans have known for a long time we can be conscious and we can bring healing to seven generations back and seven forward using this method of, you know, fifth dimensional healing work on our children. Mothers are in a great spot to do that because we can remember when they were in inside of us, we can remember holding them. So we have this, this capacity, this direct and body connection with our babies so we can learn a good spot for do family healing work.
Brandon Handley 45:12
That’s very cool sounds. I think I remember hearing Gregg Braden, talk a little bit about a similar scenario, right? I mean, energy doesn’t really know, time. Right? And energy is kind of at our discretion to direct you know, this, as we talked about before being vessels of creative energy as it flows through us. We can choose anger, we can choose something else, and we can choose like, which direction to send that and same thing with love and healing that you’re talking about. So I think that that’s, that’s a great share, for sure. For sure. Well, is what I like to kind of hop on to right here is the whole idea that this is, look, when people tune in these podcasts, they tune your podcasts in the mind. It’s kind of like spiritual speed dating, right? Like, you know, you know, I’m running through like, I’m just curious about like, who am I gonna hang out for a while, because I don’t know about you. Like, I can listen to somebody like I’m a big like neville goddard fan or somebody. I’ve been listening to Swami svare pray Nanda for the past like year, but like, I’m ready for the next guy, right? I’m ready for the next gal guy, whatever. So spiritual speed dating. Let’s ask a quick question or two, shall we? Um, to to do dear Bachelorette number one? Who is an artist, right? What is the line between art and not art?
Kerri Hummingbird 46:37
What is the line between art of all I’m going to share this with you? With that I got from Don Miguel done. Jose Ruiz actually, I had this interview with him. And he said, you know, the Toltecs believe that, that your whole life is a piece of art. And I as an artist, I loved that. So I was a two dimensional Canvas artist, I painted acrylics and things like that. I loved creating art. And, and then I became a wordsmith artist, you know, I created books, I channeled texts. And, and it was like, when I ran across this Toltec teaching, I was like, my whole life is art. I like that my whole life is art. So Don Jose said in an interview, he said, you know, how do we not judge each other? He said, Well imagine that you’re going into a gallery. And you walk up to this painting, and you bring your paint brushes, and your your paints, and you start painting and correcting someone’s painting. You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t sit there with your paid supplies and go into a gallery and start painting over someone’s painting. So don’t do it to somebody else’s life. That’s like, you know, so I think that it’s that creative expression. You know, true art is however we express ourselves, however, we, we want to express the essence of ourselves, or our passion, or joy or feelings, or whatever’s going on inside of us that we want to share with others, that that can express in so many ways, including our just our life, you know, our very being can be a piece of art.
Brandon Handley 48:06
I got it. So you know, self expression would be art. Right? Is that what you’re saying? Yeah, yeah, pretty much I like it. Let’s get one more in, shall we? Hmm. Haven’t gone through this list of questions before. Ooh, what lifeless lesson did you learn the hard way?
Kerri Hummingbird 48:31
Pretty much all almost every single lesson. You know, I, I used to beat myself up for making so many mistakes. Because I have I actually I have a sincere desire for perfection. It’s in my jinkies chart, I have this fear of, you know, perfection in my city frequency of my purpose. So of course, I seek perfection. And, you know, I used to clamp myself down, you know, trying to not make mistakes, because I didn’t ever want to make mistakes because I’ve got this fear of perfection, you know, the fear of making mistakes. And I started getting really mediocre when I was doing that. You know, my life was super mediocre. And I would say that is learning the hard way. You know, when you start clamping down your life force to not make mistakes. Eventually you’re going to make really big mistakes which is clamping down your life or to not make mistakes. Now look, I
Brandon Handley 49:30
Kerri Hummingbird 49:31
that falls apart. Anyway,
Brandon Handley 49:33
I get it. It makes sense. I mean, especially as we make these tremendous efforts to not make these mistakes is bound to just kind of ooze out on the side somewhere, but they got he missed. He missed the spots that that makes sense. What um, you know, who would you say with the work that you’re doing? Who would you say is your ideal client?
Kerri Hummingbird 49:57
My ideal client is someone who really is Ready to go into their shadows and take a look and see what’s in there. And and really like bring the flashlight and learn how to do it with compassion and love and forgiveness and and really wants to melt you know is ready to be more gentle loving and kind with themselves with their spouse with their families ready to heal. And you know, I don’t I have this whole thing I’m calling Earth mamas. I invite Earth mamas to come and work with me. And because I’m saying Earth mama, some people make the assumption that that means that I don’t work with men or that I don’t work with people who don’t have children. And that’s not the case. When I’m saying that I’m saying because we are on mama Earth, you know, we’re on Mother Earth. And if you feel it in your heart, like I love this planet, I want to be a difference. I love my family. I want my future generations to be able to have like ripe juicy peaches and I want them to to be able to see dolphins you know, in in the waves and though and the oceans be clear, if that matters to you, then you’re an earth mama and my book you know so I really people that care, you know people that care about this planet and people that want to make a difference and are ready to face their shadows.
Brandon Handley 51:12
Look, I like dolphins and fruit so I feel like I’m gonna so no, that’s That’s great. You know, and I think that it’s super clear when you’re ready to start doing the work you’ll you’ll know when you’re there. Sounds like there’s the people that you’re calling out to where can they come and find more Carrie hummingbird.
Kerri Hummingbird 51:31
My website is Carrie hummingbird.com ke R ri hummingbird calm and you can find my books up there my events and workshops, retreats, all the good stuff, my soul nectar show which you’re gonna come on beyond so that’s awesome. can listen to Brandon over on Soul nectar show. And yeah, that you can also book appointments, I do healing sessions, I do individual healing sessions. And mostly I do group programs. I really love group programs. They’re just so enlightening. When we all teach each other. It’s amazing what we can learn.
Brandon Handley 52:02
For sure, for sure we’re you know, the human condition is that we’re meant to share, right, we’re meant to work together. Okay, thank you so much for being on today. Really appreciate you taking the time. Enjoy yourself.
Kerri Hummingbird 52:14
Thank you. I
Unknown Speaker 52:15
really hope you enjoyed this episode of the spiritual dove podcast. Stay connected with us directly through spiritual co you can also join the discussion on Facebook, spiritual and Instagram at spiritual underscore Joe. If you would like to speak with us, send us an email through Brandon at spiritual Co Co. And as always, thank you for cultivating your mindset and creating a better reality. This includes the most thought provoking part of your day. Don’t forget to like and subscribe to stay fully up to date. Until next time, be kind to yourself and trust your intuition.