Sharing a personal story here:

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This one I know.

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can press play.

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Can you hear?

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What is going on?

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It’s not too loud.

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It’s not blowing up. So, can you hear me

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there? I don’t fucking know.

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So we’re gonna go with it. trying out a different microphone. Of course.

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Today we

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are, yeah, we’re still driving in the car. Still trying a different headset. And just looking for the right one. So that I again, you know, maybe I just need a Rolls Royce. So that one I’m driving. It’s just no background noise and it’s probably got the best microphone ever. Anyways, I am leaving BJJ you can tell by the sound of the road. The thought that I was having today is we’ve been talking mental health. And I believe that’s super important. Right? That’s something that we always need to be keeping top of mind.

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But we’re also rolling into Pride Month, which, you know, started with I don’t know the history of it, but I know that it’s got a lot of gay pride, LGBT, LGBTQ. And if you haven’t heard this story yet, you know, I like to start my day off going to BJJ and, and getting choked, right? Maybe, maybe not getting choked on purpose. But like, when we’re learning it and then defending against the choke, I mean, the it’s a big part about BJJ is just that, right? And I go when, and it’s something that I’m looking to have happen for me throughout the whole situation, because that is the intent, right? pacify

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your

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opponent, your partner, so that the fight ends is so just right, you don’t really

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not trying to hurt anybody.

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You’re trying to eliminate risk to your own body. And by choking somebody knocking him unconscious, you essentially do that. Now. It’s just because that’s how I like to start my day doesn’t mean that everyone likes to be choked. For

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example,

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I don’t know about you, if you’ve ever been yelling, if you’ve ever been in this situation, then you may already know what it’s like. If you were raised in a family where there may have been domestic abuse you know, so catching your your mother being choked when you’re a youth, right? What do you do? And how can you know, what can you do to prevent that? And, or, you know, what can you do to help him or her out? Right? Like it doesn’t have to be the mother if perhaps you see your father getting choked. And you see somebody in this situation. And for me, I think I was about about 10 years old. I’ve been out side I think was like a spring out in Northern California. up by the Russian River, beautiful vintner company or violence, right? But being up in the Napa Valley, and I had been playing outside and we were living with no, my mom’s boyfriend at the time, and kind of walking inside. And she is there fighting. And immediately your heart starts to raise adrenaline starts pumping you don’t know what the fuck is going on. And she’s, she’s struggling as you know, cowboy cable installer is strangling my mom, this guy’s name is Rex. And I like what’s wrong. And she, she she’s kind of shouts out, you know, go get help. So, like, early in the morning, what’s I don’t know how early I was. But so I run out the door. And I run over to our neighbor’s house. guys name is Brad. This is the 80s and Brad has just frosted, you know, hair and a knock on the door. banging on the door. He jumps out of bed. So I remember him being you know, like naked and having to put clothes on. like Brad said, you know, my mom’s getting strangled.

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And, uh, you know,

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he comes, you know, comes running out, comes running and he gets over to the house and he breaks it up brings up this fight. And the thing is, you know, so if you haven’t already figured it out, you know, we’re in Northern California, straight north of San Francisco by a couple hour, maybe not, maybe not an hour. Not that far, I don’t know. restroom River and the community that we’re living in is predominantly gay. And this is 1986 1987. And you Brad, you put his life out on a limb, so that he could save my my 10 year old. So fairly impressionable, right fairly impressionable to see this person act courageously, regardless of you know, who he slept with, and it always boggled my mind, you know, I think that I had, I call it the luxury of being exposed. I had the luxury of being exposed to that. Growing up, I had the luxury of being exposed to gay people wasn’t, you know, just gays, I still remember. My mom had a friend of hers named Pete PD, and lesbian coming over and staying with us for a while. And other other apartments, same, same area. And, you know, wasn’t even just that I’ll throw in, you know, biracial couples that, you know,

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that

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you saw, and he didn’t think anything of it. So, for me, I had this luxury of seeing this and not thinking any differently about it. Pretty much my entire life. Not to mention again, you know, seeing a store is always going to default back to Hey, I remember, you know, when this gay guy, and again, it doesn’t, it’s kind of annoying to even have to call it out that way. Because, like, aren’t we all just a bunch of people? And if you’re not having sex with me, then I don’t give a shit who you’re having sex with? I mean, it’s that’s kind of how I mean, you know, that’s always kind of been my, my, my thing what, why does it matter? What what happens? Why do people care? Something that again, just always kind of, always boggled my mind. You know, it was always entertaining to go to a gay club, or, you know, a place where it was predominantly gay dudes, and, you know, they, it always made me feel like a woman would feel right. It’s always, always, always kind of interesting, because, guys, when they’re kind of in the heat of the moment, drinking and just not wanting to take no for an answer to just like, kind of, like, don’t stop like that these. We are like these running, you know, deer or, you know, just, it’s like the season. And you’re like, holy shit, I got to get out of here. So I’m always have some sympathy for some women, especially if you put yourself in that situation. And just don’t. It doesn’t matter though. Like, you know, when you do that, it’s like, somebody coming on to you, somebody coming on to you. It’s always it’s never like, Well, you know, sometimes it can be overbearing, it’s rarely not taken as a compliment.

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Right? In my mind, anyways, and again, that could do with how I grew up with what I was exposed to with how I was raised. But as we walk into, you know, Gay Pride Month or Pride Month, I know what it’s called, but I know that I know that it’s coming up. And I know that it’s supposed to, and it does, right, talking to this other gentleman,

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who,

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you know, he came out 30 years ago, which would be

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1980s.

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And to come out then to tell people that you felt the way that you did that you appreciated as a matter of fact, you you prefer the same sex versus the opposite sex made you kind of like an outcast. Right. So for somebody to come out 30 years ago, Ban and even now, I’m sure, I’m sure there’s plenty of pockets, where if you live it’s it’s not going to be socially acceptable. In your immediate circles, and you’re going to be struggling and you’re going to be going through all this shit. Because there are people that just can’t wrap their

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fucking heads

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around the idea that somebody thinks differently than them, that’s really what it boils down to. Right? You say potato, I say potato? Right? Yeah. Somebody else prefers something you don’t. And they, they don’t want to see that. Right? They can’t, they can’t, they can’t, they can’t picture it. And they can’t see that. So because to them.

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It begins this, it begins this kind of chain reaction in their own mind. Right, they can’t unsee it, it’s tough to unsee you know, that happening that scenario, right? Somebody wants to be with the opposite sex you. You kind of played out Arrowhead, you’re like, Well, yeah, maybe

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we’re or

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they’re going to hell,

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whatever, whatever it is, it gets played out, it gets played out. And you, maybe you just can’t, it puts you over an edge that you didn’t even know you had. But you got to stop and think to yourself, you know, for the non, for the for like the non traditionalist for the person who’s, who’s not currently accepting that you got to ask yourself, you know, what is it about that? That is that it triggers you to not be able to accept it. So, you know, again, I gotta add, you know, what if, and I’ll play the scenario out again, what if you walk in on your mother getting choked the brink of of her life. You can’t say you are helpless. And the only thing that you can do is go to get help. And the only person you can find someone who prefers the same sex, someone who thinks completely differently than you, or, you know, somebody who just who thinks in that way doesn’t have to be different. And what are you going to do? Now? You’re not going to accept that help? Is that person any less capable? To save your mother? Right, to save you to play a pivotal role in your life? If you allow it, and if you don’t, don’t give it any thought through what kind of thought goes into that. Like I certainly did not think well, Brad, for us to tip pair, Brad, who’s singing a wake me up before you go go. Is this guy, I don’t think he’s gonna be my mom. I’ve got to go find somebody else. A little less flamboyant, that I thought never crossed. My head never was matter of factly and the first thing it was a matter of who do I know, that’s near that I can trust to come help. That is always shown. kindness. It has never been on untoward. Who can I find? And it was Brad. Obviously, that relationship my mother and Rex ended. And I’ve always got that story for myself. The only sad part about the story is a couple years later, Brad, somebody did think differently. Or a couple of things to think about but quite literally found dead in a ditch a couple of years later, we were no longer near the area. And

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so

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my heart of course, always aches for Who else? Who else’s life plenty of sake, but I was a what was maybe Brad’s purpose was to be there. And that it’s Brad’s purpose was to save lives. Maybe Brad’s purpose was to make such an impact on the people that he was

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around,

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that these stories are could be shared later in life. And right now when you come out, it’s super simple. People do it. In elementary school, and the parents accepted for the people that did it. 30 years ago, it cost them their lives 3040 years ago. So I mean, this is almost 40 years ago, cost him his life. And we get to celebrate, we get to celebrate today. You know, gay pride isn’t? I think, one is, it’s a celebration of who you are. And I think that it’s open to everyone, right where we’re in such as like, inclusive, inclusive era, and that’s beautiful. It should always be that way. Accepting you as you are, who you are, where you are, no matter what you’re doing. As long as like, right, you’re not harming anybody. And celebrating that, that’s love. I love, you know, gay pride month because of that there’s so much kind of energy released. But just like, just like any kind of civil rights movement, there were people that came before us, that helps make it happen. That put their lives on the line, that wrist not being accepted, that risks being ostracized,

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simply

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for who and how they chose to love. So I think that that is the biggest, biggest thing that we can take a look at as we go into Pride Month, we can take a look at those that came before us those who have had an impact on our lives. I mean, if there’s been people, maybe you’ve never looked at it this way, if there’s been people in your life,

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who maybe you shoved away because of their choice of love. I my question would be, how did those people show up in

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your life? Not who did they choose to love? How did those people show up in your life? Did they show up? And a caring, passionate, ready to be there for you moment? And then you learned that they were gay? Well, I guess I can’t. I mean, right does it doesn’t make any sense for that to be the route. And so. Hey,

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thanks, Brad. Thank you for the impact you had on my life.

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And at the same time, I’ll thank my mother for exposing me to that lifestyle. So that there was really never a choice for me. Never had to. I never had to say, Oh, this isn’t right.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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